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Relationship Stress Automated Taglist
by Tazzie
Last post
 September 16th
...See more Welcome to the Relationship Stress Taglist! This thread is an auto-updating list. The list is regularly updated and can be found below. Please direct any questions or issues to tommy [https://www.7cups.com/@tommy] via private message. Why should I join the taglist? ✔ Never miss out on the weekly check-ins ✔ Get tagged and notified by community leaders whenever a new relevant thread has been posted ✔ Become a more active member of the community. What do I need to do? ✅ To add yourself to this taglist, press the Post to Thread button above and write the exact words Please add me. ❌ To remove yourself from this taglist, press the Post to Thread button above and write the exact words Please remove me. Taglist updated by KateDoskocilova [https://www.7cups.com/@KatePersephone] on 01.12.24 @00Nyx00 @1funredhead @4Jasmine @6Dragonflies @aabrah @Aathmika @AbbyHarris1976 @abiior @AbusgaKayatasha @Adarlya @adhdgal1992 @adribrown7 @adventurousPal4301 @Affliction1 @Albatrosinthesky @Allieeee1121 @AlyGalaxy @AmandaRose89 @AMomentInTime1830 @Anexmos @Angelcrossing1986 @AnotherPerson92 @answers @AntenorA @aPeacefulafternoon @AquaNavySky @Arman13 @ashlynnmarie22 @AshtynLuv97 @Asru @Athenathebluejay420 @Auditormadness9 @auntmommy @Avaboo @AveryLove @awkwardRice @azureSky1487 @Bea945 @beanie @BeginningFixing @blueberryjean345 @blueDog2773 @BlueEast @Booklover95 @Bossedupx3 @bouncyVoice4149 @braveGlobe2817 @bravePeach4448 @breeuniqemsns @Breevus @brightOcean2387 @BrooklynM @Bubbles120 @bubblyFaith17 @bunnyhugs616 @Busranurr @BwahahaLove @c9frexs @caitlin1217 @Callies07132017 @CalmingStar @Calmpineapple @caringCreature8571 @CaringCharlie @CarrieHolmes @Cexe @charmingbeauty55 @ChrisA97 @Chrisbgood46 @Clarisse29 @Colourfultiger @ComingOutAsNB @CompassionateYoshi88 @confidentVision4766 @conscientiousPineapple1782 @ConversationThot404 @Cparsons816 @CraigyP @crazycountry210 @creativeComputer2115 @DanaMH @dancersoul @dancingLake682 @DanielaC @DanielGarzaV @daydreammemories @decisiveScarf8956 @Den2542 @discreetShip7372 @DogFish1 @doodlefroggie @dopey @EchoTheDragon @electricLily13 @ella12346 @ELLE @Emirson2018 @EncouragingSteps @enthusiasticTortoise6681 @eohseo @Everythingisbetterinyourpyjamas @EvolvedScorpio @Explorer6115 @exuberantStrawberries9544 @faithfulHickory1025 @Falkenberg @fantasticDancer50 @Feepersane @Floatingbubbles @fluffycow27 @forcefulFriend4768 @Foreverchangedbyyou @Francescahelps @FranklyMaple @Freshmelon54 @Friendlycomfort81 @frostedPudding @Gabrielamtineo @generousWriter2778 @glasseyedgrace @GodsBabyGirl1981 @goldenFlower74 @gracefulVoice9463 @grassup @Gtalker8845 @GusteeMoon123 @gymnast9460 @Hailey3 @hairyxsnail @HarmonyBlossom @Hashib22 @HealingBrokenWIngs @healingHeart1111 @healinghearts0718 @Healingwhispers14 @Heartofgold07092019 @heavenlyHug9328 @helloapple1885 @helloCity5743 @hereforyoualways123 @heysunshine12 @hippiewannabe @honestWater4345 @honeypie720 @Hope3729 @hopefulPower54 @HopefulPower54 @HumorousPear1826 @iDeepScar @ILikeCilantro @imaginativeneverhappening @imofficiallyburnt @IMott71 @imrose123 @independentClementine6064 @infinitivethoughts2k19 @ingeniousfriend59 @intuitiveSummer6764 @JamilaBrownPsyD @Janet33 @JellyBean299 @jerom222 @joiefae @jwong611 @k87 @Kailah15 @kasmin21 @Katee02 @Katheryn @KatLis123 @Katrine92 @Kentsch @ketket68 @Kevin2009 @kindJoy3316 @kindLemon2749 @kizzyaaliyah @Kpopcat2020 @LadyDair @LadyInSilence @Lalonso2 @lavenderOrange4849 @LeafOnABranch @LeoisListening @LePapillon @Lexloveslife @lightDrum8955 @lightLemonIsaac5408 @LightSoul108 @limeVillage7000 @Liv143 @Lovelylady18 @Lunasel @Lunaticphilosopher @luvkyleigh @lyricalPillow74 @lyricalpillow74 @madels20033 @magicalHorizon48 @mamapants @Mared 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@selfloveisthecure88 @SentientiaPoecile @Seri123 @sgtdavis33 @ShareenBirgesBASSCounGDYMH @ShawnMendesGoals @She13 @ShineWithin @shugha14 @Siciturastra @Silver0824 @sincereFarm2814 @Skybar @skyfallingrain @Skywalker2002 @Skyy0 @sociableOcean9153 @Softheart01 @Solivagant2609 @somewhathappy @SophieKate547 @SparklingSnowflake15 @Spiritseaker @SpreadPeaceandlove @SpringWaltz @SquishySquid01 @StardustLetters @starplucker123 @Stephen @stephi0504 @strawberrywillow @Sugarcoat3 @SugareeIsMe091121 @Summershy @sunnyApricot6027 @SupportiveMonkey46 @sweetcake0707 @sweetlife101 @SylvestreX @Tahja07 @Tazzie @thegirlnatureforgot625 @TheMcManager @TheMushroomMan1216 @thisllpass @thisthenewme @Tiger222 @TranquilSkye @TravellingPrincess @tryingmybest7 @unassumingHuman4669 @understandingWater785 @Uniquesmiley @urbanwave @vallllllllllllll @w305 @warmheartedPlace7925 @Warrior2684 @Waves4 @Webehejdjfj @weirdbook @Wildarkberry @WinglessYetFlying @Wittie96 @WriterOfTheNight @WunderfrogWeirdo @xandia @XanFransisco @Xerah @YankeeOrangetiger @SpiritTea @Grammy23 @quietlistener2023 @HopefulOne81 @modestRaspberries7557 @BeautifullyLostxo @batgirl1234 @sincereLake4939 @CharmingGrapefruit4334 @PurpleGloria @willforeverbepeach @Mishka1599 @K1088
