My boyfriend or girlfriend wants to break up with me, how can I change their mind?

344 Answers.
Last Updated: 05/08/2018 at 7:44pm
My boyfriend or girlfriend wants to break up with me, how can I change their mind?
★ This question about Breakups was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
Top Rated Answer
Anonymous
May 14th, 2015 2:24pm
Me and my boyfriend broke up because of our age difference we have been together for atleast a year now and we had the same problem before and we worked it out and I want to be with him he thinks its four the best I don't ive been thinking about committing suicide through this whole time I don't know what to do I want to change his mind about it but I don't know what else to say somebody please help!
Newest Answer
Secretsafe47
May 8th, 2018 7:44pm
Don't manipulate or influence by doing all this stuff now ..which will lead to unhealthy relation on future..which is not good..so, try to work out how you guys can understand each oyher and try to gind a good connection which is important which will not only make you realation good but unbreakable

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Top Rated Answers
misathesecond
November 4th, 2014 6:28pm
Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who is thinking about stepping out and isn't fully committed ? Break ups hurt a lot, but sometimes they are for the best and it is just one of those things you have to push through.
EarsForYou
July 21st, 2018 10:32am
Looking for answers on the internet...we've all been there. I just want you to know you don't have to figure this out on your own. I know this might not be something you want to discuss with your friends or family, but if you join this site you can get free, anonymous support from trained listeners and a huge support community. Nobody is here to judge.
Asparagus515
November 5th, 2014 1:59am
If your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't want to be with you, you can not force them to feel differently. Dealing with a breakup can be very hard but sometimes it just has to happen.
Fredrik
November 9th, 2014 7:12pm
Wanting to break up with someone is something a person actually think is the best thing to do, personally I broke up with my girlfriend because we were on a bumpy road and I saw her true colors. She was arrogant, a little too rude and lacked respect. I still loved her obviously but it sure was the best choice. If she were to change my mind about breaking up with her, I would want her to perhaps behave a little better, fix some problems and most of all fix "our" problems. So I would say that both of you try to fix what's wrong with your relationship. Don't tear a house down because a lightbulb is broken, change the lightbulb instead. As much as it hurts to say, sometimes you can't fix a relationship. So it's better to leave the broken glass on the ground instead of hurting yourself when you try to put the pieces back together.
Anonymous
November 15th, 2014 2:28pm
What i have done in the past is write a huge letter, and send it or give it to here it really works :)
Ellice
October 18th, 2014 5:35am
Hello! I have been in the same situation before and it must be stressful. Have you tried talking to him about how the relationship is going?
Anonymous
October 28th, 2014 3:51pm
We cannot control their minds, but we can always make them know how much we love them. and a relation runs by mutual understanding. try to talk to them and try to know what are the areas you both have to work on. Respecting their view is equally important as telling them your view.
helpmeHelpyou61
November 3rd, 2014 10:49am
You shouldn't. If someone wants to go then you should let him/her go. But make sure that you have put enough efforts to make the other one realize what he/she will be missing if he/she left you. Just so, you won't regret him/her going away, as there will be nothing more you could have done.
mysticalpenguin4all
October 10th, 2014 6:41pm
When a relationship is formed, all different appealing aspects of the person are brought into view; their charm, their hobbies, their interests, their personality, and their openness. All of these traits of the person, in play with your own, can make for a fun, vibrant, and trusting exchange of emotions and trust. However, as time progresses, things that made your partner's persona appealing may tend to lose their magnetism. In other words, things that may have drawn the person to you originally will not be as prominent as they once were. Instead, it will come to the point where one partner, usually ahead of the other's time, will evaluate the relationship based on what they do not relate to in the other person. That being said, when faced with noticing that your partner no longer sees the potential in the relationship that you would like it to have, you must ask yourself: Do you not want to lose this person? Or do you not want to lose this relationship? I understand that this is a frightening and overwhelming question to ask yourself; I have asked it to myself before in my life. The most painful, yet awakening part for me was seeing that my partner was in a position where zie was asking him/herself the same question (I'm trying to avoid gender-based pronouns). If this is the case for you, having your partner try to change his/her mind may not be the most healthy or worthwhile option. It is fair to say that before zie approached you with this objective, zie had been wrestling with the thought for some time before having built the courage to approach you about it. Trying to change their opinion will only make it harder for them, which in turn, will make it harder for you.
