How do I keep myself from getting to attached to people?
Last Updated: 11/21/2021 at 5:05am
Polly Letsch, LCSW
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
I provide non-judgmental, person-centered, objective therapeutic treatment for individuals of all ages to improve social, emotional, mental and other areas of functioning.
Top Rated Answers
Focus on yourself. Build a good, strong foundation of self-love before pursuing relationships with others (romantic or platonic). Often, when we become attached to someone, we are looking for them to fill a void we have inside ourselves. Attachment will always lead to disappointments. Love you first, so if and when people leave or disappoint you, you won't be losing anything. A relationship should be an accessory, not a missing piece of your puzzle. You have to be the person who completes you.
Honestly, you can't. The heart wants what it wants and theres no way to deny that to your heart. The only thing you can do is isolate yourself from these people but your heart will still ache to talk to this person or see this person.
I force myself to attach on objects/tastes/colours instead of people. For example, instead of attaching to my dad, I attach to the colour blue because it reminds me of him. Instead of attaching to my current boyfriend, I attach to coffee, because he always drinks coffee.
Keep replies short and simple, Dont ask anything personal which i relate to, Dont mention anything .
Realizing your own potential and worth is a big step in not becoming "too attached" to others. I think that we must first understand that we are more than what someone else can bring into our lives. We can bring abundance into our own lives and sometimes it is hard to hear that when there is a thought in the mind that wants that attachment first. There is so much momentum behind the want, that desire, that need that attachment implies. In such a case, self-evaluation is helpful. We must ask ourselves questions like "Why?" "Why do I need this person so much?" "What do they provide for me that I do not currently provide for myself?" Is it love? Adventure? Excitement? Whatever it is, you must first be ENOUGH before someone else can win that freedom to also be enough so that way no matter what kind of relationship it is... you can both be enough for each other. Or, even, find out, with peace and understanding, that, perhaps, another path is the correct one.
The best way to keep from getting to attached to people is not spending so much time with them. You have to keep people at an emotional distance. If you spend a lot of time with them emotions will come into play. More time away keeps emotions at bay!
Getting attached to people can have risks, such as possible rejection or hurt feelings down the road. However it can have so many rewards too, such as companionship, love, and good memories. It's common to feel a need to protect yourself from the risks of getting attached, especially if you've been hurt before, but then you'd be closing yourself off from the rewards as well. Sometimes to experience life's biggest joys we have to make ourselves vulnerable to the possibility that things won't work out the way we want them to. Luckily if we are hurt, there are always supportive people, like the listeners here on 7 Cups, that are ready to listen, because they've been there too, and they care about YOU.
I see nothing wrong with being attached to people. But when the times comes where you need someone to leave your life or they leave your life without you wanting them to, you need to be able to let go. Think about it, no matter what happens, that person(s) came into your life for a reason, good or bad. You lived without them at some point you can continue to live without them again it just takes time. Remember it is better to have loved then not love at all!
You could widen your net, talk to more people, don't devote and spend too much time with the same people all the time.
Learn to really love them. When you really love someone you don't need them to love you back. You don't need them to be there. You don't need them to be different. You love them as they are, wherever they are! So when you really love someone, you can take yourself out of the picture and just give to them and not expect anything back. When you don't except anything back from that person then you are not attached. It means you can give more fully too, no matter how they act you can give unconditionally because you don't expect anything from them.
I know this is going to sound grotesque but you have to picture the individual doing an act that you find unappealing. Think about how you'd feel if someone became too attached to you.
You can't help getting attached unfortunately. However, knowing who you're getting attached to is important. Don't trust too much early on, and always be careful.
It's probably best if you focus on yourself. Work on your self-esteem before building relationships. Before you can love someone, you have to love yourself. Relationships shouldn't be a main piece of your identity. You want to be known as someone who made a mark not someone dating someone who made a mark.