ASilentObserver profile picture
New to the Relationship Stress Community? Introduce yourself here!! ❤️
by ASilentObserver
Last post
 September 1st
...See more Greetings from the Relationship Stress Community!! Are you new to the Relationship Stress Community? Tell us some things about yourself and get to know others that joined the community this month! Question prompts: What brings you to the Relationship Stress community? What is one thing you love most about yourself (or, perhaps, your loved ones)? Benefits of being a member of the Relationship Stress Community: Give and receive support from others who are in relationships. Share your relationship journey (memories, struggles, challenges) in relevant topics comfortably. Participate in community activities and events (eg. Check-ins, Icebreakers, Forum Discussions) Plus, members who participate regularly could become part of the Relationship Stress team, as well! Here are some quick links for you to check out: our taglist [https://www.7cups.com/forum/relationships/CommunitySpace_1256/RelationshipStressAutomatedTaglist_222210/]! Join in to get updates on discussions and events. check out this post [https://www.7cups.com/forum/relationships/CommunitySpace_1256/RelationshipStressGroupSupportSessionsSchedule_316598/] for updates on weekly discussions! check out our newest check-in [https://www.7cups.com/forum/relationships/CommunitySpace_1256/RelationshipStressCommunityCheckInFebruary1723_347041/] here! check this post [https://www.7cups.com/forum/RelationshipSupport_66/IntroduceyourselftotheRelationshipCommunity_239/HowToGetStarted_134558/] with more information on how to navigate the community. If you have any question, do not hesitate to contact KatePersephone [https://www.7cups.com/@KatePersephone] (teens and adults) or reply on this thread! Do not be a lurker! Join us and introduce yourself here!! tagging our newest subcribers: @itzBailey114 @JGonza92 @faithfulSugar9905 @Princ3ss6621 @MentallyxiLLxTotallyxChill @Blueswan001 @Spreagadh @funnyCoconut6733 @sunnyFig7193 @selfconfidentCar6076 @CreateYourOwnFlow @Fmulana @Dashing00997955 @sleepy003 @jarfold416 @Bubbleswithtroubles @Heartbroken4eva @SocialHilbray @Novalee07 @lyssyl [a brown and white bear dancing together while holding hands] ------------------------- Are you new to the Relationship Stress community? Introduce yourself here [https://www.7cups.com/forum/relationships/CommunitySpace_1256/NewtotheRelationshipStressCommunityIntroduceyourselfhere_164924/]! Do you want to be the first to get updates on discussions and events? Consider joining the taglist [https://www.7cups.com/forum/relationships/CommunitySpace_1256/RelationshipStressAutomatedTaglist_222210/]! Do you want to be updated on the weekly discussions in the Relationship Support Room? Subscribe to this thread [https://www.7cups.com/forum/relationships/CommunitySpace_1256/RelationshipStressGroupSupportSessionsSchedule_316598/]! Do you want to help out in the Relationship Stress Community? Consider becoming a forum supporter [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSehAkk72S0RWV1oQ5zShECQ6s-_fDYaxPE974iHorzqNRo1Ag/viewform] or a room supporter [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSetyJ7jp7W52-EIpqvFYLhfmpsgTW4BbzUwmi9r22OQ9AdH8w/viewform]! ------------------------- Edited by KatePersephone [https://www.7cups.com/@KatePersephone] 
QuietMagic profile picture
Tips for Dealing With Unhealthy and Abusive Relationships
by QuietMagic
Last post
 August 10th
...See more [TW: discussion of abuse] ------------------------- Types of relationships Relationships can be healthy, unhealthy, or abusive. 1) Healthy relationships Healthy relationships are not perfect, but most of the time they’ll have the following qualities: Respect, trust, and safety * Feeling supported by your partner and like you can rely on them * Maintaining respect even when there are differences or disagreements * Equal power when it comes to decision-making * Feeling like it is safe to be vulnerable and have emotional closeness Open communication * Being able to share things honestly without fearing punishment or ridicule * Being able to discuss sensitive topics like physical intimacy and economic/financial arrangements * Both people listen and try to understand and empathize with the other person's perspective Healthy boundaries * Respect for boundaries * Enjoy spending time together