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Because of my mental health condition, I think I'm probably being emotionally toxic to my bf. Is it best to just leave the relationship?

7 Answers
Last Updated: 06/03/2021 at 9:25am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Lisa Meighan, BSc Psychology (Honours)

Counselor

Hello, I am Lisa and I work in a person-centred approach mixed with cognitive behavioural therapy. I believe we all have the potential to be the best we can be.

Top Rated Answers
crunchymonkey
March 30th, 2021 8:52pm
I can see you have a lot of doubts in your mind regarding whether or not your behavior is healthy towards your boyfriend. Do you worry about being too pushy? Too argumentative? In general what are your boundaries and what are your boyfriend's boundaries. Please know any questions you have about your own behavior are all part of learning to manage your illness. Think about why specifically it may be of benefit to leave your relationship? What would you get out of leaving? Think specifically why it may benefit you to stay in the relationship? What would you get out of staying? Think about what the term relationship means for you. Are you helping each other grow? Are you two willing to take accountability? How do you both view attachment? When two people have relationship issues they want to work on they get in touch with a relationship therapist. A therapist will be able to set you up with the knowledge and tools that you need to help navigate the problematic behavior either through changing the behavior or through improving your communication and coping skills for it. The best thing about talking to a good therapist about these issues is that they are empathetic to your struggle and don't judge you for your failures the way a partner, family member, or friend might do. They truly just want to help you achieve what you want to achieve in your life; that's their job. There are also organizations such as OneLoveFoundation, Relate and Laurel Centre for support regarding relationships. You are so welcome to communicate with one of our listeners and therapists on our site.
fruityAngel1891
March 31st, 2021 6:28pm
No it's not. Sometimes taking a break and resetting yourself is the solution, but I also think that just by working on yourself you can create a better relationship with him. You might think you're doing him a favor by leaving, but he won't see it that way, he'll probably be very hurt. Please take care of yourself and I strongly recommend therapy in whatever way you can access it. Explain to your bf what's going on and talk to him if you need to, but allow the therapists to deal with more intense intrapersonal issues. By asking this question it's clear you care about him and I'm sure he feels the same.
Anonymous
March 31st, 2021 8:03am
You can talk to him about it... And tell him what is going on in your mind. He would understand if he loves you and could even help you to recover from it. You cannot distance yourself from everybody at this stage of life. Try to resolve the problems than ending it. And you too have to be patient and understand that hurting him or ending the relationship won't make any good.....Instead a better communication can! I'm sure he'll understand your situation. Best of luck with your relationship and may you recover from whatever you are going through in your life😊.
Anonymous
April 26th, 2021 11:38pm
Sometimes the answer doesn't lie in an absolute "yes" or "no". Multiple factors can be taken into consideration here. I don't know your exact situation, nor can I accurately provide any advice to you; however, I invite you to have a talk with your boyfriend. It may be difficult to speak up first, so take baby steps with your progress. Perhaps finding a safe environment for the both of you to have a civil discussion? Let your boyfriend know that you care for him, and that you don't want to be hurting him due to your current mental health status.
BrockS
May 1st, 2021 2:36am
Has he ever expressed being upset by your actions? Are the thoughts caused by him telling you that you are being toxic or your own perception of your behavior? In my opinion, the best approach would be to have this conversation with him and figure out whether or not he feels like you are being mentally toxic towards him. If he conforms it, then I suggest telling him about the condition you have and seeing if there is anything you or your boyfriend can do to help make your relationship a healthy one. There are no perfect couples and disagreements will happen no matter what. Breaking up should be the last resort but if all else fails, ending the relationship may be necessary.
greentea12034
May 20th, 2021 6:01am
You should first talk to your boyfriend about how he feels. The fact that you are debating to break up without communicating with him indicates that you might want to leave the relationship for your sake, not for his. Take some more time to truly understand why you're thinking about ending things. If you really want to stay but are still worried about how you are affecting him, let him know and you can work something out together. Remember that mental health issues can be tough to deal with, but the people who love you will be there for you regardless.
BlueTurtle5
June 3rd, 2021 9:25am
Before just ending what could possibly be a wonderful relationship for both of you take some time to consider the options and how you may be able to communicate and adjust to the issues you are experience. Have you talked to your bf about your mental health condition and how you feel this may be causing you to be emotionally toxic? Your partner may or may not feel the same and good communication could solve the toxicity, if there is any. Discuss what you think you are doing to be toxic and in what ways you could improve the situation.