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How can I open up to people more even if it scares me?

277 Answers
Last Updated: 06/10/2022 at 3:18pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jill Kapil, PsyD

Psychologist

I have over 9 years of clinical experience, specialize in anxiety, and am passionate about my work. My approach is collaborative, empathic, supportive, and goal-oriented.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
June 26th, 2016 7:26pm
It's often best to start off small finding someone you can trust, with a small topic that you want to tell them and go from there. I know it can be scary, however maybe by starting off small it will decrease your fear and how scared you are. I hope you find a way that works for you, this is how i learnt to open up to people.
Anonymous
June 30th, 2016 3:39am
Start with online talking to people (like on this site) and talking to friends and family! As you get more comfortable, you can slowly begin talking to more and more people.
Rocknangel
September 8th, 2016 9:09am
Firstly get to know more about this person by asking a lot of questions about them and genuinely being curious to know the answers. And once u find that you share similarities in your ways of thinking or even if your opinions differ, you can start by justifying your opinions. Once you see the other person opening up, it becomes 10 times more easier for you to open up as well.
HakunaMatata2k
June 9th, 2017 5:28am
Start with little things with the people you trust that show interest in you and your well-being. From there you can make yourself comfortable with that person and gradually increase the personal information you reveal to them. To practice though however, you could try opening up to a stranger on 7cups as most of the fear of rejection/embarrassment should be gone as listeners on here want to help you and are respectful of you.
zaatarHoney
May 11th, 2019 5:14pm
As a kid, I used to be so shy, I couldn’t even look at people. What helped me was taking it step by step, finding my own unique voice and humor, and then engaging with people around me that I felt comfortable with. Getting involved with theatre/sports helped back in high school, too. As an adult, I’d imagine just easing your way into it and being around people who love you as you are- to find people like this, you might want to consider spending more time in places with likeminded people. Who are you? What do you enjoy? I’ve found many connections I’ve made, were volunteering for various organization within my state. Many other connections were made with fellow artists who also share their works, and we connected over that. There are so many ways! Feel welcome to contact me, and we can brainstorm what suits your soul best. ♡ But if there’s ONE thing to take away from this: There is nothing wrong with being intimidated by being open- what is beautiful, is that you’re ready to be open, and that’s what will begin your journey in figuring out what that means to you. (: ♡ xo
roseDreamer12
July 7th, 2016 8:31pm
I had hard times with that and what helped me was trying with a complete stranger I will never see again... (while traveling or in new places) then slowly sharing small peaces with people around me, sometimes telling them that this is something I am telling them in confidence (small things can grow over time)
Oceandreams40
May 4th, 2018 10:31pm
The best way to get over a fear of something is to start building some positive experiences. Start with small steps and by opening up in small ways with people you already know are trustworthy (if this is possible), this will help you build some positive experiences and help to build your confidence level with doing this. Continue in the same way until you are comfortable with this level of vulnerability and then push yourself a little bit more. Eventually you'll begin to build enough positive feedback, that hopefully one or 2 setbacks, will be just that, and the positive experiences will outweigh the negative. As you build your confidence level and begin to trust others this will hopefully become an easier task for you.
Anonymous
May 7th, 2017 3:22am
Just try taking deep breaths beforehand. Run through the scenario in your mind, but don't get scared if the actual conversation goes different than you anticipated.
Anonymous
August 16th, 2019 6:20pm
Remember you are always in control of what you say. You don't need to tell exactly everything while opening up. Start by telling a bit more than usually, and add every time some more bits of you. Controlled rational way. Most often the best. Just remember to always take one step further, but not too many steps at once!
Anonymous
April 7th, 2018 5:19pm
Try and rememeber that these people genuinely care about you. Pick someone who you love and know you would never judge and make sure they're aware how difficult this is for you. Start with small things and build up to opening up about everything, give it time. It's not going to happen overnight and that's okay!
ninojimene
September 8th, 2016 8:32pm
Well I to an scared but you just have to try no one is going to force you but it's hard believe me I know but you can get through this
Anonymous
July 1st, 2016 5:03pm
It's taking a small step at a time with a person you know is trustworthy - challenging that fear. You may want to communicate that it is difficult for you to say those things, so they can be more attentive to you and give you the space you need. Think about what you want to share beforehand. Try writing it out on paper. This can help you to take a little bit of the emotional weight out of it. It will always be a challenge to conquer your fear, but it is very rewarding because of that. So make sure to be proud of yourself for any step.
