Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How to talk to your boyfriend about marriage?

175 Answers
Last Updated: 03/19/2022 at 2:27am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.

Top Rated Answers
HelenaxForever
July 31st, 2020 5:16pm
How to approach such a delicate matter is what I think for me is honesty. Find somewhere a place and time where your boyfriend has time for you, and where his emotions are stronger, best, in my opinion, is a bed, couch, or any place you are stronger in an emotional way. There you have his full attention, The way I asked my own boyfriends was is too painful to ask how he sees the future with us. Depending on his answer you can react with a more general reaction, not focussing on the marriage. Ask him what about our future? what do you think about having kids our own house marriage and so.
rcdrlemire123
August 7th, 2020 7:33am
Okayyy. I strongly believe that couples should talk about their plans for the future, even before they get into a relationship. But if you never had the chance to do that, now is a great time. Yes, now! Find out what his plans are for the next 1, 3 or 5 year(s). Ask questions like: Where would you like to live? What age would be a good age to get married? At what age would you like to have children? Don’t just interrogate him but share your plans and vision for the future too. If his plans for the next 5 years totally deviate from yours then this might be a good indication that your relationship won’t last. I know this one is a scary one because you fear that he doesn’t see you in his future. But isn’t that the point of this conversation? Wouldn’t you want to know and more importantly move on if he doesn’t see you or marriage in his future? Find out rather earlier than later.
heyitsveraxoxo
August 12th, 2020 5:01pm
Before you consider talking about marriage with your boyfriend, ensure that you are ready for this huge step yourself. If you are, congratulations! Bring it up lightly and with no expectations - you don't want to build yourself up and end up getting hurt if he's not ready. If he does dismiss your desire to be married, don't let it get to you. He still loves you, he just isn't ready for that life step yet - consider finding other aspects of your relationship that will make you feel closer. Don't focus on trying to change his mind, as hard as it may be. Focus on enjoying your relationship and the time will come that he gets down on one knee for you!! ;)
charmingdeer909
August 22nd, 2020 7:47pm
Be honest and open! Don’t approach the subject timidly like you think he’s gonna run away from you but maybe drop subtle hints about “taking it to the next level”. Ease into the conversation and ask him to actively listen to what you want to say before he interrupts. Y’all can have a calm and mature discussion, in which you should explain WHY you want marriage (reasons for why you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him). Don’t scare him off by coming on too strong but also don’t be afraid to be confidently honest and precisely state your thoughts.
glowingSea3115
September 26th, 2020 6:44pm
When it comes to marriage we have to understand it is a very sensitive topic . It is something that changes ones life completely ,forever actually. Marriage means moving in together ,sharing costs , having kids if possible ,mutual decision making among so many other things. It means having to sacrifice almost everything for your partner ,its extra energy and requires a lot of strength. After considering how marriage may be a lot to handle make sure you are sure he is ready to talk about it and you think he is potentially the one you want to marry yourself. After that just start by asking his opinions of it , start small by asking about his parents ,his personal perfect example of a couple and go on from there but first and foremost understanding how he likes to be communicated to. That's different for everyone.
Anonymous
October 2nd, 2020 1:01am
from personal experience, Ask your boyfriend about it! It's always good to communicate your feeling to your partner. Communication is key in a relationship. Go about the way you feel communicated your idea the best. Way the cons and pros depending on your relationship, but I would typically recommend that you share your feeling about marriage. Start of by asking a more general question, such as do you see yourself getting married anytime soon. Then, Ask more specific questions that you've had in your mind. Make your intentions clear and ease them into the conversation so they do not get overwhelmed.
Anonymous
October 4th, 2020 2:28pm
It is best to explore what commitment means to both of you in the context of dating and marriage; this is a reciprocal conversation where ideally both your or his side is listened to, honoured, and respected. In my experience is it best to have these conversations directly with your partner so that you both attempt to understand each other and find a place to move forward together where you both want to go. Relationships aren't easy, neither is marriage, practice having these "tough" conversations now and it will set you both up for success within the relationship in the future.
Anonymous
October 8th, 2020 4:25am
Ask him how he feels the relationship is going. Don't beat around the bush and air out your feelings on the subject. I don't think ultimatums are appropriate but at least let him know where you stand after an appropriate amount of time has passed. If this doesn't work out for you then you two were not meant to be. Maybe prior to this do some investigating on how he feels about marriage in general, that way you are not wasting your time with the whole endeavor. If he accepts marriage as an institution, then explore whether or not he has ever desired to have children, if you are one who does.
