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Hi everyone! This is going to be quite a long post, so I apologize in advance.
I am 33 and I have two younger sisters, aged 27 (A) and 25 (C). I am Italian but I have lived and worked abroad for 7 years before moving back to Italy. Since I came back, they stopped talking to me. I tried having discussions with them to understand why, but all I got were mostly insults, and now it's been a year and we haven't made any progress.
A bit of backstory. Back in 2016 my family started criticizing me for writing as a hobby, saying that I should focus on my university studies. I pretended I had stopped writing and thrown away all my stories and poems, but actually I kept writing in secret by using secondary social media accounts not linked with my real name. As time passed, I started using these accounts for things other than writing: after discovering that I am on the asexual/aromantic spectrum I started following LGBT+ groups and pages and making friends with other people there.
In 2018 I started working as a flight attendant and I moved abroad. I used to come back home once a month, because luckily I had direct flights every day and I had staff discounts, and I would also call my family every day (if I wasn't working). Of course, I always gave them general life and work updates, but they didn't need to know every single thing that was happening in my life.
Being a flight attendant means that my work schedule is slightly different than the one all my family members have. They're all teachers, so Summer, Easter, Christmas and New Year's are always off. For me, it's the opposite: they are always the busiest periods of the year and it's impossible to get days off during those periods.
When I started as a flight attendant I was based in Spain. After 9 months my first contract expired and I had to move to Ireland, to the main base. It was a huge base where new people are constantly needed, so it's almost impossible to get out of it to go to a smaller place. At first I liked it, because it meant I was meeting new people every day, and I could also get promoted to a higher rank really fast. However, I couldn't see myself staying there for a long time: I would have liked to go back to my home country sooner or later. After I reached the highest rank I could, I sent a transfer request to move back to my home city. I had waited such a long time before doing that because I knew that if I got a transfer back to Italy I would lose some rank positions.
During my time abroad, I tried connecting with people in some way. But I found it extremely hard to look for something long-term when I didn't know if I could stay abroad. Even my colleagues came and went all the time: the work environment was so stressful that some new hires left after only a bunch of months, so I couldn't even make friends with colleagues, let alone a romantic partner of some sorts.
I wanted to have a romantic relationship some day, but being on the asexual/aromantic spectrum I felt it was incredibly difficult. I had had my share of toxic relationships and failed first/second dates, and the more time passed the more I felt disillusioned. Sometimes I felt like my time had passed: I kept seeing couples that had been together for years and years, while I had spent all my school and university years focused on my study only. I felt like I was past my prime, whatever that means, and that as time went on it was getting really weird to have reached my age without previous experiences (I had never even gotten my first kiss until I was 32). I tried giving a chance to whoever I could find, but I ended up getting ghosted by guys I wasn't even attracted to. It made me feel like no one would ever want me, that the problem was me all along.
And then one day in 2024 I met M. He found my post on one of the asexual spectrum groups where I posted with my fake account. I explained to him why I had that account in the first place and I sent him my real profile, but we kept sending each other messages via my fake account. He is also Italian but from another city. After months of exchanging messages we decided to meet in person: he came to visit me abroad without telling anyone and we spent a couple of days together. He was not the first guy to do something like that: another guy had come to visit me one year prior and it was the most stressful date ever, so I was afraid the experience would repeat. However, this trip went much better: M didn't look like "my type" at all, but he showed he had potential. I was afraid that after meeting me he would disappear like all the guys that came before him, but we kept exchanging messages.
We both hate phone calls, so we mainly texted. The texts were usually so long that he used to write them on his laptop. One day we had a one-hour long phone call and we decided to plan a trip together. In January 2025 we decided to spend a weekend in Lisbon without telling anyone in our family and friends. I was still afraid something might go wrong, because I had never had a third date with anyone before. However, I still did my best to enjoy this "trip with a friend".
Contrary to my beliefs, everything went well. We even made plans to see each other again, and started thinking about what to do in the future: would we have a long distance relationship? If yes, for how long? Would there be a chance to get closer some day?
We met again a couple of weeks later, when I was spending some days home with my family with my birthday. M took a train in the morning and came to visit me. I told my family I was meeting a friend, but my sister C suspected that I was meeting a guy in secret. M brought me chocolates and gave me a heart necklace for my birthday, and I thought it was so cute.
