My family doesn't like my partner, what can I do to make things better?
Last Updated: 07/23/2018 at 7:26am
Lisa Meighan, BSc Psychology (Honours)
Hello, I am Lisa and I work in a person-centred approach mixed with cognitive behavioural therapy. I believe we all have the potential to be the best we can be.
Top Rated Answers
Your family is not dating your partner, there is nothing you can do about it, if they don't like her/him, just let it be. Your family can not choose who you are dating. They can either accept it, or live without knowing what is going on in your life. Some parents think that you owe them something, you should never make decisions in your life base in what your parents think is the best for you. You are the owner of your on life.
I can understand-- sometimes we want our family to like the person we care about so deeply. We wish they'd see what we see in them. We wish they'd understand why we like them so much, and it pains us when they don't. But, just like we don't always control who we'll like, we also don't control who we won't like. Same goes with your parents. They don't like your partner because maybe they think you can do better (parents can get really protective); that's their perspective. What matters is whether you think you can do better or not. You can't 'make' someone like your partner. They'll have to see the goodness for themselves. And if they don't, there's nothing you can do except hope that they'll at least be nice and gentle to your partner for your sake.
Ask yourself why your family doesn't like him or her. Surely they want the best for you but sometimes family can be very protective about their children. Talk to your parents, calmly, ask them, what is the fault, don't corner them and bombard them with questions, ask them politely. Reflect upon their answers and think if whatever reasons they gave are valid. Talk to your partner about it and what he/she can do to impress your family. The main key here is communication with your family and your partner.
There is not much you can do in terms of attempting to change the minds of your family members. What you can do however, is let them know that you are happy with your partner and talk to them, ask them to give him/her a chance. Just because they are not happy with your choice does not mean that they can not accept this and allow you to be happy.
You can try talking to your family about why they feel this way. It might be something worth hearing
Perhaps figure out a way to show your family that he is amazing and how much he does for you. Your family cares about your happiness and if they see he truly loves and cares for you like crazy amounts of that, they will start to like him.
Having a family memeber(s) clash with your partner can be very distressing for all involved, sometimes there are fundamental differences and fostering a healthy connection isn’t possible but more often than not there are measures to be taken towards harmony. Quality time, you, your partner and the family member(s) together in a relaxed environment where all parties feel equal, perhaps partaking in an activity. The more positive interactions they have the easier it will be to change the atmosphere surrounding them. Talking is key. Confont the issue in a calm manner. Stand up for your partner but don’t push away your family either. You want them to accept your partner not shut down to both of you. It could just be as simple as a miscommunication or perhaps your parents feel like your partner wasn’t making an effort with them. These things can be solved when both sides are willing to put in the effort. However if they clash too heavily and abusive unhealthy behaviour is the result then it is best to not force a connection. After all they are your partner, not your families. Keeping the two separate may not be the most desirable outcome but in the long run it’s not always a deal breaker.
Family opinion about your relationship is important. Sometimes they can offer another perspective that we may be blind to about our relationships. While their opinion is important, we are the ones in the relstionship and it’s our decision on the things we decide about that relationship. While it is hard, I try not to talk to my family members about problems in my relationship. It’s true that we can forgive and/or forget, but family members may not so easily. We know our partners intimately and understand on a deeper level who they are as opposed to our family members. Doing things together with your partner and your family can help them to see different sides of your partner and the relationship the two of you share.
I think you can try to talk with your family about your partner to understand what is it that they dont like about your partner. You didnt give us about the details of your relationship. so my opinion if your relationship is new and if you think you dont know your partner better maybe it can be a good decision to hear what your family is saying about him/her. Like many people mentioned here before our family can make us see things we cant see because of our love in a different perspective. Other way if you believe in your thoughts in your partner and you are sure you know him/her. You should make your own decisions about your own life.
In this situation you should make them understand that you are happy with your partner and also you guys should spend dome time together to know each other so that your parents can know more about your partner and then they will become good friends
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