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I was a bully . The past keeps haunting me even though I apologized. What should I do?

33 Answers
Last Updated: 06/30/2020 at 10:10pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Dorothy Paige, MS Psychology

Licensed Professional Counselor

I believe that any issue that prevents one from living life to the fullest or prevents self love is defeating. I am committed to providing support to anyone who seeks help.

Top Rated Answers
CocoShanelley
December 14th, 2015 10:31am
You need to learn to forgive and forget the person you once were. You obviously feel bad as you've said sorry and want to change. Not everyones perfect and sometimes we do things we regret later on. You just have to learn to live through it and realise that your not perfect.
Notoriety007
August 6th, 2018 7:35am
Not sure that you can prevent the past from haunting you. Just like you can't alter the past itself, because what has been done has been done and can not be undone. We often, at one point or another, want to go back and redo things. But we can't and it is better to attempt to try and move forward into the future, rather than stay stuck and overthink the past. You have apologized, right? By doing that, you show true remorse and also show that you have matured from it. As long as you have learned from your mistake, and do not repeat it - Then, that's the only thing that you can do. The feelings of guilt will live with you, regardless of how much you try to forget about them. Just be strong enough to endure them, and look past them! Hope this helps.
thegirlintheredcoat
January 27th, 2015 7:07pm
Perhaps you could try to reconnect with the person or people you bullied in some way. Have a serious conversation about things, and perhaps even do something small, like sending them some flowers.
SamWise70
June 17th, 2015 2:27am
If you have asked frogiveness from them for what you did, the next thing is to ask forgiveness from yourself. If you are truly sorry for what you did, then over time you will be able to let it go.
Spiderman93
January 28th, 2015 4:39pm
have you talked to someone about it? try and remember that what happened in the past is done and over with. dont stress it. you have apologized and thats amazing. most people dont even do that! keep your head up!
SamIAm7567
July 7th, 2015 5:09am
That is a hard situation, I'm very sorry you've found yourself in it. Sometimes our past grips us like a vice and wont let go for anything. The thing is, we've all done things in the past that we're less than proud of. When I was younger I acted very stupid and did things that I'm still trying to work past. The fact is, you're trying to be a better person now, and that is wonderful. You can't undo the past, but you can be a better you and make the future great! Good luck! I believe in you!
naturalRose97
May 30th, 2016 11:21am
You have noticed how bad bullying is,you do regret your behaviour and apologized which you should be proud of yourself because you have taken the right step. Now you have to learn how to forgive yourself and show to everyone that you are completely a new loving,caring,and compassionate soul. You are not the same person as a bully you used to be. Past is past,you can't change it,what you can do is learn from it and make the future better.
peacefulBeauty57
February 16th, 2015 7:21am
You have grown from your bully days and acknowledge the pain you've once inflicted. Recognizing and not repeating, along with stopping current bullies from inflicting the same pain, is enough to not be haunted and know you are living a great, helpful life
Alwaysdreamin
March 19th, 2015 12:06am
Many people do not realize that people that bully are actually hurting as well and also need guidance. It was wonderful of you to apologize. Can you forgive yourself now? This is important. Maybe reflect about the reasons you felt like bullying in the first place and talk with a listener or someone else. When I work with bullying situations, I believe that the bullier and the person that has been bullied both deserve to be heard. Forgive yourself, reflect on why, and talk with someone. Thank you for saying you are sorry. You are so brave and I am just really proud of you. Be proud of yourself and now stand up for others. Great job. Feel free to talk with any listener.
Mogsyt
April 1st, 2015 1:03pm
you apologised, which is more than atone can ask. you can't change the past and you shouldn't feel guilty, we all bully in one way or another. you are a good person, your past can't define you.
suddendownpour
April 12th, 2015 7:35pm
Take a deep breath. The fact that you feel guilty about the situation says a lot. Take the opportunity to move on from the past and focus on the present you.
gabriellevasilieva
April 23rd, 2015 4:14am
Don't become a bully ever again. Prevent it from happening again. Make peace with the person/people you've bullied. You also have to make peace with yourself. People make stupid decisions, and we are all human. We've all made mistakes. Try and accept that.
