My boyfriend or girlfriend wants to break up with me, how can I change their mind?

338 Answers.
Last Updated: 01/20/2018 at 8:47pm
My boyfriend or girlfriend wants to break up with me, how can I change their mind?
★ This question about Breakups was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
Top Rated Answers
May 14th, 2015 2:24pm

Me and my boyfriend broke up because of our age difference we have been together for atleast a year now and we had the same problem before and we worked it out and I want to be with him he thinks its four the best I don't ive been thinking about committing suicide through this whole time I don't know what to do I want to change his mind about it but I don't know what else to say somebody please help!

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November 4th, 2014 6:28pm

Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who is thinking about stepping out and isn't fully committed ? Break ups hurt a lot, but sometimes they are for the best and it is just one of those things you have to push through.

November 5th, 2014 1:59am

If your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't want to be with you, you can not force them to feel differently. Dealing with a breakup can be very hard but sometimes it just has to happen.

January 19th, 2018 4:47pm

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November 9th, 2014 7:12pm

Wanting to break up with someone is something a person actually think is the best thing to do, personally I broke up with my girlfriend because we were on a bumpy road and I saw her true colors. She was arrogant, a little too rude and lacked respect. I still loved her obviously but it sure was the best choice. If she were to change my mind about breaking up with her, I would want her to perhaps behave a little better, fix some problems and most of all fix "our" problems. So I would say that both of you try to fix what's wrong with your relationship. Don't tear a house down because a lightbulb is broken, change the lightbulb instead. As much as it hurts to say, sometimes you can't fix a relationship. So it's better to leave the broken glass on the ground instead of hurting yourself when you try to put the pieces back together.

November 15th, 2014 2:28pm

What i have done in the past is write a huge letter, and send it or give it to here it really works :)

October 18th, 2014 5:35am

Hello! I have been in the same situation before and it must be stressful. Have you tried talking to him about how the relationship is going?

October 28th, 2014 3:51pm

We cannot control their minds, but we can always make them know how much we love them. and a relation runs by mutual understanding. try to talk to them and try to know what are the areas you both have to work on. Respecting their view is equally important as telling them your view.

November 3rd, 2014 10:49am

You shouldn't. If someone wants to go then you should let him/her go. But make sure that you have put enough efforts to make the other one realize what he/she will be missing if he/she left you. Just so, you won't regret him/her going away, as there will be nothing more you could have done.

September 16th, 2014 4:44pm

Ask them to give you a reason why, so you can know exactly what the problem is. They cant just leave for nothing.

October 10th, 2014 6:41pm

When a relationship is formed, all different appealing aspects of the person are brought into view; their charm, their hobbies, their interests, their personality, and their openness. All of these traits of the person, in play with your own, can make for a fun, vibrant, and trusting exchange of emotions and trust. However, as time progresses, things that made your partner's persona appealing may tend to lose their magnetism. In other words, things that may have drawn the person to you originally will not be as prominent as they once were. Instead, it will come to the point where one partner, usually ahead of the other's time, will evaluate the relationship based on what they do not relate to in the other person. That being said, when faced with noticing that your partner no longer sees the potential in the relationship that you would like it to have, you must ask yourself: Do you not want to lose this person? Or do you not want to lose this relationship? I understand that this is a frightening and overwhelming question to ask yourself; I have asked it to myself before in my life. The most painful, yet awakening part for me was seeing that my partner was in a position where zie was asking him/herself the same question (I'm trying to avoid gender-based pronouns). If this is the case for you, having your partner try to change his/her mind may not be the most healthy or worthwhile option. It is fair to say that before zie approached you with this objective, zie had been wrestling with the thought for some time before having built the courage to approach you about it. Trying to change their opinion will only make it harder for them, which in turn, will make it harder for you.

October 23rd, 2014 9:06pm

It's hard to hear but sometimes you can't change peoples mind, and you have to let go, and if it's meant to be you guys will be together.

November 8th, 2014 4:13pm

The best you can do is, talk to them about what you feel and be open and honest with them. Ask them how they feel too. And It might not always be a mutual decision but it takes two people's consent for a relationship. So, you have to respect what the other person wants.

October 29th, 2014 2:35pm

If your partner wants to break up with you, it's their decision. You kind of have to accept it. If you really like him/her, you can try talking and explaining what you feel to them. But it's up to them to choose.

November 9th, 2014 7:47pm

Sometimes you can't change a person's mind. They deserve the right to form their own choices just like you do. It's ok to want to attempt to change their point of view, but it's very difficult to make that type of change happen.

