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Why do I have a gut-wrenching feeling down my stomach after a friend told me something I disagree with, not physically, but emotionally?

98 Answers
Last Updated: 05/18/2022 at 5:35am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jill Kapil, PsyD

Psychologist

I have over 9 years of clinical experience, specialize in anxiety, and am passionate about my work. My approach is collaborative, empathic, supportive, and goal-oriented.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
April 19th, 2019 3:04pm
That’s normal, everyone has their own opinions and even though your friend might have told you something to help you out and you might not like it they mean no harm and just want what’s best for you. It could also be that in the position that you’re in it makes it seem that those persons words are impossible to accomplish and you’d rather not agree with them. And that guy-wrenching feeling is completely normal everyone gets especially when they’re nervous or they know somethings wrong but you don’t have to fear about that if it’s a friend you trust because usually they just want to help out to get you out of your troubles
joyfulWinter24
October 14th, 2020 9:50am
Your mind and body are connected by your sympathetic nervous system. When you take in information that may be challenging to your sense of security, it's not uncommon to feel a physical sensation of pain in your stomach. This "churning" is a fear-based reaction. Your body and mind are trying to tell you to protect yourself from any further "emotional" pain. Maybe your idea of your own self worth changed by how you perceived your friend from before to after they told you this thing you disagree with. If that's the case, your own friendship with them probably changed in that moment and you were not prepared fully for that change.
Chrissylawrence1983
May 18th, 2022 5:35am
Gut-wrenching events or experiences make you feel extremely shocked or upset. When you're anxious, your body goes into fight-or-flight mode. Staying in this state for a long time can increase tension, irritability, physical symptoms, and your ability to regulate your emotions. A 2005 study reported that people with generalized anxiety disorder experienced more intense emotions. learn how to open up. find ways to relieve stress and anxiety. improve their ability to trust others. strengthen their sense of self. develop skills for regulating their emotions. That sense of knowing you recognize as a gut feeling tends to come up in specific situations or when thinking about a certain person. This intuition usually leads you toward a concrete decision or action. Anxiety, on the other hand, tends to focus on the future and often has less definition.
Am3r1canDrag0n
September 12th, 2019 6:32am
Because this is your friend, and this may be an issue that affects you, or is affecting you personally. Like politics or religion, the friend might have an opinion on something like gay marriage, but because they aren't gay (and you are) it doesn't really affect them whatever the decision for the topic is reached. That is just one example. And because it's your friend you want to agree on similar things but sometimes you don't, and you start to ask yourself, are they someone I can call a friend because of our differing opinions? And that's why it hurts emotionally.
angelicbeholder
August 8th, 2020 6:33am
It is possible that you feel a gut-wrenching feeling when someone tells you something you disagree with due to lack of aligning morals. This can result in anxiety, in which your body expresses through that gut-wrenching feeling. Them saying something that you disagree with is in itself, very distressing to you. There is also the possibility that conflict and confrontation is something that deeply makes you uncomfortable and anxious. This can be due to feat of disappointment from your peers. This is a common feeling to have when you experience this level of anxiety. It is not something that no one else experiences. Take solace in the fact that this is common, and youre not weird for feeling like this.
Anonymous
July 31st, 2020 5:47pm
It's possible that you feel this way because you don't like confrontation, but feel that you want to let your friend know that you disagree. It might also be because this changes the way you see your friend, which may make you uncomfortable. I have also felt this. For me, it is because I know I won't confront them about whatever it is that made me uncomfortable. The good news is that this feeling doesn't last long for me at least, so hopefully, it goes away soon for you as well. I would suggest letting your friend know how you feel.
Anonymous
July 20th, 2020 9:48pm
it sounds like you don’t know how to respond when someone says something you don’t see eye to eye with. this is because it may seem scary to communicate your personal views on the matter because you don’t know how the other person will respond. you want to keep your friendship and disagreements can come between that. it sounds like you care for the other person and you don’t want to do anything that will jeopardize the relationship you have. i’ve been in the same position and i learned that it helps if you ask more questions and try to stay open minded. don’t be afraid to show your curiosity. it will do so much more for you than you might think.
