Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How do you respond to your parents when they tell you to calm down and you can't?

18 Answers
Last Updated: 01/15/2018 at 12:44pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Katherine Aucoin, Transpersonal Counselling Psychology


I offer you compassion and support on your unique journey. I look forward to working with you to heal your emotional wounds to find more freedom and joy.

Top Rated Answers
February 22nd, 2016 10:55am
I say, I am not physically able to calm down right now because I have an anxiety disorder and that is a real medical condition which means I can not calm down right now, and I really appreciate your support and understanding. Then, later, when I'm calm, I tell them what things they can do to help me when I get into a panic.
April 5th, 2015 4:37pm
I personally feel it's better to stay alone when I'm not calm and I need to. It just blocks out what others have to say and I can function by myself and think for myself and try to be logical by my own self without having to take in inputs from others which might end up confusing me and making me fret more rather than calm.
June 10th, 2015 2:35pm
First of all, parents that tell one to calm down when there is obvious distress do us no favors. You can discuss this reaction with your parents at a time when you are both calm. For this particular case, find a place away from everyone. You are entitled, as a human being, even a young human being, to time for yourself. Even time as short as 5 minutes can make all the difference. Go to a bathroom, or outside, or wherever you can, and take that time. Tell your parents that to calm down, you must take some time to yourself. I hope that they are wise enough to grant you that time.
August 17th, 2015 8:23pm
Start counting from one to ten and keep my mouth closed, and try to think about something that makes me calm down, for example a place I like (the beach) or a certain song
November 16th, 2015 5:59pm
I tell them that I can't and normally take myself out of the situation before it gets any more out of control. Words in the heat of the moment can do a lot of damage. Therefore I calm down and then approach them to have a civilised conversations where I can discuss my feelings sensibly.
December 28th, 2015 12:19am
tell them, tell them that you need professional help for whatever your problem is. because if you can't control yourself there is something serious wrong
February 1st, 2016 10:44pm
I ask them to let me walk away to calm down, then go back and speak to them when ready. My parents are supportive so will allow me to have alone time.
April 19th, 2016 8:27am
You just go into your room and lay for good 5 minutes.. Close your eyes.. Breath properly.. Or draw some doodles and stuff.. Until you feel relaxed..
June 27th, 2016 2:36am
First of all dear parents, does this work for you when you are really mad or upset? I'm guessing not. So when I am mad or upset, i need time for my brain and my body to settle,back down before i can think clearly. I can't calm down on command because i need my feelings to be validated. I need to know that you understand and hopefully empathise. If you tell me to calm down without doing this, my feelings may get stronger or i will push them down so hard that I may get used to suppressing everything.Teach me ways to help me calm down so that i have the tools when i need them. Show me through your actions what you do to calm yourselves down. I will learn from you. Thankyou
July 5th, 2016 9:27am
You can tell them you need time and just give you a moment alone. If they don't want to, you can leave the room, so you won't have to confront them while you are upset or panicking, It's no good for anybody.
October 10th, 2016 2:43pm
Just straight up tell them that I can't calm down. That's the most easiest way.If you're having a panic or an anxiety attack, tell them that as well.
October 17th, 2016 8:43am
Tell them I need to walk or need a minute to myself. And hopefully they respect that and understand that you need a minute to yourself
January 9th, 2017 2:09am
It's difficult to have someone try to control my emotions for me. In fact, I've learned when people tell me to "calm down," they might be referring to their perception of my actions. Instead of focusing on "calm down" phrase as a demand, I take a moment to evaluate what I might be doing to make that person say "calm down." If I'm truly calm and they are being critical of me, I draw a strong boundary where they are concerned and limit my interactions and responses on an as-needed basis only.
September 11th, 2017 7:38pm
If you feel unable to calm down it may be best to take a minute to yourself after calming down on your own apologise to your parents.
May 10th, 2016 8:47am
The best thing to know is not every single thing needs a reaction. Yes, it is hard to resist responding, but is it really worth it?
February 7th, 2017 7:03am
Take a breather on your own and go off to think if it's an anger situation. Going off to think instead of escalating the situation can do a lot more than trying to pursue the situation at its current.
April 25th, 2017 1:02am
At a time you are calm, have a talk with them about when you aren't calm what you need. Explain to them that being told to calm doesn't actually calm you down. But be prepared to give them something that does calm you down. Maybe you need some time to yourself, maybe you need a hug, maybe you need to listen to music . Explain what you need to do to calm yourself down and ask them to respect that.
January 15th, 2018 12:44pm
Respond in a respectful, but very firm way. Tell them that they’re misunderstanding you (chances are, they are) and then begin to explain yourself.