Is it time for me to give up?
She paints a pretty picture but the story has a twist,
Her razor is a paintbrush, her canvas is her wrist.
.... im so addicted to self harm rn and i just i feel like ive let eveyone in my life down i thought i could get better. But is feel as though im stuck im reaching out to my psychologist and i am talkin to her and im honest which is progress. But i want to get better. I dont want to stave myself no more. Or hurt myself. Be obbsessed of calories and my weight. Feel suicidal. Im heading into my final year at school pressure is piling on and it judt has gotten to much. Maybe im not strong enough. Maybe i shouldnt be trying no more? I dont know what im meant to do. Im sorry. I feel terrible to everyone who i have let down. I trjed but its just not good enough i guess.
Im sorry!!! 
@JoyIntoDarkness
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Oh @JoyIntoDarkness, I am sorry to hear that you are feeling in this way but I am so happy to hear you want to get better. It's a huge step in your progress path and I glad you decided to be honest with your therapist. Also, I can relate with your stress at school, it's always hard for us to concentrate at studies when we are not feeling ok. But, the most important thing I want you to know - you never bring anyone down! I am happy to have ability talk with you and know you because I think you are wonderful girl who are just tired of her life <3 And I believe that everyone would say just the same. We enjoy talking with you, we are glad to see you here <3 Keep being strong, I believe you can overcome your problems, honey!
@RaCat
Thankyou you have know idea how much this means to me, everything is just so dark and its scaring me so much.
@JoyIntoDarkness yes dear, I know you feel scary and its normal to feel like this in a dark place as you are. But i believe you want to get better and you will! Love ya so much <3
@JoyIntoDarkness
Big *Hug*
Please don't apologise. Your story is inportant.
I'm sorry you feel this way. We are here for you. You are doing great.
I understand how difficult it is you will get through this. (I'm here for you Always)
You are STRONG!
💞
@brokengirl1
I am no where near strong *Hugs* but thanks xx
@JoyIntoDarkness
You might not feel strong right now but you will.
Chin up Beautiful.
*Hug*
😘
@JoyIntoDarkness
"Is it time for you to give up?" No.
Its okay to feel tired, its okay to feel let down, its okay to feel whatever emotions you are feelings. You are valid, your story is valid and your struggles are valid. Addiction is hard! Sometimes we can't help but to crave into the temptation. Still, this doesnt make your recovery is any less real. Set backs will be experienced, but everyone that cares about you will know that the fact that you are doing all you can is enough.
Wanting to get better is one of the steps towards getting better. No giving up is another.
I know the journey to recovery is hard and exhausting and tiredsome and filled with all sort of struggles. Please, be kind to yourself as you move forward. Its okay to be too tired to keep moving forward sometimes. Its okay to stop someitmes, to get out of the "recovery zone"...not a lot of people talk about the dark part of the journey to recovery.
Please know, we are here for you and you can always lean on us while ou gather your strenght back. One step at a time, as long as you are doing your best (even if it sometimes doesnt keep you from relapse) is more than enough for us to be proud of you.
@Iara
This actually made me cry.... thankyou, it made me feel like i have worth and that everything isnt over yet and that i can still get betteer, so thankyou soooo much <3 The dark part of recovery is lasing for a while and i guess i need to find a way to cope and deal with my thoughts to get back on track....
The worst part is... the suicidal thoughs and i just i dont want to make a mistake ill regret so yeah.... dont suppose you have any like to online crisis chats that are confidential and accessable from the uk?
Again Thankyou!
@JoyIntoDarkness I'm glad this reminded you that you are worth it, because you are! Nothing, absolutely nothing, you do or anyone does can take away your value and dignity. You will always be worthy of compassion, love and everything good the world has to offer. Yes, not every day will be good and recovery will have its nasty, frustrating, dark days but today you are much further in recovery than you were yesterday, than last month, than last year!
Suicidal thoughts are hard to deal with, and though we are not train to handle them here it doesnt mean we don't care about you. I want you to succeed in your recovery, but I want you to know I (nor no one) should blame you for having those feelings.
Here are some of the resources I digged out of my resources list for UK crissis chats. Hope they help! And please know that we have your back here :D
Leeds Survivor Led Crisis Service
The Mix (for people 25 or under)
It isn't time to give up, lovely @JoyIntoDarkness.
You are harming yourself, because you are just trying to survive the pain. This addiction is a coping technique - it is harmful and stigmatized, but right now it is a way for you to get through the unberable dread. You are experiencing such a suffering you are looking for a way to outlet it. Hoc oculd you let me down, if I know that you are self-harming, exactly because you don't want to give up on this body and life? Still, that doesn't mean you are destined to keep doing that forever. You can always do better, lovely. At each moment you have an opportunity to stop yourself, recognize your choice and choose differently. At each moment you have a chance to reach out, to speak up about your struggle, to learn and try new coping technqiues. Everyone can always do better, there is no limit for the human striving. There is no end line here, no matter if one's issues with their mental health.
