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Why do I want bad things to happen to me?

105 Answers
Last Updated: 12/31/2021 at 4:06am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lauren Abasheva, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
July 31st, 2020 2:21am
From my own experience, sometimes I've wanted bad things to happen to me because I wanted to be noticed. I thought that maybe if I got a really bad disease or if someone close to me died that I would somehow have more valid experience in the world. People might take me more seriously, or might admire me for how I handled it. What I came to understand about myself is that it's important to me to be important to others. I often felt overlooked or ignored in my life, so I thought that if my achievements weren't good enough to grab people's attention, maybe something terrible happening to me would.
July 31st, 2020 8:42pm
To built a house you need to have a foundation. To live your life also - all the thoughts that are foundation of your life are core thoughts. They can be really various - ex. I don't deserve love. Or I'm weak. They also can be possitive (I'm a good person). When we have discouraging core thoughts our mind handles with it with 3 ways - compensation, confirmation and avoidance. It's possible that when you want bad things to happen to you, confirmation is working. It's nothing bad in it. It's just a safety system that keeps our mind in status quo. If you're worried about it, it would be best to consult it with the therapist.
August 16th, 2020 6:43am
I have never related to this more, I think its because I would love the attention, and everyone feeling bad for me, I know it sounds horrible but I never get attention , from friends or even my family, I feel neglected all the time and like the only person I can talk to is myself, I guess I feel like if bad things happen to me everyone would feel bad for me and give me the most attention, even if its not true. I also feel like when im upset the thing I think of the most is dying but I wanna see everyones reaction to my death to see if they would cry and etc.
August 22nd, 2020 5:31am
I think this probably depends on you but it is pretty common in people who are struggling and you are not alone. I sometimes feel like I deserve bad things, Or upset with myself because of how I feel, or upset with life for how I feel or believe I am, or how I see my situation. It makes me feel this way a lot. I don't know if you are the same but I think feeling numb, being without hope, or not having an interest in or seeing the point of life can also make someone feel this way.
October 23rd, 2020 3:00pm
Sometimes it feels that way because we feel guilty. Either we are not at peace with ourselves about something we did or said or an opinion we have about ourselves, and sometimes it's because we haven't truly forgiven ourselves for something we've done. Having come from a background of low self-esteem I probably understand this best. There is a perfectionistic aspect to it as well - "I will never be worthy until I am perfect." Perfection, in this case, is difficult and sometimes impossible to attain and not only that, but it could take a lot of time when we are feeling inadequate in the present moment, and we feel that this deserves punishment. So we believe that we deserve bad things and we don't deserve any good things that may come our way. All of these may be things you want to explore if this comes up with you. Identify the exact thoughts accompanying this one and maybe you can find the root cause of this feeling.
November 6th, 2020 5:08am
I think sometimes we "want bad things to happen to us" for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it's wanting attention, which is really a cry for help. I always think that if someone is looking for attention, they probably need attention. Sometimes we fantasize about bad things happening because of what will come after. Sometimes it's out of self destructive feelings or behavior. If someone feels unworthy, or they're hurting, they might want to lean into it and embrace the pain. It doesn't mean that there's something fundamentally wrong with them--it means their brain is trying to tell them something.
November 15th, 2020 12:29pm
The wanting of bad things to happen to me came from a place of self-hatred. I felt like I didn't deserved good things because I was a bad person. But gradually, I learned -and I'm still learning- that I can become better. That I can change to be whoever I want to be. That power is in my hands. It'll take time and I know it it won't be easy. But I can make it happen. And it will be worth it. I think loving ourselves is very important. And we should work toward it, one step at a time
January 24th, 2021 10:30am
This might sound like a trick question, but I have an answer. Maybe saying I want bad things to happen isn't right, but accepting bad things is great. But only if you know both sides of it. There is the bad thing and the lesson received from the bad thing. So yes it can be good to have bad things happen. It can only be seen as good when you look for the good that comes from it. Some things are harder to deal with than others, but every bad situation has a good side to it. For instance, I went through a bad drug problem. It was a bad phase that happened to me. But the good thing was that overcoming it made me stronger. Not only that but I can relate to anyone who has a drug problem. Any situation like this can be used for good
January 27th, 2021 9:03pm
No one truly wants bad things to happen to them. I feel that this stems from feeling like one does not deserve to have good things happen. It is a sense of unworthiness coming from the person wishing ill will upon themselves. This could stem from guilt, low self esteem and/or low to no self worth. Another reason why one may want bad things to happen to them could also stem from wanting the attention received by sharing stories of their misfortune with others. There are those that crave constant attention and/or pity from others. Though, I feel this correlates back to one's own self worth.
