Moderated by
Lauren Abasheva, LMHC
Licensed Professional Counselor
A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.
Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
October 26th, 2019 7:30am
I blame myself for every bad thing that happens around me. To wish for bad things to happen is kind of a punishment for all the hassle I think I created. There's this feeling inside of me which represents my thoughts that good will never happen to me, I believe it never had and never will. When bad things happen it feels like it is real, my life is smooth and it's going as it should be, good things leads me to a fantasy world where I think every aspect of life and sunshine and butterflies. But of course nothing lasts for long, and life plays a joke on you throwing you to the ground from the highest cliff you reached, back to nothing. I want bad things to happen to save myself from the heartbreak that will be followed by a nightmare after a bright life.
Sometimes, wanting bad things to happen to us can be a form of self punishment. If we feel like we made a mistake, did something wrong, or aren't good enough, a lot of the time we believe that if something bad happens to us will punish us for the thing we think we did wrong. We feel like we deserve the negative emotion, like we deserve pain that gets inflicted upon us when something bad happens to us. When we feel like this, thinking about what we will gain from something bad happening can be helpful. Will there be any positive outcomes from something bad happening to us? How will something bad happening fix the problem?
Maybe you are feeling bad about an event in your life that you feel punishment is needed? Try to think of the issue at hand and think if it was resolved or left in the air and try to turn a new page.
Anonymous
February 15th, 2017 6:06pm
It sounds like you are experiencing a stressful moment in your life. Your mind is probably full of bad thoughts about yourself, but I want you to know that you are WORTHY. You are really important, and I don't want you to ever forget that.
A lot of us deal with some form of guilt. Sometimes even in an indirect form, like guilt for not living up to perceived expectations. This is often the root cause for wanting bad things to happen to us, because we believe we deserved to be punished
I want bad things to happen to me because I want to grow and become a better person through the lesson the world was teaching me. I like to think of humans as muscles, if you want to become stronger, you have to rip and tear a little to regrow stronger and better,
I like to think that life is like a rainbow. You can need a little bit of rain to make something beautiful. Sometimes we feel like the world is falling apart but there's always going to be a better day that you need to look forward to. Bad days make us appreciate good days which is something that you should look forward to. Life is all about balance and you can't have it all good without a little bit of bad.
Anonymous
May 21st, 2017 1:48pm
Some people feel that way because they're lonely and want someone to pay attention to them and help them, or they may feel guilty and that they deserve punishment. Talking to people about these thoughts can help a lot and they are nothing to be ashamed of.
Your mindset could be fixated on the fact that you don't deserve happiness, this could be linked to depression. You also probably feel that you deserve things to happen badly to you.
I feel the same way. For me, it's partly because other people deal with those things and I don't feel the proper empathy for them so I just get really upset and wish those things would happen to me. I also want anything that would be bad for me because it's a self-destructive thing.
This can be a sign of trying to work through something bad that may have occurred previously. It could also be because we feel a need to punish ourselves, for various reasons. Furthermore, if a person has suffered long-lasting abuse, it is what feels familiar to them. And familiar feels safe so it could also be a way to feel safe.
Anonymous
November 6th, 2020 5:08am
I think sometimes we "want bad things to happen to us" for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it's wanting attention, which is really a cry for help. I always think that if someone is looking for attention, they probably need attention. Sometimes we fantasize about bad things happening because of what will come after. Sometimes it's out of self destructive feelings or behavior. If someone feels unworthy, or they're hurting, they might want to lean into it and embrace the pain. It doesn't mean that there's something fundamentally wrong with them--it means their brain is trying to tell them something.
Anonymous
November 9th, 2016 3:36am
Bad things are what make the good things distinguishable from bad. Without unhappiness, there would be nothing to show what happiness is.
Sounds like your sad, or depressed, if your ever thinking of harming yourself please call the suicide hotline, other then that I recommend telling your parents or getting a therapist
Anonymous
November 26th, 2016 12:43am
We think about things and want things that are bad for us because we think we deserve them. However, no one deserves the bad.
Depending on what you've been through in life wanting bad things to happen to you is just something you expect out of life
It's what's comfortable and it's what you areat used to, but that doesn't mean that things can't change or that your outlook on life can't change!
It might be because your in a bad place at the moment and you dont really know what you want. Maybe you should consider talking to someone about your feelings. Bottling your feelings up will only make it worse.
Anonymous
March 29th, 2017 5:06am
In my personal experience with life, sometimes we want bad things to happen to us to punish and atone for the things we have done wrong in life or because we feel we deserve it when we dont. When life throws a lot at us, we allow it to hurt us and decrease our self worth and value causing us to feel that we deserve bad things to happen to us based on life. Sometimes life can be cruel and hurtful but it takes pushing through the hurt and the pain to find the good and the joy in life.
Sometimes when we experience hurt or pain we can become used to it so we try to replicate it because I helps us feel normal. Other people can make us feel not worth anything and when we hear it enough we believe it and feel we deserve bad things to happen to us. The truth is you are amazing and no one else can do things the way you can. You are important and deserve good things.
Because you don't feel as though you deserve to be happy because you've been unhappy for so long. It's an unrelenting cycle that you have to break. Just know that you deserve to be happy.
Anonymous
July 7th, 2017 1:08pm
Maybe you feel this need to somehow punish yourself? Do u think that you deserve to be in pain and unhappy? That may be self destructive behavior
Anonymous
July 12th, 2017 11:48am
I am not sure why it happens, but I think it is because I worry about bad situations so I bring it onto myself. I believe that energy is like a light that shines inward and outward. If I imagine good things than good things happen as well as negative things.
Anonymous
August 6th, 2017 5:44pm
Because you think you deserve it, but that isn't true. You never deserve bad things and pain. People love you, even tho it doesn't feel like it.
Anonymous
November 20th, 2017 3:41pm
It could be because you are depressed. I would talk to a friend or maybe a counselor and see if they can help
Honestly? I'm asking this question to myself over and over again, yet I don't have answer that would make sense. Every human being is different and therefore their reasons are different.
Anonymous
November 22nd, 2017 10:03pm
Your going through something that you need to talk to a close friend, or relative about. Or even a thereapist.
Because bad things help you grow and builds your strength. As the famous adage goes, "Experience is the best teacher." Experiencing bad things allows you to learn things that will help other people that will experience the same situation. Who knows, you might experience it again, but since you learned how to brave it, you will be able to brave it again and again.
Oftentimes, when people are at a mental low, they may wish negative events upon them to lessen their mental load and take their mind off of what's bothering them. However, it can often result in even worse outcomes because it is only bad events stacked on top of bad events.
Because it may be what you think you deserve. When you have low self-esteem, you have low self-respect. Imagine saying and doing the stuff you believe should be happening to yourself to a close friend or small animal. Would you do it?
Or try looking in the mirror and saying one positive thing about yourself each day. No repeats! You can't look in the mirror and see good when you expect to see bad.
Anonymous
January 13th, 2018 2:41am
I don't know why but you cant help it and sometimes you sabotage yourself. But the only thing one can do is realize, it's very difficult to get back on the right track but only we can help yourself in these cases. I know cause I go through the same thing, I try my best to set everything but then I am back to square one. I just don't give up. I suggest the same!
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