How do I keep myself from getting to attached to people?

94 Answers.
Last Updated: 04/22/2018 at 7:17am
Top Rated Answer
July 21st, 2016 2:40am
Focus on yourself. Build a good, strong foundation of self-love before pursuing relationships with others (romantic or platonic). Often, when we become attached to someone, we are looking for them to fill a void we have inside ourselves. Attachment will always lead to disappointments. Love you first, so if and when people leave or disappoint you, you won't be losing anything. A relationship should be an accessory, not a missing piece of your puzzle. You have to be the person who completes you.
Newest Answer
April 22nd, 2018 7:17am
The way I keep myself from getting too attached to people is to clearly set my boundaries. Boundaries can be lines that you don't want to cross, such as contact with someone at all hours of the night or certain conversations that you agree are crossing a boundary for yourself. It's important to have these boundaries so that your concept of self remains intact and doesn't become enmeshed with others.

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Top Rated Answers
August 19th, 2016 11:49am
I force myself to attach on objects/tastes/colours instead of people. For example, instead of attaching to my dad, I attach to the colour blue because it reminds me of him. Instead of attaching to my current boyfriend, I attach to coffee, because he always drinks coffee.
July 30th, 2016 1:15am
Honestly, you can't. The heart wants what it wants and theres no way to deny that to your heart. The only thing you can do is isolate yourself from these people but your heart will still ache to talk to this person or see this person.
July 21st, 2016 10:48pm
Getting attached to people can have risks, such as possible rejection or hurt feelings down the road. However it can have so many rewards too, such as companionship, love, and good memories. It's common to feel a need to protect yourself from the risks of getting attached, especially if you've been hurt before, but then you'd be closing yourself off from the rewards as well. Sometimes to experience life's biggest joys we have to make ourselves vulnerable to the possibility that things won't work out the way we want them to. Luckily if we are hurt, there are always supportive people, like the listeners here on 7 Cups, that are ready to listen, because they've been there too, and they care about YOU.
April 23rd, 2018 7:06pm
Looking for answers on the internet...we've all been there. I just want you to know you don't have to figure this out on your own. I know this might not be something you want to discuss with your friends or family, but if you join this site you can get free, anonymous support from trained listeners and a huge support community. Nobody is here to judge.
September 10th, 2016 10:18am
Keep replies short and simple, Dont ask anything personal which i relate to, Dont mention anything .
July 31st, 2016 5:51am
Realizing your own potential and worth is a big step in not becoming "too attached" to others. I think that we must first understand that we are more than what someone else can bring into our lives. We can bring abundance into our own lives and sometimes it is hard to hear that when there is a thought in the mind that wants that attachment first. There is so much momentum behind the want, that desire, that need that attachment implies. In such a case, self-evaluation is helpful. We must ask ourselves questions like "Why?" "Why do I need this person so much?" "What do they provide for me that I do not currently provide for myself?" Is it love? Adventure? Excitement? Whatever it is, you must first be ENOUGH before someone else can win that freedom to also be enough so that way no matter what kind of relationship it is... you can both be enough for each other. Or, even, find out, with peace and understanding, that, perhaps, another path is the correct one.
July 29th, 2016 7:11pm
It's probably best if you focus on yourself. Work on your self-esteem before building relationships. Before you can love someone, you have to love yourself. Relationships shouldn't be a main piece of your identity. You want to be known as someone who made a mark not someone dating someone who made a mark.
August 20th, 2016 2:58pm
You have to get attached to people to learn how to develop as a person. Everyone gets hurt, it's only natural. You just have to find the ones worth your time. 'You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince'
August 26th, 2016 4:14am
You can't help getting attached unfortunately. However, knowing who you're getting attached to is important. Don't trust too much early on, and always be careful.
July 24th, 2016 10:54pm
I know this is going to sound grotesque but you have to picture the individual doing an act that you find unappealing. Think about how you'd feel if someone became too attached to you.
August 17th, 2016 6:56pm
The best way to keep from getting to attached to people is not spending so much time with them. You have to keep people at an emotional distance. If you spend a lot of time with them emotions will come into play. More time away keeps emotions at bay!
August 6th, 2016 9:39am
You could widen your net, talk to more people, don't devote and spend too much time with the same people all the time.
