I'm dating someone who has cheated in the past. What should I do?
Last Updated: 03/04/2021 at 7:23pm
Anna Pavia, psicologa psicoterapeuta psychoterapist psychologist counselor
Licensed Professional Counselor
I feel my work as my personal mission and I love it. My work with clients is nonjudgmental, supportive. I am a very good listener. I use several approaches. Amo il mio lavoro.
Top Rated Answers
Once a cheater, always a cheater. If you trust them, then give a chance, but from what I have gone through, I wouldn't recommend trusting them fully.
As a person who has unfortunately also cheated, you have to go into the relationship realizing that there are trust issues that need to be worked through. It will take a long time, but if it's actually someone you want to see yourself with in (insert space of time here), then working on communication should be an important first step.
Trust them. They are more then likely struggling to find a way to forgive them selves. In order to maintain a healthy trusting relationship you must accept them whole heartedly to begin with. Or your whole relationship will be built upon worry and a fragile line between trust and pretending to trust. Don't judge them for their past grow with them for the future.
Break up with them. If they are unfaithful, they aren't going to change. If they've done it once they will do it again.
Imagine you had committed the same mistake. You are now ready to move on, and then your partner tells you he sees real loyalty in you and he likes how much you make him feel special. Give them a chance to be loved.
Ask him why did he do it and if he regrets it. Also think about whether he gives any signs he would do it again, like goes out and doesn't reply in his texts, goes on suspicious trips, flirts with other girls etc. If yes confront him about specific behaviors you don't like. It doesn't mean that once a cheater, always a cheater, but I think it's good to have a conversation with him and let him know that cheating on you would be unacceptable.
Are you the type of person who can just forget about a past scenario, putting all current doubts out of your mind? Or will you always wonder whether your new partner is being true? That kind of insecurity can eat away at the foundation of a relationship, creating obstacles to genuine intimacy between you. If you are worried every time the other person is a few minutes late, or if you find yourself wanting to check his or her cell phone numbers or read his or her emails, then this might not be the best relationship for you at this point.
Everybody makes mistakes. Love is confusing and life is hard. and sometimes cruel mistakes occur. If you are in love, go for it :-)
Give them a chance everyone makes mistakes that they aren't proud so give them the benefit of the doubt
Learn about that person. Trust is important, build it. And specially, talk to this person about your concern. Learn to read your partner. You could also talk to his relatives and your concern.
Continue to date them, if it's working for you. In the past I've continued to date someone who had cheated **on me**; we continued to date for two years after that, and it was wonderful. The infidelity was a small indiscretion; it had nothing to do with why we eventually parted, and, to the best of my knowledge, it never happened again. If you can't imagine yourself ever feeling sanguine about your partner having done this in the past, though, you need to give them the chance to find someone who can.
Act cautiously, don't put to much of your heart into it. Your own happiness matters more than satisfying someone who may possibly turn and use your trust against you.
Always trust your instinct. If you feel one way then act in another, you're going against your instinct. Your heart will always want something more but never give up your dignity for a person who has already degraded you once.
If he tells you that he has changed, && he shows it to you, && you actually see these changes for yourself && you love him, maybe you should give him the benefit of the doubt && just trust him this time:)
Coming from somebody who has been cheated on 10 times, there shouldn't be any 2nd chances if they do cheat. I would keep an eye out, because it's more than likely that you'd find out about it somehow. You deserve to be happy, and if they cheat on you, you won't be happy.
Give them the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully they regret their choices and have turned over a new leaf. I don't believe in once a cheater always a cheater. Unless, of course, they have a long track record of cheating that you know about. I think start with trust or don't start at all.
Like many of the questions that are asked here, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. What IS important though is that you've talked to your partner about their past actions. Are they remorseful? Have they talked through what behaviors, attitudes, and emotions led to their cheating? And further, have they taken steps to ensure they will not be repeated? For many people cheating is a dealbreaker, and staying together is more about avoiding loneliness than it is about staying with a real partner. Be sure you aren't doing this - it is not fair to either of you. In other situations the cheating truly was an awful mistake that the cheater learns from. It's important that all of these issues are talked through - uncomfortable as that may be. Sweeping an issue like this under the rug is the only truly wrong solution.
Know your own self-worth. Everyone deserves better, but you are the only person who needs to realize that for yourself. Put yourself in a better, healthier position that will benefit you both physically and mentally.
It's important to understand that your relationship is different than the one the person had before. You might try to make expectations clear, what's ok for you and what's not. Trust yourself and you'll be fine.
I think you should give people a chance. HOWEVER, the best indicator of a persons future behaviour is their past behaviour.
Do not let their past affect your presence. if that person made a mistake before, it doesn't mean that it will happen again. if it truly bothers you speak to them about it, clear things out.
Talk about it with the other person, why it happened or any other kind of explanation. Don't necessarily think they'll cheat again but if you're worried you should talk about that
Past is meant to be change i guess. There are chances that the person you are dating has changed himself and now he/she knows what your true value is. If you believe in him.her, you can give them a chance but take your time. :)
I think you should be very careful of that. Usually people who cheat, do not appreciate the person they are with. I do not wish that happens to you :)
Well, tell him that you don't trust him as much anymore and let him know that it will take a lot to rebuild your confidence in him. Then tell him that you still love him and you'll accept him any way he is but his choices have consequences
I believe that one of the most important things to do at the start of a relationship is to lay down the ground rules. If you make it abundantly clear that you will not tolerate cheating of any sort, it stands that if they enjoy being with you, they will listen.
Honestly, we can't tell you what should or shouldn't do because you're the one dating him. But just because he has cheated in the past doesn't mean he's cheating now, or going to cheat. Well, there are chances that he might cheat but give him a chance. Have a normal relationship with him, don't carry the thought of him being a cheater in the past because it will break you guys.
This one really comes down to the two of you as people. Some people never change, while others can make a stupid mistake and turn the relationship around. I would recommend taking a break for a few weeks, see how you both feel and behave, and if you are both desperate to be back together then you will know.
The fact that they may have cheated in the past doesn't necessarily mean that they will do the same with you. If you find yourself thinking about this often, do not hesitate to talk honestly, and share your fears.
I'm in the same situation. Step 1 is to breathe. Steps 2 through "I stopped counting" are simple; you probably have done them in every other relationship (romantic or non) for years and just haven't noticed: - Know, if you don't trust him/her, than it's not going to work out. - Note uncharacteristic shifts in his/her body language or speech - Talk to them honestly, openly and respectfully (in truth, this should've been first) - If you trust him/her, than love them and enjoy their company for as long as you can. That way, if and when it ends, you have only good things to remember & you can share your experience with someone else, like I am doing with you. I'm rooting for you! Go chase your happiness at full throttle! :)
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