How do I stop thinking about a friendship that has ended?
Last Updated: 12/29/2020 at 6:09am
Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst
I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.
Top Rated Answers
Avoid that friend and his memories and try to find new one dear :) Do not mess your life for the one who has no value for you, you're precious so you have to care for your feelings.
Well...Speaking from my personal experience, the lost friendship isn't what hurts, its the replacement thing that sucks. We see them give our position to someone else that what hurts the most. The "friends" turn into "ex-friends"and thats what breaks our heart, We feel betrayed and replaced like we never mattered to them. So....when I felt the same way, I tried few things and trust me these really help. If u r an introvert, try reading books, completing all the pending assignments, doing something that makes u happy, try to be creative, if u r an extrovert- make new friends, compliment others (this makes them happy to talk to u), take part in group discussions more and smile everytime u feel happy(not everytime though people willl think u have gone crazy becoz of ur recent loss), try to take part in outdoor activities more, make urself busy probably too busy to notice the change. Show them that not everything we lose is a loss. And that remember this-if ur absense doesn't make them feel bad or incomplete then may be ur presence never mattered to them in the first place.
Was it someone really close to you? The closer the friend was, the harder it will be. Little things can remind you of him/her. We think often when our mind has time to think about them. Go do something you enjoy, be with other friends. It could be as extreme as blocking this person from social media.. or not going to the places that bring memories. Maybe there were things left unsaid.. regrets.. If that's the case, maybe you need to write a letter out and get it off your chest. You could send it to them. Or you can tear it up/burn it/etc as a symbol of letting go.
There is no easy or simple way to stop thinking about ended friendships. In truth it is difficult and can cause as much if not more heartbreak than ending a romantic relationship. I have spent many months and years pondering on friendships that ended, but have recently adopted a new mentality which has forever altered the way I feel about ended friendships. "people are only in your life for as long as you need one another." thus if a friendship ends it is natural and for good reason and (in my belief) fate. "With every door that shuts another one opens~
Sometimes if we do not have closure it becomes difficult to move on. Ask yourself if there is something that you feel should be said in order for you to move on. Perhaps, there are things that you don't understand. Would it be possible to talk to the person? The truth is we really never stop caring about the people we were close to and developed deep relationships with. It will help to focus on your old friends with whom you are still close with and continue to build new friendships with new people.
A friendship that has ended is in essence a personal lose, whatever the circumstance. This means there are many emotions you may experience. Go through them, experience the loss, and in time the loss begins to full. This is a natural part of life, and we naturally go on to make new friends. The important thing is that we have people around us who care and who can reinforce our positive attributes.
Engage youself into work and studies. You'll eventually get past those feelings. The more you work the more you stop negative thoughts.
You can never forget someone who has been part of your life before, all you can do is wish them the best and move on.
If you want it to be saved, try to communicate. Say it to your buddy that you value the friendship greatly, and if unintentionally something from you has hurt him/her, then he/she can forgive you, and that you promise to be more sensitive to your friend's feelings for the future. And in case your friend has hurt you, you need to tell you friend that he/she has and take your time before you two can be talking again. But if your friend is rude and says 'Go away from my life', then should go away but with telling him/her that you would be patient and try to contact with your friend again somewhere down the line when the rudeness would have melted.
That is tough, some people would just say forget about it, easier said then done right? You guys probably had great time together, laughs, irreplaceable moments, for me to stop thinking I need to create other memories, or try a different place that I´m used to or will make me remember this friend.
i focus on other things..true this friendship was the best and i enjoyed it very much but sometimes tings aren't meant to last and we get hurt or we hurt them sometimes its best to leave rather than get hurt even more and even if they dont want to keep going you know you tried your best and you did everything for that person but move on because there's more friends you can find
Start another one. Life is too short to hold on to things that no longer serve you (or the other person). Make some friends in your local community, or here on the platform, and soon your relationship ending will be a thing of the past. Just think about a 'tragic' thing like a bad test grade in the past that really messed you up. Looking back on it now, now much of a problem was it in the grand scheme of things? That will be the status of this issue in a few months after you have moved on. Be strong!
It's hard to bear losing a friend after all avenues to salvage a friendship have been exhausted. He/she can never really be replaced but you can still try and find somebody to help you fill the gap. The characteristics that a good friend must have , are after all still universal. Find someone who will be able to make you laugh , stick by you through thick and thin, support you and always tell you the truth. Grieve the loss of your former friend and then move on. Let somebody help you pick up the pieces.
Maybe try to make more friends or take up a hobby so that you can enjoy yourself and not have to think about a friendship that has ended.
In life we often face with overthinking about loads of things. And sometimes seems as there is no way to stop doing that. But thinking about thing we can resolve is not helpful. We should start doing and not just thinking. So there is just one way, to speak with your ex friend and find out are you really missing their frendship, or you are just remembering a good moments. Or be sociable, and try to make some new friendships. People are sociable beings.
in December 2017 I had my pastor and his family sever ties with me. It was a complete abandonment as they did not discuss anything with me nor try to give me reasons; the best I got was the pastors (college age) son telling me I'm barely tolerable. Then I was punished and all but excommunicated (I was allowed to main service only--though I never went back). That would ultimately lead me to mental health and to this website. I never really got answers, closure, or understanding; but the only thing you can do is try to move on. Harder with Covid going on, but you can invest in some hobbies. Meeting new people can help but if you're like me you'll also be battling trust issues if this was done by a person of trust. Realistically we never forget our old relationships; they just gradually have less impact on us.
Look at future prospects and keep yourself busy with tasks that work towards that future. Forward...
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