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How do you stop yourself from yelling at a parent if they're yelling in your face?

25 Answers
Last Updated: 09/01/2020 at 7:40am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Brenda King, PsyD


I treat life changes, women’s issues, and issues of aging using evidence-based treatments with healthy doses of warmth, empathy and humor to enhance healing and growth.

Top Rated Answers
June 17th, 2015 1:10pm
Keeping up good boundaries is crucial. You deserve respect. Your parents have to learn better ways to deal with conflict. It´s healthy and natural for you to want to fight back. However, if you both of you start doing this, you´ll never learn another, healthy way to manage differences at home. If you feel yourself getting angry, try telling them calmly that they should talk calmly to you or you will leave. If they don´t stop, leave , and come back later when they have calmed down. This way, you both can probably learn new ways and de-escalate when anger rises up.
July 17th, 2017 1:59pm
You must remember that they are your parents. You must respect them because they are at a higher authority level than you. I know how hard it is!! You want to scream right back, and "give them a piece of their own medicine" but you will show an extreme level of maturity if you choose to stay calm, and diffuse the situation. When they look back at the situation, if you are calm, cool and collected, they will most likely regret screaming at you. If you give anger right back, the situation will escalate very quickly, and probably blossom into something larger than you want to handle. Remember, if you ever upset and need to vent and calm down, us Listeners on 7cups would love to chat!!!
May 24th, 2015 5:25am
Look at yourself while you yell in mirror. And ask yourself, whether you will really like to be like this to the parent. Also you should ask your parents to calm down and talk with you peacefully.
September 12th, 2017 5:04pm
That's a tough situation and can be really upsetting. Breathing and staying calm is important. Concentrate on your breath and if you need to respond, try to do so in a calm and even tone. I'm sorry that you're going through a difficult time with your parents. Nobody deserves to be yelled at.
July 15th, 2019 2:17pm
You need to be the bigger person. Remove yourself from the situation. Yelling back at someone will only escalate the situation. The parent should be the mature one but in cases like this it’s up to the child to take the mature choice and simply walk away. Yelling in your face is considered aggressive and abusive. They cannot be reasoned with at that point of anger so yelling back will get you nowhere except into more trouble. Always keep that in mind. It won’t do anyone any good. Take a few steps back, leave the room, but do not engage them. If they pursue you then that’s on them, if they keep getting back in your face, that’s a fault with their parenting technique. Just continue to move away and do not yell back.
January 12th, 2015 5:36am
This can be hard, because whenever anyone yells at me, I 100% want to yell right back at them. I tip I used to not yell back at my mother (this works with anyone, really) is to inhale, count to four, exhale, count to four, and repeat. Simply by focusing on your own breathing, you can stay cool, calm, and collected.
April 28th, 2015 2:47am
Yelling begets more yelling. A calm response to them will help to relieve the tension of the situation.
April 30th, 2015 10:43pm
Be entirely aware of the anger rising within in the moment and feel every sensation.realize diplomacy is a must and without it we only serve to feed the toxic negativity between us and our loved one.try to speak calmly and follow your breath going in and out.breathe in deeply.attempt(whilst focusing on your breath)to put yourself in their shoes.also if they are being cruel and insulting you it helps to realise that everything they are saying is something they believe about themselves wether subconsciously or consciously. :)
July 27th, 2015 1:41am
Deep breathing always works for me as far as self control goes. And I keep in mind yelling back will escalate the situation and make it worse.
October 1st, 2015 3:05am
I know how hard it can be because my first instinct is to yell back. I found that by setting boundaries and sticking to them helps. Let them know that you won't be speaking to them when they are yelling at you. When they do start to yell let them know you will not have the conversation at that time ever and walk away. When you both have calmed down broach the subject again . The important thing is to try and keep a cool head, which is hard to do .
December 8th, 2015 5:37am
The way I would stop myself from yelling at my parents if they were yelling at me, is to try and view the situation from their point of view. If it is not a situation that involves myself or them being abused in any way, then I try to understand why they might be yelling at me and figure out a solution to the problem so that way they see I am listening and trying to understand them, and maybe if another conversation starts getting a little out of hand in the future, they will remember how I tried to listen and decide not to yell at me.
August 29th, 2016 1:09am
Take a minute, clam your self. Tell them that you need a minute. And sit down and talk about what ever it is in a calm manner
September 28th, 2015 12:29am
One thing you could do would be to take a step back. Counting backwards from ten usually helps calm a person down. Or focussing on breathing also works.
October 6th, 2015 5:37pm
i had that bad habit too before... but then.. i thought about and got an excellent solution... after they yell at you, say sorry, walk into ur room quietly, lock the doors.. plug in your headphones and turn on your favourite music.. everything feel feel amazng then.. :)
November 23rd, 2015 2:03pm
Take a few deep breaths. Try to picture yourself in a happier place to calm your nerves and not yell back
December 8th, 2015 3:49pm
