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Why do I have a gut-wrenching feeling down my stomach after a friend told me something I disagree with, not physically, but emotionally?

98 Answers
Last Updated: 05/18/2022 at 5:35am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jill Kapil, PsyD

Psychologist

I have over 9 years of clinical experience, specialize in anxiety, and am passionate about my work. My approach is collaborative, empathic, supportive, and goal-oriented.

Top Rated Answers
HopieRemi
July 18th, 2016 9:09am
It could be that what your friend told you triggered you or it could be something you really don't like to hear. But more than likely you were triggered if the feeling is a "gut-wrenching" one
JDust
January 24th, 2018 6:39pm
It can be difficult to know that someone close to you has a view which differs from your own. Especially for highly agreeable individuals, minor conflicts of opinion can be particularly troubling. The feeling in your gut suggests that this revelation of a potential disagreement makes you nervous, perhaps of a potential confrontation, or alternatively it may be pain from learning that someone close to you disagrees with you on an important issue.
Candid0211
July 21st, 2016 2:30pm
Because may be and just may be a part of you so feels so strongly about it that it is difficult for you to carry out the relationship either without the letting person know how much it is affecting you or in extreme scenario ending it but may be because you do not have an option you would rather let it go.
Anonymous
August 18th, 2016 8:31am
There is a psychological phenomenom called "cognitive dissonance" that comes into play when something like that happens. Since a friend, which is a person you like, has just said something you don't like or agree with, your mind finds it difficult to accept that both elements are linked together, and causes that feeling, hoping for a way to dissociate those elements (and sometimes succeeding).
DiamondIntuition
August 27th, 2016 12:21pm
It's because you disagree with it! You might have a different opinion on something and your friend has another opinion. When two parties don't agree there might be some tension
Anonymous
January 12th, 2019 4:31pm
I know exactly what you're talking about since I myself have experienced this a lot of times with my very close friends. After a lot of analysis, I think the reason we feel down emotionally is because in some way or the other we expect our friends to be like us. After all, that is how people become friends in the first place; over shared interests, shared opinions etc. So finding out that they also have different views about certain things apart from the ones that they share with us can be disappointing. I think the best way to get over it is to understand the fact that they in themselves are a different person; this is what makes them, them. If everyone thought or behaved in the same way then the world would be too boring. I also like to think that you only truly like someone when you can like them despite their flaws or difference of opinions
Herw0nderland
October 28th, 2016 10:08am
It is because you trusted that friend enough to tell her what are the things you disagree. However, instead of supporting your thoughts, your friend has other ideas and opinions on that similar topic. You feel that your friend is unable to connect with you and might feel anxious too. It's normal, i get it it most of the time too.
Anonymous
March 29th, 2017 8:54pm
You're most likely realizing that you are your own person and your friend may not be exactly who you thought they'd be. Either way, you know yourself best and you are under no obligation to agree with your friend if you don't think they are right :)
HotChocolate18
April 20th, 2017 2:19pm
The gut wrenching pain you're experiencing might be because of anxiety. I can not take back the words that your friend said but I can tell you this I am here for you we are here for you and the entire 7 Cups community is here for you and we are here to listen. If there is anything you want to talk about or if you need a shoulder to cry we are here.
Anonymous
May 4th, 2017 5:49pm
If someone says something that gives you a gut wrenching feeling in your stomach then that means you've heard something that either goes against your beliefs that you feel strongly about or that what you've heard affects you personally
JJspacedoubt
September 28th, 2017 6:14pm
When you have a difference in beliefs with someone close like a friend, you might experience that gut-wrenching feeling. It's fairly normal - Conflicting values makes a lot of us feel that way.
Anonymous
November 27th, 2016 1:32am
How do you feel when you have this gut-wrencing feeling? Some feelings associated with that may be anxiety, fear, frustration, &c, what do you think it is for you? Why do you think you feel that way when someone tells you something you disagree with? Do you express your disagreement? Sometimes when we do not / are afraid to express ourselves, those words can manifest as feelings inside of us. What small things do you think you could do to try to not feel this way when it happens? Feelings are another way the body tells us something unusual is at play and we should pay attention to it. Asking yourself questions just like this one are a great way to uncover more clues as to why you feel this way and how you can start to feel better!
Anonymous
October 31st, 2019 1:55am
As humans, we oftentimes want people to like us. We often have the desire to please the people we are talking to, and want to agree or see things from their point of view, or have them see things from our point of view. When faced with something we don't agree with, or accept, we have that inner struggle - do I express myself and challenge their point of view?, do I nod along and not tell them how I feel? - it causes an inner turmoil which can be difficult to navigate, especially when that person is a friend and we want to maintain and preserve that relationship.
KKGunner
September 25th, 2016 10:00am
Because whatever the thing being disagreed on was is important to you, and your emotions reacted intensely to it.
Anonymous
September 8th, 2016 6:51am
Because we sometimes expect friends to think like we do, because this might give us a feeling of support.
radiantHoliday71
January 19th, 2019 8:34am
