What do you do when someone you love just disappears?
Last Updated: 03/09/2020 at 2:20pm
Tricia Saviano, MA, ATR, LCPC
Life can be tough. Finding creative ways to get through issues and live a happy life is important. As an art therapist and licensed counselor, I can help you reach your goals.
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It often depends on the situation behind their disappearance for example was it a bereavement, are they missing or have they simply decided to no longer be a part of your life?, however whichever scenario once the practical concerns are resolved it is important to focus on emotional ones. As they were a significant part of your life and experiences it is important to recognise this, for example it may help to have a memory book in which you can write about your experiences together and maybe add photos. It can also be helpful to talk with others who knew them and what your relationship meant so that your experiences are validated and you can get to know aspects of them you may not have known about since we all experience the world and others slightly differently for example after my grandmothers death speaking to relatives and looking through old photographs meant I learnt a little more about her childhood and life when she was younger.
In such a situation many of us look and push for the reasons of why but even then when given an answer it never sits comfortably with us so we then begin compartmentalizing everything trying to connect dots and makes maps and lists of the dynamics of such an event. But what i've personally come to learn is sometimes them going always is a reflection of the need to focus on yourself, not them. (I'm not saying you are focused on them, but sometimes such a thing happening can pull us into a curious mind of whys and what ifs) Focus on what's most important in this moment and if there is nothing that you need to do then you are what's most important in this moment and that always deserves some self-care.
When someone you love just disappears, knowing that it's not your fault is the first step to becoming emotionally stable enough to look at the situation and the feelings of the person who left to understand why they left.
I'm not sure what it means by "disappear". Disappear can mean they left you and not coming back, or they have left the relationship and you broke up and they aren't coming back. Or last, it could be that the person has passed away and are not coming back to your life. There are many scenarios. But either way, it seems they all deal with one thing and that is "loss". If these feelings are taking a toll on you perhaps you can seek group support to deal with your feelings by looking for a grief support group in your area. If you feel that you need more help, perhaps you can seek advice through a counselor or therapist.
Love is a touchy subject. But i feel wen you just stop loving someone, you should go and tell them upfront. backing off love without tellng them can hurt a person really bad. Also, cheating on them thinking it will spare their feelings isn't true. Cheating is bad, don't do it. Love is something that has to be true. So i recommend you tell them/ break up. it hurts, but it will one way or another.
You have to learn to accept the fact and hope for the best for that someone. Move on and let go knowing that where ever they are as long as they are happy.
I have always believed if you love someone let them go if they come back they are yours if they don't they never were
If you mean disappear by death, the 5 stages of grief is never easy. Loss is one of the hardest things to have to experience. If not, if you mean by.. not really showing affection or paying attention to you anymore, talk to them about it. Tell them how you feel. That's the best you can do for yourself and the relationship. In order for it to grow, you have to be honest with each other.
When someone I love just disappears I try my best to make sure their okay. Either by messaging them or knocking on their door, then trying my best to help them. If they don't answer, I'd try to wait a little while to see if they needed some space or just didn't want to talk. If they don't answer after a while, I'd ask someone for help getting a hold of them. If that doesn't work then I'll contact the proper authorities to make sure that they're okay, then hope that the best happens, which it usually does, thankfully.
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