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My boyfriend or girlfriend wants to break up with me, how can I change their mind?

349 Answers
Last Updated: 05/04/2020 at 8:54pm
My boyfriend or girlfriend wants to break up with me, how can I change their mind?
★ This question about Breakups was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
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A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
FaithGreen16
January 27th, 2016 8:35am
part of being in a relationship, is that you both love each other. If love is only coming from one side of the relationship then maybe it is for the best that you break up. you need to respect each others opinions and decision, and support each other through what ever the outcome is.
Lee12
January 31st, 2016 6:52pm
Do things you know make them happy and continue to support them unconditionally. If it was meant to be, you wouldn't need to change their mind but if you love them, that's all that counts.
Ubby
February 2nd, 2016 8:12pm
The truth is, you can't force someone to stay with you. Even if you could, is that really what you would want in the future? As much as it hurts now, stay positive, it might work itself out on its own. If it doesn't you'll be okay no matter what.
Anonymous
February 5th, 2016 9:06pm
Try to find out why. everything can be discussed :) And if you love that person it is worth to do anything :)
Anonymous
February 10th, 2016 1:43pm
Talk and find out why, and keep an open mind and see that it may be for the best there may be something that you are missing but communication is vital in this situation.
BigFaith98
March 12th, 2016 10:13am
Why do you think they want to break up with you? Have you looked at things from their pointof view?
Bubbles46
- Expert in Breakups
March 16th, 2016 3:53pm
You can't.......if they want to break up with you then that is thier choice. You can't really change their mind
Anonymous
March 20th, 2016 9:00am
He or she is probably unhappy with something that is happening in you guys relationship. Figure out what is making them unhappy, and change it. But this does NOT mean you need to change yourself. Sometimes, breaking up is for the better.
Anonymous
June 8th, 2016 9:41am
You can't change their mind and it's also a waste of energy trying to do so. Everything in life runs its course. There's a reason why it's over with. You want someone who also wants you not just you wanting them
anasosweet
December 5th, 2017 3:49pm
There really nothing you can change their mind when a person wants to leave a person they will. But you can tell them why they should stay with you and what they want you to change.
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December 6th, 2017 1:56am
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Anonymous
February 5th, 2018 5:13pm
You should let him/her make their own decision, unless it's invalid and someone influenced him/her to do it without a good cause. You could try speaking with them and resolving whatever conflict there may be. I wish nothing but the best!
cristalia09usagi
April 10th, 2018 11:55pm
I think that changing someone's mind can be difficult because you can possibly put them in a situation that they no longer want to be in. Perhaps sitting down with your significant other and discussing what you can improve on to help the relationship would be a good place to start.
Anonymous
May 8th, 2018 6:39am
Sadly, there's not a whole lot you can do about someone wanting to break up with you. However, you can talk to them and see why they want to and possibly see if there's anything you can do to help things become somewhat better, but most of the time if someone wants to break up with you, they have their mind set and they know it's probably the best for the both of you. Break ups will happen to you in your life, it's honestly just the way of life and relationships with people. Some people have lots of them, while others don't have as many. Doesn't make you less of a 'good' person. Things will be okay.
Manon92
September 10th, 2018 6:59pm
It is is always difficult when someone wants to break up with you. I believe trying to change someone's mind can sometimes push them further away. If you give the other space and time, if he or she belongs to you the person will return. You can't keep something that might not even belong to you anyway. It is okay to let go. You can make room for the next person you'll meet while having learnt about your experiences with the previous person you spent time with. Letting go is part of life, and not an easy one but one you can accept if you give it time.
YourLovingFriendAlyssa
January 13th, 2020 1:06am
You should probably think about why they want to break up. Depending on why, you should just let them go. They may not be the right person for you or vice-versa. Think about this: our supposed "true loves" aren't always the first people we fall in love with. If you're taking this situation well yourself, it may mean you're clingy. I don't say that as a bad thing, but instead you should think about this and ask yourself "Am I the real problem, or is it them?". Make sure before deciding on answer, ask your peers or your boyfriend or girlfriend about their view on the situation. Then, you can decide what has to happen for you to be happy.
Anonymous
March 5th, 2020 10:51pm
In this situation, it is difficult. They are deciding to break up for a reason. You cannot make that reason disappear. If you love and respect your partner you should stand by their choices and try understanding them. It is wrong to make someone stay in a relationship. And it would make the both of you unhappy. Another thing is commitment, you would be putting all the effort in which might take toll on you. From what is seems you are only thinking about things short term, you aren't thinking long term. Some choices are really bad when thinking about them short term, but in the long term you may come to realize that it actually was a reasonable decision
JaneWarren199
March 17th, 2020 6:17am
I think letting them go is the best option. You can't force a person in relationship. If you really love them you should think about their happiness above yours. And breakup doesn't mean the end of life. To overcome from the trauma I can suggest writing. Really writing your feelings either in form of poem or stories or just writing everything you feel can solve everything. After scribbling your emotions and pouring them on the piece of paper you will feel light and will be able to draw some good conclusions and it will keep your mind focused and save from unnecessary distractions like suicide or harming yourself
Anonymous
May 4th, 2020 8:54pm
If someone wants to break up with you, I don't believe you should try to change their mind. I believe they would just resent you later and feel like you manipulated them. Even if you KNOW they're wrong, they need to find that out for themselves. Further, if they want to break up with you, while it may be profoundly painful, I believe you will be better off in the long run. Sometimes it's hard to feel that way, but in the end, why would you want to stay with someone you have to convince not to leave you? You would never feel secure in the relationship...because you had to convince them to stick with it!