I'm love with my best friend, but she's straight. What do I do?

140 Answers
Last Updated: 10/25/2019 at 11:36pm
I'm love with my best friend, but she's straight. What do I do?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jennifer Grube, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I am a celebrant of hope & healing touching the lives of thousands of people as they entrust me with their trauma & triumphs. Won't you walk with me to succeed & achieve?

Top Rated Answers
January 7th, 2017 2:27am
Try to set a time when you can talk to her and express what you've been feeling. Make sure she knows that it will not change anything on your end. But know, that their may be a period of time in the friendship that feels a little off after. That is okay and normal. You want to respect her space, but you also don't want to friendship to disappear. Be honest and make sure she knows that your friendship is the most important thing. Good luck to you!
February 4th, 2017 11:52pm
There are a few paths you can take - when I was in this situation I explained to her my feelings and we worked together to figure out what path we can take to preserve our friendship. I you aren't comfortable with that you could also keep it to yourself and work on managing your feelings alone.
February 18th, 2017 12:29pm
Sadly, we can't change other people's sexualities. It is ofter said that straight girls will be the death of us lesbians. Honestly, the only thing we can do is try our hardest to get over them. Maybe the best idea is to put some distance between you for a while to clear your head. As painful as it sounds, it might be what's best for the both of you, and for your relationship going forward.
March 8th, 2017 9:47pm
I came out as pansexual in the 9th grade, my freshman year. My bestfriend at the time was an open lesbian. She truly was in love with me, at that point. I let her down easily, and she still depended on me as a very close friend. The best thing for her to do, was to accept the way things were, and to modify herself and her actions to make the situation work best for her. She knew I did not feel the same, and accepted that. She was okay with us being just friends.
March 16th, 2017 3:42am
Mmm, I've been there, and it really sucks. I'm in love with my best friend, but he's gay. It's been really difficult, and I wish there was something to do about it.. I think the only think you can do in this situation is try and move on. Remind yourself how much you value her friendship. Maybe try looking at other people to get your mind off of it? Good luck, hun. xxx
March 17th, 2017 5:05pm
I would suggest that you tell your friend the truth about your feelings, but explain that you understand that she is straight and that you will always respect her boundaries.
May 7th, 2017 1:14am
Let off suddle hints, by calling her got telling her you love her. And if you haven't already come out to her. Also make sure not to tell her you like her, it could ruin the friendship, wait and see if she ever notices.
May 9th, 2017 3:23pm
If she's very open about LGBTQ+, maybe you could tell her about it! If not, then I can empathize with you and I'm sure your friendship will not change. After all, who knows what may happen in the future? Have faith, and patience!
May 21st, 2017 3:02pm
First, you should tell her about your feelings. If she's really your best friend but she doesn't like you, she will understand you, and everything will continue being the same. And maybe she likes you!
June 8th, 2017 10:30am
First of all, never forget that you are not doing anything wrong. Love is one of the most beautiful feelings in this world. The only thing you can do is not to frighten or disturb your friend because of these feelings of yours and keep your good friendship.
July 28th, 2017 2:04pm
I remember I had hard time dealing with this when I finally accepted my sexuality. My mistake was I continued to persue this person even though they stated they didn't have feeling towards the same sex. To overcome this I transformed my love into a new one. I knew I loved her but I knew it'd be better if I loved the best way I could as a friend. So basically accepting you can't be with that person and channeling your romantic love into one that is more platonic seems to make things better in my experience. Some days your heart does hurt and yearn for them and that's okay but you do your best to get through it
November 17th, 2017 3:33pm
This may be non-sexual attraction. The first step to knowing if you are truly in "love" with someone of the same sex, is expiriencing possible sexual attraction. If you do feel This way, it may be best to break it to them slowly. To tell them that you are expiriencing an attraction, but not sexual first. Then see how she reacts. If she Reacts in a negative way, best to let her go, my friend. If she reacts in a positive way, still wait a little bit, then tell her. That is just my suggestion.
December 1st, 2017 12:29pm
That can be very hard but it is important to remember to respect her sexuality in the same way you would want someone to respect your's. Even if you are in love with her or just have a temporary crush on her, you have to try and move on. I know it's hard to do but it's the only possible way to resolve this without trying to convince her to go out with you.
December 3rd, 2017 12:28pm
Something that I have experienced, and first step is to actually figure out your feelings properly, do you actually like her or do you thinks she's pretty? And then figure out if you are mixing your feelings with her being your friends cause I was close to my bestie and I felt tht I really liked her but I jus had mixed my feelings up cause I was just close to her and she was the first girl tht I was really close to, and if you actually genuinely like her, then go for it, ask her cause it's better then holding on ur feeling for her and making things awkward, if she's your friend she'll understand even if maybe she doesn't share the same feelings
December 20th, 2017 7:32pm
I think you should talk to her about it! I know it's hard to do that, but I did that to my friend and we became closer after! it may not work out that way, but at least you will get this weight off of your shoulders.
