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Why do I always blame myself for the breakup?

133 Answers
Last Updated: 12/30/2020 at 12:34am
Why do I always blame myself for the breakup?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Dorothy Paige, MS Psychology

Licensed Professional Counselor

I believe that any issue that prevents one from living life to the fullest or prevents self love is defeating. I am committed to providing support to anyone who seeks help.

Top Rated Answers
ListenMoreTalkLess
September 15th, 2016 2:48am
It is easy to self-blame after our breakups and think of what we did wrong or where it all went wrong. However, usually there is blame on both sides, but focusing on the blame does not help us to move on and heal.
AsianDumpring
March 3rd, 2017 7:10pm
It's natural to blame yourself, especially if you didn't see it coming or you were the root cause of it. What you need to understand is that there's a huge difference between blaming yourself and taking responsibility for what happened. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Don't let past mistakes affect future opportunities
alfiedoggo
March 3rd, 2017 7:32pm
It is very common to consider yourself the one to blame. It's hard to get over breakups, and blaming yourself is certainly one of the side effects of letting each other go. Just know that you did nothing wrong and that there's better people in the world for you.
Anonymous
May 21st, 2017 8:54am
You blame yourself because you feel pressured to make the other person happy which means when it no longer works you go over and over the situation beating yourself up and looking for faults in you personality. If the other person is unkind it reflects their personality not yours.
FeelFreeToShare
June 25th, 2017 1:40pm
Things are not as simple as they seem. Breakup is something that involves both the parties and not only one of them. Blaming oneself is not right if one feels that he/she broke up for valid reasons. You must not carry the guilt and look ahead in life for better things.
gentleSea91
November 5th, 2017 7:17am
I am also the same kind of person. I always take guilt for any misunderstanding or mishap happen in my relation. And I always blame myself for breakup. It is just because I love my partner so much that I cannot believe that they can ever do any mistake. It is my belief about them that makes my relation special. It is that very belief helps me sleep happily with trust about my partner. That belief is good but also have such cons like self blaming. Understanding that not blaming others but self blaming needs a lot of compassion and empathy. Do not feel bad about yourself. Moving away from that self blaming and knowing you are special is important.
Anonymous
November 16th, 2017 11:02pm
Maybe because the value you have for yourself is not enough,which means that you think everything that is going wrong its because of you
palan
December 6th, 2017 6:24pm
People blame themselves for everything actually, but the hard truth is, nothing is really your fault. Aren't you always doing your best? If someone told you a story that was very similar to yours, wouldn't you have compassion for them and comfort them? Some relationships just have a shelf life, we learn what we need from them and then we wave a fond farewell and excitedly wait for the next person. As hard as it might be to hear, you've done nothing wrong. You're innocent -- so don't be guilty! :-)
Anonymous
January 30th, 2018 6:53am
If you have a breakup, it is natural to try to figure out what went wrong. Because you are not talking to the other person, it is easy to overthink your actions and blame it on something that you did.
beautifulMonkey87
June 29th, 2018 7:54pm
You feel as if it was your fault, that you weren’t good enough for the person. Or that you didn’t give them what they needed.
Anonymous
November 5th, 2016 12:48am
Ending a relationship is hard for everyone involved, even when you are the person ending it. The odds are likely that anyone who is going down a self imposed, endless spiral of post breakup anxiety is pondering over one of these things. The amount of time it's taking to get over it. How he or she should've known better. The guilt of what he or she did to make the relationship end. But, there is no specific time, love makes us blind and we must let go of guilt.
Anonymous
November 26th, 2016 1:54am
Because we are all insecure. We think we did something to make the person stop liking us and it wrong. We breakup because we aren't in love with that person anymore and don't want to drag the person along.
Anonymous
January 25th, 2017 2:42pm
You take responsibility for disrupting a relationship that was important to you. You take part of the blame, but you shouldn't just blame yourself. A relationship needs efforts from all the parties involved: don't blame yourself from breaking up with someone if that relationship made you unhappy.
avanef
January 25th, 2017 3:09pm
That's very common in relationships for both sides. I myself kept thinking I was the problem or that I started things when I was with my significant other. Just know, it probably wasn't your fault at all and you will be better from that breakup.
Anonymous
February 2nd, 2017 4:13am
I think sometimes it's easier to blame ourselves than to accept the reality of the situation. At least I do. If it's my fault that something happened then it's within my control -- as opposed to the relationship just falling apart, or the personalities just not meshing. Unfortunately, I don't think any social issue is so black and white. Not 100% anyone's fault.
Anonymous
March 2nd, 2017 10:14am
Because you are a good soul. You find it easier to blame yourself than others. And so you tend to be hard on yourself. I wouldn't ask you to go around blaming the other person. But I would say, it was no one's fault. You did the best you could and rest is out of your hands. Tell this to yourself.