November 8th, 2014 6:56pm

Greatly depends upon their reason, but if it's because they no longer feel the same then try to do something out there that's romantic and sweep them off their feet (pardon the cliche) Write a song, send a bouquet of roses or anything to show how much they mean to you. You could always do a charity walk of walking 500 miles to fall down at their door ;) :)

November 20th, 2014 6:24pm

You can't. You can never force people to do what you want. Just accept the fact that they want to end it already

November 6th, 2014 10:29pm

First it might be best to evaluate the relationship as objectively as you can. Why are they wanting to break up with you? Is it a legitimate reason, or are they scared or pushing you away because of something else? Maybe don't approach the situation as "how can I change their mind", but more "how can I figure out what their reasoning is, and is it because of something more serious (like incompatibility on things they feel are really important) or something that we can work through together?"

November 7th, 2014 2:33am

I think the first point to address here is the 'mind changing' part. You shouldn't be focusing on changing their mind, you should maybe try to work on understanding what may have happened to get to this point in your relationship. Also working on accepting and respecting their wishes.

April 2nd, 2015 5:34pm

How can you change their mind? I know it's really hard to accept change in a relationship, but it seems to me that you are holding on to something because letting it go would be too hard. And that's okay. Relationships take a lot of work and can be frustrating, but we shouldn't stay in them because we are too afraid to find out what will happen if someone leaves us. When relationships end, sometimes we even feel like a failed relationship reflects back onto us, like we are the failure. But that is simply not true. I'm sure that you are an amazing, unique person. You deserve and amazing, unique relationship. Do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?

August 12th, 2015 5:28am

The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but its not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person-- without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.

November 4th, 2014 7:20am

show them that you are willing to change what you did wrong that made them break up with you i guess

November 13th, 2014 4:55am

In my opinion you shouldn't try to, it causes an unhealthy relationship. You'd basically be forcing your partner into a commitment they don't want

September 12th, 2014 2:03am

I feel that you can change their mind, but it shouldn't be about that, you will only make yourself unhappy in the long run. Want what makes them happy, then you can say you truly loved them enough, because you loved them until the end and loved them whole-heartedly.

October 28th, 2014 2:45am

first off ask them why he/she is making this decision, then take into consideration that he/she should appreciate you and you shouldn't have to fight to keep them from leaving you unless circumstances have given he/she reason to. Don't settle.

June 25th, 2015 3:41pm

It may be difficult to hear this, but in all likelihood you cannot change their mind they have already decided they want to end their romantic relationship with you. We cannot control other people's feelings & actions, we can only control our own. So you can focus on yourself instead - why do you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't actually want a relationship with you? You deserve a partner who is equally as excited to be with you as you are to be with them - not someone who will constantly need convincing to stick around.

August 9th, 2015 6:55am

Well, every situation is different, but in general, to keep someone that wants to break up with you, you can always try to be something that you are not. Try changing for them and ignoring your own thoughts, feelings and desires. Keep working hard to make them happy with everything you do. This might appear to be effective for a while before you are exhausted and slip back into who you really are. At that point, the other person might again want to break up. You could repeatedly try again (I did this off and on for 7 years) or let go and look for someone who wants to be with you for who you are (I also did this and discovered the partner I always wanted to be with). One way is less pain then the other, but you have the right to find out for yourself.

October 27th, 2014 7:11am

You can not force anyone to love you back . Its a natural and inside feeling. If one wants to move on from relationship then you should let him or her go. Their comfort and happiness also important. Yes you should ask him or her the reason of quit and if you feel that there is some miscommunication and confusion then you should talk to each other but if she or he wants to move on without any reason or just because of he or she wants some change then you should not stop them. Its just my thinking.

July 26th, 2015 6:45pm

Instead of changing their minds...change your own mind!!! You don't need someone to forcefully stay back in your life!! C'mon you are better than this buddy! We need to let them have their way in the relationship! If they aren't happy then they have every right to leave!! Do not convince by words ......your actions should do the job! ❤

November 9th, 2014 2:21pm

It's difficult to be changing their mind, because the emotions they feel towards you are emotions they only themselves can control. It will be hurting you more in the longtime if you are unable to let it go.

June 27th, 2016 9:48am

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

October 30th, 2014 7:01am

It's their choice. You can't change their mind, only they can. What you can do is tell them you don't want to do so but even then, it's up to the both of you what you wish to agree upon. If the person says no why try and force them with you.