I firmly believe that you're doing your best. You wrote this post in the moment of a great vulnerability and I'm extremely proud of you. This is a real sign of your spirit, lovely. You have a lots of things going on in your life, with a school pressure on top of that, but you're not alone - there are already people in your life who are helping you, but you also have 7 Cups support and we can definitely can help you sort everything out and find possible solutions to the pending problems. We can brainstorm solutions and comfort you daily. We recognize the daily effort you have to put to get through the hours. For me, you are a wonderful, kind heart who is a vital part of this community and I'll do everything what I can in my limited power, but ever-lasting affection, to be there for you.
Don't let the struggle define you, lovely. It is awful. Right now it seems everything is an impossible mountain to climb and it is understandable that you feel so low. Still, you are more than this moment, than any moment, than the self-harm and the pain. You are more than your emotions and thoughts. You are a breathing, loving human who tries their best to keep on living. That's what matters. The fact that you are clearly stating that you want to feel better is already a huge step forward in your recovery. You recognize your issues and you seek out help and follow through with your appontments. That is a progress, it really is. You have a lot on your plate, so have you ever considered taking a leave from school? I know that it may seem scary and disappointing, but in fact sometimes it is the best, the most mature choice you can do, to let go of some responsibilities which will only pile up from now on, so you have a needed space and mostly energy to recover. You are strggling with a lot of things simultaneously right now, so maybe this can benefit you? When you feel better and more stable you can always return without any problems. How do you think this potential school break could affect you? What pros and cons you see? Is there someone with whom you can brainstorm it?
You never disappoint me, lovely. In fact I'm just more and more proud of you. All my love ❤︎
@Celaeno
And the crying continues, youve literally made my day and made me feel better about myself... having you guys here has been a rock for me and id be lost without you all!!!! thankyou really, you are so kind and considerate and amazing to me even if your an oldie and im a teen xD
The school thing and taking a leave is a NO GO... i cant afford to miss school, in the uk the eam boards are changing and things you did at A levels are now in GCSE that is why stress has increased. We are now graded differently and it is so much more difficult to pass. Schools are applying more stress and asking for full attendance (they are leaneant considering my physical health) but what im saying is there is not much course work it depends on the exams. if im not there in lessons i am not learn as well and it is harder and a higher chance i wont pass. I want to be able to go onto collage and study performing arts but i cant get on my course if i dont pass all my subjects.
@Iara Im not sure if you were awear of the exam change of if student support team are? maybe worth them knowing due to how much stress teens could be under over the next few years with final eams in the UK.
Celaeno... im so sorry for exploading ust then... feels better now tho xD but no matter what anyone says i will keep studying and pushing myself even if im on the edge of driving myself in my own grave. I would happy talk about more reasons about why this school thing is such a big thing if you wanted to know, again tho thankyou for making me cry tears of happiness!!!!!! <3
@JoyIntoDarkness
Is the team awaer of the changes? (Just tagging forum Mentor/supporters/ and support session leaders)
@YayyySphere @VerdictEndgameOver @ArwaS @Emily619 @Eunoia @Irishrose2016 @KRN @MidnightAngel @Moji @colourfulSpring22 @gigantWillow93 @starryKoala69
If you guys ever need any info on it.... i know a fair bit as we are getting told new info daily! <3
@JoyIntoDarkness
@brokengirl1
Thankyou, i will certainly try! <3
@JoyIntoDarkness i know how you feel i was the same way the last week or soo but i went to the hospital and got put on anti anxiety meds and now i feel better stay strong sweety you can get through this
@JoyIntoDarkness
Joy. You are an amazing girl with too many talents to count. The things that you struggle with can be overcome. You are more than "enough" ; you are so so much stronger than I ever could be. Please don't ever feel guilty for being human. You have amazing thoughts in that head, so many words to be said. There are great things on the horizon, so always keep trying. Keep your chin up, my dear.
@JoyIntoDarkness hey joy can you message me:) need to talk to you
@JoyIntoDarkness Joy you know that you are deep down really a @joyintolightness:):) You know we all care about you and want to see you thrive and succeed in life. We have your back and I am personally here to support you and any fears you may have. Remember that it is ok to not be ok, addiction is hard work and I need to affirm you for being so brave and bold for being open to us on 7 cups of tea, you are actually a pretty cool person!!:) Sometimes it is hard to see the light in the darkness, but you can always light a candle and be grateful for the small things in life, For me I am grateful for food to eat, a roof over my head, running water and the sun--this helps me at work and while studying!:) There is always HOPE. Hang onto HOPE even when things seem bleak remember that life is short and precious. Have some fun and be kind to yourself. Its ok not to be ok and we are here to support you:) xx