Why can I not stop thinking about my friend X and how she left my life with no warning?
Last Updated: 01/05/2021 at 5:09am
Caroline Middelsdorf, MSc.
I am a warm hearted, patient, calm and open-minded therapist. I am here to dedicate my expertises to my clients and their individual challenges, thoughts and feelings.
Top Rated Answers
Its hard to lose someone suddenly. Whether its a lover or a friend. Whether they leave or pass away. The ache for them is there. You miss them, if they leave your life you want to know how they are doing. There really isn't a why other than love. When you love someone and they leave you. It takes time to heal from that.
Sometimes people are in our lives for a season, and with that sometimes there isn't a reason or warning.
we often struggle to let go and move on because when somebody who had just been a huge part of our lives decides to leave without warning, it leaves a huge, empty space in our hearts. when that person left, it is as though he took a piece of you with him. we try so hard to forget because we're mad, hurt, betrayed and we try to make ourselves believe it isn't worth it when in fact we're only making it worse. we think we should immediately stop caring because that person did already but the truth is it's never going to be as easy as it seems or as it was for the other person. it takes a lot of time and a lot of patience and acceptance, soon we'll learn how to fill up that empty space either by filling it by ourselves or with the help of someone else. at least you can still hold on to memories that havent changed and at the same time be happy because you learned to accept.
Perhaps you need closure. I can relate to your problem and I required closure to move on, so I found her and we talked about it.
it's a shock to the system if a friend leaves unexpectedly or unexpectedly removes you from social media, or stops responding to texts, etc. often one can blame themselves, and while perhaps once in a zillion times the person did something to cause the person to remove them from their life, in the majority of cases, for some reason or another, that person didn't feel as emotionally invested in the relationship as perhaps you might've been (and that doesn't make either person a bad person (one feeling things a little less and the other feeling things a little more), we all feel things differently) and felt a need to move on for some reason or another (sometimes it's because they're very busy with work or family and decide to cut social ties with people they might not feel they're as close to anymore, as they feel it'll help "declutter" their life/mind to reduce their own daily life stress) it's almost impossible to not take that sort of thing personally, but try to think of how it's very unlikely you did anything to cause it, and the person likely had some reason in mind for reorganizing their social life that might've helped them cope better in their day-to-day life.
If someone you are close to is suddenly gone out of your life you won't just stop thinking about them. It takes time. The fact that there was no warning is the hard part, you never had a sense of closure. It will take a lot more time for you to stop thinking about her without this feeling of closure.
No matter what she has done she was still part of your life. You will need the time and effort to completely heal from the hurt and distrust. But to completely forget a person that is entirely up to you. You can occupy yourself and time to not remember.
You invested time,resources and energy. You invested personal things into a relationship and you might feel confused by not having closure about why she left when you invested a selfless part of you. You need closure.
Is there any way you can text her? Email her? if so, do it. Tell X that you miss her so much and you want her back in your life. If you cannot contact her, make new friends, immerse yourself in other activities. Do some sports! Any thing that distracts you will get your mind off her
It sounds as though you cared for your friend very much. It must have been extremely hurtful and confusing when this person left and did not say anything to you. It is normal for you to have emotions about this. It is also normal that you feel you cannot control your thoughts about this person leaving abruptly. Human beings have a behavioral tendency to mentally focus on one negative event even if 3 positive events just occurred. It is important to remember you are just being human. For now, keeping yourself busy with healthy activities will get your mind off of repetitive thoughts of your friend that continue to hurt you. If you need some tips on healthy distractions please take a look at the growth path on 7cups. They have a lot of great suggestions. Overtime, you'll begin to think of this hurtful event less and less and the pain will eventually fade. Just be patient with yourself.
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