October 30th, 2014 2:02pm

You can not chamge peoples mind, you can persuade them by changing but it is their decision on what they want to do.

April 18th, 2015 7:58am

Well, honestly I really don't think that you can change their mind. I mean there is always gestures that may fix the problem, but then you will never know if they are in the relationship for you or because of what you offered them. You can have also have a conversation with he/she explaining to them why you should stay together, but at the end of the day it is up to them to decide whether they want to continue the relationship or not. You can't make someone love you or stay with you. If they decided to break up with you try to find a way to just let it be because the break up is probably for the best and you may not be meant to be with him/her. There is no harm in trying to save a relationship with someone that you love and/or really like, but sometimes you have to just let go and let God. Let time and fate do it's magic and if it's meant to be it'll be. If not it just worked out for the best and you just need to try to move on.

November 17th, 2014 4:31pm

Well, they'll have their reasons. Maybe they've started to feel unhappy in this relationship. The best way is to ask for their reasons and solve the problem together :)

July 4th, 2015 9:40am

You cannot force anyone to be with you the best you can do is respect their decision(although its very hard to) and let them know that you would always have their back even though you guys are not in contact

February 12th, 2016 1:27pm

Are you sure you want to change their mind?

April 3rd, 2015 2:21pm

You find out why the want to break up with you. Maybe you have flaws they don't like and maybe you can change them. That is the easiest way

October 12th, 2014 3:53pm

There may be a way...but it's hard to change anything where nothing gonna works out...So we first have to make sure if this relationshi really works out where there's only one hand to clap..

July 1st, 2015 4:27am

If you have a significant other that wishes to break up with you--let them. Anyone who knows your worth will appreciate you and wish to be with you. If the person you're with no longer wishes to pursue a relationship with you--you both deserve the chance to find someone who will. Begging them back or sacrificing something about yourself in order to convince them to stay-- is not only unfair to yourself but also a means of creating resentment between the two of you. The saying "if you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you it was meant to be, if they don't-- they weren't." is one of the truest sayings I've come across in my relationship experiences. Everyone deserves to be with someone that desires and loves them--no exceptions.

July 2nd, 2015 3:42pm

promising a better idea to manipulate someone won't be a wise choice...rather its better for you to focus on all the good things because they seem to have no harm for you at any time in your life...

July 10th, 2015 8:55am

When your significant other wants to break up with you, ask them for their reasoning. Ask them why they want to break up with you. If their reason seems logical, and it's regarding something neither of you has much power over, then maybe breaking up is not a bad idea. If their reason is something you can fix, then you have the option of fixing it to prevent you two from breaking up. When me and my ex broke up, we did so for our emotional wellbeing. We knew that being together was too stressful on both of our parts, so we mutually decided to break up. Though it hurt a lot at first, eventually I realized breaking up was better for both of us in the end.

July 27th, 2015 11:48pm

It will probably not be the answer you would want to hear, but it's time to let them go. Your boyfriend/girlfriend may want to break up with you for several reasons, but usually it is mostly about them and not you. If there is no way to work it out, it's time to let it go. It will be the hardest thing to do, but set them free. Let them find their happiness and you will find yours.

July 1st, 2015 5:08pm

Show him or her what they will miss when you aren't in a relationship with him/her anymore! Means having a lot of fun. Try to do the exact thing that was the reason why he or she was in a relationship with you! Another approach may be to do some straight talk. You know your bf or gf best and that's why you know which of both options is the best! Good luck :)

August 12th, 2015 6:08pm

You don't change their mind. If they do not want to be with you, that is their choice. And you are better off without someone who makes that choice. Respect yourself enough to know when someone is not right for you.

August 14th, 2015 6:49am

Don't try to. If they've thought about it, you trying to change their mind will keep them there out of pity. A relationship should always be mutual. It shouldn't be one person trying to keep it together. Let them go.

August 16th, 2015 8:02am

You honestly can't, and you shouldn't want to, cause if they're doubting the way they feel for you how are you gonna know if you get them to stay that they really love you

April 3rd, 2016 12:15am

If they still love you then there is a mind to change wich maybe you could try having some alone time and giving them a great time aka them feel special tell them how much you care and love them and everything you do for them because of your love

August 8th, 2015 7:03am

You cannot change ones mind and it's also best that way because once a partner has lost feelings for another they will be in an unhappy relationship and it'll never work out if they want to break up you should too

December 13th, 2015 12:51am

Unfortunately love, you cannot change their mind. People feel how they feel and sadly we have absolutely no control over that. What we do have control over is how we react and how we move on. If they should break up with you it is going to hurt and crying is absolutely normal and acceptable but after the initial hurt, what happens is up to you. Are you going to try and be okay? Or are you going to let the hurt grow?

