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Why am I not good enough for my parents?

195 Answers
Last Updated: 12/22/2021 at 3:06pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jill Kapil, PsyD


I have over 9 years of clinical experience, specialize in anxiety, and am passionate about my work. My approach is collaborative, empathic, supportive, and goal-oriented.

Top Rated Answers
- Expert in Family Stress
May 2nd, 2015 6:23pm
My parents always compare me to other highly educated people and constantly tell me about what I'm missing. But if they rather accepted me for who I am and what I enjoy, no matter how crazy it may be, things would have been a load better.
May 16th, 2015 3:08am
While some parents are just mean, other parents have a tremendous amount of expectation for their children and nothing ever seems good enough. This is true for any ethnic group and is most common in the Asian culture and are often referred as "Tiger Parenting". Example: 12 year old receives an A on their report card. Instead of getting praised they are scolded for not receiving an A+. Although this type of example may not be true for most but the concept of it is very commonly practiced.
June 5th, 2015 4:09pm
Because they are ignorant and self centered
June 17th, 2015 1:00pm
Your parents probably lack the self-esteem and wisdom to see that you are enough and will always be enough. They probably want you to fill a hole in themselves they cannot fill. Only when you realize that you are not in fact responsible for your parents or how they feel about you, you can move on.
November 26th, 2014 6:43am
most parents have a definite perception and high expectation from their children and when the child sways away from their wishes their high hopes are not realised they begin to vent their anger or frustration by making the child feel they are not good enough for them but on the other side to be fair to the parents they are expected to produce highly successful children from their peers and society and the child's failure makes them feel they have failed too and end up beating themselves too hard and of course making the child the butt of their anger
August 10th, 2015 12:01am
Sometimes we feel this way and sometimes our parents make us feel this way. The important thing to ask is if you're doing your best? If you are, then the rest is not important. We all want to live up to our parents expectations, but sometimes we can't, and that's okay.
November 25th, 2014 11:43am
A son or daughter is always good enough just because you exist. Your parents love you for existing and for being their child. It is true we tend to try to overcome our limits to try to be successful for them, but they'll always love you no matter what.
December 19th, 2014 3:17pm
You are. Most of the time your parents don't realise that their wanting better for you or their attempt to motivate you actually discourages you. Other times when we don't reach our own inner expectations we tend to think we have failed others, when, in fact, we have disappointed our own selves. You are more than enough!
April 12th, 2015 6:56pm
Sometimes our parents see us as the embodiment of their ambition. That can lead to an unfair expectations. My Dad is a conservative person, and me being an artist rattles him a lot. Each person is different, and you can't force yourself to fit in someone else's shoes. Be happy for who you are :)
May 6th, 2018 11:38pm
What do you mean you’re not good enough? You just have the weight of the world on your shoulders, but you will get better. How I know? You’re stronger than what you think, you’ve made it this far. Going through hell and back. You can do it, so when you think you’re not good enough, know that others see it differently. You are perfect, you are you. Don’t change that, or lose the true you. Yes it might be hiding, but it will come out soon you just have to wait and see! 😄😁
January 5th, 2015 9:04pm
I can't speak to your parents in particular because I don't know them, but typical when someone doesn't feel like they are good enough for their parents, it is because their parents may hold them to unreachable standards. For example, your parents may love you so much that they think you can do no wrong and when you do, they are terribly disappointed. This is not because they don't love you or they don't think you are good enough, just because they expect more out of you than any human should another human. Every falters and some people forget that. Don't forget that you have value and you ARE good enough!
November 30th, 2014 10:32am
You are good enough for /everyone/ you encounter in your life. More than good enough, in fact. :) It may be hard for you to understand this when you're feeling upset and unsure, but the people around you need you for who /you/ are, not anyone else. This goes for your parents as well!
November 24th, 2014 5:19pm
You are amazing! Your parents just might not get you. Don't discourage yourself because of them. You can talk with them about yourself, and who you really are.
April 3rd, 2015 9:04am
