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Why do I have a gut-wrenching feeling down my stomach after a friend told me something I disagree with, not physically, but emotionally?

96 Answers
Last Updated: 03/02/2022 at 9:32pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jill Kapil, PsyD


I have over 9 years of clinical experience, specialize in anxiety, and am passionate about my work. My approach is collaborative, empathic, supportive, and goal-oriented.

Top Rated Answers
July 18th, 2016 9:09am
It could be that what your friend told you triggered you or it could be something you really don't like to hear. But more than likely you were triggered if the feeling is a "gut-wrenching" one
July 21st, 2016 2:30pm
Because may be and just may be a part of you so feels so strongly about it that it is difficult for you to carry out the relationship either without the letting person know how much it is affecting you or in extreme scenario ending it but may be because you do not have an option you would rather let it go.
January 24th, 2018 6:39pm
It can be difficult to know that someone close to you has a view which differs from your own. Especially for highly agreeable individuals, minor conflicts of opinion can be particularly troubling. The feeling in your gut suggests that this revelation of a potential disagreement makes you nervous, perhaps of a potential confrontation, or alternatively it may be pain from learning that someone close to you disagrees with you on an important issue.
August 18th, 2016 8:31am
There is a psychological phenomenom called "cognitive dissonance" that comes into play when something like that happens. Since a friend, which is a person you like, has just said something you don't like or agree with, your mind finds it difficult to accept that both elements are linked together, and causes that feeling, hoping for a way to dissociate those elements (and sometimes succeeding).
August 27th, 2016 12:21pm
It's because you disagree with it! You might have a different opinion on something and your friend has another opinion. When two parties don't agree there might be some tension
January 12th, 2019 4:31pm
I know exactly what you're talking about since I myself have experienced this a lot of times with my very close friends. After a lot of analysis, I think the reason we feel down emotionally is because in some way or the other we expect our friends to be like us. After all, that is how people become friends in the first place; over shared interests, shared opinions etc. So finding out that they also have different views about certain things apart from the ones that they share with us can be disappointing. I think the best way to get over it is to understand the fact that they in themselves are a different person; this is what makes them, them. If everyone thought or behaved in the same way then the world would be too boring. I also like to think that you only truly like someone when you can like them despite their flaws or difference of opinions
October 28th, 2016 10:08am
It is because you trusted that friend enough to tell her what are the things you disagree. However, instead of supporting your thoughts, your friend has other ideas and opinions on that similar topic. You feel that your friend is unable to connect with you and might feel anxious too. It's normal, i get it it most of the time too.
March 29th, 2017 8:54pm
You're most likely realizing that you are your own person and your friend may not be exactly who you thought they'd be. Either way, you know yourself best and you are under no obligation to agree with your friend if you don't think they are right :)
April 20th, 2017 2:19pm
The gut wrenching pain you're experiencing might be because of anxiety. I can not take back the words that your friend said but I can tell you this I am here for you we are here for you and the entire 7 Cups community is here for you and we are here to listen. If there is anything you want to talk about or if you need a shoulder to cry we are here.
May 4th, 2017 5:49pm
If someone says something that gives you a gut wrenching feeling in your stomach then that means you've heard something that either goes against your beliefs that you feel strongly about or that what you've heard affects you personally
July 20th, 2016 10:57pm
Because I think my friend means something worst like he doesn't like me and that scares me. I feel fear!
August 10th, 2016 1:00pm
Because it hurt your feelings, you want your friend to be nice and agree with everything you say because its a feel good but when you argue or disagree on something it makes u feel bad, its totally normal though.
September 8th, 2016 6:51am
Because we sometimes expect friends to think like we do, because this might give us a feeling of support.
September 8th, 2016 7:07pm
I don't know about you, but it makes me feel like I am lying to my friend about myself because I realized that the friend doesn't really know who I am.
September 25th, 2016 10:00am
Because whatever the thing being disagreed on was is important to you, and your emotions reacted intensely to it.
November 27th, 2016 1:32am
