When I tell people how I'm feeling, they make me feel worse by telling me I'm wrong or to suck it up, how can I avoid this?
Last Updated: 01/10/2017 at 12:38am
Jennifer Geib, LCSWR
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
1:1 chats (up to 5 days/week). - My therapy is non-judgmental and focuses on emotions and motivation to accomplish your goals or overcome your struggles.
Top Rated Answers
only tell people who understandu, who you feel. because u are NOT wrong. you CANT just suck it up! they have no idea how it feels like. they don't understand that there are people out there who actually have real problems
Especially if it's somebody close to you doing this, ask them if you can talk to them (when you're calm and clear-headed, or as much so as possible). Explain that sometimes you want to just vent, or to tell people what you're feeling to have support or affirmation that you're not alone in having these feelings, or that the feelings are completely legitimate to have. Maybe tell them in your own words how it feels when they tell you you're wrong and to suck it up. It seems unlikely that this will work, but - especially if you can keep pretty cool - it has a good chance to. I would try to go to my parents when I was feeling stressed or depressed or anxious, and they'd respond that way to me. So after I'd relaxed a little I told them it isn't helpful, but rather the opposite, when they responded this way. I acknowledged that they're trying to help, but then outlined a better way for them to help me personally. On the flip side, sometimes it just doesn't work (I've had this happen with a couple friends). If that's the case, and I know it can be really hard, but you have to try to not let their words affect you, or just not go to them when you're wanting to talk about how you feel. Have some people you've talked to like above and are supportive of you, and go to them instead, even if it's just via message or the phone. If you're feeling like even those people aren't hearing you, you are always welcome here at 7cups, and there are also help lines for various problems that are 24/7. And remember, no problem is too small, and you shouldn't feel guilty for seeking help, or like you're taking somebody's time away from somebody else's bigger problems. I promise, you're not.
You can respond by: "I just wanted to let you know how I feel. I want you to accept that, your support would mean a lot to me."
No one is wrong or right is this life, we're learning everyday and when we're learning we pass by troubles and bad days. Don't feel worse by saying how you're feeling... feel fresh and fab!
You can't suck something up when your mind tells you otherwise. We humans go by what we want and need. Not by something somebody tells us.
stand for what you say ,don't accept a opinion that you don't necessarily agree with.and take notice of the negative people in your life and avoid them
Be assertive in making it clear what kind of listener you would like someone to be. Here on 7cups we practice active listening by default, but in the real world people have a tendency to give advice or try to cheer you up by telling you not to worry. This is not always helpful! It can be a good idea to say "I just need you to listen to what's going on for me right now." Most people will get the hint.
It's a good idea to ask others to talk and listen to you before you reveal what you're struggling with because some people don't have the listening and empathy skills. Find someone who agrees to listen to you.
Be careful who you confide in. Not everybody is capable of being empathetic towards our feelings, therefore we must choose our confiders carefully.
Don't listen to them. Think about positive things and reach for neutral help if needed (aka people that are not TOO familiar with you and can have a distance from the initial situation).
just tell them that you feel more bad about it.
Unfortunately, you can't control what others say, but you can adjust your attitude about it. Just try to remember that only you know how you're feeling and they can't tell you how to feel or what to do about it- they can try, but in the end it's your feelings!
By telling them that feelings happen and that they feel upset to. They may not always be upset as you but they do it feel it at some point. If you have others that are more supportive than do so. You can always ignore these words as much as it may affect you. It only affects you if you let it.
From my own personal experience I've noticed that a lot of the people who says "suck it up" or anything of that nature have not had that many hard times in their life's. It's very important to know that your feelings are never wrong because they are your feelings and only yours. If you're feeling down or depressed or any of the kind you should not just "suck it up" and it can't be very hard to get that kind of comment but as long as you know what you are feeling and what you need to help that feeling they can't say otherwise even if they think they're right.
Generally some people are uncomfortable when not sure how to respond to their own uncomfortable feelings. Never let anyone tell you that your feelings don't matter. They do.
It can be really challenging talking about our thoughts and feelings, so well done for being so brave. It's very important for everyone to be able to talk about how they feel. Our feelings belong to us, they are whats going on for us at any given time, so it's not wrong to feel them. Everyone deserves to share their feelings and not be judged. Therefore, trust your feelings with those who genuinely care about what's going on for you, just like 7 Cups are here for you. Blessings :)
Those don't sound like the right people to be talking to. Maybe you trusted them too quickly. Finding safe people to open up to is difficult and takes time and patience. So, be patient and keep searching.
Unfortunately your best choice may simply be to find someone else to talk to about your issues. We here at 7 Cups of Tea are on-call to hear your feelings whenever you need.
I personally only tell people I trust. This doesn't mean to keep it held inside, because that can be bad, but I definitely recommend being careful. If someone tells you you're wrong, I want you to know that you can't be wrong about you feel, and it's not their place. They're not the feeling police, they're your feelings, and if they aren't going not be nice, don't talk to them about it or altogether. Your emotions are 100% valid! no matter the circumstances, and finding people who share that view is hard. It takes time, but make sure you trust who you're telling, and be confident. Sometimes, I educate people and let them know that by invalidating my feelings, it makes me feel bad, and that they wouldn't like it if I did it, and that I would greatly appreciate that they respect my feelings.
First of all, learn which people make you feel bad about sharing your feelings. Do not share with those people anymore. Secondly, find or develop just one or two close friends who you can safely share those types of emotions with.
You probably won't be able to avoid it because everyone has their own opinion. You can ignore it. You're not wrong for feeling any kind of way. Nobody can be told how to feel regardless of the situation and regardless of what you're going through.
Find one or two people who will just listen without making any judgement or giving advice. 7 Cups is great for that!
First, you cannot avoid it from happening. Second, you cannot please everyone because we are all unique. We do have our own mind, our own way of thinking. its important to say how we feel for a certain situation but bare in mind and be ready for however they will response to what will you say. Feeling worse is not totally a bad thing, sometimes, we do feel that way because they are right,. Feeling worse sometimes made us realize whats wrong with the action we take. Just be firm and stand and face for whatever or however they will response to whatever you say or do and be open-minded. Through this, you can develop urself and u will realize that someday, those things were just little things to think about :) Gudluck! just be bravely positive:)
If you're looking for support only, maybe let them know (when all parties involved are in a state of calmness/neutrality) that when you tell them these things, you're not looking for advice or their opinion. I find that can help with avoiding tricky situations :) good luck!!!
Related Questions: When I tell people how I'm feeling, they make me feel worse by telling me I'm wrong or to suck it up, how can I avoid this?
I have very rapid mood swings, what's the best way to manage them so no one gets hurt?I find myself thinking of people as useless and tedious. What's wrong with me?Why do I feel worse after crying?Are psychopaths necessarily bad people? What's the point of happiness if I don't want it?Am I depressed or just sensitive? How do you know if you're truly happy?I can't stop crying for days on end. What do I do?Why do I compare everyone to my bad relationship?How do I prevent negative thinking?