but can be happy apart * Okay to have some privacy and personal space * Okay to have your own interests, hobbies, and relationships with friends/family 2) Unhealthy relationships Unhealthy relationships lack some of the qualities listed above that are present in healthy relationships, for example: Lack of respect, trust, or safety * Not being able to explore or share feelings safely * Feeling like partner won't be supportive or listen if you share things * Feeling like if you share vulnerable things, your partner will use them against you * One person has all of the power to make decisions or is unwilling to compromise * One person’s needs and opinions are dismissed Communication issues * Not listening to what the other person has to say or having empathy * Ignoring, disrespecting, or minimizing feelings * Disagreements often turn into intense, hurtful fights * Frequent arguments without resolution * Avoiding discussing problems * Lying or dishonesty * Using insults, harsh criticism, or words designed to hurt during arguments Lack of respect for boundaries * Being coerced into doing things you don't want to do * Being pressured into only spending time with your partner * Strong jealousy and guilt-tripping when spending time with other people or on your own hobbies and interests * Being pressured into intimate or sexual activity * Invasion of privacy * Lack of respect for personal space or belongings 3) Abusive relationships Abusive relationships are similar to unhealthy relationships but also include a pattern of one person manipulating or frightening the other, usually to maintain power and control. Destruction of safety and trust * Threats (or acting on threats) to hurt you, themselves, loved ones, or pets * Threats (or acting on threats) to destroy things you own * Threats (or acting on threats) to spread rumors, share secrets, or share private photos/videos * Physical harm such as hitting, slapping, pushing, or restraining against your will * Physical or sexual touching that you do not consent to Harmful communication * Saying degrading, intimidating, demeaning, or humiliating things * Treating ideas, feelings, and experiences with contempt * Intolerance of disagreement and dismissing perspective completely * Blaming you for their problems and making you feel responsible for their behavior Absence of boundaries: isolation * Trying to prevent you from seeing friends/family or go to school/work * Pressuring to spend all of your time with them or guilt-tripping for not doing so * Trying to persuade you that other relationships don't matter or that they are the only one who cares about you * Telling you to not talk to anyone else or reach out for help about the relationship Absence of boundaries: control * Reading text messages, e-mails, or social media messages without permission * Trying to monitor and control what you wear, where you go, and who you spend time with * Expressing extreme jealousy and constantly checking up on you ------------------------- Tips for unhealthy relationships 1) Deciding whether to stay in a relationship If you’ve been trying to work on the relationship for a while, it may be worth asking whether the relationship is worth keeping. Some signs that the relationship is still worth working on and trying to improve: * You’re both willing to accept responsibility for things that need improving and work on trying to change them * You both haven’t given up on trying to improve things * You still trust each other enough to be vulnerable and forgive past mistakes * You still care about each other’s well-being * You’re still emotionally close Some signs that the relationship may not be worth trying to save: * You’ve both given up on things improving * You’re no longer emotionally or physically close * You have insurmountable differences in your values and goals * You no longer trust each other * It’s difficult to imagine being together in the future * The relationship has become abusive 2) Healthy communication Couples who have lasting and satisfying relationships tend to follow certain patterns in how they communicate with one another. Use “LARA” for difficult conversations: * Listen: listen with the goal of understanding * Affirm: confirm that you understand what's been said and try to find common ground or something they’ve shared that you can agree with * Respond: respond directly to any concerns or questions they’ve shared rather than talking past what they’ve said * Add: add your own perspective Use “I” statements: * This means using phrases like “I feel”, “I think”, and “I believe” when sharing things or giving feedback * This can help to avoid blaming or attacking the other person while communicating Use assertive communication: This is one of four