January 24th, 2018 9:49am
Respect both your feelings and the potential feelings of your friend, meaning you should be honest with yourself and acknowledge that you have feelings for her. If you think your friendship is strong enough, tell her how you feel. If she rejects those feelings, you shouldn't feel angry or upset at her, instead respect her feelings and acknowledge that you deserve someone who will love you back.
February 16th, 2018 12:00am
Honestly, you can't ever know what she's going to do. I think that honestly, you should take a stab at it. Maybe she likes you too! You never know.
March 4th, 2018 11:57pm
I’ve actually had this experience myself and I can understand that this must be a really hard and conflicting situation for you. From my experience, on the one hand I had this crazy love for my closest best friend and really wanted more than a friendship but on the other hand (seeing as she’s straight!) I had quite a fear of losing our friendship! You have a a lot options here based on what you think will help this situation the most. It may seem risky but sometimes being honest with your best friend and having a conversation can clear up many thoughts and feelings you have and getting it out in the open can be relieving for you. However this could be an uncomfortable situation (on both sides) to be in so only so so if you feel would be appropriate. Another option of many would be to completely accept and acknowledge your feelings which you’ve done really well on doing, and try to move on. You can still maintain a healthy friendship and although it may take time to get over, and the feeling may never completely get away, it is completely still possible to remain as friends. I really appreciate that this is a hard situation and wish you the best of luck!
April 5th, 2018 6:16pm
Tell her how you’re feeling, let her know so that you don’t have to keep this feeling locked inside you. And hey, you never know if she just might be into you as well.
April 25th, 2018 11:37pm
I would say do something that feels right to you. I had been through this kind of situation too. I live in a boarding school and fall so hard for this other girl who is my roommate and also my best friend. I know that she is a straight, and so I never want to show her any affection, but it was hard because everyday I wake up I would her there in our room, so I started avoiding her. Avoiding her worked for a while, until one day where I had an emotional breakdown. I realize I still like and still want to talk to her like we used too, so I made a come out to her. I told her everything, it was emotional, but we had a talk about it and now we're still friends. I am not writing this to urge you to come out to your best friend. You don't have to make a come out to anyone if you don't feel ready too or if you don't feel like it. Again, I would say do you think is right for you or something that would make a difference in your life, in my situation I decided to make a come out. I hope my answer is helpful.
May 10th, 2018 12:53am
If she’s straight you must respect that part of her! And you’d have to decide if you tell her, you might risk losing your best friend.
June 5th, 2019 4:25am
I could say that cases like this are too familiar especially when you're a young person that is a part of the LGBTQ+ community. Sexual orientation varies from person to person and the range is so wide—it is a spectrum, and people may belong in between and from the opposite sides of it. As for this case, you and your best friend aren't quite in the same page with your sexuality. Since she's straight, she prefers guys. Since you're not straight, you may prefer girls or maybe both and all. And it's okay. But what is important to remember is that we should respect every person's sexual orientation. But when we're in love, sometimes we over analyze the signs and we tend to think that love can overpower preferences. We ask ourselves, "What if she romantically likes me too, even if she's straight?" The answer for that is true and false. True because as what I've said earlier, everyone can fall anywhere in the spectrum and it's possible that she can be romantically attracted to you but still labels herself as straight because sexual orientation and sexual behavior and preference differ from each other. And it is false because it is possible that she only sees you as a friend and she only sees herself in the future with a male person as a partner. But every case of falling-in-love-with-straight-best-friend is unique. In the future, it is always a good story about our growth on sexuality as teenagers (or adults!) and everyone's story ends up differently from others. But let us always remember the most important thing— that no matter what sexual orientation, we should respect everyone with all our hearts.
June 15th, 2016 4:41am
You have to learn to respect her sexual decision. You can also try meeting other people to maybe divert the attraction.
June 25th, 2016 12:25am
Confess to them. If they were your friend they would understand your feelings. If they don't they aren't your real friend.
June 25th, 2016 7:35am
You can ask yourself if you are able to stay friend with her or if your feelings about her is too strong, and it would hurt you more to keep seeing her knowing the fact it's gonna be the only relationship you will ever have with her. Eventually, you can try to talk with her about this, maybe she will be able to help you and find a solution. :)
July 3rd, 2016 10:41am
STAY AWAY STAY AWAY STAY AWAY I loved loved loved my best friend and we were both bi but it didn't work out iland I was crushed it's better not to act on it
July 9th, 2016 7:30pm
I would confront her about these feelings its good to talk about how you feel thank you for asking and have a good day.
July 13th, 2016 8:31pm
There isn't much you can do. You need to be there for her as her best friend unless you think you can't be around her any more. If she doesn't like you then that's it. Just know that you can love multiple people.
July 15th, 2016 11:57am
You should her decision and try not to force her to do anything that she wouldn't feel comfortable with.
July 17th, 2016 7:09am
Confess to her. If she cares about you as a friend, she should be willing to help you ride these emotions out and move on so you can enjoy the friendship without your feelings bothering you. Keeping your feelings bottled up can just lead to you distancing yourself or even spoiling the friendship out of difficulties dealing with your own emotions. If your friend no longer wants to be your friend after you confess, then maybe she's not a good friend at all.