How do I keep myself from getting to attached to people?

80 Answers.
Last Updated: 02/22/2018 at 8:58am
Top Rated Answers
July 21st, 2016 2:40am

Focus on yourself. Build a good, strong foundation of self-love before pursuing relationships with others (romantic or platonic). Often, when we become attached to someone, we are looking for them to fill a void we have inside ourselves. Attachment will always lead to disappointments. Love you first, so if and when people leave or disappoint you, you won't be losing anything. A relationship should be an accessory, not a missing piece of your puzzle. You have to be the person who completes you.

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August 19th, 2016 11:49am

I force myself to attach on objects/tastes/colours instead of people. For example, instead of attaching to my dad, I attach to the colour blue because it reminds me of him. Instead of attaching to my current boyfriend, I attach to coffee, because he always drinks coffee.

February 21st, 2018 4:58am

Looking for answers on the internet...we've all been there. I just want you to know you don't have to figure this out on your own. I know this might not be something you want to discuss with your friends or family, but if you join this site you can get free, anonymous support from trained listeners and a huge support community. Nobody is here to judge.

July 30th, 2016 1:15am

Honestly, you can't. The heart wants what it wants and theres no way to deny that to your heart. The only thing you can do is isolate yourself from these people but your heart will still ache to talk to this person or see this person.

July 21st, 2016 10:48pm

Getting attached to people can have risks, such as possible rejection or hurt feelings down the road. However it can have so many rewards too, such as companionship, love, and good memories. It's common to feel a need to protect yourself from the risks of getting attached, especially if you've been hurt before, but then you'd be closing yourself off from the rewards as well. Sometimes to experience life's biggest joys we have to make ourselves vulnerable to the possibility that things won't work out the way we want them to. Luckily if we are hurt, there are always supportive people, like the listeners here on 7 Cups, that are ready to listen, because they've been there too, and they care about YOU.

September 10th, 2016 10:18am

Keep replies short and simple, Dont ask anything personal which i relate to, Dont mention anything .

July 29th, 2016 7:11pm

It's probably best if you focus on yourself. Work on your self-esteem before building relationships. Before you can love someone, you have to love yourself. Relationships shouldn't be a main piece of your identity. You want to be known as someone who made a mark not someone dating someone who made a mark.

July 31st, 2016 5:51am

Realizing your own potential and worth is a big step in not becoming "too attached" to others. I think that we must first understand that we are more than what someone else can bring into our lives. We can bring abundance into our own lives and sometimes it is hard to hear that when there is a thought in the mind that wants that attachment first. There is so much momentum behind the want, that desire, that need that attachment implies. In such a case, self-evaluation is helpful. We must ask ourselves questions like "Why?" "Why do I need this person so much?" "What do they provide for me that I do not currently provide for myself?" Is it love? Adventure? Excitement? Whatever it is, you must first be ENOUGH before someone else can win that freedom to also be enough so that way no matter what kind of relationship it is... you can both be enough for each other. Or, even, find out, with peace and understanding, that, perhaps, another path is the correct one.

August 20th, 2016 2:58pm

You have to get attached to people to learn how to develop as a person. Everyone gets hurt, it's only natural. You just have to find the ones worth your time. 'You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince'

August 17th, 2016 6:56pm

The best way to keep from getting to attached to people is not spending so much time with them. You have to keep people at an emotional distance. If you spend a lot of time with them emotions will come into play. More time away keeps emotions at bay!

August 26th, 2016 4:14am

You can't help getting attached unfortunately. However, knowing who you're getting attached to is important. Don't trust too much early on, and always be careful.

July 24th, 2016 10:54pm

I know this is going to sound grotesque but you have to picture the individual doing an act that you find unappealing. Think about how you'd feel if someone became too attached to you.

October 18th, 2016 12:19pm

Search for happiness and fulfillment within yourself. Once you become self dependent, you wont feel the need to attach to people for reasons other than normal human relations

August 6th, 2016 9:39am

You could widen your net, talk to more people, don't devote and spend too much time with the same people all the time.

October 3rd, 2016 6:46pm

Never rely on them to make you happy. The only person that can make you happy is yourself. Are you feeding your soul? Do you have a spiritual practice in place? Are you doing things that benefit and support yourself. Other people can certainly make us "happier" and when we rely on them to make us happy, we get overly attached and can set ourselves up for heartache in the future.

August 25th, 2016 7:08pm

I remember I am complete even by myself and I don't need someone else to fulfill my needs so I am able to stand on my own and that allows me not to get attached to others because it is not a need for me but rather a choice.