Anonymous
October 17th, 2020 2:12am
bring it up when its just the two of you. ask him if he’s comfortable with talking about something serious, and is in a good mood. if he is, then continue. ask if he would be fine with maybe one day staying with each other forever and getting married. tell him he can take a moment to think about it, and try not to rush the answer out of him. try not to talk too fast, or seem to nervous. this is a normal situation and a lot of people go through this. you being calm will make your boyfriend also feel calm.
Skillalistenalot
January 23rd, 2021 2:15pm
Many people have fears about getting married because they've seen their own parents', friends' or relatives' marriages fail. No one wants to repeat that kind of marital dysfunction. But if you're like most people, the pull to get married won't go away. For most men and women, marriage is the backbone of how we do life and raise families. It's important that you are on the same page about it with the person you love, as having different feelings about marriage may otherwise cause hurt and confusion in the relationship. So, there are no shortcuts here. Do your own work to get crystal clear on your beliefs and feelings about marriage. Say the things to your boyfriend....
Waterfall26
March 12th, 2021 5:54pm
I have always been opposed to getting married and so was my boyfriend. I never grew up within a married-couple family or attend many weddings, until now. As I started to attend weddings and create a stronger bond with my boyfriend my beliefs changed. Hence, I found it anxious to mention the topic without feeling disappointed if my boyfriend beliefs were still the same. However, what helped me spark the conversation and see where my boyfriend's head was regarding marriage, was when watching a movie about weddings. I asked him questions throughout the movie to see his opinion and in the end, asked about us.
Anonymous
April 9th, 2021 5:36pm
Many girls talk about marriage but the boyfriends often don't connect the dots. It's like you would mention your wedding dress, children, family or whatsoever you consider important as for marrying. Although saying it just like that you don't have to make a boy emotional hence he don't have to think that you actually want it with him and are ready for it. Possibly it depends on the circumstance, your age and certainty but you can talk about it more platonic if it sounds like far plans or simply openly discuss what you need in your relationship part of life.
Anonymous
April 10th, 2021 3:59pm
Approach the conversation with an open mind and do not push him to a certain answer! Ask for his opinion and listen, asking follow-up questions if necessary. Make sure that you are able to express yourself and your opinions in the conversation as well, but do not pressure him to a certain answer. Be careful in your wording and express to him how much you love him and care about him. Try to make sure he knows that you just want to have a discussion, and do not make an ultimatum if this is your first time having the discussion. It is likely that he might feel overwhelmed at first and need to reflect on the subject! Keep a kind attitude instead of being too pressuring, if possible!
Anonymous
April 28th, 2021 6:18pm
It can be difficult to know how to broach big topics like the idea of marriage in a relationship. Usually, this can become easier the more established a relationship becomes or the more you know each other. For starters, it may help to get to know more about how the topic of marriage relates to your boyfriend. Start by getting to know their history with the concept: were they ever married/divorced/engaged? Is marriage something they've held an interest in for a long time? Once you know their history, try to gauge their feelings on it. For instance, if you get an invite to a wedding, see people taking wedding photos, or pass a business having to do with weddings (i.e. tuxedo shop, bridal shop, event planner, florist, etc.) you might casually ask them if they've ever thought about marriage or what their feelings on it are. Try to present the topic neutrally, without immediately asserting your thoughts or preferences, so they feel comfortable to be completely open about their feelings.
Anonymous
May 20th, 2021 2:09pm
personally i think its a big thing to talk about , maybe drop in a light joke about it and see what he says, then take it further as serious conversation , these things are difficult to talk about sometimes, if hes ever spoke to you about it before what did he say? sometimes its nice to know if someone is ready for that commitment , the best thing really would be to use communication between eachother , let him know its possibly something you want and see if thats what he wants too , getting married nowadays isnt important but if its something you definitely want with him , let him know.