StarLight11x
July 1st, 2020 10:17pm
That gut-wrenching emotion is known as your intuition. It is guiding you through what feels right and wrong for you. When you do not honour your truth and follow what your morals are, internally your body knows this action isn't something you agree with. It is the way our bodies are designed to guide us through journey here and the situations we are experiencing. So when you do an action that feels right, you know inside you feel more positively about yourself. However, when you do something that you don't agree with, you are going against what you believe and that when that gut-wrenching emotion comes in to let you know this is not something that feels right to you.
Anonymous
June 17th, 2020 1:03pm
It may vary depending on the person, but a gut-wrenching feeling can indicate how strongly you feel against what that friend told you. Often times when something affects our emotions greatly, there is a physical reaction: e.g. tears, stomach pains, headaches. Especially with friends, since there is a bond or connection, it can be painful to know that there is something that you disagree on. Disagreements with friends can be really tough, but they are something that can be worked through with patience and compromise. 7cups may even be useful as a place to reflect on your growth as a result of that quarrel.
Anonymous
February 1st, 2020 11:49am
It is common to feel so on disagreement between individuals who connect with each other on a regular basis. It is important for you to make your feelings heard, no matter who the receiver is. Not only would that free you of this feeling of uneasyness, but also save your relation with said person. Till the conversation remains healthy,it should not need another listener. Should you feel that the other person in the conversation is being unreasonable, or failing to understand your point of view & thus not being able to agree on the same view point, it is important for you to speak to a listener, so that your difference in opinion doesn't make you doubt your thinking process, or lower your confidence.
Chlorophyll123
September 27th, 2019 7:43pm
The mind and body are pretty interconnected. Emotional responses are not just in your mind but in your body. Subtle hormonal changes, perspiration, blood pressure levels etc. are detected by your brain. Emotional responses in your mind can be due to the actual situation, or due to your body responding to something.
Nicoleoatsea
October 27th, 2019 1:08pm
Emotions are in part physical reactions. It's those sensations that warns us and lead us to analyzing our emotions. Often when people get butterflies they understand that they are experiencing anxiety. So when exhibiting a strong change in emotion it is natural that there will be powerful physical sensations. Another example of some physical sensations tied to emotions include sweating when angry or feeling numb when scared. These are common since as I've mentioned before emotions stem from a combination of physical reactions or sensations. If you notice certain unusual physical sensation then please take notice as that would mean that your body is sending out a cry for help or validation.
Anonymous
April 4th, 2021 10:35am
I have gone through that too. It's always hard to go against group thinking and it takes a lot of bravery to voice your opinions to your friends. This was bravery and confidence that I didn't have. Eventually, I think I just snapped. I couldn't stand my silence so I told them what I felt and they continued to disagree so I cut them off. It was hard to do that, but I'm happier now. I won't lie - I was lonely for a while but I learnt a lot of things about myself in that time and eventually, I found friends who agreed with me and respected my opinions.
Anonymous
April 13th, 2022 11:15pm
I feel this comes from the feeling of disappointment. When you have someone that you hold to a high standard and value their opinion it is only natural for you to feel somewhat disappointed when you disagree with their standpoint. It is uncomfortable not being on the same page with the person you care about however, it is okay for people to have a difference in opinion. The important thing is trying to find some sort of common ground as well as trying to give each other the freedom and validation to feel how they want to with respect to others.
Bien2020
March 2nd, 2022 9:32pm
I think it normal to have disagreements with friends. It's not something we always want to have but it shows that you have a compassionate heart when you feel emotionally affected after a disagreement with a friend or a loved one. You can take this as an opportunity to find a deeper reason to why you are feeling this way about what your friend is telling you and how you can better support them. This can be difficult at times and not something that we want to become an issue, but it sounds like your friend has trusted you to being vulnerable with you to tell you something, even if you don't agree.
