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New to the Relationship Stress Community? Introduce yourself here!! ❤️
by ASilentObserver
Last post
 Thursday
...See more Greetings from the Relationship Stress Community!! Are you new to the Relationship Stress Community? Tell us some things about yourself and get to know others that joined the community this month! Question prompts: What brings you to the Relationship Stress community? What is one thing you love most about yourself (or, perhaps, your loved ones)? Benefits of being a member of the Relationship Stress Community: Give and receive support from others who are in relationships. Share your relationship journey (memories, struggles, challenges) in relevant topics comfortably. Participate in community activities and events (eg. Check-ins, Icebreakers, Forum Discussions) Plus, members who participate regularly could become part of the Relationship Stress team, as well! Here are some quick links for you to check out: our taglist [https://www.7cups.com/forum/relationships/CommunitySpace_1256/RelationshipStressAutomatedTaglist_222210/]! Join in to get updates on discussions and events. check out this post [https://www.7cups.com/forum/relationships/CommunitySpace_1256/RelationshipStressGroupSupportSessionsSchedule_316598/] for updates on weekly discussions! check out our newest check-in [https://www.7cups.com/forum/relationships/CommunitySpace_1256/RelationshipStressCommunityCheckInFebruary1723_347041/] here! check this post [https://www.7cups.com/forum/RelationshipSupport_66/IntroduceyourselftotheRelationshipCommunity_239/HowToGetStarted_134558/] with more information on how to navigate the community. If you have any question, do not hesitate to contact KatePersephone [https://www.7cups.com/@KatePersephone] (teens and adults) or reply on this thread! Do not be a lurker! Join us and introduce yourself here!! tagging our newest subcribers: @itzBailey114 @JGonza92 @faithfulSugar9905 @Princ3ss6621 @MentallyxiLLxTotallyxChill @Blueswan001 @Spreagadh @funnyCoconut6733 @sunnyFig7193 @selfconfidentCar6076 @CreateYourOwnFlow @Fmulana @Dashing00997955 @sleepy003 @jarfold416 @Bubbleswithtroubles @Heartbroken4eva @SocialHilbray @Novalee07 @lyssyl [a brown and white bear dancing together while holding hands] ------------------------- Are you new to the Relationship Stress community? Introduce yourself here [https://www.7cups.com/forum/relationships/CommunitySpace_1256/NewtotheRelationshipStressCommunityIntroduceyourselfhere_164924/]! Do you want to be the first to get updates on discussions and events? Consider joining the taglist [https://www.7cups.com/forum/relationships/CommunitySpace_1256/RelationshipStressAutomatedTaglist_222210/]! Do you want to be updated on the weekly discussions in the Relationship Support Room? Subscribe to this thread [https://www.7cups.com/forum/relationships/CommunitySpace_1256/RelationshipStressGroupSupportSessionsSchedule_316598/]! Do you want to help out in the Relationship Stress Community? Consider becoming a forum supporter [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSehAkk72S0RWV1oQ5zShECQ6s-_fDYaxPE974iHorzqNRo1Ag/viewform] or a room supporter [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSetyJ7jp7W52-EIpqvFYLhfmpsgTW4BbzUwmi9r22OQ9AdH8w/viewform]! ------------------------- Edited by KatePersephone [https://www.7cups.com/@KatePersephone] 
Tazzie profile picture
Relationship Stress Automated Taglist
by Tazzie
Last post
 September 16th
...See more Welcome to the Relationship Stress Taglist! This thread is an auto-updating list. The list is regularly updated and can be found below. Please direct any questions or issues to tommy [https://www.7cups.com/@tommy] via private message. Why should I join the taglist? ✔ Never miss out on the weekly check-ins ✔ Get tagged and notified by community leaders whenever a new relevant thread has been posted ✔ Become a more active member of the community. What do I need to do? ✅ To add yourself to this taglist, press the Post to Thread button above and write the exact words Please add me. ❌ To remove yourself from this taglist, press the Post to Thread button above and write the exact words Please remove me. Taglist updated by KateDoskocilova [https://www.7cups.com/@KatePersephone] on 01.12.24 @00Nyx00 @1funredhead @4Jasmine @6Dragonflies @aabrah @Aathmika @AbbyHarris1976 @abiior @AbusgaKayatasha @Adarlya @adhdgal1992 @adribrown7 @adventurousPal4301 @Affliction1 @Albatrosinthesky @Allieeee1121 @AlyGalaxy @AmandaRose89 @AMomentInTime1830 @Anexmos @Angelcrossing1986 @AnotherPerson92 @answers @AntenorA @aPeacefulafternoon @AquaNavySky @Arman13 @ashlynnmarie22 @AshtynLuv97 @Asru @Athenathebluejay420 @Auditormadness9 @auntmommy @Avaboo @AveryLove @awkwardRice @azureSky1487 @Bea945 @beanie @BeginningFixing @blueberryjean345 @blueDog2773 @BlueEast @Booklover95 @Bossedupx3 @bouncyVoice4149 @braveGlobe2817 @bravePeach4448 @breeuniqemsns @Breevus @brightOcean2387 @BrooklynM @Bubbles120 @bubblyFaith17 @bunnyhugs616 @Busranurr @BwahahaLove @c9frexs @caitlin1217 @Callies07132017 @CalmingStar @Calmpineapple @caringCreature8571 @CaringCharlie @CarrieHolmes @Cexe @charmingbeauty55 @ChrisA97 @Chrisbgood46 @Clarisse29 @Colourfultiger @ComingOutAsNB @CompassionateYoshi88 @confidentVision4766 @conscientiousPineapple1782 @ConversationThot404 @Cparsons816 @CraigyP @crazycountry210 @creativeComputer2115 @DanaMH @dancersoul @dancingLake682 @DanielaC @DanielGarzaV @daydreammemories @decisiveScarf8956 @Den2542 @discreetShip7372 @DogFish1 @doodlefroggie @dopey @EchoTheDragon @electricLily13 @ella12346 @ELLE @Emirson2018 @EncouragingSteps @enthusiasticTortoise6681 @eohseo @Everythingisbetterinyourpyjamas @EvolvedScorpio @Explorer6115 @exuberantStrawberries9544 @faithfulHickory1025 @Falkenberg @fantasticDancer50 @Feepersane @Floatingbubbles @fluffycow27 @forcefulFriend4768 @Foreverchangedbyyou @Francescahelps @FranklyMaple @Freshmelon54 @Friendlycomfort81 @frostedPudding @Gabrielamtineo @generousWriter2778 @glasseyedgrace @GodsBabyGirl1981 @goldenFlower74 @gracefulVoice9463 @grassup @Gtalker8845 @GusteeMoon123 @gymnast9460 @Hailey3 @hairyxsnail @HarmonyBlossom @Hashib22 @HealingBrokenWIngs @healingHeart1111 @healinghearts0718 @Healingwhispers14 @Heartofgold07092019 @heavenlyHug9328 @helloapple1885 @helloCity5743 @hereforyoualways123 @heysunshine12 @hippiewannabe @honestWater4345 @honeypie720 @Hope3729 @hopefulPower54 @HopefulPower54 @HumorousPear1826 @iDeepScar @ILikeCilantro @imaginativeneverhappening @imofficiallyburnt @IMott71 @imrose123 @independentClementine6064 @infinitivethoughts2k19 @ingeniousfriend59 @intuitiveSummer6764 @JamilaBrownPsyD @Janet33 @JellyBean299 @jerom222 @joiefae @jwong611 @k87 @Kailah15 @kasmin21 @Katee02 @Katheryn @KatLis123 @Katrine92 @Kentsch @ketket68 @Kevin2009 @kindJoy3316 @kindLemon2749 @kizzyaaliyah @Kpopcat2020 @LadyDair @LadyInSilence @Lalonso2 @lavenderOrange4849 @LeafOnABranch @LeoisListening @LePapillon @Lexloveslife @lightDrum8955 @lightLemonIsaac5408 @LightSoul108 @limeVillage7000 @Liv143 @Lovelylady18 @Lunasel @Lunaticphilosopher @luvkyleigh @lyricalPillow74 @lyricalpillow74 @madels20033 @magicalHorizon48 @mamapants @Mared @MarvelousMack11 @Mavvinder @mbrito712 @Mellietronx @Mellifluous11 @Mia1602 @MidwesternCalmSeeker @MikkyA @MilaAvery @MissDaria18 @MithLycos @modestPine7046 @Morpheus13 @MotherOfAVirgo @Mountainmystic777 @Mrrytu @MyownkindaCrazzi @nabilah17ism @navyOcean3488 @ngsuling1986 @niceCLEMEMTINE1415 @niceDaisy36 @Ninab0bina123 @ninetaleslove @NityaSpiritualHealer @NotAllHere713 @Offmytrack @onedirection1213 @OneErased @Open2Change @ouiCherie @OwenJackson73 @pandaprincess9 @Pandora3796 @pathFinder1725 @patientBranch9284 @peachkitty @PerpetuallyKekastrophic @persistentShade5213 @phia7292 @phia7293 @pioneeringSkies8568 @PlumBeechwood7549 @purpleMango7295 @PurplePansies21 @Purplerain00001 @purpleTree4652 @PurpleVelvet @quickwittedOwl8855 @quitahearsyou @Radioguy @Randomguyuk @Rebekahwriter13 @red85 @Rednuc270539 @rheyoflight @richbich @rieeavery1920 @RoboPhantom @Roro36 @RoseJuliet @rosenova1513 @rrrak @ryha3274 @Sadstan869 @Saeraleis @safetysource12 @Sailor57 @SaimaK @sarahR2004 @SavoyTruffle20 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@XanFransisco @Xerah @YankeeOrangetiger @SpiritTea @Grammy23 @quietlistener2023 @HopefulOne81 @modestRaspberries7557 @BeautifullyLostxo @batgirl1234 @sincereLake4939 @CharmingGrapefruit4334 @PurpleGloria @willforeverbepeach @Mishka1599 @K1088
QuietMagic profile picture
Tips for Dealing With Unhealthy and Abusive Relationships
by QuietMagic
Last post
 August 10th
...See more [TW: discussion of abuse] ------------------------- Types of relationships Relationships can be healthy, unhealthy, or abusive. 1) Healthy relationships Healthy relationships are not perfect, but most of the time they’ll have the following qualities: Respect, trust, and safety * Feeling supported by your partner and like you can rely on them * Maintaining respect even when there are differences or disagreements * Equal power when it comes to decision-making * Feeling like it is safe to be vulnerable and have emotional closeness Open communication * Being able to share things honestly without fearing punishment or ridicule * Being able to discuss sensitive topics like physical intimacy and economic/financial arrangements * Both people listen and try to understand and empathize with the other person's perspective Healthy boundaries * Respect for boundaries * Enjoy spending time together but can be happy apart * Okay to have some privacy and personal space * Okay to have your own interests, hobbies, and relationships with friends/family 2) Unhealthy relationships Unhealthy relationships lack some of the qualities listed above that are present in healthy relationships, for example: Lack of respect, trust, or safety * Not being able to explore or share feelings safely * Feeling like partner won't be supportive or listen if you share things * Feeling like if you share vulnerable things, your partner will use them against you * One person has all of the power to make decisions or is unwilling to compromise * One person’s needs and opinions are dismissed Communication issues * Not listening to what the other person has to say or having empathy * Ignoring, disrespecting, or minimizing feelings * Disagreements often turn into intense, hurtful fights * Frequent arguments without resolution * Avoiding discussing problems * Lying or dishonesty * Using insults, harsh criticism, or words designed to hurt during arguments Lack of respect for boundaries * Being coerced into doing things you don't want to do * Being pressured into only spending time with your partner * Strong jealousy and