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Why do I always blame myself for the breakup?

133 Answers
Last Updated: 12/30/2020 at 12:34am
Why do I always blame myself for the breakup?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Dorothy Paige, MS Psychology

Licensed Professional Counselor

I believe that any issue that prevents one from living life to the fullest or prevents self love is defeating. I am committed to providing support to anyone who seeks help.

Top Rated Answers
Devon2
September 16th, 2017 7:34am
Blaming yourself is very common. You reflect upon circumstances that occurred and you think to yourself, what if I had done this or that differently. Just be level minded with yourself that the decision you made at that present time, was the correct one.
Liamazing13
October 19th, 2017 6:03pm
A lot of people do that. I think we feel like the other person decided to break up because we weren't enough. We aren't objective, we don't think "We didn't get along anymore." but "Why did they leave me? What did I do wrong?". People automatically assume that they did something, but it's not true. You must accept it to be able to feel better about yourself.
Anonymous
October 20th, 2017 12:49am
This natural, most people have this reaction but in all honesty, it's no ones fault, yes even if they cheat on you. And here's why. 1.Sometimes you can love someone but not be in love with them anymore, and then the relationship becomes somewhat tiresome, this is no ones fault, you cannot force a feeling. 2.if your partner cheats on you, it's not because you are doing something wrong, sometimes people cheat not because they don't want you anymore, but because it happens unintentionally, you can fall in love with two people at the same time, believe me. 3.Sometimes you'll be the one finding someone else, and whether or not you were looking, it makes you question everything and sometimes you'll feel guilty, but that's human, you can't help when you fall in love no matter who it is. Breakups are no ones fault, breakups happen when two people found each other at the wrong time and somehow realize they're no longer compatible, even if that doesn't make it hurt any less. I do believe there's someone for everyone, and I also believe that when relationships don't work, it just means you're one step closer to finding your other half.
NotAGod
November 22nd, 2017 2:47am
Lots of people tend to blame themselves for things they didn't do. So... Was it your fault? Was it your partner's? Was it generally lack of communication (both) or trust?
Anonymous
November 24th, 2017 7:44pm
People sometimes feel like it’s their fault for the breakup. You shouldn’t blame yourself you didn’t do nothing.
Anonymous
November 30th, 2017 2:21am
It's easier to put blame on ourselves because we only see our flaws. At the same time it's easy to place blame on yourself (or someone else) simply because demonizing one person is easier than both people taking responsibility and blame.
Listener1995
December 13th, 2017 9:40am
I think it’s only natural to depending on the situation, but it’s important that it wasn’t all your fault. It works both ways. And the best thing to do is to try and move on instead of looking back and feeling horrible about yourself
AkikoYamasaki
December 14th, 2017 4:22pm
It can be hard to see that you are not to blame completely. It might be because you have learnt that things come from your decisions. Just remember that a relationship has 2 people in it and the results are because of both of you and not just yourself.
Anonymous
January 6th, 2018 5:30pm
Sometimes a breakup will end with one or both sides feeling confused or frustrated. You might be struggling to find the reason for your breakup, and eventually end up evaluating your own performance while the relationship lasted. You may start to wonder if you did poorly, and those negative thoughts will culminate into self-blame.
Kimberlyrz
January 6th, 2018 5:46pm
In a relationship problems are usually both sides, sometimes personalities might not match. Best thing to do is to find what was the main cause of the breakup, which could be dealt with by having a very mature conversation with the person
SkyyWarriorr
January 12th, 2018 9:29am
It's normal to feel this way when we care for the person we were with. Not every relationship is meant to be. As much as this hurts for some, it is the truth but the best and only thing you can do is move on by focusing on yourself and trying to improve in areas you think you need improvement in. In the end, you might have to go through a few toads before you meet your prince/princess! And your ex MIGHT be the one. Only time can tell. But you should never focus on your ex. You still have to move on even if you two are going to be together in the end.
CayTheListener
January 12th, 2018 5:14pm
Break ups are never easy. They often leave us questioning where things went wrong... Or what we did wrong. When we are feeling vulnerable, its easy to think that we are to blame. Its important to try learn what we could have done differently, in order to improve for future relationships... But its also important that this is a journey of self-exploration, not of self-blame. You may have made some mistakes, or maybe you didn't, but the important thing is to turn the break up into a learning experience... And try to do better in the future. Try not make this a question of who is to blame, but rather recognise this now as an opportunity for growth.