Anonymous
January 20th, 2022 4:54am
I cannot say why you felt a gut-wrenching feeling. It's easy for me to feel this when a value doesn't match with who I want to spend time with, at least or me. In such cases I try to remember that the person is human. If it is an issue that is important to me then I may decide to no longer spend time with them on it. Perhaps in my case, the person wasn't aware that there is an issue. In those cases, I would sometimes ask them questions about the issue such as why they believe what they're saying. Have they considered an alternative perspective? What if they considered walking in someone else shoes? Alternatively, sometimes I ask myself why do I feel bothered? If I feel a strong conviction personally, I may decide to provide some distance.
LittleIvy
December 11th, 2021 8:48am
This is a very good question. Usually, such a reaction indicates a very strong feeling toward what's being said. Ask yourself, "why do I disagree with what my friend said?" Is this something that triggers a painful or vivid memory? Does it go against your values and beliefs? Are you worried for you friend? Is this the first time this happens? Writing your thoughts about this will help you understand this feeling and where it comes from. You have the answer within you. Journaling might unlock these answers and help you identify your emotions a little bit clearer.
vetsblessednow8
November 26th, 2021 6:33am
Sorry, you have that feeling. Sometimes that might be instinct telling you what you should or should not do or say. When the friend said what they did, maybe you didn't agree and did not talk about it to the friend. The feeling will continue to gnaw at you until you do or say what you need to. This can also be called conviction. It tells you right and wrong. Since you disagree and if it okay to do, you may want to let the friend know how you feel and get free of the feeling in your stomach. That might make you free and your friend will thank you.
Anonymous
November 3rd, 2021 8:59pm
Part of the reason you feel like this is possibly because you might not like confrontation. Having a difference in opinions or views can be a cause of this feeling because you fear it will cause problems in your friendship. I have been like that in the past but I have learned that you can still express your feelings and opinions without it having to become a bigger issue. Remembering to choose words wisely and remain respectful plays a big part in it. It is okay to agree to disagree. If you are not comfortable saying anything at all is okay as well you can simply ask to change the topic or step away from the conversation if you feel better doing that.
Anonymous
May 19th, 2021 1:49pm
I think this gut-wrenching feeling is caused because you know you disagree and that makes you feel scared. If you show that you disagree, there is a chance that the differences could cause some time of tension between the two of you. The thought of this might scare you because you don't want to lose your friend, but you want to show that you do not agree. Along with this, you might also just be scared because you think that if you and your friend don't believe in the same thing, this means that you guys might have some difficulties due to the differences in opinions. It is important for you to remember that just because you guys don't agree on something, your friendship is not always at risk as long as both of you are able to open up to each other and share your opinions. Even the best of friends go through disagreements over many topics, but this does not compromise their friendship.
admirableRose261
May 15th, 2021 3:32am
When we deal with difficult emotions, physical and emotional pain can be felt. It is the body's response to stress. Being disappointed can leave us reeling but the key takeaway from those experiences is to understand who you are and what you need. A boundary has been breached - what is it? Any sort of discomfort is a signal we need to listen to. Try talking to your friend about the feeling - "you know when you said that, I felt nauseated, etc". Listen to their response. It might feel uncomfortable but it is better to air out your differences to strengthen your bond as friends. They will appreciate your honesty even if they find it strange or troublesome at first. Lead with love and compassion, honesty and authenticity - be yourself!
sgtpippin89
May 7th, 2021 10:30pm
It sounds like you're uneasy about the situation or opinion of your friend, and are wondering what to do about it. Without knowing specifics, I can't say for sure, but I do empathise, that pain can be as real as a physical pain, like you've swallowed something really heavy and uncomfortable. In my case, I often feel this when someone I love/trust tells me something which makes me re-evaluate our relationship, and that's a very tough thing to do, but relationships change and grow, or sometimes come to an end depending on what the situation is. Only you can make the decision on what to do next, but I wish you all the best.
