What's the best way to stop the negative self-perception?
Last Updated: 02/12/2018 at 9:50pm
Lisa Groesz, PhD
With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.
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Improving Your Self Image Improving your self-image, like improving any skill, takes time and practice. Developing good self-esteem involves encouraging a positive (but realistic) attitude toward yourself and the world around you and appreciating your worth, while at the same time behaving responsibly towards others. Self-esteem isn't self-absorption; it's self-respect. By working from the inside out (focusing on changing your own way of thinking before changing the circumstances around you), you can build your self-esteem. The goal of this positive thinking is to give yourself a more positive self-concept, while seeing yourself honestly and accepting yourself, and removing the internal barriers that can keep you from doing your best. Positive Thinking There are many ways a person can change negative thoughts and self-criticism to more realistic and positive thoughts. Focusing on all of them at once may be overwhelming, but focusing on a few at a time and reminding yourself of these positive approaches regularly can change your self-esteem. Read the positive thought strategies below and choose several that would help you most. Write them down and remind yourself to pause and change your way of thinking each time you are being critical of yourself. As you become more comfortable with each new way of thinking (for example, learning not to apologize or accept blame for other's anger) try adding a new positive thought strategy to your list. Positive Thought Strategies Avoid exaggerations. Correct your internal voice when it exaggerates, especially when it exaggerates the negative. Try to avoid thinking in extreme terms ("I always make that mistake" or "I'll never get that promotion.") Nip negative thoughts in the bud. Sometimes putting a stop on negative thinking is as easy as that. The next time you start giving yourself an internal browbeating, tell yourself to "stop it!" If you saw a person yelling insults at another person, you would probably tell them to stop. Why do you accept that behavior from yourself? Accentuate the positive. Instead of focusing on what you think are your negative qualities, accentuate your strengths and assets. Maybe you didn't ace the test you were studying for, but maybe your hard work and perseverance led to a better grade than you would have had. Maybe you felt nervous and self-conscious when giving a presentation at work, but maybe your boss and coworkers respected you for getting up and trying. Accept flaws and being human. Maybe you did get nervous and blow that presentation at work - so what? Talk to your boss about what went wrong, try to address the error in the future, and move on. All people have flaws and make mistakes. Your boss, coworkers, friends, family, postman, congressman, and favorite movie star have all made mistakes. They've forgiven themselves; so can you. Accept imperfections. Perfection is a high goal to aim for -- you don't need to start there or even end there. Make doing your best your ideal -- what more can you realistically do? Focus on what you've gained from the process and how you can use it in the future. Avoid focusing on what wasn't done or 'should have' been done differently. Allow yourself to make mistakes and then forgive yourself. Try laughing instead of criticizing. Don't bully yourself! "Should have, could have, would have ... " Try not to constantly second guess yourself, criticize yourself for what you "should" have done better, or expect too much from yourself. Don't put standards on yourself that you wouldn't expect from others. It's great to want to do well, but expecting yourself to be perfect (which is impossible) and then punishing yourself when you fail is a vicious cycle. Using expressions like "I should have" is just a way of punishing yourself after the fact. Replace criticism with encouragement. Instead of nagging or focusing on the negative (in yourself and others), replace your criticism with encouragement. Give constructive criticism instead of being critical ("maybe if I tried to do ____ next time, it would be even better" instead of "I didn't do that right.") Compliment yourself and those around you on what you have achieved ("well, we may not have done it all, but we did a pretty great job with what we did".) Don't feel guilty about things beyond your control. You are not to blame every time something goes wrong or someone has a problem. Apologizing for things and accepting blame can be a positive quality, if you are in the wrong and if you learn and move on. But you shouldn't feel responsible for all problems or assume you are to blame whenever someone is upset. Don't feel responsible for everything. Just as everything is not your fault, not everything is your responsibility. It's okay to be helpful, but don't feel the need to be all things (and do all things) for all people. This is taking too much of a burden on yourself AND limiting those around you. Let others be responsible for themselves and their actions -- you shouldn't feel responsible for their happiness. Do feel responsible for your feelings. Just as you can't "make" other people happy, don't expect others to "make" you feel happy or good about yourself. In the same way, they shouldn't make you feel guilty or bad about yourself. You create your own feelings and make your own decisions. People and events may have an affect on your emotions, but they can't dictate them. Treat yourself kindly. People often feel more comfortable treating themselves in ways they wouldn't consider treating others. Do you criticize yourself with terms like "stupid" "ugly" or "loser"? Would you use those terms to describe a friend? Remind yourself that you deserve to be treated as well as you treat others. Do something nice for yourself sometimes -- either in thought (give yourself a compliment) or action (treat yourself to a nice dinner or new book.) Give yourself a break. You don't need to be all things to all people or please everyone. Give yourself permission to decide you're doing the best you can. Remind yourself when you're doing things well -- don't wait to hear it from someone else. Choose the brighter side of things. You can choose how to interpret comments and events, so try for the more positive interpretations. If someone says, "You look good today," don't ask yourself "What was wrong with the way I looked yesterday?" Accept compliments graciously (don't ask yourself why you haven't been complemented on something else or why you haven't complemented you before.) Look at temporary setbacks as opportunities for growth. Forgive and forget. Try not to hang on to painful memories and bad feelings - this is a surefire way to encourage negative thoughts and bad moods. Your past can control you if you don't control it. If you can, forgive past wrongs and move on. (Don't forget that forgiving yourself is an important part of this process, too!) If you have a hard time forgiving or forgetting, consider talking through your emotions with a good friend or counselor, but try not to dwell. It's important to work through things, but you can't let the past determine your future. Focus on what you CAN do, not what you can't. Avoid "can't" thinking or other negative language. If you say something often enough, you may start to believe it, so keep your statements positive, not negative. Don't be afraid to seek help in accomplishing things, but remind yourself that you don't need approval from others to recognize your accomplishments. Focus on what you're able to do. Remind yourself of all your capabilities and positive qualities. Using just one or two of the above strategies on a regular basis can greatly increase your positive self-image and self-esteem. Making these internal changes will increase your confidence in yourself and your willingness and ability to make external changes and improve your life.