February 25th, 2021 4:58am
There are various reasons and possible causes to all of this. In general, there are two main ones that I have come across. The first one is that sometimes we are in so much emotional and mental pain, and we lack a good support system so our feelings get invalidated and with all this going on, we seek horrible things to happen to us so that at least if something did happen we will have "earned the right to feel the way we feel". The second reason is, sometimes this is our version of self-harm, we need physical pain to free us from our emotional turmoil. In both cases, seek professional help.
April 7th, 2021 6:27pm
Sometimes people can have positive associations with negative things happening to them, which can make these "bad things" seem desirable. For instance, if you are sick or injured, people may pay more attention to you, dote on you, or go out of their way to do nice things for you. If you are in mourning, people tend to give you leeway and will often seek to support you. Additionally, many people learn important lessons from some of the worst times in their lives. There are many "bad things" that can happen to a person which can inadvertently have "good", potentially beneficial, or even desirable outcomes. You may want to ask yourself what, if anything, you might see as the upside to "bad things happening" and determine if those outcomes might be incentivizing you to want them.
July 15th, 2021 2:06am
Oh, this one hits a sore spot. Do you perhaps deal with emotional invalidation? Phrases like, "it's not that bad" or "get over it" fall under that category. Most people usually want something bad to happen to them so that it explains the pain they're going through or serves as proof. Another reason is if the people they hope will be affected by it don't really care for them or show that they do. Sometimes people feel like they need a diagnosis to prove and get through to the people that refuse to see the pain they're going through. It's like some concrete evidence so they can't avoid it any longer, it's no longer "in their heads" and it can also help assure the sufferer that their pain is in fact valid and that they aren't tripping like emotional invalidation and gaslighting will lead them to believe.
October 4th, 2021 3:50am
The reasons could be endless. I compulsively think about bad things happening to me, ranging from car accidents and injuries to simply tripping over my own two feet. I think one reason may be a want for attention. You might not be receiving enough or the right attention from those around you, and so feel the want or need for something to make you worthwhile of being attended to. And the only way you can get this attention, is if something bad happens to you and they feel sorry and express sympathy to you. Or maybe, you just want to experience a trauma so that it can explain some of your feelings and behaviour; using the bad thing as an outlet for the feelings you already have, but can't explain where they came from or what they are. But why is such a difficult question, as it searches for a reason, which may be one amongst many. No one knows you better than yourself.
November 20th, 2021 5:09pm
Maybe you want bad things to happen because you believe you deserve these bad things to happen to you. Another way to say it is you have a low sense of self-worth. There is a psychological concept called repetition compulsion, where people seek out experiences/situations that validate their personal beliefs about themselves. If you have low self-worth, you will, consciously or unconsciously, want bad things to happen to you because that validates that self belief. The first step in recovering from this is being aware of the psychological processes taking place and then working on how you view yourself. A professional therapist could definitely help you improve your self-worth.
December 31st, 2021 4:06am
Some time we see something wrong then the reason of that we think that the bad thing is happening to us but actually that is not happening only we think that. We need to think positive as possible.and not give attention to that bad thing and not fight to that bad thinking.then our life will be easy and we will be feel is my personal experience.if the problem still continue and disturb day to day activity i think need to see professional help. And it is also available on 7 cups so you can find it on your area.thank you