I'm love with my best friend, but she's straight. What do I do?

131 Answers
Last Updated: 03/16/2019 at 12:20am
I'm love with my best friend, but she's straight. What do I do?
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Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
June 24th, 2016 10:20am
I've been there, only a month or so ago actually, and I struggled with it for ages before finally blurting it out to her. Now, for you, I would recommend maybe telling her in a calmer way- if you do want to tell her. But my friend was so supportive and so cool with it all that I feel stupid for ever being anxious about it! In this situation you really only have one option- to get over her, or not. Because sadly, if she is heterosexual, then she simply won't return ever your feelings, and that's okay. You have to decide whether it will be worth it to get that off your chest and confess to her, or whether you're better off to just try and move on, or get some distance so that nothing in your relationship has to change.
Anonymous
July 8th, 2016 6:18pm
I would tell her. The worst thing she can say is 'I don't feel the same.' But you'll feel better once you get it out in the open. It would be lovely if you told her.
LunarNymph8
August 10th, 2016 5:43pm
Don't dwell on it too much. The more you think about it the more it will begin to consume your entire being. Just live your life and live in the present moment. BE HERE NOW. Enjoy your time with your friend and be happy with the relationship you two have. Who knows what could happen? Nobody knows the future and sexuality is fluid. Just live your life and enjoy your friendship.
MaidenHeaven
October 13th, 2016 6:33pm
im in love with my bestfriend and i have no other choice but to tell her. straight or not, she should know. and im not telling her for her to feel the same way about me but just to let her know how i feel. it wont change anything about our friendship and it would surely free me of such burden.
comfortingEmbrace38
July 22nd, 2016 4:12pm
I've been in this situation before, and really the main thing to do is constantly remind yourself of the fact that she is straight. I know it's hard and it hurts, but in time it will get easier. Remind yourself that she cannot possibly return these feelings that you have for her. Instead of focusing on how much you love her, try and focus on why a relationship with this person may not be a good thing anyway, for example it could ruin your friendship. Start to think about what you would like in a future relationship with someone else. At the end of the day, both of you deserve to be happy, and with people who can return those kinds of feelings. :)
2cupsofteaa
September 24th, 2016 10:20pm
That's tough. Sounds like it's been eating you up, being so close to someone but not being able to confess how you truly feel. I would say, if you feel like you can't take it anymore, come out and talk to her about your feelings. Assure her that you care about her and that you don't want to lose her. However, if you feel like you can still hold it in, perhaps see if your feelings for her deepens or disappears - because telling her will definitely change your friendship, even if slightly.
peculiarsoul02
December 28th, 2016 5:44pm
First of all, you need to convince yourself of the fact that what you're feeling isn't wrong, isn't disgusting, isn't "not" normal. You're still a human being like everyone else on this planet, and none should be allowed to judge you for not being part of a majority. Yes, heterosexuality is the majority, but it is NOT the only sexual orientation. Your feelings are valid. You are valid. Are you positive your friend is straight? If she is, then put your heart at ease. There's nothing you can do but address your feelings, validate them and move forward. The world is full with other amazing girls for you to feel for. Remember, wether it's a female or a male you have feelings for, it's still a crush. And crushes are the same across every orientation.
GenderRolesTM
September 1st, 2016 7:28pm
Well, from my experience, I had fallen in love with one of my really close friends and I admitted it, and told her i thought she was beautiful, and that if she were queer I would have asked her out, but id respect her sexuality as much as you'd hope shed respect yours and not expect much out of the one sided love.
Anonymous
October 28th, 2016 1:15am
Try to find someone else, try to move on, you'll most likely never stop loving her, but you'll realize you have to move on if she'll never feel the same way you do.
shaych
August 18th, 2016 3:31am
Accept that she is unable to return your feelings, (which will be very difficult), and make sure that you don't develop resentment, which could damage your friendship. Eventually, you will find a way to accept the reality.
Butterfly121
November 3rd, 2016 9:28pm
Its almost become an initiation thing for lgbt+ people to fall in love with the straight best friend and sadly in most cases there isnt anything you can do about it. If your friend is straight then more often than not they wont develop the feelings for you that you hope they will and that can be very painful. The best thing you can do in that situation is just to be the best friend you can possibly be to them and show them your love that way.
SnoOnTheBluff
June 29th, 2016 12:55am
I had this problem and I decided that if i told her that it would help me get over it. Her reaction was just to tell me that she loved me and it felt great to get it off my chest. She and i are still best friends and will be celebrating our 27th year as best friends. All our lives. Nothing has changed between us and in fact it sort of made it easier for me to be more calm around her. I eventually got over her.
timetrack
July 31st, 2016 8:55pm
You can't do much. You can just be open for someone elses love, you can't do much so they love you. And you can't push someone who is straight to be(come) gay, lesbian, bi or whatever... So enjoy your friendship - sometimes friendship is worth much more than anything else. It can be very hard to accept - but boiling hot love, oftens cools down after sometime and friendship stays.
Here2Hear247
December 10th, 2016 8:20am
Cardinal rule: Never put your love on the black market. Loving is the most powerful thing a human can do. Only bad things come from trying to conceal that power. You should tell your friend how you feel, but don't expect them to reciprocate in the same way. If she is straight, she probably won't be in love with you. That's okay. The first step is to put everything out on the table. After you've let her know, if she's able to accept it, you may find your feelings of passion become less intense once you release the tension of keeping it a secret. You do run the risk that she can't accept that you are in love with her, but since she already loves you as a friend and knows your sexuality you may find your friendship is surprisingly durable.
