Why do I always feel responsible for things that aren't my fault?
Last Updated: 04/13/2020 at 12:55pm
Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.
Top Rated Answers
This is often a symptom of people with either an apologetic nature or a sensitive & perceptive personality. (Of which I can claim to be both.) We take the burden of others upon our shoulders - sometimes to lighten the load of someone else and assume responsibility for things that we aren't at fault for because that's just what we know. This is unconsciously how we choose to act. We are receptive to faults/things not in our realm of control because we desire peace and feel that being responsible and/or accepting blame is going to validate us in some manner. The only way to let go of this self-destructive behavior is to recognize why we feel this way and do our best to overcome it, little steps over time. Realize that things aren't your fault. Break it down logically - ask yourself exactly how you are at fault here, and if you can come up with no firm answer, take a deep breath and choose to move past it. This is easier said than done, but with practice, you can overcome it. :)
Sometimes people like to try and help or even fix people or situations and then when it goes wrong even when it's not their fault they tend to blame themselves.
Sometimes in our lives, we feel guilty. We wonder if we could have done something differently, made a change, or said something when we had the chance. In life, we control a lot of things, but there are a lot of things outside our control as well. And to feel like we are to blame for things that we can't control is to take on a responsibility that is going to bring us pain. It's also easy for us to bring other people's problems onto ourselves. One reason could be because of an issue with communication or confrontation? I can't say for certain, but when you don't have clear boundaries that are clearly communicated, it becomes easy for us to get caught up into other people's problems.
It could be from trauma of being blame for things that you might or might not have done in the pass. Do talk to a counselor or therapist to find out the reason.
It's a normal thing that I personally call sympathetic guilt. Personally I think we all want to stand up for something even if it isn't our fault and that's natural. However, if it's not your fault and you know it isn't--don't dwell on it. If you do, it will only cause harm in your part.
Feeling responsible often is something you learned from earlier relationships, how people reacted if you did something etc. Maybe you can try telling yourself that it is not your fault, even though it's hard at the beginning, you will begin to change slowly.
I think that most people think this. I guess maybe we just always want to blame ourselves especially as we become older, because you notice when you become older how you don't try to blame others as much. Low Self-esteem can cause you to feel like it's always your fault even when you did nothing wrong.
We tend to feel responsible for things that are not really our fault because of our rush to come to conclusions or make decisions. What about asking this question the next time we feel like this? 1. Can I do something to make things right? 2. No? Then relax and do not rush to make a decision. Never make decisions while you are upset, stressed or sad. Experience what you are feeling without coming to conclusions about your future. Moreover, I personally believe that we need both "good" and "bad" feelings in our lives. Hope I helped someone. You can always contact me or answer to my post. Keep safe and take care, Keepyourmindcalm
because of trauma? because the trauma did stuff that messed up with your healthy mind? we need to be more confident in ourselves and love ourselves more!
I think were our worst crtics we blame ourselves when we sometimes cant control outcomes . Its just our minds doing atht to us .
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