Anonymous
May 2nd, 2015 4:50pm
Forgive yourself and strive to be a better person in the future. Understand why you acted the way you did.
samlovenothate
June 27th, 2017 3:29am
Be the person you want to see in the world. You apologized and maybe you can help other people do so too. Educate. Use your story in a way that can help others.
Smolpotato87
April 16th, 2018 12:57am
You've got to learn to let go of the past and continue moving forward. You can't change what you did, but what you CAN do is make a difference in the lives of victims of bullying. Volunteer in your community towards some anti-bullying campaign or sign up as a listener here on 7 cups and talk to people who are victims of bullying. The fact that you feel guilt for what you did means you aren't a bad person.
Suzanne6
June 30th, 2020 10:10pm
Bullying has become an area of increased focus in schools and workplaces. Often times people who are acting in ways that can be considered bullying - using hurtful words, pushing or hitting, starting lies or rumors - are experiencing their own difficulties but struggle to express that to others. The fact that you recognize your past behaviors as bullying shows a great deal of insight. Taking time to reflect back on the time in your life where you consider yourself to have been a bully can help you figure out if there was indeed something going on in your life that was painful and difficult for you to deal with. There are resources available on 7 Cups that discuss bullying and may be able to help you process that time and begin to move forward.
Anonymous
July 21st, 2015 2:09am
prove to the person that you truly are sorry. sometime just "sorry" doesn't help. hope this helps.
WesternCanada1
August 11th, 2015 12:13am
you should forgive yourself, If you feel bad about past actions it means you have somehow changed. Also, since you have even apologized, you have made amendments ! This is very good. Just move on !
Sparrow263
September 15th, 2015 3:28am
I'm glad you apologized, but I regret to inform you that that is not enough. You need to be super nice to this kid that you bullied. I was bullied and I would never wish that kind of pain on anyone else. Offer to help and be kind to the person whenever time permits, and if time does not permit go out of your way. If you do this, hopefully all will be well again.
0ApontteXII0
November 30th, 2015 2:47am
Meditate. I encourage you to listen to a few tracks of 7 cups to relax you.https://www.7cups.com/exercises/mindfulness/?showlist=1
Anonymous
December 8th, 2015 2:41am
Accept the past, it happened, it won't change. What matters is the future. You apologized, that's the first step, now you need to accept yourself. What you did was wrong, but you can still make a difference. You can volunteer for bully prevention programs if you wish, or just share the negativity received from bullying with others to try and prevent it!
GraceMarie13
December 15th, 2015 7:33pm
Learn to forgive yourself, We all make mistakes but it's about how we grow and learn from them that is important.
BethyBoo
January 5th, 2016 2:59am
Forgive yourself, you have shown remorse for the rhings you have said or done don't ruin your future by living in the past. You're a different person now. Love yourself and others will follow. Self love is the key to a happy future
Zinnia
March 21st, 2016 5:20pm
Sometimes as people, we punish ourselves for what we've done in the past, whether it's said or done something wrong, doubted yourself or bullied others. Nonetheless, we forget to forgive ourselves in many scenarios.
mysticmagic
March 26th, 2016 5:35am
if it's other people that keep bringing it up- just prove them you have changed. and before you can really change you need to let it go yourself
supportiveBalloon58
May 10th, 2016 2:30am
Live your life the best you can be. Try to distract yourself with something else, but if that doesn't help, try to make up for it. Be really kind to people. Do favors for them.
thoughtfulBeach56
June 21st, 2016 6:59pm
First, be proud of yourself for changing. It's not easy to admit that you bullied someone or to stop once you start. And it takes a lot of courage to try to make up for past bullying behavior.
Anonymous
July 3rd, 2016 11:01am
While you've apologized and were likely forgiven, it would appear that you haven't been forgiven by the most important person: yourself. If you start thinking of who you were before, instead of hating it, look at it as progress. "Wow, I used to respond negatively to this, but now I'm being a better person working to make others feel good!" Use it to show yourself just how far you've come.
Justwalkinginfaith
September 19th, 2016 1:24pm
Sounds like you need to learn how to forgive yourself for what you have done and let it go that way.
Anonymous
October 11th, 2016 4:56pm
Apologise to the ones you hurt. Even if it would seem irrelevant to them. You will feel better knowing you that those people now know youre a changed person. this will serve as a great first step to your healing.