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How can I stop always wanting what I can't have?

25 Answers
Last Updated: 06/09/2020 at 7:46pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lauren Abasheva, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
November 25th, 2014 11:45am
When you look inside of you, and realise that you're worth much more than people who dont want you. When you are contented with what you have right now, and strive for what you can achieve. When you remember how much you tried to get that thing you cant have how much pain it gave you, and you promise to never let yourself feel that way again.That's when you stop wanting what you cant have.
November 29th, 2014 2:57am
Changing your way of thinking & perseption of life. As life is not as simple as black & white.None of us can always get who or what we want all the time.That's just life.Not because you don't deserve it,but because that's just life.
May 27th, 2015 7:52am
Maybe asking yourself and looking into the deeper underlying need those desires fill in you? Some times people prioritise things they can't have because they want to have control their disappointment - if you know you can't have it, you'll never been unexpectedly surprised when you can't have it. What are you wanting that you can't have - if they are things that boil down to more basic needs like validation, admiration, security and control - ask yourself why those things are so important to you. Maybe by fulfilling those needs in other ways you can stop wanting the other things too.
November 26th, 2014 9:50pm
Remind yourself why you cannot have it. It will take practice but over time you will become more equipped on resisting the urge to have what you know you cannot have.
December 4th, 2014 7:13am
Start counting all the things you are grateful for every day :) Focus on what you have as you could lose it one day.
January 6th, 2015 3:14am
The thing is, you can't! There's always going to be something we can't have. You just have to accept it.
May 9th, 2015 12:11am
Stop looking at the belongings of other, stop comparing your life to someone else's and find happiness in your life right where you are.
May 22nd, 2015 11:48pm
You may have heard it before but the first step is to appreciate what you have. Trust me, you honestly don't know what you have until it's gone. The answers may be cliche, but there is more truth in them than many know about.
January 4th, 2016 9:16am
try to think of things you already have and things you couldn't live without that you have. Be happy of all the things you have.
December 7th, 2014 9:39pm
I think this really requires an attitude change. You have to focus on appreciating what you do have and making the most out of your situation. Some quotes I like that speak to this: "The grass is greener where you water it" and "The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything."
December 18th, 2014 5:10pm
It is not wrong to want more, want something different but it should not be consuming. Grasping for more is natural and helps to reach for bigger things and can give the right drive to achieve awesome goals. But this should not be excessive and rather used with the right focus and ideas. Focus is most important to not lose control.
December 30th, 2014 11:53pm
The best way to do this is to focus on what you have. Make a list of what you're grateful for, and focus on how they've impacted your life. Focusing on other things means you begin to take for granted what you already have - take a step back and try to appreciate what's in front of you.
July 25th, 2016 6:14am
You can't. Human beings are greedy, if we already have all the things that we desire we just want more, and we'll just find more things to obsess about.
June 26th, 2017 2:08am
I've found the best answer to this is to be greatful for what you have. This may seem kinda stupid, but studies have shown that when we can actually name things we're grateful for we end up happier. A gratitude journal is a great way to start this.
June 9th, 2020 7:46pm
Many people find themselves wanting things they cannot have, whether they're physical things or otherwise. It is possible to stop doing this, like lots of people have done. You could try looking at things you have in your life that you're grateful for or others may wish they had in their lives. Perhaps some of the things you want but can't have may be wonderful in theory, but maybe in reality they wouldn't be what you expected and you may be disappointed by the reality of it. I find that it really helps to find things I'm grateful for rather than spending time thinking about what you want but can't have!
April 29th, 2015 12:58am
By fulfilling the desire in mind. Desires are good. You need to know what exactly the desire is.Depending on the desire, we need to dream of that in mind and fulfill in the mind itself.
May 26th, 2015 5:19pm
Find your automatic thought. Are you Catastophising? Black and white thinking? Once you can identify your unhelpful thinking styles, you can start to notice them – they very often occur just before and during distressing situations. Once you can notice them, then that can help you to challenge or distance yourself from those thoughts, and see the situation in a different and more helpful way.
June 4th, 2015 4:40pm
Write a big, pretty, fancy poster of things that you CAN have and things you ALREADY have! Sometimes it's easy to forget what we do have, but we need to take a moment to be grateful for that!
August 17th, 2015 8:25pm
think about what you do have an relize what you have and be thankful, those are thankful get more! simplicity is the better way, the less you have the better you feel inside and outside just be humble
September 8th, 2015 11:55pm
By valuing what you have, by exploring the things you have so that you start liking them and eventually do not want the things you cant have
December 28th, 2015 11:46am
When i want something that i can't have, I always tell myself that not everything you want you always get, but everything you need you always have it. Simply but never be easy to tell my self that but everything need time, and i know we can understand that everything we get is the one we need
February 22nd, 2016 10:25am
By being realistic. We cannot ALL have EVERYTHING that we want. We must set goals, that are achievable and then aim to live up to that. Otherwise we set ourselves up for failure
July 12th, 2016 1:36am
Appreciate what you do have! Realize that not everyone in the world has what you have. Appreciate your loved ones and your material things.
August 9th, 2016 2:03pm
By asking yourself whether you SHOULD have it, and why would it make you any happier than what you are now.
September 20th, 2016 7:25am
Try to focus on what you DO have. Remember a time when you wanted something you didn't have before, and how everything turned out for the best in the end.