Is forgiving another person just forgetting or letting go of anger?
Last Updated: 11/02/2020 at 11:21am
Raifiel Cyril, Masters in Applied Psychology
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When you forgive you do not have to forget. You do let go of the anger and hurt created because of the problem. If you do not, it will eat away at you like a cancer. I forgave the man who raped and killed my elderly mother. I have not forgot about what happened.
Forgiving is not forgetting. It's freeing yourself from the anger that's enveloping your heart and not being cooped up in a cage with the things that have caused you pain.
In my eyes, forgiving another person is letting go of anger for them. You may still feel anger but you do not hold whatever it is that they did or said against them anymore. You forgive them and move on.
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting the situation, it means you let go of the pain and anger to move to a better place
If I may insert a little bit of my story here, I was bullied throughout my school life, and even though quite a few years passed I still carried a huge load of anger towards the people who did that to me. Only lately I realized how intense my anger is and how it affects my own wellbeing; after one of the emotional outbursts (which happened after remembering events in the past) I felt exhausted, drained, lost, helpless. This event led me to wonder whether or not we forgive because "it's a nice and wise thing to do", or because it simply unburdens a person who forgives! There's nothing wrong with anger - it's a reaction to something that is being perceived as a painful, harsh injustice. But a couple of questions that are worth of consideration, in my opinion, are - Is your willingness to feel better stronger than your willingness to stay in the state of anger? How exactly would you rather feel at this moment?
Forgiveness is letting yourself accept that it happened and allow the other person to know that. You may still not be happy or trust them, but this allows you to try and rebuild a friendship - or move on slightly knowing that you wont allow them to make that mistake again. Forgetting doesn't happen in the process of forgiveness, it allows the other person to learn from their mistake.
No definitely not. I think forgiving another person is very important during the process of getting better. Forgiving that person means you’ve let go of all ill feelings towards that person and situation. Too many times we let what that person did or said get to us and effect us in a bad way. Once we forgive that person we let it stop bringing us down. You don’t just forgot what that person did or said, but you let it stop having a hold on you. Forgiving someone who hurt you is not being weak, it’s being strong and brave.
Forgiving takes time. It does not happen overnight, because the pain remains. Acceptance surely helps you to forgive but it is not easy. Try to understand the situation, ask the person why she did it. If you feel she become more toxic then you must distance yourself. Do not keep the hatred and anger inside you, do not tale care of it. Release it. It is hard to wake up everyday knowing you still hate someone for doing such bad thing to you. So I suggest, release it. Talk to that personc let her know why and how she hurted you. Take your time to move on and forgive. Its not easy but one day everything will be okay. Do not rush.
As weird as it can sound, forgiving someone is the greatest gift you can deliver to yourself. Forgiving is different from forgetting because there's no denial or removal of what caused you pain. Forgiving is also different from letting go of anger because it's not just a mindfulness exercise you do to test your peacefulness level. Forgiving is a conscious act that analyzes the causes of sorrow, listens to the pain, copes with it in a healthy way, and finds a path to grow from that deep distress. Once these criteria are satisfied, forgiveness can take place and it's something you can deeply benefit of.
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