Anonymous
November 4th, 2020 7:27pm
It is natural for us to feel close to our friends and want the best for them. But sometimes, in that desire for closeness, we can forget to maintain healthy boundaries. Having healthy boundaries means being able to set limits with other people and being respectful of the limits people set for you. Having healthy boundaries also means being able to sometimes hold different thoughts, feelings, opinions, and ideologies to other people, and allowing them to hold their own. More information on healthy boundaries can be found here: https://www.7cups.com/boundaries/ However, if you feel you are having intense and visceral emotional reactions to your friend telling you something you disagree with, you may want to consider reflecting on your own to identify the feeling and the part of what was said that may have triggered the feeling. This may help you to identify why the feeling occurred so abruptly.
Anonymous
March 11th, 2021 6:03pm
That feeling might be a representation of guilt or shame towards disagreeing, or perhaps just disgust towards the opposed comment. The former came result in never being allowed to disagree with something, so whenever the option comes available, your emotions are "wanting" to disagree, but it doesn't sit right in you. The latter would be a natural response, if it's something you disagree with compassionately - something that doesn't sit right in your value system or principles, and you know you cannot stand by it. Figuring out which one it could be, is important to be able to get use to the feeling, and eventually identifying it every time you want to disagree
onlybill78
February 18th, 2021 4:09pm
From our primitive days, our bodies are physically wired such that when our brains perceive a threat it will send messages around to prepare for the 'fight or flight' response. Increase in adrenaline, heart rate, changes to digestion, etc... So there are real physical changes that happen on account of these emotions. How we perceive things in our brains can have a lot to do with past experience and trauma, some we may not even still remember. But that does not make it any less real. The neural pathways are still there that will effect these changes. A lot of what we deal with in today's society does not require such a response any more, but it's still in our physiology.
Saturnslistening
January 16th, 2021 8:10pm
It is normal to feel this way when something someone says or does doesn't match our expectations or ideas. As we are humans, we are allowed to feel. This does not mean the other person knows about your feelings, so you should communicate always. Don't keep anything that hurts to yourself because this never solves the problem and can make it grow. In case the person is not willing to talk or hear your opinion out, seek shelter in someone who will listen and comprehend you. You have to remember you deserve better than people who don't value you.
Anonymous
January 7th, 2021 6:12pm
It may be that you fundamentally disagree and it is painful to feel that "betrayal" or disillusionment of who that person really is or what they stand for - but this does not mean that you cannot be friends. It is okay to feel this way, but it may be something you have to discuss with them or something that you avoid discussing in the future. It all depends on if you feel personally offended but can or cannot move forward. This should not be something that weighs heavy on you in each interaction, otherwise you may not be able to move forward in this friendship.
Unlockingpanic69
January 1st, 2021 4:56am
That’s your brain telling you something is wrong it signals the rest of you that what was said isn’t right with you it’s perfectly normal neurological response people often agree or disagree on issues it’s perfectly normal to have this happen I have this happen all the time deep down you don’t approve of what’s going on that’s totally normal and you may need address this issue with your friend if it keeps bothering you that way it doesn’t come up again and they know it will also strengthen your friendship as well expressing your self to them will help
PeacefulOnes
November 29th, 2020 2:10pm
Because your emotions tend to form as a result of the values you hold as well as your thinking in general. If it's a deeply held value, then an equally strong emotional reaction to someone expressing disagreement with it is to be expected. I would advice you to not shun away from your emotions for the basic reason that an emotion is what it is even if you choose to evade it for whatever reason. Emotions are there to indicate where someone or something (an idea, for example) you encounter stands in regards to your own values or preferences, so they serve an important role in your life.
YourFriendAshley
November 20th, 2020 11:54pm
You could feel this way because you have your friend's best interest at heart and you don't want them to make the wrong choice. It is easy to put ourselves in our friends situations and think about how we would do things differently if we were in their position. It is normal to have disagreements in relationships. Reflecting on why you feel differently than they do could help you gain some insight. Think about why they might feel the way they do, and why you feel the way you do. This can help you identify why you are having a gut-wrenching feeling about the topic.