October 18th, 2016 12:19pm
Search for happiness and fulfillment within yourself. Once you become self dependent, you wont feel the need to attach to people for reasons other than normal human relations
October 3rd, 2016 6:46pm
Never rely on them to make you happy. The only person that can make you happy is yourself. Are you feeding your soul? Do you have a spiritual practice in place? Are you doing things that benefit and support yourself. Other people can certainly make us "happier" and when we rely on them to make us happy, we get overly attached and can set ourselves up for heartache in the future.
October 15th, 2016 7:12pm
I see nothing wrong with being attached to people. But when the times comes where you need someone to leave your life or they leave your life without you wanting them to, you need to be able to let go. Think about it, no matter what happens, that person(s) came into your life for a reason, good or bad. You lived without them at some point you can continue to live without them again it just takes time. Remember it is better to have loved then not love at all!
September 3rd, 2016 9:25am
try to not talk deeply to them, spend a regular time with them, don't try to do every single thing with the same person, don't talk about your private life because it will make you want to say more and talk more which will lead you to a deeper relationship or friendship
August 25th, 2016 7:08pm
I remember I am complete even by myself and I don't need someone else to fulfill my needs so I am able to stand on my own and that allows me not to get attached to others because it is not a need for me but rather a choice.
October 1st, 2016 8:51pm
Learn to really love them. When you really love someone you don't need them to love you back. You don't need them to be there. You don't need them to be different. You love them as they are, wherever they are! So when you really love someone, you can take yourself out of the picture and just give to them and not expect anything back. When you don't except anything back from that person then you are not attached. It means you can give more fully too, no matter how they act you can give unconditionally because you don't expect anything from them.
July 27th, 2016 3:25am
Recognize the basis for your need of them. If you find yourself feeling insecurely attached and therefore holding on too tightly, look at the basis for this insecurity. What underlying need is speaking through this tendency to "get too attached?" Apart from this, you can substitute something more reliable, such as God or the people who truly love you, as opposed to the people with whom you feel insecurely attached.
August 26th, 2016 11:24am
Well this is a hard question because some people get attached to certain people. Easily but I'd say that it can be helpful to talk to them how much you want but try not keeping it long convos
September 7th, 2016 1:34am
Unfortunately, a big part of being human is developing natural attachments to the closed people in your life. But if you want to eliminate that you would most likely end up feeling very lonely and potentially even depressed :(
September 11th, 2016 5:39am
I believe that if you practice self-love and to try and enjoy your own company/solitude, you won't be so attached to the person. Instead of chasing, just be still. Work on yourself, explore your passions, go on an adventure and discover who you are.
October 28th, 2016 11:06pm
You can't keep yourself from getting attached to people. What you can do is learn to manage your emotions so you don't become dependent and clingy. The secret is to learn how to control yourself in situations of jealousy, how to be independent and happy on your own. You must keep people's company so they fulfill your social needs, but with patience you can learn to make it not hurt.
January 19th, 2017 2:42am
If you don't want to stay attached to people, you should limit the amount of time you speak/hang out with them. Don't get too deep into conversations when talking to them. When you tell them your deepest secrets or get comfortable around them, then you will notice sooner or later that you can't get enough of that person. I suggest you still talk to the person, but remember not to get too personal and attached to them.
August 13th, 2016 9:48pm
Not becoming attached to people can be difficult since you could say people are naturally attracted to others. Maybe if you space out your interactions and keeping it to a specific amount so you don't see them too often
August 26th, 2016 4:47pm
It is always good to keep boundaries for yourself when it comes to relationships. Also, to know the boundaries of your peers. Also, always maintain open communication with partners (romantic, family, or friends) so boundaries are not crossed.
August 27th, 2016 6:19am
Have you tried pursuing activities or hobbies that you are passionate about and don't necessarily have to do them with others?
September 1st, 2016 12:39pm
Don't trust people you don't know too well, slowly open up to them but be assured to becareful what you say before you fully know them
July 30th, 2016 2:19pm
I personally find being able to get attached to other people is good, if we are not too clingy and overly dependent on the other's presence. One way to enjoy a secure attachment without suffering it too much might be maintaining spaces for yourself for doing what you enjoy without necessarily the company of someone else in order to be self-reliant
August 13th, 2016 6:44am
While getting attached to a particular being is not normally harmful, distance has proven to be the most complete form of avoidance.