communication styles: * Passive communication: being hesitant to share things; can lead to unmet needs * Aggressive communication: disregarding the other person's feelings; can lead to increased conflict * Passive-aggressive communication: expressing frustration indirectly (e.g. sarcasm, silence, subtle jabs); can create confusion or distrust * Assertive communication: expressing needs and feelings clearly while respecting the other person's perspective; helps build understanding and resolve conflicts 3) Healthy boundaries Boundaries are the limits, rules, and expectations that we establish for relationships with others. Some examples of boundaries: * Freedom to have your own thoughts or opinions * Limits on how much time you spend with someone * Control over privacy, space, and your body * Limits on what topics you are willing to discuss * Limits on how much emotional support you offer someone else One framework that can be used for communicating boundaries is DEAR MAN: * Describe: describe the situation * Express: express your feelings * Assert: state what you want * Reinforce: explain how the other person will benefit * Mindful: stay focused on your goal * Appear confident: present yourself as confident * Negotiate: be flexible and open to alternative solutions 4) Self-care Self-care is doing things that help with taking care of your well-being. Some benefits of self-care in the context of relationships: * Can help build resilience to stress so that difficult interactions don't affect you as much * Can help you recharge and recover after difficult interactions * Can help you have the personal resources to be able to engage with people effectively Some examples of self-care: * Taking care of your body through exercise, diet, and sleep * Setting aside some time for yourself to engage in hobbies or activities that bring you joy or relaxation * Connecting with friends or loved ones you enjoy spending time with * Acknowledging and processing emotions, for example through journaling or talking to a therapist * Engaging in spiritual practices like prayer, mindfulness, meditation, or yoga ------------------------- Tips for abusive relationships Why people stay in abusive relationships People in abusive situations often have good reasons for staying: * Fear of physical harm/injury if they try to leave * Fear of harm to friends, family, pets, or people who are trying to help them leaving * Fear of abuser taking away children or the challenges of being a single parent * Not having the means to leave or live alone, financial dependence on abuser * Having established relative control within the abusive situation (e.g. being able to predict partner's moods and skillfully manage them to minimize abuse) * Abuser has promised that things will get better or that abuse won't happen again * Feeling guilt at the idea of abandoning abuser or feeling a responsibility to help them * Caring for partner and still feeling love toward them and wanting the relationship to work * Feeling like they deserve the abuse or won't find anything better if they leave Staying safe while in an abusive relationship These are some things that can be helpful if you are not able or willing to leave an abusive relationship: * Find safe ways to communicate with friends and family (e.g. private phone, computer in a safe/trusted place) * Have a safety plan for different situations (e.g. what to do during incidents, keeping children safe). Here are a couple resources that might be helpful: https://www.dvccct.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Domestic-Violence-Safety-Plan-DVCC-.pdf https://www.courts.oregon.gov/programs/family/domestic-violence/Documents/DVSafetyPlan.pdf * Reach out for support to a crisis line, counselor, advocacy group, or local services * Build as strong of a social support network as your partner will allow * Be kind to yourself and engage in self-care activities as you're able to [You can also review the tips listed above for unhealthy relationships and see if there are any items there that feel helpful or like you’d be able to implement them without risking your safety.] Leaving an abusive relationship These are some things that can be helpful if you are considering or planning to leave an abusive relationship: * Use a secure phone or computer while researching and planning how to leave * Notify trusted friends, family, and coworkers of your situation and any plans you have * Decide where you'll go. Domestic violence shelters can temporarily provide for living needs and help provide referrals to other services (e.g. legal help, counseling/-support, child care, employment programs, etc.). You may also be able to find long-term housing options or assistance programs. * Pack an emergency bag with essentials (e.g. clothes, medication, documents, items for children) * If able to do so without causing suspicion, change the passwords to your e-mail, social media, and financial accounts * Have a safety plan for different situations that might occur after you leave. Here are a couple resources that might be helpful: https://www.dvccct.