I never told my family about my sentimental relationships mostly because they never lead anywhere. A couple of dates maximum, and then something would happen: the guy would ghost me, he would tell me that we weren't compatible, he would send me some mixed messages, or some massive red flag would emerge. Also, my younger sisters have always teased me saying that every male acquaintance that I ever had was my boyfriend. I don't like that everything that I like (people included) gets criticized or made fun of, so it's better for me to keep things private.
Me and M decided to take a trip to Venice without telling anyone again. I feared that was going to be the very last time we would see each other, so I tried to enjoy things anyway. The last thing I expected was for things to move forward really quickly. It has now become a running joke between us that we forgot to go and visit Murano because we found out it was so much better to spend the whole morning kissing each other.
During the trip, we managed to talk a lot about our past sentimental experiences, and we found out we had very similar history and views about the world. We decided to become an official couple and we tried imagining what we could do moving forward.
I had already sent a transfer request to my home city, but a few weeks later I decided to send another request for M's city. I didn't do it only for him: I knew that some of my previous colleagues had gotten a transfer there during the years, and it seemed to me that they were enjoying the new work environment.
In the meantime, my sister C had told me that she wanted to go on a trip with me at the end of August 2025. Unfortunately, I had already booked my paid leave for the summer, and I couldn't move it. I told her, the best chance would have been for me to request last minute unpaid leave (that can be booked 2 weeks or even one day in advance) on those days, but since it was peak summer season it would have been nearly impossible to have those days available for the trip. It seems like my father bought the tickets with my name anyway, and gave hope to my sister that I would make it with no issues.
In April/May 2025 me and M told our families about our relationship, since things were becoming more serious. I came to visit M in his city a couple of times during April and I even met his friends. By the time we went on a trip to Brussels at the end of May, everyone knew about us.
At the end of May I got offered a transfer to M's city. Before accepting, I researched information about the base, the colleagues and the salary. I even told M to see his reaction, and he was extremely happy. As I thought my job would really benefit from the transfer (despite the fact that I would be slightly demoted), I accepted. I was told I would move 3 months later, but I didn't tell my family straight away because I wanted some time to figure things out myself first, since I knew that they would become so anxious that everything would become a mess.
In June 2025 an official communication was sent to all employees at my job that it would be impossible to ask for any unpaid leave days until the end of August, and the possibility to get last minute (one day in advance) unpaid leave days was very remote. I told this to my family, so that they could cancel the trip, but they still had hope that I could go, even for some of the days.
I also told them about the transfer and they met M in person. I wanted to reassure them that everything was under control and I was in the hands of a good person. They didn't take it as well as I hoped, and they were worried anyway.
I had only 10 days of vacation that year, and they spent the whole time asking me questions about my upcoming transfer and my relationship with M. They had a lot of anxieties, even stupid ones ("what if you change his personality and you won't like him anymore?" why would I do that???). I tried my best to answer, but it wasn't enough.
At the end, my mother had to go with my sister C on the trip at the end of August. They sent me a lot of pictures trying to make me regret the fact that I never went there.
After the transfer, I kept doing what I had always done: calling my family every day and telling me about my day. My mother kept reassuring me that everything was fine, so I wasn't really worried. I moved in with M and it felt pretty good. We both have had roommates in the past but this time it felt like living with a roommate that you already know and that you like.
In October, M was graduating in my home city. I took some unpaid leave days to go with him, and I asked my parents if we could stay the night. My parents agreed and seemed very welcoming. Me and M spent the evening and the following day at my house but my sisters found a series of excuses to be outside of the house. I spoke to them a few days later and they started insulting me and calling me insensitive, because I knew that my parents didn't want me and M inside the house but I had imposed my presence anyway. By talking to them, I discovered that my parents were still very anxious about my transfer and my relationship with M, but somehow they were afraid that if they ever told me "no" about anything I would stop talking to them and cut all contacts. And my mother had kept telling me that everything was fine, but actually my parents would lash out and yell at my sister A just because they couldn't do that to me. And according to my sisters I should have known all this. I apologized for the situation and went on with my life, thinking that it was enough.
In November 2025 M asked me to marry him. The very next day we had to go to his home town to visit his family, so we decided to stop at my family's as well to give them the good news as soon as possible. We told my parents only, because my sisters were nowhere to be found, and they seemed quite happy. I had to tell my sisters via text, and they were so angry that I didn't tell them the truth before. They sent me long texts full of insults and alleged "lies" that I told, and I couldn't find a way to communicate with them in a peaceful way.