Aaliyahh
September 16th, 2014 4:44pm
Ask them to give you a reason why, so you can know exactly what the problem is. They cant just leave for nothing.
Uniqueg
October 23rd, 2014 9:06pm
It's hard to hear but sometimes you can't change peoples mind, and you have to let go, and if it's meant to be you guys will be together.
Anonymous
November 8th, 2014 4:13pm
The best you can do is, talk to them about what you feel and be open and honest with them. Ask them how they feel too. And It might not always be a mutual decision but it takes two people's consent for a relationship. So, you have to respect what the other person wants.
mjanewatson
October 29th, 2014 2:35pm
If your partner wants to break up with you, it's their decision. You kind of have to accept it. If you really like him/her, you can try talking and explaining what you feel to them. But it's up to them to choose.
HidgyJaws
November 8th, 2014 6:56pm
Greatly depends upon their reason, but if it's because they no longer feel the same then try to do something out there that's romantic and sweep them off their feet (pardon the cliche) Write a song, send a bouquet of roses or anything to show how much they mean to you. You could always do a charity walk of walking 500 miles to fall down at their door ;) :)
humanlikeyou2
November 9th, 2014 7:47pm
Sometimes you can't change a person's mind. They deserve the right to form their own choices just like you do. It's ok to want to attempt to change their point of view, but it's very difficult to make that type of change happen.
Anonymous
November 20th, 2014 6:24pm
You can't. You can never force people to do what you want. Just accept the fact that they want to end it already
Anonymous
November 4th, 2014 7:20am
show them that you are willing to change what you did wrong that made them break up with you i guess
lightPetrichor34
November 6th, 2014 10:29pm
First it might be best to evaluate the relationship as objectively as you can. Why are they wanting to break up with you? Is it a legitimate reason, or are they scared or pushing you away because of something else? Maybe don't approach the situation as "how can I change their mind", but more "how can I figure out what their reasoning is, and is it because of something more serious (like incompatibility on things they feel are really important) or something that we can work through together?"
Anonymous
April 2nd, 2015 5:34pm
How can you change their mind? I know it's really hard to accept change in a relationship, but it seems to me that you are holding on to something because letting it go would be too hard. And that's okay. Relationships take a lot of work and can be frustrating, but we shouldn't stay in them because we are too afraid to find out what will happen if someone leaves us. When relationships end, sometimes we even feel like a failed relationship reflects back onto us, like we are the failure. But that is simply not true. I'm sure that you are an amazing, unique person. You deserve and amazing, unique relationship. Do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?
Anonymous
November 7th, 2014 2:33am
I think the first point to address here is the 'mind changing' part. You shouldn't be focusing on changing their mind, you should maybe try to work on understanding what may have happened to get to this point in your relationship. Also working on accepting and respecting their wishes.
Anonymous
August 12th, 2015 5:28am
The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but its not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person-- without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.
Anonymous
November 13th, 2014 4:55am
In my opinion you shouldn't try to, it causes an unhealthy relationship. You'd basically be forcing your partner into a commitment they don't want
KaiStokes
September 12th, 2014 2:03am
I feel that you can change their mind, but it shouldn't be about that, you will only make yourself unhappy in the long run. Want what makes them happy, then you can say you truly loved them enough, because you loved them until the end and loved them whole-heartedly.
amiableAmy
June 25th, 2015 3:41pm
It may be difficult to hear this, but in all likelihood you cannot change their mind they have already decided they want to end their romantic relationship with you. We cannot control other people's feelings & actions, we can only control our own. So you can focus on yourself instead - why do you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't actually want a relationship with you? You deserve a partner who is equally as excited to be with you as you are to be with them - not someone who will constantly need convincing to stick around.
AnonymousA
October 28th, 2014 2:45am
first off ask them why he/she is making this decision, then take into consideration that he/she should appreciate you and you shouldn't have to fight to keep them from leaving you unless circumstances have given he/she reason to. Don't settle.
