How do I help explain to a parent that what I feel is valid after they reacted badly?
118 Answers
Last Updated: 12/03/2020 at 7:23pm
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Melissa Strauss, LPC
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I am client focused and believe everyone has a strength. I feel confident in seeing clients with generalized and social anxiety, depression and relational goals.
Top Rated Answers
Maybe you could give it some time? Wait until you have all calmed down and the mood is right to bring it up again to discuss. They may also need time to digest what you have told them. I don't know what you told them but it is possible that they were taken by surprise or shocked which is why they reacted badly, maybe they need time to take it in :)
Anonymous
July 30th, 2017 8:06am
If you let your parents know that their behaviours are important to you and you value their care and respect - then expressing the negative ways that they have made you feel will be much easier. In my personal experience, showing my parents that they have hurtfully impacted me when I much rather respect when they encourage me allows for myself to validate how I honestly feel,
Anonymous - Expert in Depression
July 5th, 2016 10:03am
Give them time to cool off, show them maturity and show them you understand their perspective, bringing them to a sense of understanding will take a lot of time and effort, but its necessary
If I was you,I would try to make them understand that feelings are feelings. Sometimes you can't control the chemical reactions in your head about some specific situations. Based on a lot of things you will perceive certain situations in your own way. So it is your reality,they are valid. If it is ok with them try to tell them things that bother you and suggest something that would make you feel better. Also try to you sentences as "I feel..." not "You make me feel.." . I hope it works!:)
Write a letter explaining how you feel in response to the situation as well as your emotions regarding the situation itself. Acknowledge you understand them too and reiterate what understanding you want them to get out of it too in a calm and reasoned manner.
You want to make sure you wait until your parent is calm because someone who isn't calm will not be able to understand what you are saying. Always remember to speak calmly and assert yourself so your message is taken seriously. Also try to speak in "I" statements rather than "you".
Keep telling him/her what are your feelings and use a lot of details. Try to explain situation with your feelings and details.
With a calm tone, ask your parents for time to be able to express your concerns and your hurt feelings without them interrupting. Tell them you need them to listen so you can explain why you feel they reacted badly. Explain that this certain matter is very important and concerning to you. And that even though they may feel or think that it is insignificant, remind them that to YOU it feel large and that you actually are seeking THEIR expertise on how to handle this situation. Let them know that if they shrug it off or react badly, YOU feel pushed aside or feel as if your problems are not important. This feelings might make you feel to not be able to express later on feelings or problems that may affect/impact your life on a greater scale.
Sit down with that parent and in a calm and relaxed manner, explain with them how you’re feeling after their bad behavior. I feel that always remaining calm and FOCUSED when approaching a parent, or anyone that’s hurt your feelings, is the best way to get your point across. Also, allow your parent to view their reasons for their behavior. LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN. The best way to communicate in ANY fashion is to LISTEN and REALLY hear what is being said to you. Evaluate it. Digest it. Then access what and how your next move will be. Never worry about what YOU are going to say next. LISTEN. Hopefully you’ll achieve a positive conclusion after your explanation of your feelings.
Anonymous
July 29th, 2016 10:53pm
Explain your point calmly and professionally. They will listen to a mature voice. Do not raise your voice and approach the situation appropriately.
Emphasize on how your feeling, try and make them understand that these feelings your having are real, and that you can't help but feel them.
Anonymous
August 4th, 2016 10:31pm
Sometimes they won't understand the validity of your feelings, the important thing is that you know you're being honest with yourself and that you know what you feel is definitely valid.
Anonymous
August 5th, 2016 11:28pm
you can explain to a parent that what you feel is valid after they reacted badly by first finding them when they are calm and carefully and slowly explaining it to them in the kindest way possible
It may seem not fair, but asking for their reason as to why they reacted badly can help. It hels if you allow the person to see that you are willing to see their side, and then you can counteract it by telling them you understand and explaining why you feel the way you feel in a calm manner.
Wait until everyone is calm and then explain your feelings, whether they accept it is another story.
Wait for the parent to calm down if they seem stressed, angry or frustrated. And then when they appear to be 'level headed' try to bring the conversation up and calmly explain to them how you feel and that what you feel is right. If you need help ask for it and it will ease the conversation by making them feel appreciated
Let them calm down ,wait for some time and after that you should try to explain the situation using some practical examples. Always works for me. 😃
Once they've reacted badly, give them space. Calmly state that your feelings are your own and real, and then leave the area. Once they're are calmer (you as well) try to bring up the subject again.
I`m not sure if you can. Because the bad reaction to you often shows a certain amount of ignorance. Of course you can try to explain yourself, but often the bad reaction itsself shows a certain lack of tolerance for certain things you do.
Tell them that even if they don't agree, don't understand, or don't want you to feel that, you'll still feel that way, tell them that is a real feeling even if they don't want it to be.
Anonymous
September 15th, 2016 5:54am
Truth and love. Try to remain calm; nothing validates a parent's bad reaction more than acting out. Calmly restate yourself, try to rephrase what you said before, say things like "I'm sorry you feel that way but this is really important to me," or "I feel hurt that you are discrediting this. Please help me." or even just turn this question into your explanation: "What I feel is valid, but you reacted badly to it, and I really need help right now."
Anonymous
September 18th, 2016 9:08pm
You can use an "I" message. I-messages can be used to express feelings to someone without being confrontational. For instance, saying: "I felt x when you did z," is a lot less aggressive and less accusatory than saying: "You make me x when you y."
You have no control over how your parent reacts. Nor do they have control over what you feel about it. All of us feel and must recognize that having feelings is part of being human. What we do about our feelings is up to us alone.
Anonymous
October 13th, 2016 7:43pm
Calmly but firmly state your viewpoint. Make sure they understand that you are not trying to be combative, but are rather trying to give them a perspective on how you feel.
From personal experience, you just need perserverence. Keep on letting them know who you feel and eventually they should begin to understand. Maybe involve a professional into exploring your feelings with your parents.
Anonymous
October 19th, 2016 9:00am
By sitting down with them, and understanding /their/ viewpoint. And, then, explaining yours, to them.
I always felt to help others by becoming a good listener, counselor, mentor and I am here at 7 cups!
You could try and show them your views and show why you feel the way you do. Try and get them to sit and listen to what you have to say.
You can explain to them that you are a person with valid feelings and emotions and as they are your parents, they need to listen to you as a person even though you are younger than them.
Although this isn't an easy subject to approach, it depends on the parent, usually the best thing is to find a way to approach them without tipping them off, like maybe if it's a dad watch a sports show with him, and maybe softly offer up to say your opinion on something he did, and say that you respect his decisions and just wanted to say your opinion out loud cause you care for him to know how you feel, and then spill the beans.
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