Everyone's parents had certain expectations from their own lives. Some of these came true others didn't. Now they expect their kids to fulfill their dreams it expectations, but it's not their fault. Also, they made certain mistakes in their lives which were horrible and they don't want us to commit the same mistakes. And when you don't stand up to their expectations or are doing the same wrongs that they did, they make you feel like you are not good enough for them.
November 16th, 2015 10:34am
You may feel like you are not good enough for your parents, but I am sure you are. Parents sometimes have standards that seem impossible to meet, but it is only because they want to see you be successful and accomplish your goals.
October 20th, 2016 1:37am
Some parents expect you to be successful in everything you do and when your not successful they get mad at you.
November 17th, 2016 6:16pm
It's just that parents sometimes expect their kids to be THE BEST. They expect them to be better than the other kids. This creates a pressure on children and so they think that they are never really good enough for their parents.
April 10th, 2015 7:30am
You're always good enough for you parents! they just want the best for you... that's why they may push you!
January 2nd, 2015 10:41am
At some point of our lives we feel that we are not good enough for our parents (primarily we tend to think about it when we are crossing teen age and entering in our 20s or it can be otherwise) Your parents only need Respect and Love from you and nothing else, If these two are there, then You are absolutely good enough for your parents. If you think only money or things can differentiate you on this basis then this is not true. Only after respect and love these things are valued by your parents. So primarily, Your Parents need you to be present with them (physically And emotionally, and if not physically then Emotionally). Value small things in life, you will never feel this way.
June 9th, 2015 12:45am
To be honest i know someone that is in this situation.. Guys for some parents you are good enough.... Some are just thinking that u are good enough but in their heart u arent.... Like this guy that i know his mom told him that she wishesi could pick my own kid... All the kid does is play video games, study when needed
October 14th, 2016 11:34pm
You are good enough for them, even if they do not show it. They just want you to grow up successful, and they may not want you to grow up how they did, if you do not know their background.
August 2nd, 2018 3:59am
Please do not think that you are not good enough. I would not encourage you to think that way. We are our own worst critics. Instead you can try learning from your mistakes and focus on becoming a better version of yourself.Do you know in what ways your parents are being hard on you? As long as you try your best and work hard in everything, then you should not worry about what your parents think. Try surrounding yourself with people who are positive and see the best in you.
September 30th, 2016 6:43pm
You are good enough just the way you are. Don't tell yourself that you aren't. You can not please everyone. Give yourself a break.
October 5th, 2016 12:29am
Sometimes parents have so much on their plate and some people don't even understand it. They have lots of bills to pay, cleaning, and having to go to work. Sometimes parents are just stressed out or they've had a busy day and want to relax. Don't feel like you're not good enough for your parents because they adore you. Some quality time is essential with them. Parents try their best to support you in life and even sometimes they probably feel depressed and feel like they're not good enough. So it's always best to appreciate their effort.
November 5th, 2016 10:50am
You probably are good enough for your parents. They just want to see you succeed and live up to your full potential but that doesn't mean that they aren't super proud of what you are today.
March 10th, 2017 2:31am
Sometimes, parents can hold high standards and it seems that no matter what we do, we just cannot please them. But, at the end of the day, they are our family. No matter what, your parents will want the best for you even if they hold unreasonable expectations or biases. Please consider having an open and honest conversation about how you're feeling to your parents. I am sure they would feel devastated knowing that you feel like you are not good enough.
May 15th, 2015 3:19pm
Personally, I feel like parents expect so much out of their kids. They sometimes even do it because of things that they missed out on when they were younger. You most likely feel like they're pushing a lot but trust me, they only want the best out of you.
August 3rd, 2015 10:16am
I am sure that your parents are proud of you and that they truly love you. You don't have to feel oblidged to them in any case :)
July 12th, 2016 11:46am
Maybe they like you but they might be afraid that you could get spoiled and keeps a hold on....people have different way to show how they care for you.
September 24th, 2016 4:53am
Sometimes it doesn't matter whether you're good or not, if parents' expectations are high, no matter what you do, it's difficult to satisfy them. Talk to them about how you feel, and see what they say. Perhaps it's you who have implanted these thoughts in your head, and it's not anything they have said/done!