CalmReflections
August 9th, 2015 6:55am
Well, every situation is different, but in general, to keep someone that wants to break up with you, you can always try to be something that you are not. Try changing for them and ignoring your own thoughts, feelings and desires. Keep working hard to make them happy with everything you do. This might appear to be effective for a while before you are exhausted and slip back into who you really are. At that point, the other person might again want to break up. You could repeatedly try again (I did this off and on for 7 years) or let go and look for someone who wants to be with you for who you are (I also did this and discovered the partner I always wanted to be with). One way is less pain then the other, but you have the right to find out for yourself.
mayank4u
October 27th, 2014 7:11am
You can not force anyone to love you back . Its a natural and inside feeling. If one wants to move on from relationship then you should let him or her go. Their comfort and happiness also important. Yes you should ask him or her the reason of quit and if you feel that there is some miscommunication and confusion then you should talk to each other but if she or he wants to move on without any reason or just because of he or she wants some change then you should not stop them. Its just my thinking.
melissarumao3
July 26th, 2015 6:45pm
Instead of changing their minds...change your own mind!!! You don't need someone to forcefully stay back in your life!! C'mon you are better than this buddy! We need to let them have their way in the relationship! If they aren't happy then they have every right to leave!! Do not convince by words ......your actions should do the job! ❤
Anonymous
November 9th, 2014 2:21pm
It's difficult to be changing their mind, because the emotions they feel towards you are emotions they only themselves can control. It will be hurting you more in the longtime if you are unable to let it go.
Shaneer
October 30th, 2014 2:02pm
You can not chamge peoples mind, you can persuade them by changing but it is their decision on what they want to do.
BroadwayBaby
November 17th, 2014 4:31pm
Well, they'll have their reasons. Maybe they've started to feel unhappy in this relationship. The best way is to ask for their reasons and solve the problem together :)
politeRabbit
February 12th, 2016 1:27pm
Are you sure you want to change their mind?
MightyLittleSoldier
June 27th, 2016 9:48am
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
Brittneym101
April 18th, 2015 7:58am
Well, honestly I really don't think that you can change their mind. I mean there is always gestures that may fix the problem, but then you will never know if they are in the relationship for you or because of what you offered them. You can have also have a conversation with he/she explaining to them why you should stay together, but at the end of the day it is up to them to decide whether they want to continue the relationship or not. You can't make someone love you or stay with you. If they decided to break up with you try to find a way to just let it be because the break up is probably for the best and you may not be meant to be with him/her. There is no harm in trying to save a relationship with someone that you love and/or really like, but sometimes you have to just let go and let God. Let time and fate do it's magic and if it's meant to be it'll be. If not it just worked out for the best and you just need to try to move on.
Anonymous
October 30th, 2014 7:01am
It's their choice. You can't change their mind, only they can. What you can do is tell them you don't want to do so but even then, it's up to the both of you what you wish to agree upon. If the person says no why try and force them with you.
Anonymous
April 3rd, 2015 2:21pm
You find out why the want to break up with you. Maybe you have flaws they don't like and maybe you can change them. That is the easiest way
compassionatelife
July 4th, 2015 9:40am
You cannot force anyone to be with you the best you can do is respect their decision(although its very hard to) and let them know that you would always have their back even though you guys are not in contact
Peacegirl
October 12th, 2014 3:53pm
There may be a way...but it's hard to change anything where nothing gonna works out...So we first have to make sure if this relationshi really works out where there's only one hand to clap..
PaperGirl5
July 1st, 2015 4:27am
If you have a significant other that wishes to break up with you--let them. Anyone who knows your worth will appreciate you and wish to be with you. If the person you're with no longer wishes to pursue a relationship with you--you both deserve the chance to find someone who will. Begging them back or sacrificing something about yourself in order to convince them to stay-- is not only unfair to yourself but also a means of creating resentment between the two of you. The saying "if you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you it was meant to be, if they don't-- they weren't." is one of the truest sayings I've come across in my relationship experiences. Everyone deserves to be with someone that desires and loves them--no exceptions.