guilt-tripping when spending time with other people or on your own hobbies and interests * Being pressured into intimate or sexual activity * Invasion of privacy * Lack of respect for personal space or belongings 3) Abusive relationships Abusive relationships are similar to unhealthy relationships but also include a pattern of one person manipulating or frightening the other, usually to maintain power and control. Destruction of safety and trust * Threats (or acting on threats) to hurt you, themselves, loved ones, or pets * Threats (or acting on threats) to destroy things you own * Threats (or acting on threats) to spread rumors, share secrets, or share private photos/videos * Physical harm such as hitting, slapping, pushing, or restraining against your will * Physical or sexual touching that you do not consent to Harmful communication * Saying degrading, intimidating, demeaning, or humiliating things * Treating ideas, feelings, and experiences with contempt * Intolerance of disagreement and dismissing perspective completely * Blaming you for their problems and making you feel responsible for their behavior Absence of boundaries: isolation * Trying to prevent you from seeing friends/family or go to school/work * Pressuring to spend all of your time with them or guilt-tripping for not doing so * Trying to persuade you that other relationships don't matter or that they are the only one who cares about you * Telling you to not talk to anyone else or reach out for help about the relationship Absence of boundaries: control * Reading text messages, e-mails, or social media messages without permission * Trying to monitor and control what you wear, where you go, and who you spend time with * Expressing extreme jealousy and constantly checking up on you ------------------------- Tips for unhealthy relationships 1) Deciding whether to stay in a relationship If you’ve been trying to work on the relationship for a while, it may be worth asking whether the relationship is worth keeping. Some signs that the relationship is still worth working on and trying to improve: * You’re both willing to accept responsibility for things that need improving and work on trying to change them * You both haven’t given up on trying to improve things * You still trust each other enough to be vulnerable and forgive past mistakes * You still care about each other’s well-being * You’re still emotionally close Some signs that the relationship may not be worth trying to save: * You’ve both given up on things improving * You’re no longer emotionally or physically close * You have insurmountable differences in your values and goals * You no longer trust each other * It’s difficult to imagine being together in the future * The relationship has become abusive 2) Healthy communication Couples who have lasting and satisfying relationships tend to follow certain patterns in how they communicate with one another. Use “LARA” for difficult conversations: * Listen: listen with the goal of understanding * Affirm: confirm that you understand what's been said and try to find common ground or something they’ve shared that you can agree with * Respond: respond directly to any concerns or questions they’ve shared rather than talking past what they’ve said * Add: add your own perspective Use “I” statements: * This means using phrases like “I feel”, “I think”, and “I believe” when sharing things or giving feedback * This can help to avoid blaming or attacking the other person while communicating Use assertive communication: This is one of four communication styles: * Passive communication: being hesitant to share things; can lead to unmet needs * Aggressive communication: disregarding the other person's feelings; can lead to increased conflict * Passive-aggressive communication: expressing frustration indirectly (e.g. sarcasm, silence, subtle jabs); can create confusion or distrust * Assertive communication: expressing needs and feelings clearly while respecting the other person's perspective; helps build understanding and resolve conflicts 3) Healthy boundaries Boundaries are the limits, rules, and expectations that we establish for relationships with others. Some examples of boundaries: * Freedom to have your own thoughts or opinions * Limits on how much time you spend with someone * Control over privacy, space, and your body * Limits on what topics you are willing to discuss * Limits on how much emotional support you offer someone else One framework that can be used for communicating boundaries is DEAR MAN: * Describe: describe the situation * Express: express your feelings * Assert: state what you want * Reinforce: explain how the other person will benefit * Mindful: stay focused on your goal * Appear confident: present yourself as confident * Negotiate: be flexible and open to alternative solutions 4) Self-care Self-care is doing things that help with taking care of your well-being. Some benefits of self-care in the context of relationships: * Can help build resilience to stress so that difficult interactions don't affect you as much * Can help you recharge and recover after difficult interactions * Can help you have the personal resources to be able to engage with people effectively Some examples of self-care: * Taking care of your body through exercise, diet, and sleep * Setting aside some time for yourself to engage in hobbies