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I'm dating someone who has cheated in the past. What should I do?

301 Answers
Last Updated: 01/06/2022 at 7:08am
I'm dating someone who has cheated in the past. What should I do?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Monique Bivins, MA, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have a real passion for helping my clients to overcome life's obstacles . My work with clients is nonjudgmental, supportive, and interactive.

Top Rated Answers
June 12th, 2016 7:59am
Once a cheater, always a cheater. If you trust them, then give a chance, but from what I have gone through, I wouldn't recommend trusting them fully.
June 3rd, 2016 4:47am
Trust them. They are more then likely struggling to find a way to forgive them selves. In order to maintain a healthy trusting relationship you must accept them whole heartedly to begin with. Or your whole relationship will be built upon worry and a fragile line between trust and pretending to trust. Don't judge them for their past grow with them for the future.
May 22nd, 2016 7:48am
As a person who has unfortunately also cheated, you have to go into the relationship realizing that there are trust issues that need to be worked through. It will take a long time, but if it's actually someone you want to see yourself with in (insert space of time here), then working on communication should be an important first step.
May 29th, 2016 2:00am
Break up with them. If they are unfaithful, they aren't going to change. If they've done it once they will do it again.
October 2nd, 2016 1:10am
Imagine you had committed the same mistake. You are now ready to move on, and then your partner tells you he sees real loyalty in you and he likes how much you make him feel special. Give them a chance to be loved.
May 29th, 2016 7:58pm
Ask him why did he do it and if he regrets it. Also think about whether he gives any signs he would do it again, like goes out and doesn't reply in his texts, goes on suspicious trips, flirts with other girls etc. If yes confront him about specific behaviors you don't like. It doesn't mean that once a cheater, always a cheater, but I think it's good to have a conversation with him and let him know that cheating on you would be unacceptable.
July 14th, 2016 7:36pm
Are you the type of person who can just forget about a past scenario, putting all current doubts out of your mind? Or will you always wonder whether your new partner is being true? That kind of insecurity can eat away at the foundation of a relationship, creating obstacles to genuine intimacy between you. If you are worried every time the other person is a few minutes late, or if you find yourself wanting to check his or her cell phone numbers or read his or her emails, then this might not be the best relationship for you at this point.
June 19th, 2016 12:05am
Everybody makes mistakes. Love is confusing and life is hard. and sometimes cruel mistakes occur. If you are in love, go for it :-)
June 22nd, 2017 2:26pm
Give them a chance everyone makes mistakes that they aren't proud so give them the benefit of the doubt
May 25th, 2016 5:42pm
Learn about that person. Trust is important, build it. And specially, talk to this person about your concern. Learn to read your partner. You could also talk to his relatives and your concern.
June 30th, 2016 6:33am
Act cautiously, don't put to much of your heart into it. Your own happiness matters more than satisfying someone who may possibly turn and use your trust against you.
May 29th, 2016 2:40pm
Continue to date them, if it's working for you. In the past I've continued to date someone who had cheated **on me**; we continued to date for two years after that, and it was wonderful. The infidelity was a small indiscretion; it had nothing to do with why we eventually parted, and, to the best of my knowledge, it never happened again. If you can't imagine yourself ever feeling sanguine about your partner having done this in the past, though, you need to give them the chance to find someone who can.
July 6th, 2016 10:11am
Coming from somebody who has been cheated on 10 times, there shouldn't be any 2nd chances if they do cheat. I would keep an eye out, because it's more than likely that you'd find out about it somehow. You deserve to be happy, and if they cheat on you, you won't be happy.
June 16th, 2016 9:30pm
If he tells you that he has changed, && he shows it to you, && you actually see these changes for yourself && you love him, maybe you should give him the benefit of the doubt && just trust him this time:)
June 23rd, 2016 9:31pm
Always trust your instinct. If you feel one way then act in another, you're going against your instinct. Your heart will always want something more but never give up your dignity for a person who has already degraded you once.