Anonymous
July 27th, 2015 11:48pm
It will probably not be the answer you would want to hear, but it's time to let them go. Your boyfriend/girlfriend may want to break up with you for several reasons, but usually it is mostly about them and not you. If there is no way to work it out, it's time to let it go. It will be the hardest thing to do, but set them free. Let them find their happiness and you will find yours.
adoredPerspective54
July 2nd, 2015 3:42pm
promising a better idea to manipulate someone won't be a wise choice...rather its better for you to focus on all the good things because they seem to have no harm for you at any time in your life...
Anonymous
July 1st, 2015 5:08pm
Show him or her what they will miss when you aren't in a relationship with him/her anymore! Means having a lot of fun. Try to do the exact thing that was the reason why he or she was in a relationship with you! Another approach may be to do some straight talk. You know your bf or gf best and that's why you know which of both options is the best! Good luck :)
Anonymous
July 10th, 2015 8:55am
When your significant other wants to break up with you, ask them for their reasoning. Ask them why they want to break up with you. If their reason seems logical, and it's regarding something neither of you has much power over, then maybe breaking up is not a bad idea. If their reason is something you can fix, then you have the option of fixing it to prevent you two from breaking up. When me and my ex broke up, we did so for our emotional wellbeing. We knew that being together was too stressful on both of our parts, so we mutually decided to break up. Though it hurt a lot at first, eventually I realized breaking up was better for both of us in the end.
lipsticklez
April 3rd, 2016 12:15am
If they still love you then there is a mind to change wich maybe you could try having some alone time and giving them a great time aka them feel special tell them how much you care and love them and everything you do for them because of your love
Anonymous
August 12th, 2015 6:08pm
You don't change their mind. If they do not want to be with you, that is their choice. And you are better off without someone who makes that choice. Respect yourself enough to know when someone is not right for you.
Anonymous
August 14th, 2015 6:49am
Don't try to. If they've thought about it, you trying to change their mind will keep them there out of pity. A relationship should always be mutual. It shouldn't be one person trying to keep it together. Let them go.
Anonymous
August 16th, 2015 8:02am
You honestly can't, and you shouldn't want to, cause if they're doubting the way they feel for you how are you gonna know if you get them to stay that they really love you
Anonymous
February 12th, 2016 11:18am
Share your entire self with them. Tell them how you really feel about them and how you'd feel if they would leave you. Don't forget to mention that they are very important to you and, if you did a mistake, always apologise for it.
Anonymous
July 8th, 2015 6:50pm
You don't. If someone wants to break up with you then let them. Trying to force someone to stay with you when they don't want to will just make everyone including yourself, miserable. Let them do what they think is right for them. And you will be okay. Don't let someone else dictate your feelings.
bubblyMelon22
August 8th, 2015 7:03am
You cannot change ones mind and it's also best that way because once a partner has lost feelings for another they will be in an unhappy relationship and it'll never work out if they want to break up you should too
Anonymous
December 13th, 2015 12:51am
Unfortunately love, you cannot change their mind. People feel how they feel and sadly we have absolutely no control over that. What we do have control over is how we react and how we move on. If they should break up with you it is going to hurt and crying is absolutely normal and acceptable but after the initial hurt, what happens is up to you. Are you going to try and be okay? Or are you going to let the hurt grow?
hopefulpoetry
February 6th, 2016 11:00am
By appreciating them more often. Show them how much they truly mean to you. It really is not good to keep someone in a relationship if they are not happy, but if you have both agreed that you want to save the relationship and that you both still love each other then you should do little things every day just to show them how much they are loved by you. They'll soon feel important, loved, and comfortable in the relationship.
4thepeople20
February 8th, 2016 6:40pm
People usually break up for feeling a lack of love or affection. Best suggestion from not knowing any circumstances would be to prove that you really do want that person around.
RachelRae777
February 11th, 2016 6:53am
You cannot "change anyones mind." but you can talk to them about how it might make you feel if they feel like they need to break up with you, they obviously aren't the one. I understand how you are feeling though, you just want someone to love you and you don't want to be left am i correct? nobody wants to be left, but that's just apart of life people will come, people will go. You can't control anyone but you. You will find someone again and you will eventually find the one i know it doesn't seem like it now (I've gone through two break ups so far and they hurt so bad but you eventually get over it) take care, hope this helped.