February 6th, 2016 11:00am

By appreciating them more often. Show them how much they truly mean to you. It really is not good to keep someone in a relationship if they are not happy, but if you have both agreed that you want to save the relationship and that you both still love each other then you should do little things every day just to show them how much they are loved by you. They'll soon feel important, loved, and comfortable in the relationship.

February 11th, 2016 6:53am

You cannot "change anyones mind." but you can talk to them about how it might make you feel if they feel like they need to break up with you, they obviously aren't the one. I understand how you are feeling though, you just want someone to love you and you don't want to be left am i correct? nobody wants to be left, but that's just apart of life people will come, people will go. You can't control anyone but you. You will find someone again and you will eventually find the one i know it doesn't seem like it now (I've gone through two break ups so far and they hurt so bad but you eventually get over it) take care, hope this helped.

March 25th, 2016 7:29pm

You can't really change somebody's mind about breaking up with you. You just have to accept their decision and if you really loved them then you'd want them to be happy, with or without you. The only thing you can do is stay friends with them, and try to move and eventually find somebody else.

April 1st, 2016 1:44am

You should tell them how you feel about them. Maybe they think that you don't care, and want to move on to someone else. My girlfriend wanted to break up with me, but I told her how I felt and we worked it out together.

June 8th, 2016 4:20am

As hard as it may be to hear this the answer is don't. I'm not saying it will be easy to allow the person you love to walk away, but I promise it will be worth it. You deserve to be loved in the way you love or care for them. I'm not saying they aren't worth the fight. In fact if you know they are then do just that, allow them to end things but never allow them to forget why they fell for you in the first place. It's important to remember why you began dating in the first place, the memories, the attraction, the inspiration. But to dwell on why it is ending would be a waste of your value. And in the end you will learn the love or care is truly mutual and you will flourish together, or you may part ways and find love in new places ones that know your worth and cherish you for it.

July 8th, 2015 6:50pm

You don't. If someone wants to break up with you then let them. Trying to force someone to stay with you when they don't want to will just make everyone including yourself, miserable. Let them do what they think is right for them. And you will be okay. Don't let someone else dictate your feelings.

February 3rd, 2016 2:45am

You shouldn't want to. You should want to be with someone you don't have to fight for and reciprocates your affections.

February 3rd, 2016 4:57pm

You can't change their mind -- not if they want to change it themselves. If things are not at the breaking point yet, sit down and have an open, honest and calm discussion with them. Talk about your concerns and address each other's concern, and try not to turn the discussion into a fight or argument. If he/she has made up their mind for a breakup, respect their decision. Don't contact them for a while. It's hard, but you probably both need a bit of time to think it through and to calm down. Remember a breakup is not the end -- life will either bring you two back together or guide you to find someone better. It will be sad, and it will take however long it's necessary for you to recover. But you WILL get through it. My heart goes out to you

February 12th, 2016 11:18am

Share your entire self with them. Tell them how you really feel about them and how you'd feel if they would leave you. Don't forget to mention that they are very important to you and, if you did a mistake, always apologise for it.

March 30th, 2016 12:42pm

It is not about changing their minds, It should be more about correcting what ever is wrong, listening and then, doing what is best for you both.

April 1st, 2016 2:57pm

Tell them that you will try much harder. Tell them that everything can change if you want. Be the best and be kind to them.

Recent Answers
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December 5th, 2017 3:49pm

There really nothing you can change their mind when a person wants to leave a person they will. But you can tell them why they should stay with you and what they want you to change.

October 23rd, 2017 10:26am

You can ask them if there is anything that can be done to keep the relationship going instead of breaking up. Maybe you can change a behaviour that your lover dislikes, or maybe there is a problem that you both need to solve for the relationship to keep going. Keep in mind however that you can't force one person to stay and that it's necessary for you to respect their decision, even if it hurts you. Remember that the people who really, genuinely love you will stay within your life and do their best to keep you there.

March 20th, 2017 6:46am

If he/she wants to break up with you then you can't stop them. You should not try to change yourself in order to change their mind . Be True to yourself and move on with your life. If he/she truly wants to be with you then he/she will realise their mistake and come back. And if that doesn't happen then be glad that you saved yourself from a one sided relationship because in the future you'll find better people.