Anonymous
January 20th, 2018 10:15pm
The people who blame themselves for their breakup need to upgrade their self-esteem and think of themselves as more worthier. The ones who blame themselves also do so for sympathy or are too good to make the other person look bad.
chubbybunny0314
February 7th, 2018 5:26pm
Its psychology, and its something that everyone does. Whether its you or not, it doesn't matter anymore because its over.
strawberryHope25
February 10th, 2018 3:13am
The main reason we blame ourselves for breakups is because we feel that we are not good enough. but you have to realize that you are good enough and if whoever broke up with you does not deserve you. you must find someone who will Cherish and love you for who you are.
Anonymous
February 23rd, 2018 5:02pm
It's natural for people to blame themselves for a breakup. Emotions are often running high, and people always want an answer. If they can't find an immediate answer then blaming yourself is easy to do. Understanding that there are always two people involved in a breakup is the first step to better understanding what happened
Hsaxena2
February 24th, 2018 6:14pm
Because we fail to understand our shortcomings. It can go bothways either of the two could be the reason for it. But more importantly one must be ready to take responsibility for whatever that has happened to him/her and be willing to accept whatever the results are.
fabulousopotato
February 28th, 2018 2:29pm
Because you always look at it with a "what did i do wrong?" perspective. How about looking at things a different way, with what he did wrong, or justify the breakup. If you leave the relationship feeling guilty, then something is wrong. Relationship issues are never completely one-sided. Chin up :)
LolaListensToYou
March 28th, 2018 9:09pm
More than likely the other person has made you feel it is all your fault. Or you are the type of person to take on the emotional burden yourself. Take a step back and think, am I really to blame? A lot of the time, you wont be. And if you are... take it as one of life's learning curves. Nobody is perfect!
Anonymous
March 30th, 2018 9:55pm
Is normal as you start doubting yourself but you should know that it’s never your fault it is always mutual
Anonymous
April 11th, 2018 3:48pm
Insecurity. I think my answer to this would be insecurity. When you see every single flaw of yours that others don't see, and when you think about the 'silly' things you did in the relationship. Always think about the conversation leading up to the breakup. Maybe it'll help you see that it was his/her fault as well. It doesn't have to be all your fault, or all his/her fault! It can be both parts, remember this :( remember to stay with good friends and good vibes to try to cope with this breakup. I wish you all well :(
Anonymous
April 20th, 2018 4:13am
We always think it is our fault when we get dumped. It is natural to think that way. When you get dumped, that person will put the blame on you.
Dana13
- Expert in Breakups
April 21st, 2018 4:01pm
Because it is easier to make yourself look bad than realize that the other person is not who you believed they were. You tend to want to keep that good image of them you once had.
Anonymous
May 9th, 2018 5:31am
I think part of it is our minds looking for closure, and we want to understand what went wrong and how things could have been different. This doesn't mean it is all your fault though, but I understand the blaming because I have done it after past break ups aswell. I hope you can find peace and move forward in your life.
Anonymous
May 13th, 2018 10:13am
Don't blame yourself for a break up, these things happen. It's all apart of growing up and it teaches us lessons. But blaming yourself for a break up won't help you to grow and take away the nice things from your relationship. A break-up always happens because of something and generally break-ups are two way things.
Anonymous
May 19th, 2018 8:22am
happens with most of the people. we think if we can do something to make things work, and that does not happen
Anonymous
July 6th, 2018 3:08pm
It’s normal to blame yourself when things don’t work out. its just something you’re going through for a while. the problem is not in you, the real proble Is in comunication and facing the problem with the other problem
Anonymous
July 8th, 2018 10:38am
probably because the other person is making it seem like you’re the one to blame. know the situation before you believe it.
kindElementary11
July 25th, 2018 6:19am
Maybe you feel that you have not been good enough which makes you think that you are to be blamed for the breakup.
Rozeedream
July 28th, 2018 8:40pm
That's not your fault it's human nature to do that. When we have something we take it forgranted as it was last forever but it won't and when it's gone we start blaming ourselves that we could do this and that. Nothing lasts forever so keep everything in mind when you start a relationship.