Brian1969
December 22nd, 2016 7:48pm
You can tell her that you love her. Also tell her that you know that she is straight and you are not telling her because you want her to feel like you are pressuring her to be sexual with you. But love can be platonic. You just want her to know that she is someone you care deeply about. I do not believe it is inappropriate to tell someone how you feel about them, as long as it is done without expectations that they reciprocate in any way more than they desire to themselves.
lauram95
February 18th, 2017 12:21am
It depends on the situation... is your best friend aware of how you feel? If so, then unfortunately you cannot change how someone feels and you should try and move on. If she is not aware of how you feel then you could tell her and see if she feels anything towards you (although, depending on how she feels this could hinder your friendship). Unfortunately there is no right or wrong answer, you just need to go with your gut feeling.
FeriWitch
June 4th, 2017 9:09pm
Being in love with someone who doesn't return your feelings is hard. Only you can decide if you want to spend time with her, knowing she's not going to return those feelings, or reduce the time you spend together so it'll be less painful for you. Either way, if you truly care for her, you'll be gracious in understanding that her feelings don't mirror yours. Some people in situations like that manage to build strong friendships, with just a bit of wistfulness underneath - much like someone knowing that they can never share a steak dinner with a vegan friend. Others find that too painful, and move away. There is no right answer; the important part is to recognize your feelings and accept hers, even if they're very different.
xxZombieXX
October 20th, 2017 12:43am
This is something I've personally gone through, the best thing to do here is to be honest about your feelings and see where it takes you, in my personal experience, it brought it closer together. Because holding it in never being able to say anything was making me depressed, and angry and she was unintentionally hurting me by talk about significant others in her life. So being open and honest helped us grow from it, it's been 5 years since then, and we couldn't have a stronger friendship today.
Anonymous
June 15th, 2016 1:41am
Let her know how you feel and that she should accept you no matter what. Do it face to face and don't be too blunt
mintybunny
July 28th, 2016 10:22am
Boy, have I been there. Ask yourself what you think is right. If you think she must know, tell her. If you think it would be a waste of time to let her know, then don't. Set boundaries in the relationship if needed, and know that if she's truly a good friend she'll accept you for who you are.
aturquoisezebra
July 29th, 2016 9:30am
To begin with, respect her sexuality and her decisions - it must be difficult to be so close to someone and yet not have them reciprocate romantic feelings for you, but she has her own preferences and if she truly is your best friend, you won't push boundaries. That being said, I think you should try to be honest with your feelings and try to talk through the next few steps with her from there. If you feel like you're capable of remaining best friends without feeling hurt then I guess that would be the best scenario. I think ultimately just see how you both can achieve happiness by your own terms, without compromising too dangerously. If you can both support each other to fulfilling your own needs then, do so, otherwise learn to amiably let go.
Anonymous
August 12th, 2016 2:09am
If you have expressed these feelings to your best friend and she has told you shes straight, there's not much you can do sadly.
SweetNori
September 3rd, 2016 3:24am
Well you can tell her or you can keep it to yourself. If she feels that same way, then it might be the start of something. If she doesn't feel the same way, she may end the friendship, or just let you down gently and move on. It also depends on how you think you will feel if you don't tell her and keep it inside. this may be really hard too.
LibraScorpioCapricorn
September 3rd, 2016 12:56pm
Have a conversation with her about my feelings even if it might go in a bad direction. There can be so many reasons for why this person might be in my life. Direct candor might be a good way to gain clarity because the frustration can be hard to live with. This is just what I would do but if someone feels okay with those feelings and enjoy the mystery of not knowing, the situation might not even be a problem. It depends on personal taste.
LaniFlower11
September 8th, 2016 4:28am
You have the choice to express them to her or to just let it be if you don't want the feelings to,ruin the relationship. But it never hurts to try maybe writing her a letter or talking face to, face might help !
RaCat
September 18th, 2016 8:55am
I know it sounds rude, but.... forget her. Because there is no way for you two to be together and if you would still have feeling for her - it would ruin your friendship. I know it, I have been there. Sadly, we can't change other persons feelings and make them to love us. If you want her by your side, as friend at least - try to find another crush, I know it could take a while but you will find another person to love and you will have both of the best worlds :)
EmberShadows
November 4th, 2016 10:59pm
Don't keep your feelings to yourself. Just tell her, so she's aware of how you feel. She should accept you for who you are, and shouldn't have a problem with it!
1musicloverever
November 16th, 2016 10:10pm
It's always best to tell them, I actually can tell you I had the exact situation and while I told them how I honestly felt it didn't go anywhere but the fact that I was able to tell them how I felt for them was amazing because it actually made the friendship even better! No matter what, just tell them how you feel and don't be too worried with what they might say.
Alixw2497
January 7th, 2017 2:27am
Try to set a time when you can talk to her and express what you've been feeling. Make sure she knows that it will not change anything on your end. But know, that their may be a period of time in the friendship that feels a little off after. That is okay and normal. You want to respect her space, but you also don't want to friendship to disappear. Be honest and make sure she knows that your friendship is the most important thing. Good luck to you!
disenchanted99
February 4th, 2017 11:52pm
There are a few paths you can take - when I was in this situation I explained to her my feelings and we worked together to figure out what path we can take to preserve our friendship. I you aren't comfortable with that you could also keep it to yourself and work on managing your feelings alone.