In m experience, it comes from something happening since long time ago maybe still continue or not to agree, say yes in response to our opinion which happened many times as many as it needs to make us believe that our choice is absolutely right. It made you, when experience rejection, for example refusal and challenge you feel rather shock instead of see it with an open mind. It might taste more bitter when the rejection as mention before come from someone you love. Because we think they betray us unconsciously which is not true. They are sharing their opinion. Don't worry!! It is not permanent. Yes, you can change it so you will not receive gut-wrenching in your stomach or perhaps heart anymore. I may suggest you to look into it.
PinkButterfly30
August 10th, 2016 1:00pm
Because it hurt your feelings, you want your friend to be nice and agree with everything you say because its a feel good but when you argue or disagree on something it makes u feel bad, its totally normal though.
Anonymous
July 20th, 2016 10:57pm
Because I think my friend means something worst like he doesn't like me and that scares me. I feel fear!
Redtiger01
September 8th, 2016 7:07pm
I don't know about you, but it makes me feel like I am lying to my friend about myself because I realized that the friend doesn't really know who I am.
avanef
March 2nd, 2017 10:23pm
You're free to feel this way, you most likely like you said in the question, you disagree with what your friend told you. Best thing though, talk to them about it. It might help with what they told you.
MistyMagic
March 8th, 2018 5:53pm
Did you know that your stomach has nearly as many nerve endings as your brain? It picks up our emotions and it is part of the autonomic response to stress. When we were cavemen the fight or flight response saved us from being eaten and the gut would react subconsciously and give us that tell tale feeling that something was wrong. Now that feeling lingers with us and when our sub-conscious feels a threat or any kind of emotional upset it can react and give us that feeling.
artfulbalance
November 3rd, 2019 6:54am
We take offense at things that threaten who we are: our reality, our narrative, our place in the world, our identity. When someone says something that undermines who we are or what we believe, it makes us want to shout back at them, defeat them with logic or stonewall them completely. Through avoidance or aggression we can relieve that gut-wrenching feeling. Yet the differences don't stop -- there will always be someone who disagrees. To resolve this, we need to look to acceptance and boundary setting. How can I accept I can't control this person's opinion (or anybody's opinion, for that matter) next time it happens? Do I need to place boundaries on them? Do I need to place boundaries on my expectations?
AlluraNine9
April 5th, 2018 4:26am
This sounds like anxiety. It makes the stomach feel all tied in knots or like there are rocks in it? This is a normal physical response to emotional angst. It generally eases with time but if it’s causing distress in daily living or disrupting the friendship then a heart to heart talk may be in order. Sometimes that will help ease the discomfort all by itself.
Fraz
January 16th, 2017 5:41am
Probably it has to do with your wish to voice the difference of opinion. However, you suppress it for fear of being misunderstood and putting strain upon the relationship. Remember, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
NalaniMax
April 11th, 2018 8:14pm
I am not a professional, but it may be because you thought that they, as a friend, would be on your side and now you are kind of disappointed in them and your own jugdment your friend isn't. When one makes friends, they usually think they know that person really well and feel home with them, so it's completely understandable how confused one can be when they get to know new sides one doesn't like on a person they thought to understand fully. So sure, something like this must hurt, loosing your perception of your friend a bit after you thought to have found him.
MissLuthien
July 16th, 2017 11:16am
Emotions effect our whole bodies, they're connected through the enteric nervous system- so they tie in with each other more than we realise. Negative emotions, and confusing ones like nervous butterflies can effect hormones, and your stomach fluid release. Although those are physical elements, physical and emotional bits of us are linked really closely, and emotional twists of the tummy can be blamed on the fight or flight physiological responses of our predecessors. Something you disagree with can make you feel the need to get away from the unpleasantness, and although you don't want to run away from your friend, when they say something you oppose, it can make you disappointed and worry about what else they could say too.
Anonymous
May 18th, 2018 10:01pm
So you feel upset when you disagree with a friend? Have you noticed if this happens w/ every friend?
dk322
October 6th, 2017 8:50am
As humans, our bodies are tied to our emotions. We have very strong intuitions, which most people might refer to as "gut-feelings". It is important to honor those feelings as a sign to examine what might cause your emotions and body to work together to send you a message. What is going on in your relationship with this friend? Did they say something that you have personal history with?
Anonymous
April 19th, 2019 3:04pm
That’s normal, everyone has their own opinions and even though your friend might have told you something to help you out and you might not like it they mean no harm and just want what’s best for you. It could also be that in the position that you’re in it makes it seem that those persons words are impossible to accomplish and you’d rather not agree with them. And that guy-wrenching feeling is completely normal everyone gets especially when they’re nervous or they know somethings wrong but you don’t have to fear about that if it’s a friend you trust because usually they just want to help out to get you out of your troubles
Nicoleoatsea
October 27th, 2019 1:08pm
Emotions are in part physical reactions. It's those sensations that warns us and lead us to analyzing our emotions. Often when people get butterflies they understand that they are experiencing anxiety. So when exhibiting a strong change in emotion it is natural that there will be powerful physical sensations. Another example of some physical sensations tied to emotions include sweating when angry or feeling numb when scared. These are common since as I've mentioned before emotions stem from a combination of physical reactions or sensations. If you notice certain unusual physical sensation then please take notice as that would mean that your body is sending out a cry for help or validation.