Anonymous
July 2nd, 2016 3:51am
First off do not let your guard down when you first meet or talk to this person. Also do not tell them anything about you that may lead them to you or give them any information that they can use to track you down. These two things alone can keep you safe and help you open up to people.
Anonymous
February 23rd, 2019 11:45pm
It’s tough yes, I am very familiar with always staying guarded and always thinking not to let anyone close or open up. Sometimes it’s safe that way but it also can be hurtful. When you try to shut someone out and not open up you push them away, when you’re trying not too. You secretly feel that if you tell them how you feel, you will be judged or rejected or they may just not know to answer. But sometimes the risk is worth it. Because if you hold those feelings I they can do some damage. There is always someone who is willing to listen to what you need to express never lose hope and put yourself out there.
Skyy0
September 18th, 2018 11:01pm
Know that people are here for you, and that people are patient and caring. I deal with this myself, and am working on expanding my social circle. I aim to reach out to others because I really want to be able to lean on others for support. I don't want to fight this fight alone. Understand that there are others who want to be there for you. Once you know what you want, nothing can stop you! Just keep trying, if you fail or freeze up, it's completely normal. Have faith and know that one day, you will be able to open up to people.
Nasrz8
October 24th, 2018 9:53am
Practice more in front of a mirror or a camera. It is not silly as it sounds. If you can't open to people then its because you may not have the enough experience of how to get your fears of opening up aside and talk. practicing in front of a mirror will help you to arrange your words and the way you say them. Videoing yourself talking is not only a practice, but also an evaluation for yourself as you will get to see yourself talking and see your facial expressions more clearly. Then you can see whether to do a specific way of talk or not.
Anonymous
November 2nd, 2018 3:31am
knowing that in the long run, it will help you by opening up, because it's never healthy to keep things bottled up inside. It's normal to be scared, but once you open up and see how accepting people can be, it can be a path on getting the help you need, no matter how big or small the problem is. Accepting the fact that you're scared, but just closing your eyes and figuratively jumping into opening up can be healthy, and facing fears is the best way to conquer them. Take a deep breath and know that opening up will only benefit you.
Rlk38
November 4th, 2018 10:47am
Few things paralyze us more than fear. No one has remained untouched by her, not even the most courageous warriors in history. The difference between normal people and those who seem fearless is that the latter have learned to control fear, use it to their advantage, turn it into power. My fear feeds on the energy I give it. If it grows very high, it probably will happen. When we do not know what is going to happen, we imagine the future, positive or negative. When the scenario is negative and we think something bad is going to happen, we have fear.
Anonymous
November 16th, 2018 9:01am
Try talking to yourself that every person is exactly like you, with some insecurities (different insecurities from yours, but they do have), some issues in past and anxious about the future. However, every person reacts to such feelings differently. No harm in opening up with people who have been through experiences like ours. When I think that the other person is also like me and is not better than me in anything. I tend to open myself and be more comfortable with them. Another thing is to take yourself and your life lightly. Nothing to be very serious and cautious about. Everybody has seen some ups and downs in life, so no harm in even sharing our downs with other people.
angelFace94
November 24th, 2018 12:44pm
Opening up to people is a very difficult thing to do, especially when you have anxiety or social anxiety. It is something that you should only do in case you really want to do. I believe that you need to find yourself a coping mechanism to deal with how hard it is for you to open up. Make sure it's a healthy coping mechanism and try not to worry too much about how it could go. Try not to care too much about what other people will think about you. Only open up to those who you actually trust.
departedspirits1
December 6th, 2018 10:27am
see, first of all, why are you scared to open up. that is because you have doubts about yourself, and you feel insecure about that. How does one fix this problem? you simply need to once again focus on your inner Well Being. you need to find the source of happiness and love within you and project it outwards, you will feel very comfortable and happy with yourself once that happens. and when the time comes to open up to people, and even if they reject you, that won't be an issue for you, because you already feel very pleasant and happy with yourself, and that is all that will matter. people come and go, we shouldn't have any expectations about them. We just have to fix our own inner self
enchantingSky79
December 16th, 2018 3:02pm
Start small. Open up with a conversation about favorite shows, favorite food and music. The more you talk with a person, the less scared you will feel about opening up. You can ask other people about their favorite childhood memory and that helps making you feel less scared. It takes time to feel more comfortable around people but also the better you know a person, the easier it is to open up. The fear about opening up comes from the fear of being ridiculed and misunderstood. If you know the person you are opening up to you will feel less scared because you know you will not be ridiculed. If the person ridicules you for what food or music you like, she or he will ridicule you for bigger things. Remember, you are not alone, everyone is fearing rejection and being ridiculed. You are never alone! You can always talk with a therapist or a listener and you can always get over a fear.