In December me and M got invited to my grandfather's 90th birthday. There would be a big family reunion so we thought we might announce our engagement to everyone. But my sisters told me we couldn't do it because we would ruin someone else's celebration. We instead spent hours literally yelling at each other trying to mend things between us. I had to apologize for everything that I didn't tell my family straight away, like the transfer (I was only told about it 3 months in advance, but I told my family a bit more than 2 months before), and I also had to come out to my family as demisexual/demiromantic, but they didn't understand my experience at all.
After that discussion, I thought things were getting better. Me and M started organizing our wedding and we involved our parents by asking them feedback and suggestions. My parents seemed to have accepted M and they seemed reassured about our relationship. But my sisters kept their distance and still had doubts about him. They barely exchanged greetings with him every time they met, and C never even got close to him.
M asked his sister to be his "witness" (like a best man/maid of honor for both spouses that we have here in Italy), so I decided to ask my sisters to do the same, because I wanted to mend things between us. On my birthday I could finally tell all my relatives about our wedding the following May (so we couldn't ruin anyone's special day) and my sisters kept teasing me in front of everyone because they wanted to know who I'd chose to be my "witness". I asked them directly, given the occasion, but they answered a loud "F*** no" in front of all my relatives. They tried to justify themselves saying that they never felt involved in my relationship with M, and that i had personally mistreated them, so they refused. I felt devastated and embarrassed in front of my whole family. I cried until the next day, so much that I couldn't sleep, and I will be forever grateful to M for staying by my side trying to make me feel better.
I tried to imagine who else to ask to be my "witness" but my mother told me a few days later that my sister C had changed her mind and she would do it. I asked her repeatedly for confirmation during the following months, because she didn't truly seem convinced, but at the end the wedding forms were filled with her name. I even spent months walking on eggshells because I kept being told that every little thing I might do might make her change her mind and leave me without a "witness". She even openly insulted me when I asked for her opinion on the restaurant table map, only because she was in a table called "children" as a placeholder. But I had to stay quiet and change the name immediately, and also put her name first in the first table on the list, giving her a special treatment, otherwise she would walk away.
On the day of the wedding she spent the whole day looking like she was going to a funeral. The wedding pictures and videos only show her with the saddest face she could ever make. I gave her a personal gift at the end of the evening to thank her, but she openly refused it.
Nevertheless, when I went home, without M, for my sister A's birthday, C was talking to me as if nothing had happened. We even started exchanging messages during the following days and everything felt back to normal.
This Summer, me and M had some days of vacation together and we wanted to organize some trips. We wanted to see my family for a couple of days, since they were only 3 hours away by car and we were all on vacation. My mother said yes, because she understood that it would have been one of the rare occasions to see each other before school started. but the next day my sister C texted me that I was ruining her Summer by inviting myself and my now husband in a house that my family owns, to spend only a couple of days, because we would be too many. My mother had told me that there was space, since they are 4 people and in the house there are 8 beds, but my sister kept insisting that there was no place for us to sleep, and that my mother only agreed because once again she was afraid that I would stop talking to her if she had told me no. I spoke directly to my mother to understand what was going on, and she told me that the issue was only between me and my sisters, and that it was only up to me to make things right. I told her that I had been trying by texting them sometimes (as she had told us to do), but all I ever received were monosyllabic answers and insults. She told me to keep going because it seemed to her that we were going towards a solution, but for me it doesn't seem like we're making any progress. I tried many times to ask them what new things I had been doing wrong, but they always answer "have you forgotten what you did last year?"
It's like they never accepted my apologies about anything, and they are unable to move on and make progress. I don't want to spend an unknown amount of future time getting insulted and accused of things I never did. I explained all my decisions and gave way too much information about things that I would very much have liked to keep private (like the time M and I first had adult fun time), but it's just not enough. What do they expect me to do? Turn back time? Divorce and ask for a transfer back abroad? Sleep with a high rank manager to get some favors at work? I don't know anymore.
I'm sorry about the length of this post but my story is quite complicated. If something has been explained too unclearly, feel free to ask me. I have been losing sleep for a year now and I keep feeling bad, even about things I should feel good about. I never even told my work colleagues about my wedding because my sisters made me feel like I was doing something wrong.
I really want to make things right with my sisters, but I don't know what to do. Thank you so much for reading my story, any help or support would be truly appreciated.