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Domestic-Violence-Safety-Plan-DVCC-.pdf https://www.courts.oregon.gov/programs/family/domestic-violence/Documents/DVSafetyPlan.pdf [Note: these tips mostly apply to domestic abuse situations where someone is living with their abuser] ------------------------- Sources The information above is condensed from the following resources. If you want more information about a particular topic, feel free to visit these links. Types of relationships https://www.uwyo.edu/dos/sexualmisconduct/healthy-relationships.html https://www.colorado.edu/ova/healthy-unhealthy-and-abusive-behaviors-relationships https://www.northwestern.edu/care/get-info/relationship-violence/healthy-and-unhealthy-relationships.html Whether to stay in a relationship https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-know-if-your-relationship-is-worth-saving-5190891 https://www.healthline.com/health/toxic-relationship#can-it-improve Healthy communication https://positivepsychology.com/communication-in-relationships/ https://sparqtools.org/lara/ https://wellbeingscounselling.ca/the-power-of-i-statements/ Boundaries https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/ https://dbt.tools/interpersonal_effectiveness/dear-man.php Self-care https://turningpointcare.com/blog/7-tips-for-practicing-self-care/ Staying in an abusive relationship https://knowmore.fsu.edu/helping-healing/why-victims-stay https://www.health.mil/Military-Health-Topics/Centers-of-Excellence/Psychological-Health-Center-of-Excellence/Real-Warriors-Campaign/Articles/5-Tips-for-Staying-Safe-in-an-Abusive-Relationship Safety plans https://www.dvccct.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Domestic-Violence-Safety-Plan-DVCC-.pdf https://www.courts.oregon.gov/programs/family/domestic-violence/Documents/DVSafetyPlan.pdf Leaving an abusive relationship https://www.projectwomanohio.org/blog/navigating-the-exit-how-to-leave-an-abusive-relationship https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/domestic-abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship 
vsage24 profile picture
realizing
by vsage24
Last post
 Saturday
...See more to be honest i didn’t think i could ever not like him. i still love him yes i do every day. it hurts me to love him this much. but this past friday i asked for something of mine he had and he said he threw it away but he still had a shirt of mine. so he said he would bring it to school, i got there at my normal time and he came into school early found me by my locker and threw my shirt at me. not once did i ever think in a million years he would ever do something like that to me. a few days before that happened he sat at my lunch table with my friends. MY friends. he is a piece of crap. i’m so glad he is gone but it hurts so much without him.
MrPaparazzi profile picture
How did you learn to smile again?
by MrPaparazzi
Last post
 Wednesday
...See more I dated my ex wife for 20 years, married for 5, and one day i came home to a note on the table and an empty home.   She had been carrying on an affair with a man who wasnt even old enough to purchase cigaretts. No warning signs, no fights, every morning "i love you have a good day", i just had no clue. The note said she had changed, but that i was still the same. Her changing, that i could have lived with, people change, it happens, but the affair hurt.  it still hurts. I never knew tears could fall from your eyes without you even crying, like a leaking faucet.  I cried everyday, I think it was 3 months before i made it a full week without crying, a year before i could make it a full month. Even now 3 years later, it still comes back around sometimes, catching me off guard and sideblinding me. Shes moved on im sure, but im just having such a damn hard time its frustrating. I shouldnt even care at this point, but a memory comes back or i see something that we would joke about or whatever, i feel *** again.   And apparently, memory removal isnt a thing... i asked.. (lol) so, im genuinely curious, how did you do it? how did you let go or move on or whatever you want to call it?  How did you get to a place where you can actually smile again?  not the fake one you give when you tell people "im alright", but an actual genuine smile. 
philosophicalShip8753 profile picture
My First Casual Relationship Just Ended. I am Not Taking it Well. Advise Appreciated.