September 3rd, 2016 9:25am

try to not talk deeply to them, spend a regular time with them, don't try to do every single thing with the same person, don't talk about your private life because it will make you want to say more and talk more which will lead you to a deeper relationship or friendship

October 15th, 2016 7:12pm

I see nothing wrong with being attached to people. But when the times comes where you need someone to leave your life or they leave your life without you wanting them to, you need to be able to let go. Think about it, no matter what happens, that person(s) came into your life for a reason, good or bad. You lived without them at some point you can continue to live without them again it just takes time. Remember it is better to have loved then not love at all!

July 27th, 2016 3:25am

Recognize the basis for your need of them. If you find yourself feeling insecurely attached and therefore holding on too tightly, look at the basis for this insecurity. What underlying need is speaking through this tendency to "get too attached?" Apart from this, you can substitute something more reliable, such as God or the people who truly love you, as opposed to the people with whom you feel insecurely attached.

August 13th, 2016 9:48pm

Not becoming attached to people can be difficult since you could say people are naturally attracted to others. Maybe if you space out your interactions and keeping it to a specific amount so you don't see them too often

August 26th, 2016 11:24am

Well this is a hard question because some people get attached to certain people. Easily but I'd say that it can be helpful to talk to them how much you want but try not keeping it long convos

August 26th, 2016 4:47pm

It is always good to keep boundaries for yourself when it comes to relationships. Also, to know the boundaries of your peers. Also, always maintain open communication with partners (romantic, family, or friends) so boundaries are not crossed.

August 27th, 2016 6:19am

Have you tried pursuing activities or hobbies that you are passionate about and don't necessarily have to do them with others?

September 1st, 2016 12:39pm

Don't trust people you don't know too well, slowly open up to them but be assured to becareful what you say before you fully know them

September 7th, 2016 1:34am

Unfortunately, a big part of being human is developing natural attachments to the closed people in your life. But if you want to eliminate that you would most likely end up feeling very lonely and potentially even depressed :(

July 30th, 2016 2:19pm

I personally find being able to get attached to other people is good, if we are not too clingy and overly dependent on the other's presence. One way to enjoy a secure attachment without suffering it too much might be maintaining spaces for yourself for doing what you enjoy without necessarily the company of someone else in order to be self-reliant

August 13th, 2016 6:44am

While getting attached to a particular being is not normally harmful, distance has proven to be the most complete form of avoidance.

September 11th, 2016 5:39am

I believe that if you practice self-love and to try and enjoy your own company/solitude, you won't be so attached to the person. Instead of chasing, just be still. Work on yourself, explore your passions, go on an adventure and discover who you are.

September 26th, 2016 8:09pm

Learn how to prioritise and also don't base your happiness towards others.Love yourself first so you would know what to deserve.

October 28th, 2016 11:06pm

You can't keep yourself from getting attached to people. What you can do is learn to manage your emotions so you don't become dependent and clingy. The secret is to learn how to control yourself in situations of jealousy, how to be independent and happy on your own. You must keep people's company so they fulfill your social needs, but with patience you can learn to make it not hurt.

January 19th, 2017 2:42am

If you don't want to stay attached to people, you should limit the amount of time you speak/hang out with them. Don't get too deep into conversations when talking to them. When you tell them your deepest secrets or get comfortable around them, then you will notice sooner or later that you can't get enough of that person. I suggest you still talk to the person, but remember not to get too personal and attached to them.

March 2nd, 2017 8:57am

When we cannot fulfil our own needs, we tend to depend on others to fulfil these needs for us. Examples of these needs may include needs for validation or a need to be "cured" of loneliness. When you feel negative feelings associated with these expectations of your friends that they do not achieve, perhaps it would prove beneficial to record your thoughts and feelings, recognise them (don't ignore them!), and analyse why you might feel this way, and if there were any characteristic triggers that continually made you develop these feelings. Communication with these people on setting up healthy boundaries and clarifying what your own boundaries are can help you evaluate and change how you relate to people. Check out 7cup's self-help resources on Boundaries and Managing Emotions, hopefully it would you give you new insights!

October 1st, 2016 8:51pm

Learn to really love them. When you really love someone you don't need them to love you back. You don't need them to be there. You don't need them to be different. You love them as they are, wherever they are! So when you really love someone, you can take yourself out of the picture and just give to them and not expect anything back. When you don't except anything back from that person then you are not attached. It means you can give more fully too, no matter how they act you can give unconditionally because you don't expect anything from them.