You have to get attached to people to learn how to develop as a person. Everyone gets hurt, it's only natural. You just have to find the ones worth your time. 'You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince'
Never rely on them to make you happy. The only person that can make you happy is yourself. Are you feeding your soul? Do you have a spiritual practice in place? Are you doing things that benefit and support yourself. Other people can certainly make us "happier" and when we rely on them to make us happy, we get overly attached and can set ourselves up for heartache in the future.
Search for happiness and fulfillment within yourself. Once you become self dependent, you wont feel the need to attach to people for reasons other than normal human relations
try to not talk deeply to them, spend a regular time with them, don't try to do every single thing with the same person, don't talk about your private life because it will make you want to say more and talk more which will lead you to a deeper relationship or friendship
You can't keep yourself from getting attached to people. What you can do is learn to manage your emotions so you don't become dependent and clingy. The secret is to learn how to control yourself in situations of jealousy, how to be independent and happy on your own. You must keep people's company so they fulfill your social needs, but with patience you can learn to make it not hurt.
If you don't want to stay attached to people, you should limit the amount of time you speak/hang out with them. Don't get too deep into conversations when talking to them. When you tell them your deepest secrets or get comfortable around them, then you will notice sooner or later that you can't get enough of that person. I suggest you still talk to the person, but remember not to get too personal and attached to them.
Most of us are conditioned to see attachment and love as inseparable. So even if we want to be emotionally detached we cannot do so because if we do so that means we can never love those people. In reality, when you are able to love people without attachment , you will find that it is the purest form of love. It doesn't give you happiness it brings you joy. While happiness is dualistic in nature and is always followed with the eventual sadness of separation, joy is not. Joy is a constant state of being that comes from within. In order to keep yourself from getting attached to people, make a conscious effort to remove expectations you have of people. Even in the relationships you already have, take a step back and evaluate the expectations that you have already placed on them. Once you get rid of the expectations you enter this state where you are absolutely free and detached while loving those around you evermore
Unfortunately, a big part of being human is developing natural attachments to the closed people in your life. But if you want to eliminate that you would most likely end up feeling very lonely and potentially even depressed :(
I remember I am complete even by myself and I don't need someone else to fulfill my needs so I am able to stand on my own and that allows me not to get attached to others because it is not a need for me but rather a choice.
Have you tried pursuing activities or hobbies that you are passionate about and don't necessarily have to do them with others?
I personally find being able to get attached to other people is good, if we are not too clingy and overly dependent on the other's presence. One way to enjoy a secure attachment without suffering it too much might be maintaining spaces for yourself for doing what you enjoy without necessarily the company of someone else in order to be self-reliant
I believe that if you practice self-love and to try and enjoy your own company/solitude, you won't be so attached to the person. Instead of chasing, just be still. Work on yourself, explore your passions, go on an adventure and discover who you are.
Recognize the basis for your need of them. If you find yourself feeling insecurely attached and therefore holding on too tightly, look at the basis for this insecurity. What underlying need is speaking through this tendency to "get too attached?" Apart from this, you can substitute something more reliable, such as God or the people who truly love you, as opposed to the people with whom you feel insecurely attached.
It is always good to keep boundaries for yourself when it comes to relationships. Also, to know the boundaries of your peers. Also, always maintain open communication with partners (romantic, family, or friends) so boundaries are not crossed.
Well this is a hard question because some people get attached to certain people. Easily but I'd say that it can be helpful to talk to them how much you want but try not keeping it long convos
Not becoming attached to people can be difficult since you could say people are naturally attracted to others. Maybe if you space out your interactions and keeping it to a specific amount so you don't see them too often
I am recently having an issue with my friend where we are not talking as much. Last week we were joking around but then she responded really aggreesively towards me. In the heat of the moment I got upset and refused to talk to her for the rest of the night. Later that week she refused to talk to me and afterwards I tried approaching her asking her if there was something wrong between us. She said there wasn't but she only says hi and bye to me and that's it. With my other friends she acknowledges them and talks but with me she doesn't. It's upsetting me and that's only because I get too emotionally attached to others that don't care about the situation. They are not confortational therefore it doesn't bother them but with me, it hurts my feelings not knowing what I did wrong.
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