by philosophicalShip8753
Last post
 Wednesday
...See more Hi everyone. This is my first time consulting others or writing my thoughts online, but I feel completely lost and alone. It's going to be a long one, but I hope people read this and can offer me some direction or some advice. I met a girl two months ago at a farewell party for my friend. She was a friend of another friend, but I didn't end up talking to her that much. She and my friend, who was about to leave, talked a lot and seemed to grow closer. The day after, when my friend left the city, the three of us went to the beach as a last activity, and then we exchanged numbers. After that, we began seeing each other in both group activities as well as one-on-one hangouts. In fact, we started spending way too much time together, probably 15-17 hours every day. She started inching closer every day, starting to nuzzle and cuddle up against me in public. At first, I didn't think it was anything other than familiarity; also, my friend who left had told me before that she was texting him in a flirtatious way. So I was genuinely under the impression that she and I were just friends, that she liked my friend, and that she was just being friendly with me.  But she slowly started love bombing me. She complimented me on little things. She began to say how the bracelet I gifted her smelled like me and how she felt like I was there with her. She wanted me there with her, etc.  I was still hesitant to make any kind of move. But turns out I didn't have to. She kissed me one day and said she liked me. I was confused, firstly because I hadn't been with anyone for a long time, so I was in a daze, but also because I was under the impression she liked my friend. But she assured me that it was me she liked and proceeded to kiss me a thousand more times. Things were going very well. We were like an excited, new, and eager couple. All sorts of PDA. I started spending entire days with her, mostly sleeping at her place, waking up and going to bed together. However, one day I asked her if she was my girlfriend at this point, because we had done almost everything a couple should do and more. But she said she didn't want a relationship right now, but still wanted to be only with me. At first, I was very sad about this, but I agreed to stay with her. I was okay with this not being a forever thing, but as a short-term thing, it didn't seem that bad. I shouldn't have. After that, surprisingly, we got even closer. Things were so great. She was the first woman to actually make me feel attractive, confident, and good about myself. And I returned the favour every day by doing the things she loved. It was supposed to be casual, but we were seeing each other way too much to be so. We did all the couple things, all the romantic stuff. And she played along and reciprocated.  At one point, we were living together for two weeks. We slept together, ate together, watched TV together, and went grocery shopping together. She was so impressed by my cooking and hospitality skills that she suggested we move in together long-term. Right now, after all that has passed, I don't know if she meant it. Or any of it. It all came crashing down when she went on a two-week work/vacation trip. The first week, both of us kept in touch, and I helped her by always talking to her, trying to eliminate the anxiety she was feeling over work and everything else. The second week, her vacation week, she didn't talk to me much, and she was having fun, so I didn't bother her. When she came back, she was distant. She arrived late at night and didn't have a place until the next day, so she crashed at mine. Things were strange after that. She refused to share the bed, and in the morning she turned away from my kisses. After the whole day, when she moved into her actual place, she called me over to talk.  At first, she said that things were getting too serious with us, so she had to end it. But after I kept on grilling her about why now, even though she had zero problems with how things were with us before her trip. She finally revealed that she met someone else, whom she liked better than me, and imagined a possible future with him, serious or non-serious. I was devastated. I felt like all that we did and experienced was a lie. Even though things were supposed to be casual, we did so much so fast. She seemed to be so smitten with me before, always clinging to me or holding my hands. I am so lost now. I don't have any friends currently near me, but I'm trying my best to get past this. Things are over between us. She offered to be friends, but I was too hurt to even consider it. I knew things weren't meant to be forever, but I really thought she didn't want anyone else. But I should have expected this. My fault here. I have never liked anyone more than her, not even my ex. She made me feel so uplifted. I wish it were any other reason she was ending things. This one is a bit hard to digest. I loved her so much and was prepared to let her go one day, but not like this. Not so suddenly. Now I feel inadequate, unattractive, and not good enough, because being with her was genuinely the best thing ever. I know it was a short thing, but we did so much so fast that it all felt too real. Her affection towards me felt real. I am not doing well at all. Any advice is appreciated. I want to heal, but I can't seem to take the first step. Sorry for the long rant.
