How to deal with falling in love for your best (and straight) friend?
Last Updated: 01/04/2021 at 12:14am
Lara Gregorio, LCSW
I believe that depression can feel all-consuming. I have a real passion for helping my clients to reclaim their voices and lives from depressive thoughts.
Top Rated Answers
Honestly? Love is a tricky matter. It's impossible to unlove someone once you do, but trying to pursue it will only cause hardship and heartbreak if their sexual orientation doesn't match up with your gender. The hard part is knowing you love someone you can never actualize a relationship with, and the only thing you really can do is ask yourself if that is something you can cope with while still remaining friends with the other person. Sometimes we can learn to be happy just having them in our lives, and sometimes we have no choice but to distance ourselves from the person to protect ourselves. Only you can gauge the impact of continuing to maintain a close friendship, and whether or not it would be beneficial to let them know that you are struggling with feelings for them, or if that would be detrimental or would cause a hostile reaction. Romantic love complicates things, but it may not mean the end of the friendship if you approach it carefully. It isn't wrong to feel, just remember that - even if the feelings aren't returned, your feelings are real and they affect you and unless you address them and what this means for you, you may cause yourself unnecessary prolonged suffering. It happens to a lot of people, and in the end you will be okay, but make sure to not belittle yourself or your feelings, because they are important, and try not to fall pitfall to the idea that something is wrong with you because there isn't. It is simply an unfortunate situation without fault. Best wishes.
I would tell you that everything will turn out great, but honestly, that's not the truth. There's not worse than having a crush on a person who's straight. The first thing you have to do is understand that you'll never be with your best friend. Don't give yourself false hope. You'll think that maybe, just maybe he'll/she'll turn out to like you, but there's a 1% chance of that happening. Now that I've set that straight, you'll need to distance yourself from your best friend a little bit. Seeing your bestie all the time will just deepen the feelings and that's not what you want. However, you don't want to be too distant or that might ruin your relationship. For straight crushes, patience and time is key. You won't get over him/her in one day, it'll take time, but eventually your feelings will end. I'm rooting for you! :)
Falling for a straight friend is always hard. This gets much worse when they're so close to you. In my experience, since it's usually impossible to make the crush/infatuation go away, the best thing is to pour your love into being a good friend. Make making them happy platonically the primary goal by being there for them, It'll help your friendship, you'll feel good about helping them, and it's always good to be nice to people. Apart from that, lots of tissues for tears and a good book for distraction while you're waiting it out.
I have suffered from this myself. You just have to hold back the moments where you want to kiss them, hold back the moments where you want to hug them. Maybe tell them that if they ever want to explore different types of relationships that you are willing to help.
Do not feel ashamed for your feelings for your best (and straight) friend. Talk to them about it. I know you're thinking that's the last thing you'd want to do and you think you'd ruin the relationship you've already established with them, but if you don't say something you never get the chance to see if it could turn into something better. I do not think your friend will absolutely hate you and get rid of you from their life. You have a 50/50 chance with it, either they'll appreciate you being honest with them with how you feel and try something more exclusive with your OR they'll still appreciate your honesty with how you feel but respectfully decline but will continue on wanting to be friends. With that, you're not being hurt by much, just know being friends is still a good thing to have. Just because they won't be your significant other like you'd like and feel for them, doesn't mean you two still cannot be best friends. You'd be surprised how people are in 2017. Don't be afraid to talk to them about it and maybe you'll be lucky and they'll feel the same way! If not, I doubt you'll stop being friends because of it. Good luck!
I know you probably don't want to hear this (trust me I didn't enjoy hearing it very much when I was experiencing the same problem with my best friend) but you have to move on and accept that it's not going to happen. Your friend is not attracted to the same sex, and therefore he/she doesn't return your feelings. I know it's extremely hard, but try and focus on finding someone new who is also a part of the LGBTQ+ community and shares your attraction.
TO say frankly, i've never been in such situation - to fall in love with a friend, but! BU! I was on other side - to be a beloved one person ....by my close friend. It was unexpected for me to get know about his feelings. Really unexpected and i was lost and even confused. I didn't want to loose a friend...but i couldn't give him nothing more than my friendship. And we had serious open-hearted talk about it. It wasn't easy i can confess.... it wasn't easy also for me ( But i was needed to save our relations and continue to be close persons. So, time goes on...and not mutual feelings have passed away.... but friendship and sincerety stay with us .
I'm going assume she's/he's definitely 100% straight. In which case, you simply must move on. It ain't gonna happen. So you're in the same crappy boat as all people (gay, straight, or bi) who love someone that doesn't love them back. It's terrible. It happens. It happens to almost everyone. We get over it, but it hurts like hell while it's happening.
I am currently in lust/ love with three of my straight friends. I mean honesty is the key to a great relationship be that friend or more
There is basically no way this will end well, so you just have to ride it out until it fades. Try to hang out with queer people as much as you can to increase the chances of your attention turning to someone who can return it. Talk about it only to people who are completely unconnected to the friend, like a therapist or online friends--otherwise it will have a way of getting back to your crush. If possible, move away. DO NOT defiantly scratch your initials and theirs in a heart on the wall of a bathroom stall in a public place. Not um, like I ever did that or anything. *cough*
Take it slowly as you don't want to put your friendship at stake but at the same time, love is love, you never know so sometimes you just have to take the risk. Use your judgement :)
The best thing is communication. I have been there and I regret not telling her. Being open is key and if she/he will be open and honest to hear what you have to say.
