My boyfriend or girlfriend wants to break up with me, how can I change their mind?

345 Answers
Last Updated: 09/10/2018 at 6:59pm
My boyfriend or girlfriend wants to break up with me, how can I change their mind?
★ This question about Breakups was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
1 Tip to Feel Better
Answers
Anonymous - Expert in Breakups
May 14th, 2015 2:24pm
Me and my boyfriend broke up because of our age difference we have been together for atleast a year now and we had the same problem before and we worked it out and I want to be with him he thinks its four the best I don't ive been thinking about committing suicide through this whole time I don't know what to do I want to change his mind about it but I don't know what else to say somebody please help!
misathesecond - Expert in Breakups
November 4th, 2014 6:28pm
Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who is thinking about stepping out and isn't fully committed ? Break ups hurt a lot, but sometimes they are for the best and it is just one of those things you have to push through.
Asparagus515
November 5th, 2014 1:59am
If your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't want to be with you, you can not force them to feel differently. Dealing with a breakup can be very hard but sometimes it just has to happen.
Fredrik
November 9th, 2014 7:12pm
Wanting to break up with someone is something a person actually think is the best thing to do, personally I broke up with my girlfriend because we were on a bumpy road and I saw her true colors. She was arrogant, a little too rude and lacked respect. I still loved her obviously but it sure was the best choice. If she were to change my mind about breaking up with her, I would want her to perhaps behave a little better, fix some problems and most of all fix "our" problems. So I would say that both of you try to fix what's wrong with your relationship. Don't tear a house down because a lightbulb is broken, change the lightbulb instead. As much as it hurts to say, sometimes you can't fix a relationship. So it's better to leave the broken glass on the ground instead of hurting yourself when you try to put the pieces back together.
Anonymous
November 15th, 2014 2:28pm
What i have done in the past is write a huge letter, and send it or give it to here it really works :)
Ellice
October 18th, 2014 5:35am
Hello! I have been in the same situation before and it must be stressful. Have you tried talking to him about how the relationship is going?
Anonymous
October 28th, 2014 3:51pm
We cannot control their minds, but we can always make them know how much we love them. and a relation runs by mutual understanding. try to talk to them and try to know what are the areas you both have to work on. Respecting their view is equally important as telling them your view.
helpmeHelpyou61
November 3rd, 2014 10:49am
You shouldn't. If someone wants to go then you should let him/her go. But make sure that you have put enough efforts to make the other one realize what he/she will be missing if he/she left you. Just so, you won't regret him/her going away, as there will be nothing more you could have done.
mysticalpenguin4all
October 10th, 2014 6:41pm
When a relationship is formed, all different appealing aspects of the person are brought into view; their charm, their hobbies, their interests, their personality, and their openness. All of these traits of the person, in play with your own, can make for a fun, vibrant, and trusting exchange of emotions and trust. However, as time progresses, things that made your partner's persona appealing may tend to lose their magnetism. In other words, things that may have drawn the person to you originally will not be as prominent as they once were. Instead, it will come to the point where one partner, usually ahead of the other's time, will evaluate the relationship based on what they do not relate to in the other person. That being said, when faced with noticing that your partner no longer sees the potential in the relationship that you would like it to have, you must ask yourself: Do you not want to lose this person? Or do you not want to lose this relationship? I understand that this is a frightening and overwhelming question to ask yourself; I have asked it to myself before in my life. The most painful, yet awakening part for me was seeing that my partner was in a position where zie was asking him/herself the same question (I'm trying to avoid gender-based pronouns). If this is the case for you, having your partner try to change his/her mind may not be the most healthy or worthwhile option. It is fair to say that before zie approached you with this objective, zie had been wrestling with the thought for some time before having built the courage to approach you about it. Trying to change their opinion will only make it harder for them, which in turn, will make it harder for you.
Aaliyahh
September 16th, 2014 4:44pm
Ask them to give you a reason why, so you can know exactly what the problem is. They cant just leave for nothing.
Uniqueg
October 23rd, 2014 9:06pm
It's hard to hear but sometimes you can't change peoples mind, and you have to let go, and if it's meant to be you guys will be together.
Anonymous
November 8th, 2014 4:13pm
The best you can do is, talk to them about what you feel and be open and honest with them. Ask them how they feel too. And It might not always be a mutual decision but it takes two people's consent for a relationship. So, you have to respect what the other person wants.
mjanewatson
October 29th, 2014 2:35pm
If your partner wants to break up with you, it's their decision. You kind of have to accept it. If you really like him/her, you can try talking and explaining what you feel to them. But it's up to them to choose.
