Is it normal for me to hold a grudge against my bully?
Last Updated: 12/28/2020 at 10:55pm
Shawn Wilson, LCSW
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
I provide supportive counseling and psychotherapy. I utilize cognitive-behavioral and solution focused strategies to address client concerns. Personal coaching is available.
Top Rated Answers
I think it's very understanding to hold a grudge against the person you has bullied you. For some reason they had decided to subject you to humiliating and stressful situations and you may have felt helpless to do anything about it. Feeling anger is a natural response to victimization. Although bullying is an atrocious crime against people, one must be able to take a step back from the situation and look at the whole picture from a logical perspective. People who bully are usually suffering from some sort of traumatic or personal turmoil in their own lives, and displace their fears and frustrations on other people. It's cruel, but it's often the only situation that they feel they have control over. Also, a lot of bullying is a learned behavior. Young children and adolescence see other, older people harassing others and they believe that it's ok for them to adopt the same behaviors. Now, I am in no way condoning bullying, but in order to understand and take steps towards stopping this epidemic, we must first look at both sides. This might also help you gain a little bit more understanding of the person who bullied you. You are never obligated to forgive anyone, but at some point there is a need to simply move on from the situations you were put through and focus on how to better your own life. It will make you a much needed and excellent advocate for anti-bullying campaigns in your area, and perhaps even mentoring children who are being bullied might help you come to terms with your own experiences. It's important to pass on the strength that we have learned from our past.
it is normal for us humans to hold a grudge yes especially if they have caused you pain in life
Yes. I still hold a grudge because bullies put you through emotional and mental trauma. It is hard to get over that. I forgave my bully after 3 years but I still hold a grudge. It has been 6 years and I still have a grudge. You may never get over it but if you do, it will take time.
It's normal to hold a grudge against the person who caused you pain or torment. Don't let that keep you down and prevent you from being the better person and moving past it. You have the strength to push the negative to the back burner and move on with the positives.
I believe it's normal for a human being to hold a grudge, but don't let a grudge define you. Be you, and only you. Don't ever let pain hurt you, let it make you a better person.
A bully can put you through tough times so it's completely normal too, yes. Although many would probably advise against holding grudges. Grudges don't do anyone any good, especially the holder of them. I know it is difficult, but acceptance, forgiveness, moving on and compassion are the best things to strive for.
Of course. While it's not healthy to hold grudges, it's certainly normal. If you were hurt by them, it's not easy to forgive or forget but it will always get better with time.
Well it's normal but it's not that good to hold a grudge against someone, I've experienced it and it's not very healthy!
Yes, of course! It's normal to be mad or hold a grudge against your bully because he/she does not have the right to bully you, and naturally that would make you or anyone else infuriated. :)
I suppose it depends on the circumstances. If this bullying is present and this bully is causing you grief and pain then some form of resentment is normal. If the bullying has happened in the past I personally believe it does more harm than good to hold grudge if a bully is out of your life. People have enough worries and concerns in the present without worrying about the past. Try your utmost to let it go, although I appreciate this is not always easy but the support networks are there, family, friends, counsellors and the active listeners on 7cups.com will all help.
At first it's very normal to want to hold a grudge. But as time goes by, you start to think if it's worth it. And end up wanting to be the better person. Always try and real civil.
Yes , what is not normal is to take revenge on a physical and psychological basis.The revenge for your bully is self improvement and prove them wrong.
yes! its perfectly normal to be mad at someone who hurt you :( but the way i see it is if you waste your time being angry at him, then he is still bullying you by making you mad at him
Yes it is,bully's are really some assholes.But you must understand the bully probably felt really bad himself,But it doesn't give him any excuse though,But yeah,It is normal,In my opinion atleast.
It's actually very unusual NOT to continue to dislike a person who has bullied you in the past--usually when there is a turnaround it's because the you and the bully had to work together against a common enemy, or the bully had some kind of big emotional realization that they did wrong and made a longterm effort to change their life. There is, however, a difference between simply disliking someone and obsessing about how much you hate them. If you're obsessing it is probably a sign that you're still feeling bullied and abused in some way, even if it's not by the same person.
Yes, it is normal to hold a grudge against a bully. They affect our sense of well-being. But is it right to hold a grudge? Probably not. We are judging them for something we don't like just as they are judging us for someone they don't like. The difference between us and the bullies is how we carry ourselves. Everyone has a set of rules they live by. As we get older and more mature our standards improve. We can't change others behavior we can only control our own. We can set a standard that everyone should live by. We can have hate in our heart for someone, or judge someone... but it's the way we choose to treat them that sets us apart.
Well... I guess for me I'm a radical in this situation... actually i'm to scared to hold grudges against people. If I were to hold one, and it escalated into physical or verbal, I wouldn't be able to defend myself. Physically, I am weak, and mentally, I am vulnerable. I usually temporarily forget what people do to me and just... well I don't know. Actually, I have people who hold grudges against me for not obeying them. and they're younger than me! ( I suppose that would be another subject entirely though)
Of course, that's a normal reaction, emotions are normal, thoughts are normal, acting upon them is different though. There are ways to deal with violence, and violence is not the answer.
It is perfectly normal for you to hold a grudge against them! They put you through a lot and you have every right to be upset and angry at them for a long time. I know I still am. One of my best friends turned out to be one of my biggest bullies, but once I had finally had enough I withdrew from him and now we don't talk. But I can see him in the hallway and feel complete anger for everything he put me through. So yes it is completely normal, and there is no reason why you shouldn't be angry towards them. Stay strong💕
Yes. They're somebody who's hurt you in the past, so it's normal for you to dislike them and hold a grudge.
When people hurt us, we naturally feel some resentment. But letting that resentment turn into a grudge can be very hurtful to yourself. Acknowledge they have hurt you, but also understand they might be in a difficult situation too. Then try to focus on how you can make your life more positive, rather than how you can get back at them.
It is normal but shouldn't happen. It is so unhealthy to hold a grudge because it eats you up inside and then builds up enough to where you can't forgive them.
Holding a grudge does no one good and will not help the situation. Just remember that hatred to battle hatred is never helpful, especially for the victim of bullying.
It is perfectly normal to not like your bully, I still do not like my bully from a few years ago. It is very normal.
Of course. Honestly who wouldn't? I depends on what they have done to you, but for some, they change they're life majorly for the worst.
It is common. But common is always not normal or good for you. No matter what they would do to you, letting go is always better for you.
It is normal to hold a grudge against people that did you wrong. It what you end up doing with your grudge will determine if its good or bad. Its quite ok to remember the things people did to you in the past. We feel insecure and often scared when we remember those times when we feel unsafe but like I said , its what we end up doing with that grudge would really determine if its normal or not
Personally, I still hold my grudge towards my bully from 3 years ago, despite evidence he may have gotten a lot nicer. This is a person who made you feel awful (mine even made me hate x-box because I associated it with him; I'm now a PS4 player) for a long time and bullying can affect us for a long time. I hadn't realised I still held a grudge to my bully until I saw him at a party, when I realised I still had some resentment I thought I should work on forgiving them and that's something I'm doing right now-it's never too late for either person to be better. In short it is normal, when you feel ready and you see the person deserves a second chance forgiveness is easier to hold than hate.
It is, yes. You have been hurt by this person and you are probably very angry at them. A perfectly normal reaction. If this is in the past a grudge, while understandable, is only hurting you now. If it is ongoing stick up for yourself! Anger and pain are perfectly normal as is being unwilling to give up a grudge. You probably feel the person does not deserve to be forgiven because of what they did to you. That's a normal feeling when you have been hurt . Only you are hurting yourself now.
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