October 23rd, 2016 6:05pm

I would start doing small or mundane activities on my own. I figured it's the best way to be comfortable with doing thing by myself without needing other people. Slowly an independent mentality will grow within.

January 12th, 2017 2:20pm

Attachment is an automatic, natural process. Being too attached is not a bad thing, unless you are attached to the wrong people. In order to avoid being overly attached, you could spend less time with the person, or hand out with more different people, so that you wont have your mind set on one person. I hope this helps.

March 29th, 2017 4:49pm

Learn your boundaries, what you're willing to accept from the other person and for yourself. Remember people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

July 23rd, 2016 8:47pm

You can keep yourself from getting too attached to people by not taking things personal, don't get sucked in.

October 27th, 2016 8:17pm

Getting attached to people is a natural part of life. It's a beautiful thing, to share our life with someone and have them share theirs with you. Attachment is risk, but without risk there can be no life and no progress! Attachment is a terrible, beautiful thing, but without it, where would we be?

January 25th, 2017 12:47am

Most of us are conditioned to see attachment and love as inseparable. So even if we want to be emotionally detached we cannot do so because if we do so that means we can never love those people. In reality, when you are able to love people without attachment , you will find that it is the purest form of love. It doesn't give you happiness it brings you joy. While happiness is dualistic in nature and is always followed with the eventual sadness of separation, joy is not. Joy is a constant state of being that comes from within. In order to keep yourself from getting attached to people, make a conscious effort to remove expectations you have of people. Even in the relationships you already have, take a step back and evaluate the expectations that you have already placed on them. Once you get rid of the expectations you enter this state where you are absolutely free and detached while loving those around you evermore

March 18th, 2017 8:37pm

It's not really something you can control. People have feelings and some of them can't control their feelings because they care too much, I think time makes you learn from your own mistakes and makes you become more defensive over your own feelings.

April 1st, 2017 2:28am

This is extremely difficult most of the time, as it involves having to stay away from people. However, this also doesn't always work, since as you may know, absence can make the "love" or attachment, rather, stronger. We get attached to people usually because we feel like we desperately need them. Try working on something else. Try to realize your self-worth. You don't need too many other people for this. Schedule activities to do alone, and have fun by yourself! This will help you feel less attached to somebody.

September 20th, 2017 12:22am

In general, I don't think there's any way to not get attached to people. I have this same issue, and right now what I'm trying to do is just go with the flow, be accepting of my feelings whatever they are, rather than push away from people.

January 14th, 2018 8:05pm

Attachement is not something negative, but what you do with it can affect you. Try to find activities which you enjoy on your own, love yourself, and this way the people you get attached to will not feel like the only means to happiness.

July 28th, 2016 11:36pm

I don't think getting attached is a bad thing. It' healthy to have deep, human relationships and connections. It unhealthy to shut everyone out and it makes your problems worse than they were before. Accept love into your life. You deserve that

September 1st, 2016 8:38am

I will always remember I am here only to help other people

September 18th, 2016 3:16am

I answer there questions as neutral as possible. If I feel like the conversation is getting out of context, I will suggest another listener.

September 21st, 2016 1:38am

Try not to visualize life together as much as possible. Keep your mind occupied through various hobbies.

September 23rd, 2016 9:07am

It isnt wrong getting attached to people just stop expecting the same from them. Through this you wont hurt yourself that much

October 10th, 2016 5:51pm

It seems you do not wish to form an emotional attachment to people. However, human interaction and attachments are part of what make us human and are necessary to keep up healthy emotional and social wellbeing. I cannot offer advice on this subject, however perhaps think about the reasons you wish to not be attatched to people firstly.

October 23rd, 2016 10:54am

That is a hard question, but i think i may be of your help. when you meet someone just don't expect to become best friends. try to think of it as mutual friends. not really close friends but still friends. also have you own best friend, the one peron you can talk to. have them be your attachable person.

October 27th, 2016 7:48pm

You shouldn't have to think about that. Being attached is not a bad thing at all. It's part of being human.

November 6th, 2016 11:14pm

Remember that other people are meant to compliment you, not complete you. You are your own person and other people are like garnish, meant to bring out the best in you. Don't live solely for someone else.

November 17th, 2016 4:19am

Honestly from personal experience I think it's difficult to advoid being attached whether in a serious way or a none committal way. What's more important, is the types of attachements you form with people and even more important the type of person you attach yourself to. Avoiding attachments that make you feel less of you.

