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I'm polyamorous & I recently had a bad experience with someone & now I'm apprehensive about getting intimate with anyone. How do I explain this to my partner (who is ok with us being non-monogamous)?

2 Answers
Last Updated: 09/01/2020 at 3:10am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Hope Hadding, MSW, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I am a professional therapist with extensive experience working with various mental health disorders as well as sexual issues. I am supportive and non-judgmental.

Top Rated Answers
Olweg
September 17th, 2018 6:52am
I'm sorry you went through that bad experience, and I hope you'lle eventually feel better... :/ I'd say it depends how much you feel comfortable talking about it with your partner.. If it's a very hard subject for you to talk about, because it was traumatic, because you're still processing what happened and how you felt and feel about it etc, and if at the same time you want to keep your partner "in the loop" of your struggles, well, you don't have to tell them everything. You can just say that you have some issues right now preventing you to be ok with being intimate, that you'll talk to them about it but first you have to process things a bit more. The way you're telling it here can also be a good start, if you want to share that with them : you had a bad experience with someone and now you're apprehensive about getting intimate with anyone. Just don't force yourself to do or say anything you don't feel ok doing/saying. If you need time, then you need time, and you don't have to give your partner-s any justification for not being willing to get intimate. Forcing you can just worsen the way you feel, and a potential trauma.. Take care of yourself :) If you need to talk about it (the bad experience or this dilemma of yours) with someone, feel free to reach for me at any time. You can totally reach out to a professional therapist too, if you think that could help you. Trust yourself :)
alisharn
September 1st, 2020 3:10am
I've found in my own life situations that when I can't seem to explain something very well orally, writing down what I want to say will help me find the words I'm searching for and organize them in a way that flows well in the conversation. Sometimes I'll rehearse what I wrote, other times I read what I wrote to the person, and other times I have just given them the paper. Successful polyamorous relationships, and even successful monogamous relationships, are always built on honesty, trust, and open communication. Anytime I feel apprehensive about something in a relationship, I communicate my apprehension with my partner and we find a way to work through it together.