AutumnLeigh
March 2nd, 2017 10:25pm
It's natural for people to often always think that something they did caused a breakup. But if you were being yourself and truthful in the relationship, it might help to remember that it takes both people being equally involved in the relationship. Breakups just mean you weren't right for each other...not that you are at fault.
GracefulSoul34
March 19th, 2017 5:27pm
Maybe you generally feel responsible for many things. Perhaps this is because you quickly see fault in yourself and are very forgiving of others. However, you are worth a lot! It is not fair to blame yourself for a breakup. There are two people in it. Treat yourself as you would your best friend! Would you think it is fair if this friend takes all the blame for a breakup? Nobody is perfect, we are all here to learn.
Thehelperforyou
April 23rd, 2017 1:57pm
Breakup is something which very hard for all of us to face. It's the bitter truth of reality we don't want to know. We think that way because we think we loved the wrong person and it's all our fault if they let us go just because they didn't realise our worth. Because we were not enough but we let that someone get close to us that someone touch us feel us and know us which disgusts us after it's all over
Anonymous
April 27th, 2017 2:29am
You don't want to go down that road friend. We always tend to blame ourselves in those situations. We like to believe if we did things differently we could have salvaged things. Somethings we have to accept it has it is and let go.
gracefulPresence72
May 17th, 2017 6:37pm
High expectations of our own judgements could be a cause for self-blame. A socially acceptable standard is held differently in each cultural setting. In many cases expectations are held even by our significant other that realistically cannot be achieved. It's best to regulate our past events in this case in the brake up to conjure "I did the best i could when...." or I learned some important lessons when I..." Acknowledging past retreats gives time to self discovery of our needs and wants to further process our self awareness.
Anonymous
May 20th, 2017 3:12pm
It is usually easy to blame your own self for anything bad that has happened rather than blaming others. When a relationship ends a chapter of your life or rather a part of your life ends and you need to blame someone. As I stated above you blame yourself. A certain guilt always accompanies a breakup which makes a breakup harder. Guilt does not let us see the reality. Overcoming this guilt us what is called getting over a breakup. And unless you truly have done something that led to that breakup like abusing the partner, cheating, lying etc. You are not to blame. What you feel is normal and can actually be considered healthy but don't take it too far. You feel guilt and you Blane yourself fine but don't let it weigh you down.
Anonymous
May 28th, 2017 10:13am
It could possibly be a pattern you have developed over the years and it is certainly not always your fault. Breakup takes two people, the same way a relationship does. If you feel like you are the one to blame try taking a step back and think of situations that led to the breakup and analyse them with someone who is going to be impartial and objective and can help you make things clearer.
TechnoMom
June 8th, 2017 2:27pm
Goodness, how powerful are you? :-) Seriously, it takes at least two people to be in a relationship, and it takes two to break up, as well. If both of you didn't want the relationship to work, it couldn't do so. And even if both of you DID want the relationship to work, sometimes one person has a different idea about what the relationship is or should/could be than their partner does, or has different values. Even if those values aligned at the beginning of the relationship, people change. So please, don't take all that weight on yourself. You don't deserve it.
Anonymous
June 26th, 2017 3:18pm
Because they showed you that it was your fault they made you feel guilty of the situation. been there than that a couple of times in the past.. and from there i learned that as long as you know that you've done everything that you can to save the relationship you should not blame your self. Self Confidence, if you're confident enough that someone in future will appreciate you? you have nothing to worry about.
Anonymous
June 30th, 2017 2:10pm
Breakups are hard and sometimes we have a tendency to blame ourselves, even when the fault is not always ours. The pain associated with a breakup leads a lot of blame to be thrown around on the part of both parties involved. The key to not blaming yourself is understanding what the circumstances were that led to the breakup, rather than who is at fault.
Anonymous
July 7th, 2017 1:51am
Maybe it was your fault. Did you cheat on you ex or lie? If you didn't take action to actively break the relationship, chances are that you just weren't compatible with your ex. Relationships are not one size fits all. You can't just have a perfect relationship with anyone. Relationships are trial and error until you find the right person who shares you goals and compatibility.
KaleidoscopeSoul
July 13th, 2017 7:31am
Everyone has a tendency to blame themselves after a break up, because as humans we always think we're flawed. Sit down, think about everything that happened to cause the break up, and you'll find that there were issues on both sides!
Anonymous
July 14th, 2017 10:06pm
everyone is their worst critic. even if it's not your fault, you'll always think it is. that's okay. just know that what happened was probably for the best
Kevan
August 10th, 2017 10:04am
It is general conception that people tend to find their own mistakes and blame themselves even if they are not guilty.