zay6786 profile picture
breakup
by zay6786
Last post
 Wednesday
...See more hi,  I'm new here and I don't know if anyone will read this but I feel so alone as I can't really talk to anyone about this. I'm an 18 year old female uni student in my first year, ive made no new friends just acquaintances, I only have one friend that came here with me and the breakup is really affecting my uni work. I love him so much and I don't think ill ever get over it. we were on and off for a year but this time I really believe its over because he's finally realised that he's not good for my mental health and my heart is too soft to handle his actions. I don't think ill ever know if he truly loved me but we both got so attached so quick and slowly slowly I just kept finding out more secrets and lies which led to it being on and off. he recently told me he feels attached to me and this other girl (one of the secrets he kept from me but then told me about to make it my problem too) and he doesn't plan on leaving either of us and that he doesn't believe In love which made me realise I was going to have to be the one to act and make him understand that I'm not staying in this weird threesome forever (I was hoping he would end things with her eventually and just choose me as dumb as it sounds). she didn't know about me which makes me feel even worse and disgusted with myself. he would keep me coming back by saying how much he loves me and chooses me but then I would find out he's still with her and I would get my heart broken time and time again. I feel like he does love us both but doesn't want to feel the pain of losing either of us and is stuck, its not right at all but its reality, sometimes love isn't a movie. his ego gets the best of him and he thinks its all attachment not love. even though he didn't treat me the best he is a good person at heart, just definitely a shitbag when it comes to relationships and doing the right thing. As embarrassing as it feels to say I still really love him and I think I always will and saw a future with him. I just really don't know how to deal with my heart being so broken on top of feeling so lonely and no one understanding or having no one to talk to. I'm not suicidal but I haven't felt pure happiness in so long or had a good change in my life that I don't have any hope for the future and I honestly would rather just not wake up tomorrow. I feel like I'm just going through life and not actually living it. I'm here because this has hit me incredibly hard as I hardly ever cry over anything, I just feel numb and depressed, but I haven't been able to stop crying the past few days and I know if he comes back again I WILL go back which I hate myself for. I can't sleep properly (ive tried everything) I can't eat properly I can't tell my family because they're religious, I can't even talk to my friend that came here with me because she doesn't understand and never wants to hear it and just wants me to always be in a fun mood to accommodate her feelings. sorry if I just posted a whole fat story but that felt good to just write out anyway
Saphirefly profile picture
Divorce
by Saphirefly
Last post
 October 3rd
...See more I am thinking about divorcing my husband because I am becoming more and more aware of how mentally and emotionally abusive he is and had been in the past. My concern is that we just had a 5 month old son and I’m afraid of what type of legal things have to go on during divorces. I want to share him 50/50 with my husband but am afraid if he becomes nasty during everything that things could go bad in court. Can someone explain how much a court HAS to get involved if both parties are civil about everything? What about if I am civil and he isn’t? I don’t want anything from him. He can keep all the money, the house, and everything in it. I just want my clothes, a car, and shared time with my son. This is so devastating to be thinking about.
intuitiveHouse2911 profile picture
Processing a Difficult Breakup
by intuitiveHouse2911
Last post
 September 26th
...See more I’m struggling with a breakup from someone I loved very deeply. There were genuinely beautiful parts of the relationship, but his anger, withdrawal, and treatment of me during conflict ultimately made me realize I couldn't build a healthy future with him. I know leaving was the right decision, but my feelings haven't caught up with that knowledge. I'm still very attached and grieving both him and the future I thought we would have. I'm trying to move forward without either idealizing the relationship or pretending the good parts weren't real.
mayelizin profile picture
Ended a relationship?
by mayelizin
Last post
 September 21st
...See more I ended a 1 year old relationship yesterday.Things ended from my side only.I was having a lot of stress in my personal life when this  relationship started feeling overwhelming to me .The guy was loving and loyal and seemed to be innocent but I lost the will to put efforts after a while.When I talked about taking a break of 2 Weeks he was absolutely reluctant because he believed it wud permanently get him out of my mind.But the 2  weeks wer an absolute relief tho he kept msging in between asking me to come back.After countless attempts to end this ship I finally sternly told my decision yesterday.He is calling my reasons absolutely baseless and is crying asking me to get back.All his frnds and family are judging me for leaving him.But I am not feeling like giving in so easily and I left.But he last msged me saying he still wants me back ,to give him a chance and that he wud keep me happy,he cannot forget me or imagine a girl in my place. Did it actually end?what shud I do now?
Dreamxcatcher profile picture
I had one bad experience here
by Dreamxcatcher
Last post
 September 17th
...See more I don't know how to completely heal from it.
brightDime6765 profile picture
Cheating?!
