How to stop thinking about someone who hurt you?
Last Updated: 06/28/2021 at 5:50pm
Cynthia Stocker, LCSW
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
My approach is direct, kind, honest & collaborative. My clients appreciate that I help them in a way that cuts through the jargon and gives clear explanations.
Top Rated Answers
Remember why they hurt you. Remember that you are worth more than them. Remember that they don;e deserve you because you are smart, and talented and perfect just the way you are. You are strong and even though it may hurt at first, you will get over them because you will realize that you are so much better and deserve so much better. You deserve someone who will love you with all they can and will try their very best to be by your side no matter what, and while hold your hand through rain and fire. But most of all you deserve someone that awakes a fire in you that you didn't even know existed.
Everybody gets hurt. We don't always have a the power to change that. But we can on how badly it hurts us, how it changes us as a person. I was raped and sexually abused at two different points in my life. I was and sometimes still am a scared little boy. I did so the second time, to protect my innocent sister. Certain experiences won't leave you. All I've ever dreamt of was hurting this man and his family. That's the cowardly move. I pushed myself away from everyone. I told myself I had the right to do so. You see, it's not the tragedy that turns you into a hopeless person, it's when you forget the meaning and importance of hope. Painful thoughts about the person who hurt you may never go. But you have a say in how it influences your life further. After a while, you know you'll have to let it go, that's the only way you'll allow yourself to find peace and love again. And this world and it's people, even the ones who've hurt you have the potential to become good. We're all humans after all. Before you forgive the person who hurt you, learn to forgive and love yourself. Hurting yourself will also hurt the ones who love and care about you, even if you think you're alone, somebody's still there. Life's greatest lessons are usually learnt through pain. Just don't be too stubborn and hold this pain in you and let it build up. Trust me, if that happens you'll end up scaring yourself. Don't become your own worst nightmare, become the best that you know can be. Love and peace won't come easy. Good things never do. But believe in yourself to have that willpower. Do that and half the job is done. Show others what you can overcome, motivate others. Create your own tiny ripple effect of love and kindness. I thank you if do so, if you don't, know that a stranger believes in you, whosever you may be. Believe. In. Hope.
Embrace the pain they have brought you, and let it hurt you. Grieve. Then, forgive them by that standard -- recognize what they did to you, and forgive them for that vivid pain it brought you. Don't be afraid of letting yourself feel pain -- it's completely normal and okay. Forgive them in your heart, and show them grace and love through acts of kindness. To stop thinking about them within the framework of the pain they brought you is a change that happens from the inside out and outside in.
Distancing yourself from the person who hurt you can help you move forward. Constantly being around the person is painful, and it is a persistent reminder of the pain they caused you. Taking a step back from the situation will give you the time you need to think and allow yourself the time to move on. Surround yourself with good family and friends who make you feel great about yourself. At first, it will seem impossible to stop thinking about the person who hurt you. But each day you will get stronger, happier, and closer to moving on. One day you'll surprise yourself by saying, "Wow. I haven't thought about that in so long. I remember when I never thought I'd say that."
Just remember that the pain doesnt last forever. It only stays a while and you'll have to get over it eventually. When it comes to the person who hurt you, ask yourself "is he/she worth keeping or thinking about?" If its not worth anything then remove that person from your head. Its not worth it to live with this burden.
You don't ever really stop thinking about someone who hurt you because the process of being hurt is a learning experience so you would tend to hold onto that experience so that hopefully you don't allow it to happen again. Being hurt by someone does allow us the opportunity to practice forgiveness, however. Forgiveness is not about letting the other person off of the hook for whatever they have done to us; it really isn't about the other person at all. Forgiveness is a process for the individual to find peace and comfort after they have been wronged by others. In this instance, if you forgive the person who hurt you, you are acknowledging that what they did to you was wrong, but that you are choosing to move on beyond the hurt in a healthy way and continue with your life. It means that you are aware of your emotions and how the other person made you feel and that despite the feelings they created, you are choosing to handle the hurt while moving forward with your life and becoming a better person.
The only way to stop feeling hurt is to stop thinking about it, keep out of situations that let your mind wander, keep doing activities that keep your mind engaged and you will eventually stop thinking about them or eventually stop caring.
I wish I knew the answer, I wonder the same thing. I miss this person and know they won't love me back, the person is already taken.
When someone hurt me really badly, i was depressed. But after realising that there's people who never would want to hurt me and who love me deeply, i saw what was the most important. It's true what they say: "people who hurt you don't matter and people who matter don't hurt you. When you have even one person who loves you, you will survive.
Moving on and forgetting the person is hard, even harder if you have memories that keep you with them. Time, that's my answer. Time healths wounds. Usually if we still like/love the person even if he/she hurt us, then this person ments a lot to us. Give yourself time and distract yourself. You will get better, I promise.
Remember that they hurt you and you deserve so much better than pain. Give yourself time to move on.
On my birthday last year, my only friend was supposed to come over and celebrate with me. She told me that her mom had grounded her, so she wasn't allowed to come over. I was bummed, but I knew there was nothing that I could do. Later on, I overheard her talking to her other friends, saying how she went to a party that night instead of coming to my house. She lied to me. It took me so long to get over the fact that she would rather get drunk and high than spend time with her so called "best friend". Her bad choices, however, shouldn't affect me. I am not the one who made a mistake, I am not to blame. Neither are you. That person may have hurt you, but that only reflects on them as a person. You are strong, brave, and courageous for realizing that what they have done is wrong, and for trying to get over them. I understand that it is very difficult to get over someone hurting you but, darling, you can do it. You are in control of your life, not them. Don't let them push you around anymore. You can trust your own judgement on whether they are a good person or not. Just think of all the people out there that you haven't met yet. There are so so many good people out there just waiting to meet you. You will find someone better that won't hurt you like that person did. I promise.
