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Why do I want bad things to happen to me?

100 Answers
Last Updated: 02/25/2021 at 4:58am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Zeina Ghoul, LLPC

Pre-Licensed Professional

I help guide clients to create positive change in a non-judgmental and supportive atmosphere.

Top Rated Answers
July 31st, 2020 2:21am
From my own experience, sometimes I've wanted bad things to happen to me because I wanted to be noticed. I thought that maybe if I got a really bad disease or if someone close to me died that I would somehow have more valid experience in the world. People might take me more seriously, or might admire me for how I handled it. What I came to understand about myself is that it's important to me to be important to others. I often felt overlooked or ignored in my life, so I thought that if my achievements weren't good enough to grab people's attention, maybe something terrible happening to me would.
July 31st, 2020 8:42pm
To built a house you need to have a foundation. To live your life also - all the thoughts that are foundation of your life are core thoughts. They can be really various - ex. I don't deserve love. Or I'm weak. They also can be possitive (I'm a good person). When we have discouraging core thoughts our mind handles with it with 3 ways - compensation, confirmation and avoidance. It's possible that when you want bad things to happen to you, confirmation is working. It's nothing bad in it. It's just a safety system that keeps our mind in status quo. If you're worried about it, it would be best to consult it with the therapist.
August 16th, 2020 6:43am
I have never related to this more, I think its because I would love the attention, and everyone feeling bad for me, I know it sounds horrible but I never get attention , from friends or even my family, I feel neglected all the time and like the only person I can talk to is myself, I guess I feel like if bad things happen to me everyone would feel bad for me and give me the most attention, even if its not true. I also feel like when im upset the thing I think of the most is dying but I wanna see everyones reaction to my death to see if they would cry and etc.
August 22nd, 2020 5:31am
I think this probably depends on you but it is pretty common in people who are struggling and you are not alone. I sometimes feel like I deserve bad things, Or upset with myself because of how I feel, or upset with life for how I feel or believe I am, or how I see my situation. It makes me feel this way a lot. I don't know if you are the same but I think feeling numb, being without hope, or not having an interest in or seeing the point of life can also make someone feel this way.
October 23rd, 2020 3:00pm
Sometimes it feels that way because we feel guilty. Either we are not at peace with ourselves about something we did or said or an opinion we have about ourselves, and sometimes it's because we haven't truly forgiven ourselves for something we've done. Having come from a background of low self-esteem I probably understand this best. There is a perfectionistic aspect to it as well - "I will never be worthy until I am perfect." Perfection, in this case, is difficult and sometimes impossible to attain and not only that, but it could take a lot of time when we are feeling inadequate in the present moment, and we feel that this deserves punishment. So we believe that we deserve bad things and we don't deserve any good things that may come our way. All of these may be things you want to explore if this comes up with you. Identify the exact thoughts accompanying this one and maybe you can find the root cause of this feeling.
November 6th, 2020 5:08am
I think sometimes we "want bad things to happen to us" for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it's wanting attention, which is really a cry for help. I always think that if someone is looking for attention, they probably need attention. Sometimes we fantasize about bad things happening because of what will come after. Sometimes it's out of self destructive feelings or behavior. If someone feels unworthy, or they're hurting, they might want to lean into it and embrace the pain. It doesn't mean that there's something fundamentally wrong with them--it means their brain is trying to tell them something.
November 15th, 2020 12:29pm
The wanting of bad things to happen to me came from a place of self-hatred. I felt like I didn't deserved good things because I was a bad person. But gradually, I learned -and I'm still learning- that I can become better. That I can change to be whoever I want to be. That power is in my hands. It'll take time and I know it it won't be easy. But I can make it happen. And it will be worth it. I think loving ourselves is very important. And we should work toward it, one step at a time
January 24th, 2021 10:30am
This might sound like a trick question, but I have an answer. Maybe saying I want bad things to happen isn't right, but accepting bad things is great. But only if you know both sides of it. There is the bad thing and the lesson received from the bad thing. So yes it can be good to have bad things happen. It can only be seen as good when you look for the good that comes from it. Some things are harder to deal with than others, but every bad situation has a good side to it. For instance, I went through a bad drug problem. It was a bad phase that happened to me. But the good thing was that overcoming it made me stronger. Not only that but I can relate to anyone who has a drug problem. Any situation like this can be used for good
January 27th, 2021 9:03pm
No one truly wants bad things to happen to them. I feel that this stems from feeling like one does not deserve to have good things happen. It is a sense of unworthiness coming from the person wishing ill will upon themselves. This could stem from guilt, low self esteem and/or low to no self worth. Another reason why one may want bad things to happen to them could also stem from wanting the attention received by sharing stories of their misfortune with others. There are those that crave constant attention and/or pity from others. Though, I feel this correlates back to one's own self worth.
February 25th, 2021 4:58am
There are various reasons and possible causes to all of this. In general, there are two main ones that I have come across. The first one is that sometimes we are in so much emotional and mental pain, and we lack a good support system so our feelings get invalidated and with all this going on, we seek horrible things to happen to us so that at least if something did happen we will have "earned the right to feel the way we feel". The second reason is, sometimes this is our version of self-harm, we need physical pain to free us from our emotional turmoil. In both cases, seek professional help.