I can totally relate. I told her, and she was cool with it. It's just one of those things you have to just go for!
Ouch. It's happened to me so many times that I fall in love with someone who is close to me and doesn't reciprocate my feelings. It feels horrible and I can empathise. But perhaps they aren't as straight as you think? Sometimes, it's just a crush and will go away eventually but withholding feelings isn't good. You could try to tell them and if they are your best friend then they will understand that it isn't something that you can control or maybe like you the same way. In the worst case scenario you'll need a new best friend but atleast you won't be able to get more attached and face more heartache. But it's your choice, you can tell them or keep it a secret. Good luck, hope this helps.
That's the worst, anyone dealing with this has my sympathy. Understand that your friend is not capable of returning your feelings, and try not to give yourself false hope--that will just hurt you later. Try to appreciate this person as a friend and keep them in your lives.
well,this is feeling is quite tough to suppress. the person might feel uncomfortable being around that best friend. but keeping it to yourself will do no good, so if that's your best friend out their he/she will understand you and will probably give you a helping hand. if you don't wanna talk to your friend about it, then make yourself feel that you guys cant get along 'in that way'. convincing yourself can help you....and you can also share it with someone who you think is close and will understand you.....
Acknowledge your feelings and remember what you feel isn't wrong and you shouldn't feel ashamed of your feelings. Telling your best friend your falling for them could damage your relationship. Be absolutely sure about your feelings for them. If you're sure, tell then how you feel it'll feel much to get it off your chest.
There is nothing wrong in being in love with somebody. Love is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world. The only thing that you can and should do is that you should try not to disturb or upset your friend because of these feelings of yours.
Try to be respectful of their boundaries, and don't get tied up in your own emotions. They are still your friend and deserve support and respect no matter how in love with them you are.
Yikes, this is a familiar situation. Love sucks sometimes. But, try not to idolize them. They aren't perfect for you, because they are straight, and you deserve better than that. Remember that you are worth more than a one-sided crush.
If you know for a fact that she really is straight, you really just have to move on. If you can stay best friends, that's great! But just stop yourself from thinking of her as anything more. If you can't do that, I'm sorry to say that it might be necessary to take a break from hanging out with her for a little bit and see if it helps. Also, it might be good to meet new people that you may have a connection with so you can move on and stay best friends.
Falling in love for someone who is not of the same orientation as you is a disaster and often painful- when that person is also your best friend a lot is at stake. There’s two ways this can be dealt with; 1.) be true to your feelings and confess, letting your friend know that you respect their sexuality and expect nothing but have these feelings may enable you both to move past it successfully. 2.) hold off. Sometimes keeping your friendship in tact becomes the first priority and dealing with your feelings on your own is one way to do just that. Taking some time away for just yourself to clear your head can do wonders. Ultimately the choice is yours and you’ll know the path best taken for your own friendship.
I was in love with my best friend and still is now..but so I decided to just flirt around and see how he responded but then like since I'm a shy person ill just let these feelings go. But that was my case and he's now one of the most trusted people I know and I still care for him but avoid his romance life. I learned to let go but I say if your brave and willing to admit your feelings go for it I had another friend that I had a crush on and I gave up on it and lost feelings and not top long we figured out that we both liked eachother don't let opportunities pass by if not its okay you can learn and grow through these experiences.
I've actually went through the whole falling in love with your best and straight friend when I was a teenager. I don't think there's a rule on how to deal with this; it really depends on how that friendship works and if you feel you can stay friends without those feelings interfering.
Being very open to yourself, and giving time to come up to meet this friend well, to know how they might take it if you ever let them know your feelings.
As someone who has fallen in love with one of my best (straight) friends - it's hard no matter what you do. I had a crush on her for 2 years in high school and kind of still have a small crush on her now, even in college. I always thought that was my fault that I was gay and that I was going to ruin my friendship with her constantly. I came out to her but she never knew that I had the biggest crush on her. During that time I just felt like everything was wrong with me, if only I was a boy or if only she was gay or if only I didn't love her etc.. It's hard. Loving someone who doesn't love you the same way back. I just gave it time. During senior year she got a boyfriend (now ex) and I cried my eyes out at home. Why does he get to date her and not me? I was friends with her first, I loved her first, I was there for her when he wasn't. But I realized that I was just being selfish. She was happy with him. So shouldn't I be happy for her too? It's not like I could make her love me like she loved him. It took a long time for me to be okay with her not loving me, it took me around 3 years. Obviously that's just my experience, you have a different story, but I think the most important thing is to take time to take care of yourself and remember you can't change people. You are who you are and they are who they are. Everything takes time, so please take time to care for yourself and don't be too hard on yourself.
This is always so hard, but if you are sure that they are 100% straight then there's not much you can do but move on sadly. You can still care for them as more than a friend, but any expectations you hold for anything will just be broken.
I can say that I have dealt with this before, and to be honest, I don't know. Lot's of people don't know and that's okay! If they truly are your best friend, they would't hate you for it. People deal with their problems differently, and it's always up to you to decide which choice you're going to make.
In my experience falling for your best friend can be rather stressful, it's best to discover whether this is truly how you feel and whether they really are straight. Maybe spend some time apart or even consult them about how you feel, do what you believe it best.
I believe this is the most difficult situation we can go through. It is so tough falling for your friend no matter what and when it is a same sex friend that is straight on top of that you must look at your relationship and make a decision on how to deal with it. There is no cookie cutter response to this situation.
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