How do you feel when you have this gut-wrencing feeling? Some feelings associated with that may be anxiety, fear, frustration, &c, what do you think it is for you? Why do you think you feel that way when someone tells you something you disagree with? Do you express your disagreement? Sometimes when we do not / are afraid to express ourselves, those words can manifest as feelings inside of us. What small things do you think you could do to try to not feel this way when it happens? Feelings are another way the body tells us something unusual is at play and we should pay attention to it. Asking yourself questions just like this one are a great way to uncover more clues as to why you feel this way and how you can start to feel better!
January 16th, 2017 5:41am
Probably it has to do with your wish to voice the difference of opinion. However, you suppress it for fear of being misunderstood and putting strain upon the relationship. Remember, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
March 2nd, 2017 10:23pm
You're free to feel this way, you most likely like you said in the question, you disagree with what your friend told you. Best thing though, talk to them about it. It might help with what they told you.
July 16th, 2017 11:16am
Emotions effect our whole bodies, they're connected through the enteric nervous system- so they tie in with each other more than we realise. Negative emotions, and confusing ones like nervous butterflies can effect hormones, and your stomach fluid release. Although those are physical elements, physical and emotional bits of us are linked really closely, and emotional twists of the tummy can be blamed on the fight or flight physiological responses of our predecessors. Something you disagree with can make you feel the need to get away from the unpleasantness, and although you don't want to run away from your friend, when they say something you oppose, it can make you disappointed and worry about what else they could say too.
September 28th, 2017 6:14pm
When you have a difference in beliefs with someone close like a friend, you might experience that gut-wrenching feeling. It's fairly normal - Conflicting values makes a lot of us feel that way.
January 19th, 2019 8:34am
In m experience, it comes from something happening since long time ago maybe still continue or not to agree, say yes in response to our opinion which happened many times as many as it needs to make us believe that our choice is absolutely right. It made you, when experience rejection, for example refusal and challenge you feel rather shock instead of see it with an open mind. It might taste more bitter when the rejection as mention before come from someone you love. Because we think they betray us unconsciously which is not true. They are sharing their opinion. Don't worry!! It is not permanent. Yes, you can change it so you will not receive gut-wrenching in your stomach or perhaps heart anymore. I may suggest you to look into it.
October 31st, 2019 1:55am
As humans, we oftentimes want people to like us. We often have the desire to please the people we are talking to, and want to agree or see things from their point of view, or have them see things from our point of view. When faced with something we don't agree with, or accept, we have that inner struggle - do I express myself and challenge their point of view?, do I nod along and not tell them how I feel? - it causes an inner turmoil which can be difficult to navigate, especially when that person is a friend and we want to maintain and preserve that relationship.
July 21st, 2016 2:14am
Maybe because thats your friend and you were hoping that your friend would understand and share the same opinion as u do,
August 10th, 2016 3:46am
That feeling is a head feeling to place. you may feel disappointed or stressed or let down. you feel that they have to agree with you.
August 18th, 2016 9:44am
This is not unusual! Our bodies react to our circumstances, even if they are the most intellectual discussions that are abstract - they can still cause a physical reaction. I always make a point to notice how I'm feeling in my body in reaction to something, and keeping that in mind can help me sort through complicated things.
August 27th, 2016 5:59pm
actually our body translates our mental stress into physical symptom and thats why we feel a pain its not dangerous but bothering
September 16th, 2016 6:43pm
When a friend or other person tells you something you disagree with, it is not uncommon to experience a physical ( perhaps unpleasant) reaction to this. If you feel strongly about something, there is often a strong connection between this subject and your emotions, and these in turn can have a negative or positive effect on your physical well-being.
September 28th, 2016 11:29am
It sounds like something has been really difficult or painful to hear. Maybe this is because it reminds you of something in your life or maybe goes against a value or belief that you hold. However if this reaction is so strong, maybe you'd find it helpful to discuss it with someone at 7 Cups?
December 8th, 2016 12:51am
It may hurt or upset you that a friend told you something you strongly disbelief in and even though everyone thinks differently, sometimes decisions people we love make can be heart wrenching.
December 11th, 2016 1:07pm
It's a reaction our body has when we might not feel good or right about something. She might have said something that upset you and it's totally normal to have a physical or emotional response to that.