or activities that bring you joy or relaxation * Connecting with friends or loved ones you enjoy spending time with * Acknowledging and processing emotions, for example through journaling or talking to a therapist * Engaging in spiritual practices like prayer, mindfulness, meditation, or yoga ------------------------- Tips for abusive relationships Why people stay in abusive relationships People in abusive situations often have good reasons for staying: * Fear of physical harm/injury if they try to leave * Fear of harm to friends, family, pets, or people who are trying to help them leaving * Fear of abuser taking away children or the challenges of being a single parent * Not having the means to leave or live alone, financial dependence on abuser * Having established relative control within the abusive situation (e.g. being able to predict partner's moods and skillfully manage them to minimize abuse) * Abuser has promised that things will get better or that abuse won't happen again * Feeling guilt at the idea of abandoning abuser or feeling a responsibility to help them * Caring for partner and still feeling love toward them and wanting the relationship to work * Feeling like they deserve the abuse or won't find anything better if they leave Staying safe while in an abusive relationship These are some things that can be helpful if you are not able or willing to leave an abusive relationship: * Find safe ways to communicate with friends and family (e.g. private phone, computer in a safe/trusted place) * Have a safety plan for different situations (e.g. what to do during incidents, keeping children safe). Here are a couple resources that might be helpful: https://www.dvccct.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Domestic-Violence-Safety-Plan-DVCC-.pdf https://www.courts.oregon.gov/programs/family/domestic-violence/Documents/DVSafetyPlan.pdf * Reach out for support to a crisis line, counselor, advocacy group, or local services * Build as strong of a social support network as your partner will allow * Be kind to yourself and engage in self-care activities as you're able to [You can also review the tips listed above for unhealthy relationships and see if there are any items there that feel helpful or like you’d be able to implement them without risking your safety.] Leaving an abusive relationship These are some things that can be helpful if you are considering or planning to leave an abusive relationship: * Use a secure phone or computer while researching and planning how to leave * Notify trusted friends, family, and coworkers of your situation and any plans you have * Decide where you'll go. Domestic violence shelters can temporarily provide for living needs and help provide referrals to other services (e.g. legal help, counseling/-support, child care, employment programs, etc.). You may also be able to find long-term housing options or assistance programs. * Pack an emergency bag with essentials (e.g. clothes, medication, documents, items for children) * If able to do so without causing suspicion, change the passwords to your e-mail, social media, and financial accounts * Have a safety plan for different situations that might occur after you leave. Here are a couple resources that might be helpful: https://www.dvccct.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Domestic-Violence-Safety-Plan-DVCC-.pdf https://www.courts.oregon.gov/programs/family/domestic-violence/Documents/DVSafetyPlan.pdf [Note: these tips mostly apply to domestic abuse situations where someone is living with their abuser] ------------------------- Sources The information above is condensed from the following resources. If you want more information about a particular topic, feel free to visit these links. Types of relationships https://www.uwyo.edu/dos/sexualmisconduct/healthy-relationships.html https://www.colorado.edu/ova/healthy-unhealthy-and-abusive-behaviors-relationships https://www.northwestern.edu/care/get-info/relationship-violence/healthy-and-unhealthy-relationships.html Whether to stay in a relationship https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-know-if-your-relationship-is-worth-saving-5190891 https://www.healthline.com/health/toxic-relationship#can-it-improve Healthy communication https://positivepsychology.com/communication-in-relationships/ https://sparqtools.org/lara/ https://wellbeingscounselling.ca/the-power-of-i-statements/ Boundaries https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/ https://dbt.tools/interpersonal_effectiveness/dear-man.php Self-care https://turningpointcare.com/blog/7-tips-for-practicing-self-care/ Staying in an abusive relationship https://knowmore.fsu.edu/helping-healing/why-victims-stay https://www.health.mil/Military-Health-Topics/Centers-of-Excellence/Psychological-Health-Center-of-Excellence/Real-Warriors-Campaign/Articles/5-Tips-for-Staying-Safe-in-an-Abusive-Relationship Safety plans https://www.dvccct.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Domestic-Violence-Safety-Plan-DVCC-.pdf https://www.courts.oregon.gov/programs/family/domestic-violence/Documents/DVSafetyPlan.pdf Leaving an abusive relationship https://www.projectwomanohio.org/blog/navigating-the-exit-how-to-leave-an-abusive-relationship https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/domestic-abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship 