September 26th, 2016 8:09pm
Learn how to prioritise and also don't base your happiness towards others.Love yourself first so you would know what to deserve.
January 25th, 2017 12:47am
Most of us are conditioned to see attachment and love as inseparable. So even if we want to be emotionally detached we cannot do so because if we do so that means we can never love those people. In reality, when you are able to love people without attachment , you will find that it is the purest form of love. It doesn't give you happiness it brings you joy. While happiness is dualistic in nature and is always followed with the eventual sadness of separation, joy is not. Joy is a constant state of being that comes from within. In order to keep yourself from getting attached to people, make a conscious effort to remove expectations you have of people. Even in the relationships you already have, take a step back and evaluate the expectations that you have already placed on them. Once you get rid of the expectations you enter this state where you are absolutely free and detached while loving those around you evermore
March 2nd, 2017 8:57am
When we cannot fulfil our own needs, we tend to depend on others to fulfil these needs for us. Examples of these needs may include needs for validation or a need to be "cured" of loneliness. When you feel negative feelings associated with these expectations of your friends that they do not achieve, perhaps it would prove beneficial to record your thoughts and feelings, recognise them (don't ignore them!), and analyse why you might feel this way, and if there were any characteristic triggers that continually made you develop these feelings. Communication with these people on setting up healthy boundaries and clarifying what your own boundaries are can help you evaluate and change how you relate to people. Check out 7cup's self-help resources on Boundaries and Managing Emotions, hopefully it would you give you new insights!
October 23rd, 2016 6:05pm
I would start doing small or mundane activities on my own. I figured it's the best way to be comfortable with doing thing by myself without needing other people. Slowly an independent mentality will grow within.
November 6th, 2016 11:14pm
Remember that other people are meant to compliment you, not complete you. You are your own person and other people are like garnish, meant to bring out the best in you. Don't live solely for someone else.
January 12th, 2017 2:20pm
Attachment is an automatic, natural process. Being too attached is not a bad thing, unless you are attached to the wrong people. In order to avoid being overly attached, you could spend less time with the person, or hand out with more different people, so that you wont have your mind set on one person. I hope this helps.
March 29th, 2017 4:49pm
Learn your boundaries, what you're willing to accept from the other person and for yourself. Remember people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
July 23rd, 2016 8:47pm
You can keep yourself from getting too attached to people by not taking things personal, don't get sucked in.
October 27th, 2016 8:17pm
Getting attached to people is a natural part of life. It's a beautiful thing, to share our life with someone and have them share theirs with you. Attachment is risk, but without risk there can be no life and no progress! Attachment is a terrible, beautiful thing, but without it, where would we be?
March 18th, 2017 8:37pm
It's not really something you can control. People have feelings and some of them can't control their feelings because they care too much, I think time makes you learn from your own mistakes and makes you become more defensive over your own feelings.
April 1st, 2017 2:28am
This is extremely difficult most of the time, as it involves having to stay away from people. However, this also doesn't always work, since as you may know, absence can make the "love" or attachment, rather, stronger. We get attached to people usually because we feel like we desperately need them. Try working on something else. Try to realize your self-worth. You don't need too many other people for this. Schedule activities to do alone, and have fun by yourself! This will help you feel less attached to somebody.
September 20th, 2017 12:22am
In general, I don't think there's any way to not get attached to people. I have this same issue, and right now what I'm trying to do is just go with the flow, be accepting of my feelings whatever they are, rather than push away from people.
January 14th, 2018 8:05pm
Attachement is not something negative, but what you do with it can affect you. Try to find activities which you enjoy on your own, love yourself, and this way the people you get attached to will not feel like the only means to happiness.
March 30th, 2018 12:21pm
Try to reflect on what you have earned when you were with them. If they gave you anything else but hurt and blue, then you have to speak to yourself to stay strong and move on. Life is too short to hurt yourself continuously. In the beginning you might have problems facing that, but in the end doing the right never sends you to the wrong road.
April 5th, 2018 2:06am
I found I got attached to people most when I wasn't happy with myself, or I couldn't make myself happy. If you find yourself relying on the people around you to make you happy, of course you'd get attached. Spend some time doing things you like and things that make you happy.
