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How do you tell your friend that you disagree with them without hurting their feelings?

148 Answers
Last Updated: 03/14/2021 at 6:34pm
How do you tell your friend that you disagree with them without hurting their feelings?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Evelyn Coker, MSW, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I am down to earth and enjoy working with all clients. I have a special passion to support teen girls and women. My work is nonjudgmental and provides a safe space to grow.

Top Rated Answers
Fiercelyalive
August 5th, 2017 2:13pm
First, it is important for you to stay calm and listen to the other person's point of you without interrupting them. Then, use "I" statements to communicate how you feel, what you think, and what you want or need. Besides, avoid putting down the other person's ideas or beliefs.
Anonymous
October 12th, 2016 10:03pm
I'm sorry but I disagree with you as my personal belief are different. I hope you understand that over people have different views.
emilyb1999
November 23rd, 2017 2:36pm
You shouldnt worry about not stating your opnion incase you offend someone elses as a human you have been bkessed with the rights to say how you feel
Anonymous
July 28th, 2016 6:35am
You say, "that's a good point, but what if '.....' that's also a good point also. Do you see my point of view on it, but that's just my personal opinion about it
softNutella25
July 29th, 2016 12:47am
A good friendship is built on being able to disagree and still be respectful. Just because we disagree with others, even the ones closest to us, does not mean that we are doing so to intentionally be malicious. If you're honest with your friend, they should be able to understand that you just have a different opinion, but still respect theirs.
Anonymous
August 7th, 2016 10:21pm
The way that you can tell your friend that you disagree with them without hurting their feelings is by politely stating your opinion. You can let them know why you disagree. For example, you could just say "I am sorry, but I just don't agree with you.". it is impossible to agree with your friend every single time! It will just be a matter of how you state how you feel to your friend so you come across as respectful and mature.
Byron17
August 2nd, 2016 1:27am
I would ask my friend questions about the subject. If you are sceptical about a certain aspect of it, then ask them. It might shed some light on a flaw and it could give your friend a different aspect of the subject.
Zoelee
October 29th, 2016 10:12pm
People disagree with people, and this is fine. Not every two people, no matter how similar or how close they are, will have the same view. This is ok. If you disagree with your friend and do not want to hurt their feelings simply try and say it in a kind and empathetic way. State 'I do not agree with you' and explain why. By explaining why you do not agree with them, it will help them to understand your view, and they will see it is not a personal attack, but instead a view based upon reasoning. Your friend may even be open to changing their opinion after being educated, and vice versa.
Alice
September 10th, 2016 8:30pm
One of the best ways to tell a friend that you disagree is to first acknowledge their side of the topic/situation. In doing so, you show that their feelings and beliefs are valuable. Once you've validated their opinion, you can gently explain your side of the issue. Make sure you keep the tone of your conversation neutral. It's important to understand that everyone's opinion is important. You might just learn something new by discussing your opinion with a friend -- and you might just change your mind!
Strivingforzen
October 5th, 2016 4:47am
the old statement "we are going to have to agree to disagree" is very good in this type of situation.
Anonymous
October 19th, 2016 8:24pm
I just let them know that I understand their point and it's their opinion but I see things differently
Anonymous
August 27th, 2017 8:08am
This can be tricky, it is about tact and choosing your words carefully, we are all different and even our closest friend or our best friend that we consider our twin, is still their own person and they will see things in their own way just like we see things in our own way. it is going to happen sometimes that we will not share the opinions of our friends, or them with us and that is ok. Just tell them you can understand or see their point of view (hopefully you can) but that you feel or see things differently than they do, but you do value their opinion. Be genuine and honest with your friend, remember they know you and if they respect you they will accept that you see things a little differently and that is ok.
IntuitiveJay7
August 27th, 2017 10:21pm
Always acknowledge that you understand the other person's viewpoint and how you can see the reason why they would think that way. Calmly state the reason why you disagree with your supporting facts. If they do not accept that, it's perfectly fine. The goal was to be expressive - not to make a point.
Opal70
November 1st, 2019 9:08am
I hear what you are saying and I appreciate your input, and I am sensing that we both have our own unique views on this situation, and neither of us are right or wrong, we just view it from our own experiences and opinions, maybe as a result of experiencing a similar situation which may be influencing how we are seeing things so differently and I respect your opinion so lets agree to disagree? Your thoughts and feelings are very important to me as well as you and your friendship. I hope we can use this experience as a learning tool.
AllEars777
October 8th, 2020 6:48pm
You begin with a statement like "While I heard your point, I think this also could be a possibility that...." You don't tell them a no or that you disagree with them straightforward. You show that while you disagree you still care for your friend and are just putting forth your opinion. Avoid direct statements like "You are wrong." Avoid dismissing their point but give a message that you have considered their point and after that you still feel a different way. In the end if there is no middle ground, you can always say "Lets just agree to disagree as this doesn't change the fact that we are friends and lets just respect each other's opinion and move ahead."