0JayJayy0 profile picture
Sex
by 0JayJayy0
Last post
 October 23rd
...See more For the love of god I need someone to help me through this. I accidentally wore my birth control patch 5 extra days and it made my period start spotting a week and a half early. My bf won’t touch me on my period and even still through how long it’s been so far (over a week) won’t touch me. Not even with a condom. I feel worthless. *** disgusting. I hate my body. But that can’t be normal can’t it?.. should I not feel like this?? Is it even wrong for him if he’s uncomfortable with it?.. yet he still won’t come to bed a little earlier (another fight we have bc he stays up playing games while I have a job) bc he needs time to ***. I *** hate men. I hate myself. I hate this female body. He won’t change his mind… I don’t think I can handle this for another week and a half.. he never even just puts his arm around me or cuddles me anymore… we’ve been together for a year now. He used to never take his hands off me…
Lauren101502 profile picture
Sex
by Lauren101502
Last post
 October 22nd
...See more I take my birthcontrol everyday at same exact time and my bf has never finished in me before, i have cramps and im assuming its my period coming becuase I just started my sugar pill but I always freak out that im pregnent
tidyTalker8646 profile picture
Wifesharing
by tidyTalker8646
Last post
 October 19th
...See more We are very close to a male friend of us both. He is in a nasty divorce and needs to feel desirable , as well as sexually satisfied. I am fine with my wife helping and she said she can. Should we?
kindHuman5906 profile picture
Sexual Compatibility in LDR First Loves
by kindHuman5906
Last post
 October 18th
...See more I have been in a long distance relationship for about 8 years now. For both of us, we are in our mid 20s nowadays and this is the only serious relationship either of us have ever had. We have visited one another for months at a time once a year, as people and as partners we get along great and my partner brings me so much joy and trust in ways I have never experienced before. In terms of the reality of living together independently, we have already faced it the best we can given the circumstances without issue and we finally want to tie the knot next year so we can begin visa proceedings. This is, all in all, sounding very positive, and it is. That said, there's one pretty big roadblock. Sexually, out compatibility is struggling and I don't know who to tell because it's so explicit to discuss and feels wrong and weird. We share some basics, but both of us have had to sacrifice a lot of sexual expression to accept one another in every other facet. I'm going to get into some graphic terms, so if you don't want to hear them then I'd advise you dip from the subject now. The whole situation spans anywhere from a year and a half to a few years to our entire relationship depending on how you look at it, I choose the first option. My partner and I got together at the very end of 2018, meeting for the first time mid-2019. In 2019, we didn't do anything particularly hardcore because neither of us had any sexual experience and just had a vague idea of what sounded good. All we did was fool around a little exploring one another and figuring out where we stand. My partner went into that trip thinking that they wanted sadomasochistic punishment, but they did not. It left them confused and uncertain at the end of the trip but they took a month or so and concluded that they didn't want what they thought that they wanted but that my contribution was everything they could have wanted so we saw it through even so. Bear in mind, I had no clue what I wanted either, I just knew that it felt good to be intimate with someone I really love. Anyway, considering we never did anything penetrative for particularly hardcore, I left thinking "well I put on a dominant top persona for them, and I felt okay doing it, so that must be me". This was my fatal flaw, I thought that my partner knew it was an act out of love for them, but apparently that got lost along the way. Then, of course, COVID keeps us apart for years. Fast-forward all the way to 2022, and the situation remains about the same. I put on this persona, they really enjoy it, and they do some stuff that I was curious about in return that they are comfortable with. We're inching closer to one another's trust and comfort and everything feels great. Now it's 2023, still nothing penetrative but I decide I want to try eating them out, which is notably something not stereo-typically macho like I was asking to try out prior. Now, this really, really sets something off in my brain. It kind of rewired me in a way I never expected, I'm crazy for this. In any case, I'm still providing them with the usual top dom behavior that they knew of and they're still enjoying it, so I don't think much of it at the time other than it felt awesome. Then the time between 2023 and 2024 goes by. In that time, I start to reflect on why I liked *that part* so much. It is in this time that I realize that the persona I had been putting on did not align with at the core who I sexually felt like I wanted to express as, which of course created some complication especially because we only see one another once a year. I show up to their house in 2024, and now my partner