December 2nd, 2016 3:10am

Do you feel like you have a pattern of uncontrollable dependency on people? How do you define "getting too attached"? In many regards, becoming attached to a person is a natural process, whether that person is family, friend, or love, as proof of mutual bonding over a long period of time or powerful incident. However, if you feel a sense of anxiety, loss, depression, self-insecurity, anger, frustration, or guilt from being apart from a person in normal day-to-day circumstances, you may have formed an unhealthy dependency. That's okay - what's really important is that you are trying to figure it out now and asking these questions. When we become dependent on someone, it may be because we are seeking validation from outside sources - and feel we are not validated when we are without those source. That could be a sign that we aren't validating ourselves enough - we aren't our own best friend yet, we aren't actively supporting ourselves, or we don't trust our own opinions. This could be occuring even within someone who is an extrovert or very confident in themselves. Think about the reasons why you think you need other people to be happy. Think about what is missing emotionally when people are around, and if there is anyway you can provide that to yourself. In the meantime, you can try to slighlty change your social patterns to see if mixing things up can help you shake your dependencies. Alternatively, if someone is accusing you of becoming attached and you are confused by this accusation, it may be that the acuser is uncomfortable in some way and having trouble communicating that and so they are lashing out. Ultimately, only you know if you are (a) truly becoming dependent on people in unhealthy ways, (b) why you feel you need that, and (c) what you can do to change those patterns. Good luck!

December 9th, 2016 5:54pm

Getting attached to people isn't necessarily a bad thing, it shows that you're passionate. However if it turns to a point where it's negatively affecting you and your relationships with friends or potential love interests, then it might be best to separate yourself and ask yourself a few questions about these people; Do I know them? What do I actually like about them? Do they care about me? Am I relying on the comfort of another to make me happy? These are all important questions.

December 10th, 2016 4:16am

There is a difference between becoming attached to people and overly attached, or too attached too quickly. Merely a matter of equivalence. What you are giving in accordance to what they are. An imbalance is not particularly healthy.

January 1st, 2017 4:30am

There's nothing wrong about getting close to a lot of people, but a lot of people try to distance themselves somewhat in order to 'keep their heart off their sleeve' and make sure they don't get heartbroken. The best way to make sure you aren't 'hugging' everyone super close all the time is to nicely, calmly, and cautiously meet them. Once you trust them it's not a big deal, but until you know the kind of person they are... Just make sure you're cautious. And hey, sometimes people are deceiving. You're not the one to blame if you got attached and got hurt because of it.

January 4th, 2017 6:59pm

Attachment is normal. It's a mechanism of survival, but it can certainly be frustrating to become attached to people who may not be good for us. Setting up boundaries early on in any relationship or encounter with someone can help you keep from getting caught up in the emotions. I would look to someone who knows a lot on the subject and try to learn about healthy boundaries with others.

February 26th, 2017 3:21pm

I'm not sure. Perhaps just keep in mind that we all have some attachment to each other and the world, and that there is no need to feel overly attached to someone in particular until you get close to them. If you focus on something else, while dealing with the reason you are getting attached too quickly or closely, that may help too. Also, don't assume that thing attached is a bad thing. If we were not attached to people we would not have any loyalty.

April 5th, 2017 5:13am

You could space yourself away from them, don't tell them everything. Be civil and try to keep personal things to yourself.

April 5th, 2017 6:36pm

I keep myself from getting to attached to people because I have been hurt so many times in life. I have come to the conclusion that we are all human and we all make mistakes. But if I focus on myself and how I relate to others, I don't get concerned about getting attached to them. I only concern myself with getting to know them.

Recent Answers
February 16th, 2018 3:04pm

We are two with that issue now! Well I am trying, personally, to think that people meets but it's a decision of both persons to remain together or sometimes something happens and that person moves to another country or else. So it's good to have that in mind I think.

February 2nd, 2018 10:52am

From my own point, Attachment is an emotional chaos, its okay to be close to people like to open up or to talk but a state of attachment is when you know someone is filling out a piece of your life, now that can be unhealthy if you have failed expectation towards that person, but attachment can be controlled even tho you get close to someone, just set your mind not to expect not to be sentimental over things that you cannot control. but the bottom line here, its important to love yourself, to secure yourself and be assured of who you are, so that whether you go on your own you can live with it and if someone goes in your life and left, hurt or disappoint you it will get not be affected. You need to build yourself first before you can enter into attachment and in the end no matter what will happen whether attachment will work or not you will not loose. You just have to condition your mind, it's all in the mind, you have to control yourself

January 19th, 2018 2:01am

It's probably best if you focus on yourself. Work on your self-esteem before building relationships. Before you can love someone you have to love yourself.