Soulpath27
January 20th, 2021 10:02am
I sandwich my opinion. Like first I recognise their approach and tell them why it is ok to think like that. Then i tell my opinion by giving them another side of picture. Then i again say something positive to them. So I wrap my opinion but I say clearly what I think. 😊🥰 This way I dont deny them so they feel validated. But it is important to put myself clear too. So I never lie and agree on which I dont agree. Wrapping or switching my opinion makes it tolerable and easy to understand too. Because if i respect their opinion only then they can respect mine.🙂🥰🥰❤
Anonymous
January 20th, 2021 7:52pm
Well, tell them that you disagree. The basis on why you do so and tell them that you feel no different about them, that you are not mad at them and that you are fine with agreeing on disagreeing. That having different opinions about something does not change your relationship status or change your friendship in any way. That agreeing on everything always would be ridiculous and that it's normal to feel different about some things. And that it's okay. Of course you don't have to tell them all of this. I'm mainly telling you some points that I always remind myself and others of when we have to agree to disagree. You can pick and choose what points you want to tell your friend to make sure they understand that its just as simple as not agreeing. Hope it goes well and my chat is always open to those who wants someone to talk to.
DaisyDaph
January 22nd, 2021 10:00am
People can have different opinions and that's completely fine. It's what helps us accept each other's differences and learn new things as well. When you disagree with a friend, your first instinct might be to show them that you have a different opinion/point right away. However, one way in doing so without hurting their feelings is to first try and understand or acknowledge what their opinion is and then mention your side like so: "But it could also be looked at this way..." or "It could also be like this...". That way you don't shut down what they think, you include your side as well. This way, they won't feel misunderstood.
Anonymous
February 25th, 2021 8:01am
1. Be kind and compassionate. Think about how you'd want to be treated in a similar situation 2. Don't Get Personal. 3. Avoid putting down the other person's ideas and beliefs 3. Use "I" statements to communicate how you feel, what you think, and what you want or need. 4. Avoid putting down the other person's ideas and beliefs. 5. Stay calm. 6. Recognize the Good At last I say that you can tell your friend that you disagree with them without hurting their feelings is by politely stating your opinion. You can let them know why you disagree.. You say, "that's a good point, but what if '.....' that's also a good point also. What if we think of it?I hear what you are saying and I appreciate your input, and I am sensing that we both have our own unique views on this situation, No one is wrong.. but if we can make a decision together..
Anonymous
August 20th, 2016 2:19am
I tell them "This is my personal opinion. Take it with a grain of salt, and take it or leave it! But that is just me, and you are you."
Nilo1602
September 8th, 2016 8:37pm
You have to let them know that even if you disagree with them, you still understand their point of view and wont judge them for thinking different.
CharlieMorningstar
September 10th, 2016 12:21pm
You can agree to disagree. For me, I say something along the lines of, "While I value your opinion, I can't say I share it. And that's okay, we don't have to agree on everything. How about we agree to disagree and switch topics?"
donsbumpyroad
September 10th, 2016 1:52pm
To tell someone something that you know will be hard for them to hear you need to create a sandwich. Begin the conversation by telling them something you appreciate about them. Then make the comment. Afterwards give them a different positive statement.
truthSeeker71
October 16th, 2016 2:13pm
I say, "That's interesting, I can see how why you might see it like that. I feel a little differently about it myself. It's amazing how differently we can all see things." I find if I don't try to push my viewpoint people don't get defensive so much. It's okay for us to see things differently.
Anonymous
October 20th, 2016 6:38pm
Talking and not yelling. If they ain't smart enough to understand calmly your point of view, then nothing will ever do.
Clarebear117
November 17th, 2016 1:30am
Just tell them that you respect their opinion but yours is different from theirs. Don't be afraid to say what you feel!
greatfulUnicorns25
January 30th, 2017 1:20am
I think that the best solution is always honesty. Your friend almost will always find out what you're 'hiding', it's usually best to hear it from you directly even if they have a different opinion.
ElectricSky202
January 31st, 2017 11:28am
Depending on the subject matter, your friends should be able to take criticism without it being an issue. If it's a particularly sensitive topic, have discretion. "Hey friend! There's no easy way to say this but I don't quite agree with you on this topic. I care for you and want to help, so here's why I disagree..." Show them your compassion and that you're being supportive. If the friend is in need of tough love, "Look. You're completely wrong. It's not cool that you think this way. I want to talk to you about how we can fix this". See which approach works best for you!
Bijoulover10
February 4th, 2017 2:43pm
Hey, I don't really agree with that. I respect that you think that, but we all have different opinions.
reservedexcitment
February 5th, 2017 10:12pm
It depends on the situation, you could say, "that's an interesting view, I see things differently, I think I ...... That is really cool how we can see the same thing, but so different."