Imaginethisx
March 25th, 2016 7:29pm
You can't really change somebody's mind about breaking up with you. You just have to accept their decision and if you really loved them then you'd want them to be happy, with or without you. The only thing you can do is stay friends with them, and try to move and eventually find somebody else.
Anonymous
April 1st, 2016 1:44am
You should tell them how you feel about them. Maybe they think that you don't care, and want to move on to someone else. My girlfriend wanted to break up with me, but I told her how I felt and we worked it out together.
Anonymous
June 8th, 2016 4:20am
As hard as it may be to hear this the answer is don't. I'm not saying it will be easy to allow the person you love to walk away, but I promise it will be worth it. You deserve to be loved in the way you love or care for them. I'm not saying they aren't worth the fight. In fact if you know they are then do just that, allow them to end things but never allow them to forget why they fell for you in the first place. It's important to remember why you began dating in the first place, the memories, the attraction, the inspiration. But to dwell on why it is ending would be a waste of your value. And in the end you will learn the love or care is truly mutual and you will flourish together, or you may part ways and find love in new places ones that know your worth and cherish you for it.
TheFaerie
February 3rd, 2016 2:45am
You shouldn't want to. You should want to be with someone you don't have to fight for and reciprocates your affections.
AliciaJ
February 3rd, 2016 4:57pm
You can't change their mind -- not if they want to change it themselves. If things are not at the breaking point yet, sit down and have an open, honest and calm discussion with them. Talk about your concerns and address each other's concern, and try not to turn the discussion into a fight or argument. If he/she has made up their mind for a breakup, respect their decision. Don't contact them for a while. It's hard, but you probably both need a bit of time to think it through and to calm down. Remember a breakup is not the end -- life will either bring you two back together or guide you to find someone better. It will be sad, and it will take however long it's necessary for you to recover. But you WILL get through it. My heart goes out to you
Recent Answers
1musicloverever
May 8th, 2018 6:39am
Sadly, there's not a whole lot you can do about someone wanting to break up with you. However, you can talk to them and see why they want to and possibly see if there's anything you can do to help things become somewhat better, but most of the time if someone wants to break up with you, they have their mind set and they know it's probably the best for the both of you. Break ups will happen to you in your life, it's honestly just the way of life and relationships with people. Some people have lots of them, while others don't have as many. Doesn't make you less of a 'good' person. Things will be okay.
damnik
April 16th, 2018 10:23am
Try to find out the reason of breakup wish. If the problem is a thing that can be solved, do it. And if that doesn't work, try sorting everything out, have a talk , have a conversation about possibility of you still being together
cristalia09usagi
April 10th, 2018 11:55pm
I think that changing someone's mind can be difficult because you can possibly put them in a situation that they no longer want to be in. Perhaps sitting down with your significant other and discussing what you can improve on to help the relationship would be a good place to start.
pizzapirate152
February 5th, 2018 9:04pm
one of the best things to do is to have a conversation with them and talk out the situation together.
Anonymous
February 5th, 2018 5:13pm
You should let him/her make their own decision, unless it's invalid and someone influenced him/her to do it without a good cause. You could try speaking with them and resolving whatever conflict there may be. I wish nothing but the best!
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anasosweet
December 5th, 2017 3:49pm
There really nothing you can change their mind when a person wants to leave a person they will. But you can tell them why they should stay with you and what they want you to change.
JoyousGarlic
October 23rd, 2017 10:26am
You can ask them if there is anything that can be done to keep the relationship going instead of breaking up. Maybe you can change a behaviour that your lover dislikes, or maybe there is a problem that you both need to solve for the relationship to keep going. Keep in mind however that you can't force one person to stay and that it's necessary for you to respect their decision, even if it hurts you. Remember that the people who really, genuinely love you will stay within your life and do their best to keep you there.
Anonymous
March 20th, 2017 6:46am
If he/she wants to break up with you then you can't stop them. You should not try to change yourself in order to change their mind . Be True to yourself and move on with your life. If he/she truly wants to be with you then he/she will realise their mistake and come back. And if that doesn't happen then be glad that you saved yourself from a one sided relationship because in the future you'll find better people.