HidgyJaws
November 8th, 2014 6:56pm
Greatly depends upon their reason, but if it's because they no longer feel the same then try to do something out there that's romantic and sweep them off their feet (pardon the cliche) Write a song, send a bouquet of roses or anything to show how much they mean to you. You could always do a charity walk of walking 500 miles to fall down at their door ;) :)
humanlikeyou2
November 9th, 2014 7:47pm
Sometimes you can't change a person's mind. They deserve the right to form their own choices just like you do. It's ok to want to attempt to change their point of view, but it's very difficult to make that type of change happen.
Anonymous
November 20th, 2014 6:24pm
You can't. You can never force people to do what you want. Just accept the fact that they want to end it already
Anonymous
November 4th, 2014 7:20am
show them that you are willing to change what you did wrong that made them break up with you i guess
lightPetrichor34
November 6th, 2014 10:29pm
First it might be best to evaluate the relationship as objectively as you can. Why are they wanting to break up with you? Is it a legitimate reason, or are they scared or pushing you away because of something else? Maybe don't approach the situation as "how can I change their mind", but more "how can I figure out what their reasoning is, and is it because of something more serious (like incompatibility on things they feel are really important) or something that we can work through together?"
Anonymous
April 2nd, 2015 5:34pm
How can you change their mind? I know it's really hard to accept change in a relationship, but it seems to me that you are holding on to something because letting it go would be too hard. And that's okay. Relationships take a lot of work and can be frustrating, but we shouldn't stay in them because we are too afraid to find out what will happen if someone leaves us. When relationships end, sometimes we even feel like a failed relationship reflects back onto us, like we are the failure. But that is simply not true. I'm sure that you are an amazing, unique person. You deserve and amazing, unique relationship. Do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?
Anonymous
November 7th, 2014 2:33am
I think the first point to address here is the 'mind changing' part. You shouldn't be focusing on changing their mind, you should maybe try to work on understanding what may have happened to get to this point in your relationship. Also working on accepting and respecting their wishes.
Anonymous
August 12th, 2015 5:28am
The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but its not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person-- without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.
Anonymous
November 13th, 2014 4:55am
In my opinion you shouldn't try to, it causes an unhealthy relationship. You'd basically be forcing your partner into a commitment they don't want
KaiStokes
September 12th, 2014 2:03am
I feel that you can change their mind, but it shouldn't be about that, you will only make yourself unhappy in the long run. Want what makes them happy, then you can say you truly loved them enough, because you loved them until the end and loved them whole-heartedly.
AnonymousA
October 28th, 2014 2:45am
first off ask them why he/she is making this decision, then take into consideration that he/she should appreciate you and you shouldn't have to fight to keep them from leaving you unless circumstances have given he/she reason to. Don't settle.
amiableAmy
June 25th, 2015 3:41pm
It may be difficult to hear this, but in all likelihood you cannot change their mind they have already decided they want to end their romantic relationship with you. We cannot control other people's feelings & actions, we can only control our own. So you can focus on yourself instead - why do you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't actually want a relationship with you? You deserve a partner who is equally as excited to be with you as you are to be with them - not someone who will constantly need convincing to stick around.
CalmReflections
August 9th, 2015 6:55am
Well, every situation is different, but in general, to keep someone that wants to break up with you, you can always try to be something that you are not. Try changing for them and ignoring your own thoughts, feelings and desires. Keep working hard to make them happy with everything you do. This might appear to be effective for a while before you are exhausted and slip back into who you really are. At that point, the other person might again want to break up. You could repeatedly try again (I did this off and on for 7 years) or let go and look for someone who wants to be with you for who you are (I also did this and discovered the partner I always wanted to be with). One way is less pain then the other, but you have the right to find out for yourself.
mayank4u
October 27th, 2014 7:11am
You can not force anyone to love you back . Its a natural and inside feeling. If one wants to move on from relationship then you should let him or her go. Their comfort and happiness also important. Yes you should ask him or her the reason of quit and if you feel that there is some miscommunication and confusion then you should talk to each other but if she or he wants to move on without any reason or just because of he or she wants some change then you should not stop them. Its just my thinking.
melissarumao3
July 26th, 2015 6:45pm
Instead of changing their minds...change your own mind!!! You don't need someone to forcefully stay back in your life!! C'mon you are better than this buddy! We need to let them have their way in the relationship! If they aren't happy then they have every right to leave!! Do not convince by words ......your actions should do the job! ❤
Anonymous
November 9th, 2014 2:21pm
It's difficult to be changing their mind, because the emotions they feel towards you are emotions they only themselves can control. It will be hurting you more in the longtime if you are unable to let it go.
Shaneer
October 30th, 2014 2:02pm
You can not chamge peoples mind, you can persuade them by changing but it is their decision on what they want to do.