by brightDime6765
Last post
 August 21st
...See more So, long story short. My boyfriend of almost 3 years broke up with me.  I had a feeling for these almost 3 years that something was going on  but I didn't know how to say it to him. He said he'd be cheating the whole time we were together leading up to the breakup he was flirting with other girls and our whole relationship he'd laugh and have a good time with other people but as soon as I came around it was like he was quiet and like his best friend died (metaphor). And he was super insecure about what I wore and who I talked to. So no crop tops or shorts for me. and I couldn't talk to a single guy I was friends with without him thinking they wanted me or I wanted them. to the point the last couple months almost everyday fights Abt him accusing me of cheating. He always talked to me like I was a child and put me down in front of other girls (I never noticed this until now, looking back). also last year he confessed to "looking at other girls." when we broke up he confessed to trying to get with this girl who we had a fight Abt previously of me saying he was trying to get with her and him saying no. then he goes into this thing Abt how he knowingly would cause fights bc he knew I'd cave and feel bad and give him what he wanted (which what my friends told me he was doing but I didn't listen). then he says he was cheating the whole time we were together with so many girls he cant keep count then started bragging to me Abt what he was doing with them without saying names. the part that makes me feel the most like an idiot is he said I'd be with him and the girls would walk by and they'd make faces at each other in suggestion to what they'd be doing later. 
HandOfTink profile picture
Have you ever dealt with a co-parenting dynamic where the responsibility felt completely one-sided, even when you were together?
by HandOfTink
Last post
 August 19th
...See more A brief summary from MY perspective of what's happened: * Together 5 years, I recently ended the relationship with him in May. * We have 2 kids together: 4 years old, 14 months old * I'm the default parent (mother) so I deal with all of the mental load (planning our day, feeding and hygiene, dr. appointment reminders, house chores, etc) He handles feeding the dogs and cat. * He works Sun-Wed, I stopped working in 2023 to to go back to college and be a full-time parent but currently looking for work. * I have my kids full-time, father sees them 1~3 days per week, average hours spent per day when he visits are roughly 4~5 since the separation, before I ended things the hours would average 6~8 when he visited if we didn't go back to his house. Yes, I've told him numerous times what I needed from him as a father and partner, for the past 4 years actually. He would change for a few days then revert back to only being a dad when it was convenient for him or wait for me to tell him what he needs to do. He'd say I'm not even acknowledging him for changing diapers for feeding them without me telling him to (THAT'S LITERALLY HIS JOB AS A PARENT!!) Then he'd get upset that I'm not showing him any affection when he's "tried" to be a better father and that I wasn't even giving him anything in return. I have my reasons: inconsistency. I feel like his efforts to put the kids first after ending things with him are no longer his priority. He has gotten himself into a new relationship with someone half his age in a different country after finding out I reconnected with someone from my past who lives in a different state. I’m trying to check my own bias here—does it seem typical for a parent’s focus to shift further away from the kids after a separation, or was that dynamic already set beforehand?
peachTortoise6422 profile picture
This CAN NOT BE actual real life. I feel like Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky. #techsupport
by peachTortoise6422
Last post
 August 19th
...See more I'm sitting in my mother's garage. It's basically like a one-room tiny little studio apartment kind of space. It has a bathroom and it has a shower. There's no air conditioning but there is heat. No window tho.... My husband who is still legally officially my husband at this moment...   He has filed for a divorce. About... 2 months ago.  We have two children our son almost 15 and our daughter who will be 21 in November. She has her own daughter now my granddaughter who is about 8 months old.  I was asked to move from my four bedroom home with my family and my kids out of the house and do my mother's garage.... Because the house we were living in was owned on paper and my husband's mother. And everyone insisted it would be easier for everyone if I stayed with my mother. But I haven't seen Bella or talk to her or my granddaughter since he filed and I've seen my son a couple of times but always brief and with intentional plants made coincidentally.  I still love him I don't want to get a divorce but he doesn't want to be with me and I don't want to be somewhere that I'm not wanted. And I don't want to make someone else feel like they should stay where they're unhappy just because they don't want to hurt someone's feelings or because they feel obligated.  I miss my family I miss my husband my business sounds of a house with life and love in it I miss my cats. There's no one to cook dinner for now. There's no bedtime anymore. Don't want to ask any questions no one to talk to about anything.  I don't know if I'm strong enough for this.. Heartbreak actually is real... I'm heartbroken.
florafauna99 profile picture
Divorce incoming
by florafauna99
Last post
 August 9th
...See more Maybe I’m just writing this because I need to get it out of my mind. I have been with the same man for pretty much all my life and now he wants a divorce and I’m terrified. I feel like he woke up one day and wanted to live a completely different life without me. Now whenever I speak to him it’s like talking to a wall or he says something cruel and I spend a long time crying. I have no idea what I am going to do or how I’m going to take care of myself. My parents want to help me but I feel horrible for putting them through this. It makes me feel even worse that he can be hurting me so badly but I still love him.

Relationship Stress

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