ListeningLight
July 5th, 2016 10:18am
Breaking up with someone is a big decision to make. Discussing the situation with them may help you both understand the situation better, however changing their mind may suppress their feelings and be unhealthy.
Anonymous
June 9th, 2016 2:31pm
No one can change anyone's mind. Just be yourself and if they still break up, it's not your fault and you couldn't have helped it.
understandingOrange
June 9th, 2016 6:47am
If they are truly set on their decision then it is too late; However, if they are confused about ending things with you but still let you know that they might then you should talk to her and see what it is that went wrong in the relationship and then ask for forgiveness and then tell them that you will do everything you can to fix it.
Anonymous
June 9th, 2016 4:14am
Hate to be the one to break it to you, but you can't. It's their life, and although it may hurt, you've got to let go. Many new opportunities await and be thankful for the experience you both had together!
ADutchListener
June 8th, 2016 10:04pm
Changing their mind should not be your priority. Clarity is key. The two of you need to discuss what has occured to how the situation has become how it is, in order to establish a conclusion. Being it a breakup or staying together.
Anonymous
June 8th, 2016 9:41am
You can't change their mind and it's also a waste of energy trying to do so. Everything in life runs its course. There's a reason why it's over with. You want someone who also wants you not just you wanting them
Anonymous
April 3rd, 2016 9:58am
Sometimes changing their mind may not be the better option. Go through the relationship, good/bad, happy/sad. Healthy? If you feel as though it is not a positive relationship or that it is going anywhere than maybe changing their mind may not be the best.
Paris03
April 2nd, 2016 4:21am
I don't think it's right to change their mind. It's not right to force someone into a relationship that they don't want to be in. If you guys aren't meant to be then that's just it
fanglife123
April 1st, 2016 2:57pm
Tell them that you will try much harder. Tell them that everything can change if you want. Be the best and be kind to them.
lovingEmbrace40
March 30th, 2016 12:42pm
It is not about changing their minds, It should be more about correcting what ever is wrong, listening and then, doing what is best for you both.
Anonymous
March 26th, 2016 1:02am
Talk with them, that is the most simple way it can go. Talk to them about why they want to break up, and if they are persistant on it, let it go. Don't forge something that isn't meant to be either.
sugglet244
March 25th, 2016 10:33am
i think you need to tell them how you feel and explain your side of the story. be patient and give them time
Anaxandra
March 24th, 2016 2:29pm
Do you really want to change their mind? There must be a reason why he/she wants to break up. Try to find out why you relationship is struggling and talk to your partner about ways to improve things. Sometimes there are little things that irritate your partner and when they sum up it might be hard to find a way back to look at the person you fell in love with.
Anonymous
March 24th, 2016 9:16am
It's not your job to change their mind. If they want to break up, its their choice. If they wanted to be with you, they would stay
BeautifulLove
March 20th, 2016 6:11pm
You can never make anyone change their mind, but you can remind them of why you're together in the first place.
Anonymous
March 20th, 2016 9:00am
He or she is probably unhappy with something that is happening in you guys relationship. Figure out what is making them unhappy, and change it. But this does NOT mean you need to change yourself. Sometimes, breaking up is for the better.
Anonymous
March 19th, 2016 12:43pm
You can't keep someone who doesn't want to stay. If you try to stop them from leaving, resentment will grow in your relationship and it will just get toxic for both of you. Be brave, let them go and remember that you are not defined by other human beings.
lovelyUnicorns63
March 18th, 2016 9:41pm
You shouldn't have to change their mind. If they really care about you they wouldn't want to leave you.
Bubbles46
March 16th, 2016 3:53pm
You can't.......if they want to break up with you then that is thier choice. You can't really change their mind
Lola999
March 13th, 2016 10:49pm
If someone wanted to break up with me then I would let them because why would I date someone who didn't want to date me. But, if you really love this person then you need to have a serious conversation with them about how you can make the relationship work.
Teacup13
March 12th, 2016 4:15pm
You shouldn't try to change his/her mind, it's their choice and you need to respect their choice. If they don't want to be with you, it's better that you're apart.