decides that they want to go for penetrative. I do it, and in terms of intimacy it felt great, but it just... didn't hit the same as when I was eating them out. For all the talk it had been given over the years, it felt okay, but I wouldn't say mind-blowing. I got to do some more eating out and there I felt cloud nine. Then we roll around to the spring of 2025, a few months before the next meeting. At this time, I am struggling greatly with my emotions. Previously, I was willing to believe my feelings sexually were a passing phase, just something and nothing, but it was both times we had the visit now that I saw the contrast. So, it gets to one random day, and I work up the courage, knowing it could very well spell "the end". I admit my submissive tendencies as calmly and as gently as I can. I didn't want it to feel like a nuclear bomb of turncoat but I also had no idea how I'd gently work this idea into our lives. Notably, a focus of the discussion was that I had been having thoughts of cuckoldry, it was kind of driving me wild. I knew it was stupid and I knew it was playing with fire, so I made it clear there and then that I never ever expected them to actually go and do it and that I just had to be communicative, not that I wanted anything to change. They took it quite well, actually, I was very proud of them and felt lucky, things continued on as normal from there for a while. In fact, my partner God bless was so gracious that for a while they were willing to role-play the whole cuckoldry thing to a small degree, just calling me that name every now and then, I felt so lucky. Eventually, my partner admitted they weren't comfortable doing that, so because I care about them, we stopped, though of course in my heart I was a little sad that even this compromise was too far. Then, we get to the next visit late 2025. We do penetrative again, and once again it is a very intimate beautiful experience but I don't feel that buzz, that excitement. I conclude that it is probably my fault, to a degree. I don't feel at fault for enjoying what I enjoy but I do feel at fault for exploring it to such a degree that this rift has occurred, though then I flip back to wondering if this rift was always there silently waiting to come to life. Towards the end of the visit, I let my partner know that I thought it was wonderful but I'm not getting that mental "buzz" I get from submissive, degrading activities unto me, giving them what I thought was a reminder that I am doing some of the top stuff as an act to show them that I care about them getting a high out of sex. This did not go as I thought it would and I regret it a lot. I massively failed communication as a partner and for quite a long time my partner thought *all* of my top dom behaviour was 100% genuine, I could swear I had made it clear but I mustn't have, and it really messed with their mental. I felt dreadful about it, I had gone and messed everything up, but through extremely clear communication about the whole thing for the entire years thereafter to today, my partner feels comfortable in knowing what is real, what is fake, and who I really am. So, we're not in a terrible position, we don't fight or anything and we've never had a bout of outright disliking one another in any way. But, that said, we share a difficult sentiment in this relationship and how we choose to continue it. My partner knows that I'll never truly be the cruel, degrading ruler that they want and I know that my partner will never do something similar for me. We're almost too similar, in that ironic sense. We both have shared thoughts throughout the communication that the idea that we can never ever experience these sexual highs we seek is saddening and something we have to accept as a large sacrifice if we want to keep this relationship going. We are now just a week or two away from this year's visit. In the hopes that perhaps my issues with penetrative sex are purely nerve-related from masturbation, I am remaining entirely celibate for the 2 weeks leading up to the visit so that, when they are here again, I can once again try penetrative and see if the problem was so simple and entirely my fault. I just don't know what to make of our path forward if, even after a nerve-ending reset, penetrative still doesn't feel like much in my brain space relative to the submissive, degrading acts I crave. I know what I would really enjoy sexually after having it in the real world and I know what my place is in the bedroom, I just don't know if I can accept never ever getting to be there for someone who otherwise could never ever be better in my life, and I'm sure my partner feels the same sometimes. Non-monogamy is not an option, as you may be able to understand from earlier descriptions. It is also important context to know that the both of us have serious social issues and found each other like a needle in a haystack, I do not seriously think I will ever find anyone like this again that makes me so happy especially when we were there in the formative years. So, what do you guys think? I know I've screwed up big along the way in some places here but I've tried to make good on it, I am very grateful my partner has remained. I just don't know what my plan of action is if we get to penetrative one more time after my last thought has been exhausted and it still doesn't work out.
