How do you tell your friend that you disagree with them without hurting their feelings?
136 Answers
Last Updated: 12/13/2020 at 11:24pm
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Veronica Wade-Hampton, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
I enjoy working with individuals of all capacities as I view the role of therapist as one in which you help the client learn to cope with the pressures of daily life.
Top Rated Answers
First, it is important for you to stay calm and listen to the other person's point of you without interrupting them. Then, use "I" statements to communicate how you feel, what you think, and what you want or need. Besides, avoid putting down the other person's ideas or beliefs.
Anonymous
October 12th, 2016 10:03pm
I'm sorry but I disagree with you as my personal belief are different. I hope you understand that over people have different views.
You shouldnt worry about not stating your opnion incase you offend someone elses as a human you have been bkessed with the rights to say how you feel
Anonymous
July 28th, 2016 6:35am
You say, "that's a good point, but what if '.....' that's also a good point also. Do you see my point of view on it, but that's just my personal opinion about it
A good friendship is built on being able to disagree and still be respectful. Just because we disagree with others, even the ones closest to us, does not mean that we are doing so to intentionally be malicious. If you're honest with your friend, they should be able to understand that you just have a different opinion, but still respect theirs.
I would ask my friend questions about the subject. If you are sceptical about a certain aspect of it, then ask them. It might shed some light on a flaw and it could give your friend a different aspect of the subject.
The way that you can tell your friend that you disagree with them without hurting their feelings is by politely stating your opinion. You can let them know why you disagree. For example, you could just say "I am sorry, but I just don't agree with you.". it is impossible to agree with your friend every single time! It will just be a matter of how you state how you feel to your friend so you come across as respectful and mature.
People disagree with people, and this is fine. Not every two people, no matter how similar or how close they are, will have the same view. This is ok. If you disagree with your friend and do not want to hurt their feelings simply try and say it in a kind and empathetic way. State 'I do not agree with you' and explain why. By explaining why you do not agree with them, it will help them to understand your view, and they will see it is not a personal attack, but instead a view based upon reasoning. Your friend may even be open to changing their opinion after being educated, and vice versa.
One of the best ways to tell a friend that you disagree is to first acknowledge their side of the topic/situation. In doing so, you show that their feelings and beliefs are valuable. Once you've validated their opinion, you can gently explain your side of the issue. Make sure you keep the tone of your conversation neutral. It's important to understand that everyone's opinion is important. You might just learn something new by discussing your opinion with a friend -- and you might just change your mind!
the old statement "we are going to have to agree to disagree" is very good in this type of situation.
Anonymous
October 19th, 2016 8:24pm
I just let them know that I understand their point and it's their opinion but I see things differently
Anonymous
August 27th, 2017 8:08am
This can be tricky, it is about tact and choosing your words carefully,
we are all different and even our closest friend or our best friend that we consider our twin, is still their own person and they will see things in their own way just like we see things in our own way. it is going to happen sometimes that we will not share the opinions of our friends, or them with us and that is ok.
Just tell them you can understand or see their point of view (hopefully you can) but that you feel or see things differently than they do, but you do value their opinion.
Be genuine and honest with your friend, remember they know you and if they respect you they will accept that you see things a little differently and that is ok.
Always acknowledge that you understand the other person's viewpoint and how you can see the reason why they would think that way. Calmly state the reason why you disagree with your supporting facts. If they do not accept that, it's perfectly fine. The goal was to be expressive - not to make a point.
I hear what you are saying and I appreciate your input, and I am sensing that we both have our own unique views on this situation, and neither of us are right or wrong, we just view it from our own experiences and opinions, maybe as a result of experiencing a similar situation which may be influencing how we are seeing things so differently and I respect your opinion so lets agree to disagree? Your thoughts and feelings are very important to me as well as you and your friendship. I hope we can use this experience as a learning tool.
Anonymous
August 20th, 2016 2:19am
I tell them "This is my personal opinion. Take it with a grain of salt, and take it or leave it! But that is just me, and you are you."
You have to let them know that even if you disagree with them, you still understand their point of view and wont judge them for thinking different.
You can agree to disagree. For me, I say something along the lines of, "While I value your opinion, I can't say I share it. And that's okay, we don't have to agree on everything. How about we agree to disagree and switch topics?"
To tell someone something that you know will be hard for them to hear you need to create a sandwich. Begin the conversation by telling them something you appreciate about them. Then make the comment. Afterwards give them a different positive statement.
I say, "That's interesting, I can see how why you might see it like that. I feel a little differently about it myself. It's amazing how differently we can all see things." I find if I don't try to push my viewpoint people don't get defensive so much. It's okay for us to see things differently.
Anonymous
October 20th, 2016 6:38pm
Talking and not yelling. If they ain't smart enough to understand calmly your point of view, then nothing will ever do.
Just tell them that you respect their opinion but yours is different from theirs. Don't be afraid to say what you feel!
I think that the best solution is always honesty. Your friend almost will always find out what you're 'hiding', it's usually best to hear it from you directly even if they have a different opinion.
Depending on the subject matter, your friends should be able to take criticism without it being an issue. If it's a particularly sensitive topic, have discretion. "Hey friend! There's no easy way to say this but I don't quite agree with you on this topic. I care for you and want to help, so here's why I disagree..." Show them your compassion and that you're being supportive. If the friend is in need of tough love, "Look. You're completely wrong. It's not cool that you think this way. I want to talk to you about how we can fix this". See which approach works best for you!
Hey, I don't really agree with that. I respect that you think that, but we all have different opinions.
It depends on the situation, you could say, "that's an interesting view, I see things differently, I think I ...... That is really cool how we can see the same thing, but so different."
Maybe you don't have to say you disagree, but to just respectfully state your own point of view. So long as you are not insulting, shaming, or demeaning them in any way, there is no reason anyone should feel hurt. And if they do, it's not your problem.
Always start with "in my view, my opinion, as i see it, how i think of it, my perception, etc "
This clearly says you are saying your truth, not THE truth, or, worst, their truth.
So you are speaking as friend, not as god or whatever.
If anyone still reacts negatively to this strategy => drop them, they are not friends in the first place.
No human friend will rebel or fight against such a stance, or strategy, to be honest and affirm your point of view, clarifying its really your point of view only.
I think it's so important to keep communication with those closest to you very open. It's so vital to be able to talk freely with those we love. It helps relationship flourish. When we have strong communication with our friends, it's easier to deal with things like disagreements without making anyone upset. Friends don't have to agree on everything all the time, and that important to remember too. It doesn't mean we love someone any less just because we have opposing views.
I never point the finger. When you do that you're placing blame and you're hurting not only them but the friendship itself. When I disagree I always first see their point of view on the subject and if I don't agree then I simply but kindly say so. It's okay not to agree with your friends, but you should always be considerate of their feelings and how your words could come across. Words can be as sweet as honey, or as sharp as a knife, depending on how you use them.
"I can see what you mean, but I think about it in a totally different way." Note perspectives and backgrounds, and remember as long as they don't cause mental distress or physical damage, an opinion is just an opinion.
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