July 5th, 2016 10:18am

Breaking up with someone is a big decision to make. Discussing the situation with them may help you both understand the situation better, however changing their mind may suppress their feelings and be unhealthy.

June 9th, 2016 2:31pm

No one can change anyone's mind. Just be yourself and if they still break up, it's not your fault and you couldn't have helped it.

June 9th, 2016 6:47am

If they are truly set on their decision then it is too late; However, if they are confused about ending things with you but still let you know that they might then you should talk to her and see what it is that went wrong in the relationship and then ask for forgiveness and then tell them that you will do everything you can to fix it.

June 9th, 2016 4:14am

Hate to be the one to break it to you, but you can't. It's their life, and although it may hurt, you've got to let go. Many new opportunities await and be thankful for the experience you both had together!

June 8th, 2016 10:04pm

Changing their mind should not be your priority. Clarity is key. The two of you need to discuss what has occured to how the situation has become how it is, in order to establish a conclusion. Being it a breakup or staying together.

June 8th, 2016 9:41am

You can't change their mind and it's also a waste of energy trying to do so. Everything in life runs its course. There's a reason why it's over with. You want someone who also wants you not just you wanting them

April 3rd, 2016 9:58am

Sometimes changing their mind may not be the better option. Go through the relationship, good/bad, happy/sad. Healthy? If you feel as though it is not a positive relationship or that it is going anywhere than maybe changing their mind may not be the best.

April 2nd, 2016 4:21am

I don't think it's right to change their mind. It's not right to force someone into a relationship that they don't want to be in. If you guys aren't meant to be then that's just it

March 26th, 2016 1:02am

Talk with them, that is the most simple way it can go. Talk to them about why they want to break up, and if they are persistant on it, let it go. Don't forge something that isn't meant to be either.

March 25th, 2016 10:33am

i think you need to tell them how you feel and explain your side of the story. be patient and give them time

March 24th, 2016 2:29pm

Do you really want to change their mind? There must be a reason why he/she wants to break up. Try to find out why you relationship is struggling and talk to your partner about ways to improve things. Sometimes there are little things that irritate your partner and when they sum up it might be hard to find a way back to look at the person you fell in love with.

March 24th, 2016 9:16am

It's not your job to change their mind. If they want to break up, its their choice. If they wanted to be with you, they would stay

March 20th, 2016 6:11pm

You can never make anyone change their mind, but you can remind them of why you're together in the first place.

March 20th, 2016 9:00am

He or she is probably unhappy with something that is happening in you guys relationship. Figure out what is making them unhappy, and change it. But this does NOT mean you need to change yourself. Sometimes, breaking up is for the better.

March 19th, 2016 12:43pm

You can't keep someone who doesn't want to stay. If you try to stop them from leaving, resentment will grow in your relationship and it will just get toxic for both of you. Be brave, let them go and remember that you are not defined by other human beings.

March 18th, 2016 9:41pm

You shouldn't have to change their mind. If they really care about you they wouldn't want to leave you.

March 16th, 2016 3:53pm

You can't.......if they want to break up with you then that is thier choice. You can't really change their mind

March 13th, 2016 10:49pm

If someone wanted to break up with me then I would let them because why would I date someone who didn't want to date me. But, if you really love this person then you need to have a serious conversation with them about how you can make the relationship work.

March 12th, 2016 4:15pm

You shouldn't try to change his/her mind, it's their choice and you need to respect their choice. If they don't want to be with you, it's better that you're apart.

March 12th, 2016 10:13am

Why do you think they want to break up with you? Have you looked at things from their pointof view?

March 10th, 2016 11:13pm

If someone truly wants to end their relationship, you should respect their feelings, and go along with it. Remember, your feelings aren't the only ones.

February 12th, 2016 8:20am

Talk about what is making them break up with you! Talk things out and straighten things out, start from there.

February 10th, 2016 1:43pm

Talk and find out why, and keep an open mind and see that it may be for the best there may be something that you are missing but communication is vital in this situation.

February 8th, 2016 6:40pm

People usually break up for feeling a lack of love or affection. Best suggestion from not knowing any circumstances would be to prove that you really do want that person around.

February 6th, 2016 3:32am

You shouldn't try to change their mind. If they wanted to break up with you and then stay they won't exact have the same spark they had in the beginning

February 5th, 2016 9:06pm

Try to find out why. everything can be discussed :) And if you love that person it is worth to do anything :)