April 7th, 2018 4:19am
I wouldn't be scared to open up to people, its just the people you open up to. I think you can probably find a perfectly good person to get attached to that won't hurt you.
Recent Answers
April 15th, 2018 5:17am
I try to set healthy boundaries and remind myself that they are just a person. I only need me and that other person could leave, but boundaries are healthy.
April 13th, 2018 9:24pm
When you become emotionally attached to a person, you can feel like your life almost depends on them. The key is to break free from this mindset. Realizing your own self-worth and value is very important in building confidence. Emotional attachment can be a deep rooted insecurity; a fear of abandonment - you are dependent on someone, thinking you need that person. As someone who has experienced a lot of emotional attachment to different people in my life, here are some things I've learnt. -Be more cynical. This doesn't mean you shouldn't trust anyone, but putting too much trust in a person is unhealthy. -It's okay to do things by yourself; take this time for reflection and enjoy your own company (this doesn't mean you should do this all the time, however) -Explore the world, meet new people and new places. Seeing more people prevents the possibility of attachment. -And finally be proud of the life you lead, it's yours after all! Patience is required, as detaching yourself from someone can be hard.
April 12th, 2018 12:40pm
I will say this to myself, 'you live your own life. he does, she does, they do, I do. They may help you, but they may not. They have their own life. So, get yourself together. Whatever happens, it's all yours'
April 6th, 2018 3:30am
Attachment, to me, is a wonderful thing. It shows that you have a big heart and you have the capacity to love and be committed to someone. That is an incredible thing. But sometimes getting too attached to people can lead to terrible heartbreak. I suggest widening your horizons, meeting other people that you can turn to for help when you do get hurt by someone you got attached to.
March 13th, 2018 12:49pm
Don't make yourself addicted to someone. Always have Plan B so that nothing can get on you. Always be complected.
March 7th, 2018 5:03pm
the best way to keep from getting too attached is to do reality checks once in a while, whenever you feel you may be dependent on someone realize all of the things you do not need that person for and remind yourself that you can live without that person, while it may hurt, you physically will be fine without them, just as you were before you met them
March 4th, 2018 1:15am
You can keep yourself from getting too attached to people by after getting the support you need from one person instead of counting on the same person, look further into your support network and reach out to family or friends to support through ongoing challenges you maybe having too.
March 2nd, 2018 3:08am
Try not to talk to them as much,because the more time you spend together,the more attached you get .
February 25th, 2018 8:45am
I understand how much you are afraid of getting attached to people. Well, if you want to keep yourself getting attached to people, first figure out the reason behind why you are getting attached to people and set some boundaries accordingly.
February 22nd, 2018 3:40am
Attachment isn't necessarily a bad thing. Humans thrive on social interaction and to feel a sense of community is often to feel a sense of comfort and safety. If you feel that in any given instance it is not appropriate or detrimental to your health, maybe it is best to take a step back from the situation, take some time to breathe and understand why it is you feel this way. You do not need others to feel happy as you are yourself a complete and wholesome individual. When we learn to feel comfortable with our own company, then we can move forward with out relationships without a strong need for dependence.
February 16th, 2018 3:04pm
We are two with that issue now! Well I am trying, personally, to think that people meets but it's a decision of both persons to remain together or sometimes something happens and that person moves to another country or else. So it's good to have that in mind I think.
February 2nd, 2018 10:52am
From my own point, Attachment is an emotional chaos, its okay to be close to people like to open up or to talk but a state of attachment is when you know someone is filling out a piece of your life, now that can be unhealthy if you have failed expectation towards that person, but attachment can be controlled even tho you get close to someone, just set your mind not to expect not to be sentimental over things that you cannot control. but the bottom line here, its important to love yourself, to secure yourself and be assured of who you are, so that whether you go on your own you can live with it and if someone goes in your life and left, hurt or disappoint you it will get not be affected. You need to build yourself first before you can enter into attachment and in the end no matter what will happen whether attachment will work or not you will not loose. You just have to condition your mind, it's all in the mind, you have to control yourself
January 19th, 2018 2:01am
It's probably best if you focus on yourself. Work on your self-esteem before building relationships. Before you can love someone you have to love yourself.
January 18th, 2018 12:36pm
There is nothing wrong in getting attached to people. It's a sign that you're a human. What's not healthy is when you depend yourself too much to these people. You depend your happiness or emotion rather to them. That's not healthy anymore because you're now being held in the neck.