It can be difficult to stop thinking about someone who has hurt us, especially if there are some intense feelings involved. Sometimes we need to find a safe space and allow ourselves to feel that pain. Do we feel betrayed, angry, lonely, rejected? Those feelings are all valid, and what's more, they're all temporary. If we can label our feelings and validate them, it helps us be a friend to ourselves in a hard situation. After we have found out how we feel, we can take some deep breaths and reflect on that person. How are they different from us? How are they similar? Is it fair to say this person ultimately wants safety and happiness, just like us? What kinds of challenges does this person face? Can we empathize with their pain or their sadness? Can we genuinely make a wish for their wellbeing? It can be hard to wish someone well if they have hurt us, and we may not be able to at first. But with practice, sending compassion to all people, including those who have hurt us, helps us to heal and frees us from the cycle of dwelling on our pain.
Seems bad to me to give bad people real estate in your mind. Maybe just this realization, that you're giving them prime property, can shift it. Also, on the level of mind, what you resist persists -- so when bad thoughts come, invite them to stay, and you may find that they shortly leave you.
Sometimes we just need to take a deep breath and move on with life. Do the things that we enjoy and forget that other people even exist. Do what makes you happy!
Make a list, who and what happened then make another list, what you learned and who you blame for each thing on first list, if you are at fault on anything accept your role in it, maybe you overreacted which caused a fight or you were too inexperienced to know better, come to terms with who you forgive and who you don't; lastly...this is the hard part... seek understanding from those you would trust to respond maturely by sending a message saying "I'm going through some personal resolution of past things, I feel you've hurt me in some way in the past and I am wanting to move beyond that, I do not expect a response but I feel we are both responsible for (whatever happened or just say "what happened), I learned that I (state what you learned from second list) and I'm sorry for my role I played." I did this with a long list of people that I felt hurt me years ago, I made a very very short list of 7 people that I would trust to message....3 told me off and blamed me for everything so I didn't respond to them I resolved that they would never change and I'm doing better than them, the rest, however, were positive responses and I even made a friend back after 3 years of losing them. This may not work for everyone, but it worked for me.
You could start by giving this individual space. Pray and believe that you are worth more than the treatment you got . Hang out with friends Grief if you have to
Forgive them. Learn from the experience and grow from it. Remember that you deserve to be happy. Even though someone hurt you, we are all human and we all make mistakes.
Know that they are not good for you, try to focus on the good things, and when you feel like thinking about them let it out, you can do that through writing, drawing, whatever makes you feel good. Eventually they will become a distant memory
Try to focus on the things that make you feel relaxed, and love yourself more. People who hurt you don't deserve to get the better of you.
write about what happened and how you feel about it and how it has affected you, and only after you have let everything out, make the decision that you will stop yourself from thinking about them ans try to stick to it. it's ok if your mind brings it up but stop yourself and shift your focus on something positive. what happened might still hurt but draw strength from it and don't let someone have that much power over you.
Personally, dearest, I do my best to cling to the beautiful cute little things anyone has very done to me. Everything is better if you try to look to the bright side of life. Its sometimes really hard, but its better to live trying to be happy (even with limited success ) than not trying at all, isn't it?
Forgive them. Acknowledge your pain then release your emotions in positive ways. Get active; studies have shown that physical activity can boost feel-good chemicals in the body. Give yourself time to heal and compassion when you feel stuck.
Honestly, the best thing I can tell you is that "time heals all wounds". It may sound cliche, but it's true. Try activities that take your mind off of the person who hurt you, such as knitting, reading, writing, volunteering, or very involved sports.
There are many ways to do that, one way is grab a paper and a pen, try to recall the situations that you felt hurt from that someone and write down all the points that you remember, every time that person comes to your mind just grab the paper and read the notes, over time you that person will not come more often to your mind because you will have to grab the paper and read the notes over and over until you have enough and this person will no longer exist in your mind anymore.
To stop thinking about someone who hurt you, it is essential to understand that you will be the person who is always there for yourself; not whoever you're thinking about right now. When things get difficult, we can't always rely on someone to be there for us, so we need to learn to always be there for ourselves. So, to stop thinking about someone who hurt you, it is important to remember that that person may not be there for you next time you need someone but you will always have yourself to count on.
Face the pain and hurt. Don't shut out the pain they've caused you because when you do that then you're not really releasing anything. But the best thing you can do is write how you feel. Over time it will just be a feeling and a memory. It won't go away in a day but it does take time
Breathe, exhale and reprogram your thinking of that person, let them be your past and don't carry them for your future. A lot of the times we spend a whole lot of time thinking about them but they never do of the same endless possibilities.
You could try to think about other, kinder people in your life or distract yourself with even characters who are kinder than them. You can't easily decide you don't lobe the person usually but distraction helps a lot. Another thing you could do would be to write down what you're actually thinking and tell yourself that it's boring because you're just thinking of the same few things.
Engage yourself in activities of your interest, be it sports or maybe watching movies, reading books, going out with your friends, anything really. Depending on how you were hurt, on one hand you can choose to avoid meeting the said person because he or she is now a trigger of the upset emotions welled up inside you. On the other hand - and this is a process that will take time - you can choose to forgive that person, because forgiveness isn't just to set the other person free, it is to set yourself free as well.
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