Why do people always hurt me when I just try to help?
Last Updated: 04/17/2018 at 1:51am
Christie Belle, Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Therapy
I am a U.S. Air Force veteran and a ex-Army spouse. I am a divorced mother of two teenage boys, my youngest son has a diagnosis of autism, which I am very passionate about.
Top Rated Answers
I'm sorry that you are getting hurt. I think that when people really need help, those who help them are going to get hurt because that person is in a vulnerable place. And as animals, when we are vulnerable we can tend to lash out and hurt the ones we love.
We accept the love, and in this case help, that we think we deserve. Some people try their hardest to push others away because they think that nobody can help them. The best thing to do is to remind them that we are always available to them when they need someone to talk to, and that we are not going to judge them. People fear judgement and being critiqued, so they respond to advice or help by hurting the person that is offering it. Just know it is not something you did personally that was wrong, it is just that the person might find it hard to confide in and trust others.
People are difficult sometimes. But your trying to help proves what a wonderful person YOU are, and I bet in the end you'll find that helping people in the right way is more rewarding that hurting. :)
There could be multiple reasons for this. You could be trying to help without asking someone if they need the help and therefore, they may be getting angry at you due to their own personal sense of independence. Those who you are helping may also be getting mad at you because they may have problems of their own and they're taking it out on you by accident but are simply too worried about their reputation to admit they were in the wrong an apologise. You could try asking the person why they're reacting this way towards you, otherwise you might want to try not taking it personally. I know it's hard but sometimes it isn't you that they're angry at. I hope this helps.
Some people do not wish to have help, especially when they do not ask for it. They will often lash out because they did not ask, even though they may have sent out some signals.
From my life experiences I have learned that helping can also cause pain if the person you are trying to help are not ready for help yet. Sometimes we are so willing to help that we do not realize that people have to recognize that they need help also.
The people who need help are already hurt, weather emotionally or physically or soctally or situationally. They are already challenged and so are not able to think properly how to act and end up one closest to them who they think would not hurt them — Helpers.
When someone is hurt, as in, in need of help, they don't always think very rationally. They can try to push people away for many reasons, including fear of hurting them.
Some people cannot see help. They feel you may try to control them . Some people also have been hurt so much that they fear any support because of past expeirences dont take it personal you just need to address your not trying to help.
The listener motto when talking to specific people is "Advice is handy, but might not be what you need". Maybe that is it. It is easy to give advice, but it is not needed. Maybe they feel hurt with your trying to help and bite back.
In this world where there is a cut throat competition, I try to see the part less seen. I try to help people as I feel they are also there for me. But no! everyone in this world is for themselves. Every other person seeks there interest. They need their freedom, their happiness, everything their's. The society is also supporting the "Self System" I must say that. The question which I ask to myself is why after so many bad experiences, I try to help? And above all, why not other feel to help? These questions keep ringing in my head, and I try day and night to answer them, but all in vain. Still I must ask- Why do people always hurt me when I just try to help? :-(
People have a tendency to be in-denial about a lot of things that hurt them, and if you show them something they don't like, or want to hear they are going to put up a wall. This is not to try and hurt you but to rather save them pain. Humans can take only a certain amount of pain (not just physical) and when mental pain starts to be triggered they are only trying to protect themselves. Usually people will come to their senses but depending on the situation and who you are, it could take longer for you to realize what that person was trying to say or prove.
Look up the drama triangle on google. Are you trying to be the rescuer where no rescuer is needed? Or you might be too sensitive and should just go hide away from people and stop trying to help them.
Hi there! This may be because, and though this may not justify their actions, the person which you are trying to help is lashing out as a form of self defence, or because they may need to take their anger out on someone or something, and you are close by. Hope this helps :)
It is understandable to feel hurt when you have put your personal time and energy into helping someone only to have them react negatively to your genuine concern. try not to take it personally though that's easier said than done. Reasons for doing anything an vary from individual to another as much as people can vary in many other ways. Much of the time, in one way or another, people who are hurting you are doing so because they themselves are hurting or broken, and sometimes so much so that they can deny it, even to themselves.
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