August 31st, 2016 7:38pm
Give them the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully they regret their choices and have turned over a new leaf. I don't believe in once a cheater always a cheater. Unless, of course, they have a long track record of cheating that you know about. I think start with trust or don't start at all.
June 1st, 2016 9:28pm
Like many of the questions that are asked here, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. What IS important though is that you've talked to your partner about their past actions. Are they remorseful? Have they talked through what behaviors, attitudes, and emotions led to their cheating? And further, have they taken steps to ensure they will not be repeated? For many people cheating is a dealbreaker, and staying together is more about avoiding loneliness than it is about staying with a real partner. Be sure you aren't doing this - it is not fair to either of you. In other situations the cheating truly was an awful mistake that the cheater learns from. It's important that all of these issues are talked through - uncomfortable as that may be. Sweeping an issue like this under the rug is the only truly wrong solution.
May 27th, 2016 7:52pm
It's important to understand that your relationship is different than the one the person had before. You might try to make expectations clear, what's ok for you and what's not. Trust yourself and you'll be fine.
June 11th, 2016 7:28am
I think you should give people a chance. HOWEVER, the best indicator of a persons future behaviour is their past behaviour.
June 22nd, 2016 10:29pm
Know your own self-worth. Everyone deserves better, but you are the only person who needs to realize that for yourself. Put yourself in a better, healthier position that will benefit you both physically and mentally.
June 2nd, 2016 1:46am
Do not let their past affect your presence. if that person made a mistake before, it doesn't mean that it will happen again. if it truly bothers you speak to them about it, clear things out.
May 18th, 2016 4:58pm
Talk about it with the other person, why it happened or any other kind of explanation. Don't necessarily think they'll cheat again but if you're worried you should talk about that
June 30th, 2016 5:26pm
Well, tell him that you don't trust him as much anymore and let him know that it will take a lot to rebuild your confidence in him. Then tell him that you still love him and you'll accept him any way he is but his choices have consequences
May 14th, 2017 5:51pm
Past is meant to be change i guess. There are chances that the person you are dating has changed himself and now he/she knows what your true value is. If you believe in him.her, you can give them a chance but take your time. :)
June 9th, 2016 8:21pm
I think you should be very careful of that. Usually people who cheat, do not appreciate the person they are with. I do not wish that happens to you :)
July 13th, 2016 3:13am
I believe that one of the most important things to do at the start of a relationship is to lay down the ground rules. If you make it abundantly clear that you will not tolerate cheating of any sort, it stands that if they enjoy being with you, they will listen.
July 13th, 2016 10:00am
This one really comes down to the two of you as people. Some people never change, while others can make a stupid mistake and turn the relationship around. I would recommend taking a break for a few weeks, see how you both feel and behave, and if you are both desperate to be back together then you will know.
December 22nd, 2016 1:07am
Honestly, we can't tell you what should or shouldn't do because you're the one dating him. But just because he has cheated in the past doesn't mean he's cheating now, or going to cheat. Well, there are chances that he might cheat but give him a chance. Have a normal relationship with him, don't carry the thought of him being a cheater in the past because it will break you guys.
May 29th, 2016 5:45pm
I'm in the same situation. Step 1 is to breathe. Steps 2 through "I stopped counting" are simple; you probably have done them in every other relationship (romantic or non) for years and just haven't noticed: - Know, if you don't trust him/her, than it's not going to work out. - Note uncharacteristic shifts in his/her body language or speech - Talk to them honestly, openly and respectfully (in truth, this should've been first) - If you trust him/her, than love them and enjoy their company for as long as you can. That way, if and when it ends, you have only good things to remember & you can share your experience with someone else, like I am doing with you. I'm rooting for you! Go chase your happiness at full throttle! :)
June 3rd, 2016 5:25pm
The fact that they may have cheated in the past doesn't necessarily mean that they will do the same with you. If you find yourself thinking about this often, do not hesitate to talk honestly, and share your fears.