How do I explain to others that it's not their concern if I choose not to have sex?

21 Answers
Last Updated: 05/14/2019 at 10:39pm
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Ann Brooks, MSW, LICSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Thank you for your interest! I am a LICSW licensed in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. I’m here to listen and I look forward to working with you.

Top Rated Answers
coffeeprincess - Expert in Student Life
June 22nd, 2016 4:47pm
I think you just explained it perfectly. "It's not your concern if I choose not to have sex" is a very good response. You don't owe them more of an explanation--it's none of their business. If they keep pressing you in ways you're uncomfortable, keep firmly stating your boundaries. "I don't want to talk about that." "I need you to stop discussing my sex life." "You're making me very uncomfortable; I want to change the topic." You may never get other people to understand, but you can set boundaries for yourself so you can be comfortable.
Aryore - Expert in Student Life
June 23rd, 2016 5:53am
I think you could just tell them, that for your personal reasons you don't want to. If you are comfortable with doing so, you could explain why as most people would give it up once they understand why. However there will always be a few people who cannot understand, in those cases you could just make it clear in a friendly but firm manner that you don't want to talk about it, and to please not bring it up again :) I hope this helps!
Kabira
June 23rd, 2016 7:53pm
I think, That what you do should be none of anyones business. Tell them ,straight that you don't appreciate them poking their nose in your personal life. Having or not having sex is a personal preference and should not be dependent on anyone but You alone.
Anonymous
June 23rd, 2016 8:22pm
Tell the people that are troubling you that everyone is different and this is how i choose to live my life.
Greatlistener87
June 23rd, 2016 3:46am
Telling them straight forwardly is the best option. Sometimes u have to be straight to some people so that they get it into their heads.
wonderfulSoul16
June 29th, 2016 6:38pm
I Think you have answered your question in your own question! It's none of their concern! Everyone has the right to choose what they want to do with themselves and their bodies, no one should force you or make you feel any different than how you want to feel. Stay strong!
helpfulMoment81
July 18th, 2016 11:24pm
You should not have to explain yourself at all to others. If they do not respect when you say that you're choosing not to have sex, then they are probably not the best people to hang around. You need supportive people in your life that will not question your reasoning behind personal choices. Make sure you stand your ground--it is your body after all!
Anonymous
August 7th, 2016 1:04pm
Since you're in college, you could try explaining it to them like choosing a college major: it's not anyone else's concern/right to choose it for you. Instead it's entirely your own choice to make and should reflect what you feel is best/most satisfying/most comfortable to you. If they have opinions about your choice, that does not mean that they get to influence it or get to make you choose how they choose or how they want you to choose, so they're much better off just sticking to their own decisions and worrying about their own sex lives instead of yours.
Greysmdl
October 25th, 2016 4:30am
Sex is a personal bond between two consenting people. It should not be the business of anyone else under normal conditions.
MarkD
June 23rd, 2016 4:01am
The vast majority of human beings are sexual. We're physiologically wired to enjoy sexual contact. Stimulating dangly bits, or giving attention to internal bits... our species literally lives or dies based on how frequently we do that. Masturbation takes advantage of that drive and gives personal pleasure, but *some* form of sexuality is something that many people feel is an intrinsic part of humanity. "I don't want to have sex" comes across to most people as weird, and triggers curiosity because it's an outlier. "I don't want to have sex tonight" and "I don't want to have sex with you" are more understandable to a species that requires sex for survival. "I don't want to have sex, ever" is hard to make sense of. But in the end, I agree with coffeeprincess. You've explained it perfectly, and it's totally valid for you to set your own boundaries however you want. If you want others to understand, however, I think you'll have to do more than explain it well.
Anonymous
July 17th, 2016 10:05am
In your life you must have your own choices and you must decide what you want and not.your life, your choices. tell frankly!!
Anonymous
July 19th, 2016 2:22pm
Of course, it is none of their business and it is completely up to you! You could just say that you do not want to have sex and don't let anyone pressure you into it.
Anonymous
August 7th, 2016 4:52am
You say it just like you stated here. It's not their concern. What you choose to do with your body is your own personal business.
Anonymous
August 18th, 2016 10:07pm
I tell them that it's my choice and my life not theirs and that is part of human rights to do what we want and I am free to do what I want, and make my own choice.
Chantelly121
October 11th, 2016 5:38am
Remember that your body is only your body, and it's your choice when you feel you want, or are ready for sex. Explain that you want to go at your own pace, and feel perfectly comfortable with doing so
HopieRemi
March 21st, 2017 4:23pm
I am sorry to hear that there are people who are not respecting you and your choice. You don't have to address their questions. It is perfectly okay not to have sex. By not addressing their questions, they might get the idea that you don't think their question is worth the acknowledgement.
glisteningEyes
August 1st, 2017 10:02am
You don't need to explain anything to anyone, that is your own personal preference and none that concerns them which you are correct in saying. Just remind them that it is your life and your body and what you do with your life and your body does not concern them.
cuddlyDay48
November 18th, 2017 10:50pm
It's my choice to not do so therefore you should respect it
colourfulwriter54
November 21st, 2017 12:13pm
Simply by expressing that this matter is your personal choice that only you has the liberty to decide what to do with it. Much like the opposite when people rage out when they are told not to have sex
AnjelEars
June 5th, 2018 9:24am
It's your body, and your choice. They can't judge what you did or didn't do. You are you and you can choose whether you want to or not, whether your ready or not.
delicateParadise63
May 14th, 2019 10:39pm
As someone who waited until marriage to have sex, this was a particular nuisance in my life, as well. I had to explain to people that it was my choice and that I have a right to that choice, regardless of whether it fits within people's expectations of me based on social conditioning. It is important to advocate for yourself and to set boundaries when people are trying to convince you to change your lifestyle due to their own desires or to mollify the insecurities they may hold from making different life decisions from yours. Definitely emphasize that it is your right to do so, and refrain from speaking or acting in a judgmental way of others for not taking the same path as you. We are all part of the human family, and in order to reach out to that kernel of humanity we all share, it is important to focus most on what we have in common rather than that which divides us.