RubyRose29 profile picture
Husband-Porn addiction
by RubyRose29
Last post
 October 9th
...See more Me and my husband have been married a bit over a year. We’re in our early 20s. In the beginning all we wanted to do was sex sex sex. 3 months later I was pregnant. Around month 4 of pregnancy, we stopped having sex because of my low sex drive. And he turned to porn to satisfy himself. I didn’t exactly mind because I didn’t know how porn negatively affects your brain. Now I know... now I’m 4 months postpartum, and he still chooses porn instead of me. I’ve had my sex drive back since my 3rd trimester. So it’s been about 6-7 months since this problem started. We’ve maybe done it about 15 times since, give or take. It’s caused me to have depression and severe anxiety whenever I leave the house (and he’s alone at home and can go watch porn) or when he takes a shower. I’ve caught him many times and it’s almost like I have trauma because of this situation. I did plenty of research about how porn affects a part of your brain, reduces your want for physical sex with a real partner, and causes other issues like erectile dysfunction and what-not. I’m terrified of losing my husband that way. I don’t want us to be stuck in an unhappy marriage. We love each other. I know he does. But our sex life is making me suffer so much. It’s affecting me as a mother. I feel rejected, unwanted and not good enough. I feel like the pretty girls on the porn sites are better than me. I feel like my husband isn’t attracted to me. I’ve talked to him about this almost daily, yet he can’t seem to stop completely. He sees how much it hurts me. He sees how it destroys me on a daily basis. On the days we do have sex, I feel like everything will be okay after, but then he’ll go to porn right on the next day when he thinks I’m not paying attention. Also I feel like I’m almost forcing him to have sex instead of watching porn. He thinks because we did it once, it gives him the go-ahead to watch porn the next time he wants to “get it on”. He doesn’t even ask if I want to, no he just does it by himself. I’m getting so tired of this. I don’t feel happy anymore. And people have told me “it’s not just about sex in a marriage”. I know it’s not, but it’s a pretty big part of it, especially if you feel betrayal and no self-worth because your husband chooses the pretty girls online instead of his wife. This has been going on for too long, and I don’t know what to do anymore. Advice from anyone with a similar situation would be greatly appreciated.
pollyanna1 profile picture
HERPES
by pollyanna1
Last post
 August 21st
...See more I hope to help people on herpes! I have been strugling with it for 2.5 years now.
paperthinhymn profile picture
BDSM
by paperthinhymn
Last post
 August 15th
...See more apparently this hasn't been added to the "unconventional relationship" list. so i'll just go ahead and star. i'm in a BDSM relationship, D/s to be specific. i've actually found it very helpful for my anxiety and depression. i not only have someone to talk to, i also have real life motivation to take my pills and look for a therapist and go to a support group for my issues. in most ways, i've done better at life since i got in the relationship. anyone else have a similar story?
braveLychee2988 profile picture
His penis is too big!
by braveLychee2988
Last post
 August 6th
...See more This is absolutely not a brag post. My new boyfriend has a huge penis in both length AND girth and it hurts a lot to have sex with him. Any tips for making this easier? I can accommodate his length pretty well, but it's the girth that's the problem. He's 8.5" long and 5.5 to 6" around when hard. Please help.
BubbleINParadise profile picture
Cheating
by BubbleINParadise
Last post
 July 13th
...See more I want to get to the bottom of my issues with getting/seeking/craving attention from men that would show me a bit of interest. It could come from childhood trauma
BusyBird profile picture
Intimacy is a Strange and Uncomfortable Thing
by BusyBird
Last post
 June 29th
...See more So, I don't know if I should even be talking about this here... I might sound a little indirect with my terminology here because I don't know how much is technically allowed on 7Cups, even though I am posting in the Sexual Health field. I am the one that has to share my boyfriend with another girl, and I have been doing so for nearly a decade. I'm also the one that won't just leave because that would be more dangerous for me personally than just staying and dealing with the things that bother me. So, with that in mind, I haven't wanted intimacy in... a while. I also have been drifting away from my boyfriend in small ways. Suddenly now he wants me more than I think he ever did, and he puts a little more effort into pleasing me. But this is simultaneously good and bad for me. It is good because I am finally getting some of the attention I wanted before. It's bad because now I feel like I have to give him some bedroom time in return, which only makes me more suspicious when he randomly offers to scratch my back or take me out for dinner. He said I am a good girlfriend because I give him bedroom time even when I don't want to. He also believes that having sex withheld is a toxic feminine abuse tactic. You might be asking why his other girlfriend doesn't give him bedroom time. Well, my friends, she would love to. Funnily enough, it is him avoiding bedroom time with her. He only wants to do it with me, the person that has not been comfortable doing it. So, I guess I am venting a little. I usually prefer to be private about my sexual health stuff but he's been hinting lately and it's making me tense. He wants to take me out today (if he follows through is still yet to be known, but he used to flake out on his own plans a lot). He rubbed my back yesterday. Now I can feel him getting ready to expect intimacy, and I don't know if I will just let it happen or if I will try resisting again. Sometimes he handles resistance okay after a bit of pouting, and sometimes it turns into a deep talk about how I'm ruining the relationship if I don't take care of his needs. I guess I feel very conflicted and uncomfortable. I used to want more of this kind of attention and now... I don't want anything even mildly sexual anywhere near me.