Learn to love yourself. We are still living for a reason, whichever it may be. To love yourself means to accept who you are and make the best of it.
The best way to stop negative self perception is to really think about the positives in life. Think about the compliments that people give you. Think about the beauty in life. Think bout all the good things in life, because those are the things that really matter. If you do that, then you will be a lot happier. We all experience bad experiences but those are what make us stronger and most importantly, they make us appreciate what we do have. :)
Don't think poorly of yourself because you are not a bad person just try to find things you like about yourself and do things to make yourself believe it
A negative self-perception is not something to easily just stop. It takes a choice to want to change it, and to do whatever it takes to change it. At least it did for me. And then from that point.... self talk.... self talk..... self talk!! No matter what the situation, and no matter how I felt about the situation, told myself I was capable, I was worthy, I was beautiful, I was amazing... etc. At the start I barely believed what I was saying, but as time went ok, the more and more I built myself up, the more positive my self-perception became! Its is still so far from perfect! But I continue to build myself up as often as I can!
Practicing positive thoughts and affirmations DAILY! This is something that will not come to you overnight, it will require practice, and it will be worth it too!!
It's OK to feel sad when you wake up sometimes but is not healthy! I too used to feel the same way.. I think it was because I did not wanna face my life or the people in it. I wanted to just keep lying on my bed all day and face no one... But that's not how life works I realized.. I deserved better and if I don't get out of my bed I won't be able to make it better!
To take a deep breath and calm down your negative emotions and think positively other then negatively.
Never compare yourself to others. Everyone's different and (this will sound very cliche) special in their own way and (as my mom always says) we all have a package deal. That means we all have different bad traits and good traits and sometimes it just takes time to find, or recognize your good traits. But that doesn't mean they aren't there!
Tell yourself every day that you're amazing! Every time you wake up in the morning, tell yourself how great you are. Put up signs around you that say positive things!
Focus and hold on to all the things that you have done which you are proud of - these are harder to retain than the negative thoughts.
I used to be very hard on myself, but I realized that we all have our gifts, And I can't be the best at everything. Being humble and getting help when I needed it really boosted my self perception. Stay strong.
Recognizing that you have negative self-perception is an amazing self-realization that many people who struggle with the same never even come to. Be proud of yourself for wanting to love yourself better! Persevere. Our brains create emotional patterns over time, so the longer we perpetuate negative thinking, the more negative thinking we are prone to. The trick is to replace those patterns with healthier, more realistic thinking patterns, and without judging ourselves too much in the process. For instance, if you catch yourself thinking "I am worthless," just acknowledge you thought that and don't beat yourself up for thinking it, and try to think of a way you could express how you feel without putting yourself down, like, "I am feeling a little exhausted right now and could use some love," or like "I have had better days than today and one day I might feel better."
Try and see everything thats positive in life and multiply it, while trying to not take in so much of the negative stuff.
There is no best way or one golden way to change our self perception. What we can do is surround ourselves with people we feel comfortable with, who don't judge us but listen to us when we have concerns, who make us feel good about ourselves and help get the best out of us. We can also do the things that we most enjoy in life, find a new hobby or even learn something new. Loving yourself is the important step to happiness, and when you share that happiness with people you love, then you are on top of the world.
By working on your self-esteem in various ways.Positive self-talk therapy,doing productive things,doing things that make us happy,asked loved ones to say what good qualities they see in you or maybe if these things don't help,meet a psychologist.
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