CountlessWishesL
May 27th, 2021 12:18pm
My answer would depend on the stage of your relationship and if you've brought up marriage before, how they responded, etc. If you've never brought it up before, I would bring up in conversation your wants and desires (if that is getting married in general) and see how he responds. If he responds favorably and says he desires to be married as well, then you could bring it up when you both feel ready, have been dating for a while and feel it is time. I am very pro-open communication, so I would let my boyfriend know what it is that I want (to be married in general or looking for the right person to marry) early on in the relationship so he isn't caught off guard later.
bellarina74
June 5th, 2021 6:52pm
If you haven't already had a discussion with your partner about what you would like for the future then maybe initiate an honest conversation with your partner. If the both of you are not heading in the same direction or on the same page and wanting similar things (including engagement and marriage) in the future, then it may not be the right relationship for you regardless of how much you love and care for the other person. Having common interests and doing things as a couple is important but the ability to communicate effectively is of utmost importance. If something is important to you and you want to discuss it - it should also be important to your partner.
Anonymous
June 18th, 2021 10:06pm
Ask him how he feels about marriage and whether or not he sees you as his potential future wife. Make sure you both are speaking about this in a comfortable setting. Don't make him feel like your interrogating him. Make him feel comfortable so that both of you can have an open conversation about marriage. Make sure to also share your opinions on marriage to him as well as vice versa. It can be a very heavy and scary conversation to have but it is must be talked about especially if you can see a future with this man.
kindheartedfavour29
July 15th, 2021 1:02pm
First, it's important to make sure you are both comfortable with each other. Ask him what he sees for your future together. Don't rush or be pressured into marriage. Think about whether you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him. Look at yourself and work out why you want to marry him. If it's out of love and care, rather than sex, money, etc, then speak to him. He may be working stuff out already or feel like he isn't ready. Have a genuine and open discussion and work from there to see what to do next
Jenn20
October 28th, 2021 3:11am
I think the best thing you can do is mention it through small hints and then slowly start talking about it Like maybe you could show wedding pics or videos, and start a conversion there. But be respectful because some people might not feel comfortable with these things. Just be honest and mindful and nice to them about! Good luck and take care - marriage isn't always important so take things slow and get talking about it when you are ready and have enough money. Also ask for help when needed, it is get help from already married couples to. You know you only live once
Anonymous
November 3rd, 2021 3:39am
You should be able to talk openly and honestly with your partner. If it’s a conversation you feel uncomfortable to have or you feel that it might make them uncomfortable then maybe you could start off with saying that to break the ice and get the conversation started. It’s important to be able to speak your mind in a relationship and have a mutual respect for each other’s feelings on the topic of marriage. Having a conversation about marriage can help you to understand if your boyfriend is meeting your expectations and to see if you are seeing eye to eye.
healingPeace9642
January 28th, 2022 11:08pm
I think it is best to be upfront with this question. Ask his thoughts on it directly and share yours. Be open and honest with each other. This is not the time to play games and assume his beliefs on the subject. The importance of marriage varies, and not every couple will be on the same wavelength in terms of this. After discussions, then decide on the way forward. A quick decision is not needed if the situation is favourable. At times, people need time to assess themselves and their state of being. Be patient with him and self.
Helpyouhi
February 25th, 2022 2:54pm
You have to be clear with him. Tell him that you do not like to be in a relationship (being his girlfriend) that will not end with marriage. You both love each other so you are supposed to be looking forward to marrying each other. Show him how marriage is so important for you so you can have a healthy family growing up together. Also encourage him by talking about good examples like your relatives or friends. Open up to him but at the same time make him be the one who took the decision. I wish you good luck.
MulberryTree
March 5th, 2022 10:16pm
Having a conversation with your partner about your future is always important, as it will give you an idea of where the relationship will lead to. Letting him know that you'd ideally like to marry him is the first step that should be taken, without putting pressure on the situation. Having this open conversation will also let you know how he feels about the relationship and if he is wanting to go that distance with you eventually. In my experience, talking with my partner about wanting to get married was easier than I thought, because even though we're nowhere near ready right now, we both want that to end up happening at some point down the road. It also helps him to know how you're feeling too!
Anonymous
March 19th, 2022 2:27am
How long and how well do you know and understand your boyfriend? What stage of life are you both in? It's important to remember to see things from his perspective as well as yours to relate and work through any potential issues or concerns the both of you might have about marriage! Make sure that you are being respectful, even if you get frustrated, and always empathize with him! Marriage will impact the both of you, and it's not always an easy choice to make. Check if both of you are ready to commit and if he's not, remember to respect his decision!