January 3rd, 2018 4:44pm
Personal boundaries for me is the answer. Don't talk to that person every day even though you want to. Sometimes it's hard but the more you do it the easier it will get
November 29th, 2017 11:10pm
You can't keep yourself away from getting attached to people. We, as human beings, are emotional and social beings too. We cannot live without others. We easily get attached to people we meet during our lifetime. We sometimes even don't notice it. But it is normal thing we can't escape. Don't run from it embrace it. Embrace yourself as a person.
November 22nd, 2017 2:35am
Don't share too much. Have someone to talk to - yes. May it be your parents or just "a person". Don't let everyone know what's going on. Don't give too much personal information.
November 18th, 2017 6:24pm
I think you should at least talk to them, as friends, and then if you feel as if you're getting attached, just talk with them. Communication is very important!
November 15th, 2017 4:22pm
Try and keep your distance until you know what the person is really like and if they're ok to start getting comfortable with.
November 15th, 2017 7:32am
I am recently having an issue with my friend where we are not talking as much. Last week we were joking around but then she responded really aggreesively towards me. In the heat of the moment I got upset and refused to talk to her for the rest of the night. Later that week she refused to talk to me and afterwards I tried approaching her asking her if there was something wrong between us. She said there wasn't but she only says hi and bye to me and that's it. With my other friends she acknowledges them and talks but with me she doesn't. It's upsetting me and that's only because I get too emotionally attached to others that don't care about the situation. They are not confortational therefore it doesn't bother them but with me, it hurts my feelings not knowing what I did wrong.
November 11th, 2017 2:42am
I guess the better question would be to ask yourself if you feel there is a line you want to draw with people and can you identify signs of when you feel you are getting too attached to people? Learning to appreciate oneself will enhance your ability to genuinely care about others. I feel that when I get attached to people, the warning sign is that I feel that these people can do no wrong and I will accept every decision under the moon, sun and stars. This, I know, isn't really how I wish to regard peoples' actions so, I take extra measures to ensure I spend time with others in my life, to diversify my perspective so that I don't get complacent in my relationship building and character building for myself.
November 4th, 2017 2:00am
While forming bonds with others is part of the human experience, problems can arise when a person feels that one absolutely needs the other in order to be well. Work on being sufficient for yourself. There will be times when your own self will be your only companion, and in those times that companion must be enough. Understand yourself, comfort yourself, and above all, love yourself.
August 23rd, 2017 8:53pm
A tough one, because as humans we naturally have the ability to fall in love or feel an affection to another person. You can only but look for the warning signals - if they are using you and you know they are, you have to step away. If they are mean or trying to be manipulative, you will feel that and probably know it in your heart and mind - so try to step away. Just always be aware I guess, not everyone is a bad person but we must listen to our instincts with the bad apples.
July 28th, 2017 9:35am
Relying on your own self worth and being confident in yourself is a good start. Be independent. You are good enough and if the other person can not accept or see that, you're only hurting yourself.
July 21st, 2017 11:47am
Atachment is a way of life. Everyone becomes atached to someone. The only way to avoid it is to avoid people or just dont talk to other people.
July 5th, 2017 8:36pm
Getting too attached to people is because you rely on them and need them for things, that maybe you can't find in yourself; or if you can't help yourself and rely on them to help you. That's not right, no matter how much you love that person, it's always the best that you rely on yourself and know yourself to the point, when you don't search for help in others, because you'be got in yourself.
June 9th, 2017 3:31am
Hmm you dont, and you can't. I tried actually. I am so easily attached to people, but when I tried to distant myself from people so I wont get too attach, and I just end up pushing people away. I mean, for me personally, I don't know how to not get attach and not pushing people away at the same time. Getting attach to me is not what you wanted to do or not, it is natural, it just happened so I just let it be.
April 15th, 2017 6:16am
How do you know this person? Are they a friend, a relative, or an associate? Think about your own relationship with this person and how you know one another. Is this a person you know anything about? Consider your own thoughts and feelings, while keeping theirs in mind as well as to where you both stand in your personal relationship.
April 13th, 2017 12:32am
Taking small steps toward self-sufficiency helps. If you know you can function without others, you may not find yourself clinging to them as much. Also, not idealizing people is hard, but helps.