littleSpruce2203 profile picture
When Love Isn’t Enough Because of HSV
by littleSpruce2203
Last post
 June 28th
...See more Hi everyone, I’m writing because I’ve been stuck with this situation for months, and I’d really appreciate an outside perspective. For privacy, I’ll call him Layne. For some context, I’m not from a Western country. Where I live, people are generally much more conservative and much less open about sexual health, dating, and vulnerability. There is still a lot of stigma surrounding herpes, and because of that I genuinely worry that I’ll end up alone forever. I know many people in countries like the US or UK date successfully with HSV, but where I live it feels much harder, and people rarely talk about it openly. A few months ago I met Layne. We went on several dates, and for the first time in a very long time I felt like I had met someone I genuinely connected with—intellectually, emotionally, and romantically. We could talk for hours, and our conversations made me think about life in ways no one else had before. What made this even harder is that it never felt casual. He introduced me to his friends, invited me to his best friend’s wedding, told me about his parents and family, and shared very personal parts of his life with me. I felt like we were slowly becoming part of each other’s worlds, not just casually dating. Before anything became physical, I disclosed that I have genital HSV. It took an enormous amount of courage. I was so anxious that I actually had to take anti-anxiety medication just to send him that message. He never directly rejected me. Instead, he slowly disappeared. For the next five months, I kept wondering whether it was because of HSV, whether he simply wasn’t interested, or whether something else had happened. Having no closure was honestly worse than rejection. I replayed every conversation in my head, wondering what I’d missed. Then, five months later, he suddenly messaged me asking if I was going to a music festival we’d talked about while we were dating. We started talking again. Eventually I told him that while we were seeing each other, I had repeatedly told him it was okay if he simply said no. I would have understood if HSV was a dealbreaker. He admitted that it was the issue and later said, “It’s best if you forget about it.” As painful as that was, it also brought relief because I finally had an answer. What confused me even more was that his actions didn’t completely match someone who wanted me out of his life. Even though we don’t follow each other on ***, he searched for my profile and watched my Stories almost every day. He liked me on ***, we matched, chatted, and even joked around. Then the next day he’d become emotionally distant again, reply with one or two words, or disappear for hours. That inconsistency has been emotionally exhausting. The saddest part is that I don’t think either of us disliked the other. I genuinely believe he cared about me. Looking back, I don’t think he ghosted me because he didn’t care. I think he disappeared because he cared, but HSV was a genuine dealbreaker for him, and he didn’t know how to say it. Now I feel like we’re trapped in a strange middle ground. There seems to be enough curiosity to keep checking in on each other, but not enough possibility for a relationship. The more we talk, the more I feel like trying to stay friends would only keep both of us emotionally stuck. I think what hurts the most isn’t just losing him. It’s the fear that if someone I connected with this deeply couldn’t accept my diagnosis, maybe no one ever will. Rationally, I know that probably isn’t true. Emotionally, though, it’s a fear I struggle with almost every day. Has anyone else experienced something like this? How did you let go when nobody really did anything wrong—when two people genuinely liked each other, but one painful incompatibility made a relationship impossible?
Treelover79 profile picture
Struggling with Crossdressing Husband
by Treelover79
Last post
 June 19th
...See more My husband is a great guy, partner, father etc. But he also cross dresses and has since a kid. He says it's mostly a sexual thing and I'll believe this as his libido is almost nil when not dressed. Thing is, thanks to indulging this proclivity a few times some years back to make him happy, now my libido is dead! I'm so turned off him when he's dressed that we've now agreed to remove it from the relationship and he indulges alone when away. This has helped me not end the marriage as I was thinking seriously about this. I know he's only being himself but it started to feel like my husbands happiness meant I had to be miserable. I'm really not attracted to people who look like women as I'm not a lesbian. So this arrangement is working as my husband is also quite selfish with the dressing and I don't think minds going it alone. But my libido is still dead. I don't see him the same anymore. I just see in my head this guy wearing a dress and make up with a silly look on his face that I guess he thinks is sexy. He doesn't think he looks silly but to me he does. I'm not trying to be mean either - but this is my husband and father of my children. Why does he need to play all these dress up games to get off?? Sorry if I'm offending anyone. I'm just tired of this headspin I'm caught in. I want to find him attractive again, I really do, because as a man he IS attractive but how do I lose the past images of him dressed like a woman?! Extra info: He told me early in relationship but omitted most of the important stuff like how compulsive it is and how heavily linked to his sexuality it is. I discovered all this, to my horror, quite a few years into the marriage. So this isn't what I expected and if he'd told the truth we wouldn't be married right now and that probably would have been the smarter option :(

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