January 18th, 2018 12:36pm

There is nothing wrong in getting attached to people. It's a sign that you're a human. What's not healthy is when you depend yourself too much to these people. You depend your happiness or emotion rather to them. That's not healthy anymore because you're now being held in the neck.

January 3rd, 2018 4:44pm

Personal boundaries for me is the answer. Don't talk to that person every day even though you want to. Sometimes it's hard but the more you do it the easier it will get

November 29th, 2017 11:10pm

You can't keep yourself away from getting attached to people. We, as human beings, are emotional and social beings too. We cannot live without others. We easily get attached to people we meet during our lifetime. We sometimes even don't notice it. But it is normal thing we can't escape. Don't run from it embrace it. Embrace yourself as a person.

November 22nd, 2017 2:35am

Don't share too much. Have someone to talk to - yes. May it be your parents or just "a person". Don't let everyone know what's going on. Don't give too much personal information.

November 18th, 2017 6:24pm

I think you should at least talk to them, as friends, and then if you feel as if you're getting attached, just talk with them. Communication is very important!

November 15th, 2017 4:22pm

Try and keep your distance until you know what the person is really like and if they're ok to start getting comfortable with.

November 15th, 2017 7:32am

I am recently having an issue with my friend where we are not talking as much. Last week we were joking around but then she responded really aggreesively towards me. In the heat of the moment I got upset and refused to talk to her for the rest of the night. Later that week she refused to talk to me and afterwards I tried approaching her asking her if there was something wrong between us. She said there wasn't but she only says hi and bye to me and that's it. With my other friends she acknowledges them and talks but with me she doesn't. It's upsetting me and that's only because I get too emotionally attached to others that don't care about the situation. They are not confortational therefore it doesn't bother them but with me, it hurts my feelings not knowing what I did wrong.

November 11th, 2017 2:42am

I guess the better question would be to ask yourself if you feel there is a line you want to draw with people and can you identify signs of when you feel you are getting too attached to people? Learning to appreciate oneself will enhance your ability to genuinely care about others. I feel that when I get attached to people, the warning sign is that I feel that these people can do no wrong and I will accept every decision under the moon, sun and stars. This, I know, isn't really how I wish to regard peoples' actions so, I take extra measures to ensure I spend time with others in my life, to diversify my perspective so that I don't get complacent in my relationship building and character building for myself.

November 4th, 2017 2:00am

While forming bonds with others is part of the human experience, problems can arise when a person feels that one absolutely needs the other in order to be well. Work on being sufficient for yourself. There will be times when your own self will be your only companion, and in those times that companion must be enough. Understand yourself, comfort yourself, and above all, love yourself.

August 23rd, 2017 8:53pm

A tough one, because as humans we naturally have the ability to fall in love or feel an affection to another person. You can only but look for the warning signals - if they are using you and you know they are, you have to step away. If they are mean or trying to be manipulative, you will feel that and probably know it in your heart and mind - so try to step away. Just always be aware I guess, not everyone is a bad person but we must listen to our instincts with the bad apples.

July 28th, 2017 9:35am

Relying on your own self worth and being confident in yourself is a good start. Be independent. You are good enough and if the other person can not accept or see that, you're only hurting yourself.

July 21st, 2017 11:47am

Atachment is a way of life. Everyone becomes atached to someone. The only way to avoid it is to avoid people or just dont talk to other people.

July 5th, 2017 8:36pm

Getting too attached to people is because you rely on them and need them for things, that maybe you can't find in yourself; or if you can't help yourself and rely on them to help you. That's not right, no matter how much you love that person, it's always the best that you rely on yourself and know yourself to the point, when you don't search for help in others, because you'be got in yourself.

June 9th, 2017 3:31am

Hmm you dont, and you can't. I tried actually. I am so easily attached to people, but when I tried to distant myself from people so I wont get too attach, and I just end up pushing people away. I mean, for me personally, I don't know how to not get attach and not pushing people away at the same time. Getting attach to me is not what you wanted to do or not, it is natural, it just happened so I just let it be.

April 15th, 2017 6:16am

How do you know this person? Are they a friend, a relative, or an associate? Think about your own relationship with this person and how you know one another. Is this a person you know anything about? Consider your own thoughts and feelings, while keeping theirs in mind as well as to where you both stand in your personal relationship.

April 13th, 2017 12:32am

Taking small steps toward self-sufficiency helps. If you know you can function without others, you may not find yourself clinging to them as much. Also, not idealizing people is hard, but helps.

April 9th, 2017 3:17pm

Maybe by setting boundaries and limitations. Being objective and goal oriented rather being open emotionally