Try talking quietly to deescalate the conversation, and sit down or back up to get space. Try to think about the reasons they may be upset and reflect back to them that you understand their emotion (i.e. "I understand you are angry with me because I _______"). By demonstrating calm and empathizing with them, you allow them to also calm and discuss things with you clearly.
January 18th, 2016 10:25am
I take deep breath and count to ten in my head and be the bigger person and calm one and try and take a different approach
January 19th, 2016 2:06pm
You could try counting to 10 in your head. Or take a walk after telling them politely that you would likely to complete this conversation later on . Clear your head and try and understand the meaning in what they are saying instead of letting it incense you.
June 21st, 2016 7:51pm
I will keep quiet and let them continue. Leave them alone and let them cool. Once the mood is alright, I will approach them and apologise.
September 13th, 2016 1:57pm
The same as with anyone yelling at you. Stay calm, wait for them to finish yelling, give them a bit of time to calm down. Then ask them if they would likely to calmly discuss the issue they were previously shouting about. Remember that if you start shouting it will just get worse and the issue will not be resolved. This will likely lead to repeat shouting in the future.
February 6th, 2017 6:24am
Immediately think of what you would've done if it had been a teacher yelling at you. Remember that it was most likely to benefit you, and if not, don't take any actions. Wait until they are done yelling and you both have calmed down to think of a correct way to dissolve this issue. You will feel much more mutual in the end.
May 28th, 2018 5:31am
Take in a deep breathe and just let them know you are trying your hardest and that you understand where they are coming from.
July 9th, 2018 4:59am
When I say respect in this regard I do not mean that a parent deserves respect /over/ you, this is my opinion, anyway. It is within my opinion that all people, young or old, are equals and should be treated as such within appropriate and proper limits of respect and knowledge. Fairly, sensibly. Now, in the world of parenting it seems that as parents, there is a certain sense of control over their child that is still acceptable amidst most people you likely talk to about it. Many people may still say that the parent will always know better or that they have every right to yell at their child or scold them or even hit them. I want it to be noted that my opinion is taking the individual affected as first priority in this message. All that said, with all things considered, it is my personal view that the best thing you can do is this: understand that you are not inferior and that while your parent may be slightly misguided in yelling at you with such ferocity, being cordial in the face of that behavior is a testament to your own strength of mind and body, anyway. Not to mention, when you can add to that a sense of love, regardless of how you feel about your parent as an individual (that is, you may not love them in the traditional sense) you could still love them in a way that is as seeing them as the equal you know yourself to be to them and therefore act like it. See them as their potential and not what they are presenting moment by moment. See them as a whole world unto themselves, as you are. Remind yourself that people make mistakes and that there is no end to growth and learning, not at any age. Remind yourself that all things are temporary and that after the fact, after the yelling and whatever else, time for yourself will be at hand and finding yourself once more in a quiet space to regain your integrity and wellbeing will be worth it. You are worthy of it. It will be a good idea to do so if you find yourself affected by being in this position. Find your center and realign, reimagine, and know that everything is OK and will be OK. Whether it happens again or not. Respect given is also respect gained. Respect cannot be taken but you respect yourself by respecting others. You lift yourself and strengthen yourself by respecting and understanding a far larger story than one fearful, angry, (so forth) version.
June 30th, 2020 4:34am
It can be scary to have a parent or guardian yelling or getting in your face. Regardless of if this reaction is due to a disagreement or some other issue, it is never okay for a parent or guardian to violate your personal space or make you feel afraid. Our first reaction may be to yell back but there are other ways to attempt diffuse the situation or keep our cool. Firstly, ground yourself before you say anything. Sometimes we can be reactionary and say things we don't mean or react out of turn. If your parent or guardian is being verbally hurtful we don't want to throw hurtful things back at them. Instead, try your best to focus on your own breathing and thought process. You don't ever have to agree with the other persons reaction but you can still find a way to respectfully state your side. If all you can do is explain that you are scared, upset, or feel uncomfortable - that is okay! Express your feelings instead of reacting on your feelings. This may actually help them better understand how you are feeling and calm things down. If it does not, never hesitate to evacuate a scary situation and reach out for help if possible.
September 1st, 2020 7:40am
When your parents yell at you try to calm yourself down, having in mind that situation isn't as severe as they are coveying it to you. Then when your turn comes, answer to them as calm as you can and don't let yourself to become irritated or angry if they continue to scream or yell at you or if they make you feel defeated in any way. Try to stay calm and accept that you can't win every time and that it is ok not to win the conflict or situation. If feeling of weakness or helpless arises, have in mind that these are just feelings and not facts. You aren't weak and you aren't helpless. By staying calm when they yell at you you show them that you have got self esteem and that you don't get hurt by their yelling and that any intention to hurt you by them won't work in you.