Jing2010
December 29th, 2018 11:14pm
I think the old adage, "take one step at a time" applies here. Think of it as taking baby steps. Testing the water by dabbing your toes into it first, then a foot, then wading, etc. Opening up when you are intoverted is extremely terrifying. Commit to the following: For one week, make a point to make eye contact with and smile at five people each day. The next week, make it ten people each day. The third week, do the same to five people and add saying "hello". The fourth week, make it ten people each day. I think by now you see where I am going with this. These are baby steps but probably are huge for you. If you would like someone to be there for you to talk to along this exercise, there are many extremely qualified listeners and therapists here at 7 cups. You are not alone. You may also feel free to contact me, if you so desire. Good luck and may God bless. Jing2010
xSarahlynnx
January 12th, 2019 9:40pm
Fake it till you make it. For me, opening up to people involved hacking my own mind. To to this I read some books and watched some videos on "how to win friends and influence people" this way I had an easier time understanding what people wanted in friendships and relationships and therefore was not as awkward and uncomfortable. Some skills I learned were: -people want to talk about themselves. I encourage them speaking about themselves by complimenting them on something uncommon like glasses or shoes and asking where they got them , ect. Their school or work is a good subject too. -People don't usually want to hear about you (at first, its just how it is) spend more time listening and less time talking unless they ask.
kgweicat103335
January 31st, 2019 3:42pm
You don't have to if you are scared. However, if you would like to build your support system and personal connections, I would recommend you to have some small talks with people around you first. Before you open up, make sure you know this person is trustworthy. Some people simply don't know how to handle problems, and if you open up to those people, you will end up being hurt. If you believe this person is trustworthy, you can start with some not personal topic, such as their views on mental disorder. Such as "I have a friend that... (put your situation here)" and see what they think. At least that's what I usually do.
llola3
February 7th, 2019 8:47am
Opening up to people especially when your scared is a super hard task to do, but you know yourself better than me, better than anyone else in this world only you can know how you can become more open. Just from my personal experience i tried just having a short conversation with someone who i trust and seeing where it leads. you don’t have to jump right into anything at all you can maybe talk about your favourite colour and why you like it or the weather on the day and see where the conversation leads you both. but you know yourself better than me
Anonymous
February 7th, 2019 11:01pm
Opening up to somebody, even multiple people can be challenging. Opening up to people scares you, why is that? Opening yourself up to judgment shows you are strong within. We as people need to be open in order to let go of more or one burdens that are constantly on our shoulders. Opening up may be scary but keeping quiet limits people’s awarenes of how you are feeling. Talking to a listener on 7 cups may continue you in your journey on opening up. Writing this shows you have started already. Take some chances, even if it scares you.
SkyStardust
February 8th, 2019 9:30pm
Just stay calm and be yourself. Being yourself can really help you open up to people. And if they don't like anything about the true you, they don't matter. the people that you keep in your life should accept you and understand you fully. It can be really hard to find people like that, but being yourself and opening up can really help with that. And I know very well that it can be hard to open up, but if you try not to worry about what others will think of you and just being yourself and letting go will really help.
naturalhelper6843
May 13th, 2022 12:59pm
This can be dealt with the same way you would deal with any other phobia. You work up to it. You have to slowly push yourself to do it. more often than not you will find that you have scared yourself over something small, something that you have no reason to fear. push yourself to do it one time, just ones. There is no harm in just one time right? If you do it just one time you may find that you are able to do it, that you have nothing to fear. when you realize this you can really push yourself, make yourself do it more and more often.
Anonymous
July 13th, 2019 1:28am
One person at a time!! I know firsthand how terrifying it is, but taking it one person at a time can help a lot. Is there someone in your life that you are close with already, who you feel more comfortable (or less afraid of) confiding in? Another thing that might help is starting out vague and then, as you become more comfortable, more and more specific about your particular struggles. You are not alone, and it is completely valid that you feel a little scared to open up, but you can do it! We're all rooting for you :)