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I am all Alone in Depression in Narc environment. It's Too Much Stress. I just don't know where to talk or cry.
Both my businesses income streams got cut and denied at the same time. One is an e-commerce, the other investment startup to expand retail investment I was doing with broker.
Sounds big woo haa right? No.
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My Family never supported my self employment, instead daily criticism, snide remarks, naysaying, dictating my choices (not that I listen), trying to interrupt me & demand help when I am on an important call, demanding respect ...etc facing heavy gunfire from Naysaying Karens at home ....
So While i tided my self with retail investment profits, my business has faced to setback after setback .. to just setup:
* How ridicluous this is? - how many of you have opened accounts of amzon, e-bay, lazada, etc??? When I tried it, personal or business .... I faced numerous serbacks and almost all of them are stuck in one stage or another of registration. That is just 1 part of an example. Every
* I had to change from Shopify to Wix and some others .... before even opening a website .... just to be needing to learn a whole new programming language to do some checkout data connections. - Poof. E-brake!
* Every step, something new and unique issue!
So While facing heavy gunfire from Naysaying Karens at home ....
I've had to research and figure out a novel ways around for each ...
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So i came up with something:
- My Business Runnable with my mostly my own meagre resources and excel sheets, unconventional origins for websites, which turns out to be secure in a novel way.
- My investment decided to hire someone to execute my strategy since i've my legs in 2 places. But for that I need a corporate account. Once i got that i was make make income so I can secure my biz more.
- I thought I had *** as a reliable payment link to start business
That was in mid September. 🙂
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Then....
* ***: decides to invite me to Integrate my Platform. Since it's my own ... conventional integration not possible. Up they needed my update in particulars as well. I updated ...and
I got banned.
As in: " You account has been restricted, we will no longer deal with you" they will not even entertain me at the outset!
So much for quickly marketing and inviting customers to pay securely. huh? after 5 F*king years of F*king setbacks that are not my fault! huh ???
Oh It aint over yet...
* My Trusted Broker: Started phasing out the platform I am using, recommending another platform that is make it SO > 60% more difficult to read the market to invest right.
- They become practically Inaccessible on phone, locally. The chat bot that leads no where
- The email felt dry ... but managed to get someone (customer rep) who called me up. [2 weeks to get someone where it used to be 10 mins in a simple call]
* MY Trusted Broker's Corporate Account: Naturally I applied. After 3.5 weeks
- they reply back with a hostile: "Your application has not been approved, This is final".
- And the customer rep they got me, was equally hostile and formal repeats "It's Final" (as an email reply can you beleive??"
So without a corporate account, no hiring nobody. and I've got no platform or investment and trading means to execute what I need, where I am from. and I've a clear business income stream cut. all at the same time.
SO just like that All my Income Streams came to a Grinding Halt. And I've to bootstrap again.
Over the month of Oct and sleepless nights, I've figured somethig out. And also realise
* my bank balance is heading towards reserves
* me entire body, sinus, dry skin, gut, joints, are all flaring up and cramping and aching like its flu, vision getting more myopic giving me health scares are the worst time.
I don't if I should get angry with myself or just give up, an throw it all away. But then it's damn survival situation!
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When you hope people around will understand. They are demanding to know why I am so sad. and before I can reply (not that I do), they demand that I change my expression because they don't like it. I don't and double down on my emotion.
I hate needing to control myself from going Rocky-Rambo on any narc types. Not because I am afraid of them as they are infuriating, but because I find its a waste of my energy. I have been too patient all my life, and I have not reached the cut loose, pop the fuse point yet. Am I a fool??
Some history with my family and folks
* Mom got the entire extended family against me for choosing to go self employed years ago. EVERYBODY took her side and hounded me apply or jobs (of which 4000 prior ones didn't even call). But my first self employment gig got me my income. not regular interviews.
* When I had the money at least 10 years ago now ... I deposited $1000 monthly into their account, after a whole year ... they insisted I did not give them a cent, while simultaneously demanding I thank them with gratitude for supporting my financially!
* When it comes to bills: They will stash it all, pay the bills, then chide me from not contributing to them
* SO I Stopped giving my money to them, since they did not value my efforts.
* But it did not stop them from telling EVERYONE that I am the reason they are forced to work, because of me
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Say this because mom got a notice for her retirement. She has a little payout fund that is more than enough to keep the family running (excluding me). She was not happy. She spent the past 2 days lamenting on and on about not wanting retirement because she cannot earn money to support the house.
And did not hesistate to demand why I did not sympathise with her depression. Dad followed that with litany of confrontations about how heartless & ungrateful I am to 2 old folks ... repeating and demanding if I've given them even 1 cent. and how useless I am for not giving grandchildren and happiness.
Not caring that I spend the whole last 2 months and now needing to rehaul my entire business and investemnt engines all with own version and self. I am in the process, worse time to not have income
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I am alone, scared. and sick that and angry that my life is not set, unlike normal others it seems with families and all that.
On one hand I wanna give up. On the other hand I came up with some ideas. But setback after setback. I am tired, What is the point of trying to succeed anymore? Who cares if I don't succeed? the world will go on without me contrinuting anything. SO why try..
I am sorry for the ultra long thread. Sorry if I went out of point
I am tired and dunno what the heck to do. I am just lost, so lost 😭😭😭😭