Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

Why is everyone around me always being so mean?

123 Answers
Last Updated: 04/22/2020 at 11:30pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.

Top Rated Answers
Nat421
August 1st, 2018 1:34pm
Sometimes people are dealing with their own problems and want to make others feel the same or experience what they are feeling. Remember that people have bad days just like you as everyone is human and sometimes everyone will say something unpleasant that may cause them to feel regret later on. Surround yourself with people that make you feel better and support you on many levels instead of worrying about others that are causing you distress.
NurseDustin
October 11th, 2018 12:14pm
Today's world is a very cruel and very harsh place to live. People do not have compassion for others. People do not understand that everyone has a bad day and that if you do not treat everyone with respect and compassion you may be harming them in such a way that they may never recover. I know that it is hard to accept these people when they put you down or make you feel that they are bashing you. The way I deal with people like this is that I just set myself up for success! I go a head and have a positive outlook for the entire day and make sure to greet everyone and smile. Yes, sometimes this gets exhausting, but most of the time I am able to have a fantastic day because I already have the outlook that I am going to have a great day!
Anonymous
November 11th, 2018 5:26am
Somethings people act mean to others because they are having a difficult time themselves. I once had a bully who would constantly pick on me. I never understood why, but I decided to not let it bother me. One day, my mom sat me down and told me a sad story about my bully. It turns out that he was adopted as a baby and was constantly bullied for being given up by his birth parents. Picking on me was his only way of making himself feel better about the people bullying him. The next day, I went to him and told him I was there for him if he needed to talk. We’ve become friends now, and he feels much better about himself. If someone is being mean to you, they might just be going through some rough times themselves.
ZenNinja
December 21st, 2018 4:39am
Many people are so caught up in their own struggles that they have a tendency to react to others instead of responding. Any perceived annoyance can cause a negative reaction and the person may not even realize they are reacting in a mean way. They dwell on what ever problem, issue or struggle they are facing which puts them in a bad mood. I think the best way to handle mean people is to not react to their meanness. SImply say, "I'm sorry you feel that way," and walk away. Pointing out that they are being mean will just make them defensive.
SmallLemure
December 29th, 2018 7:54pm
It may seem like everyone around you is being so mean, but its safe to know that it is our little demons within us making us believe this. I always feel like everyone is active mean to me; starting with my parents and friends, I can get into a really irritating mood. I later realised that they were not always so mean, and it was the little bickering at the back of my mind, in the deepest hole in my souls that was manipulating me. If you try to stay on the optimistic side, these negative thoughts that everyone around you is being mean will hopefully go away.
KaylaBear
January 3rd, 2019 9:21am
I have found that what I might perceive as someone being mean may actually be jus me taking something too much to heart. Maybe next time someone is being mean we should ask ourselves are they being mean or is it us overthinking something being said to us and taking it the wrong way. It doesn't make us bad people to do that. Just maybe it's harder for us to recognise when it's harmless words and a little too easy for us to assume that we are being put down or being bullied. Maybe we should all jus think a little more.
SufferingistheRootofAll
February 15th, 2019 12:22pm
Maybe it is because you are mostly surrounded by toxic people, friends, coworkers and family. Try to find some better environment. Surround yourself with loving friends and family. Lower your expectations on people and realize that people aren't always kind. We all go through some stuff and that some people can be different from days to days. Aim for kindness and authenticity in people and not shared interest, social status or anything. Just look for genuine kindness. Or maybe, it's you that is being toxic and people are just responding to you the way they feel around you. Try to self-reflect.
Rebeccashleigh
April 10th, 2019 2:03am
I’m sorry you feel this way and I can’t imagine having the feeling of people always being mean to me but something you need to think about is if your the one that might be causing people to be mean to you. Usually people won’t just automatically be mean to you for no reason there usually has to be a cause or a motive for acting that way, so you just need to ask yourself “ have I done anything to bring this upon myself” and if you can’t think of any reasons then talk to the people being mean to you and ask them if you have done anything personal to them
Anonymous
June 1st, 2019 8:04pm
Sometimes, you need to stand up for yourself and many times bullies bully others because they have their own problems and they want to burst out to someone. When the words can no longer hurt your feelings then you are winning. You can always do that by showing them that their words do not affect you! You can always talk to a friend about it or even to a listener. You can also talk to a professional who can guide you to find a solution to your problem. Try to accept yourself for who you truly are. Show them that you are okay with yourself and you don't care about others' opinion. Remember only your close friends and family members want to help you to improve yourself!
15Kenzi
June 30th, 2019 4:57am
Because you let them. I’ll speak from personal experience now. Since i was a little kid i’ve always been a very shy and peaceful person, tried to help everyone around me and solve other people’s problems even if i didn’t have anything to do with it. I consider myself a very compassionate person, even. Do you wanna know what i got from them? Bad answers, fake friendships, back stabs, bad attitudes. All of this because of my shyness, lack of confidence and low self-esteem. If that’s your case too, i think i’ve already said what you have to do. Have confidence in yourself. Don’t believe everything they say, people lie a lot just to look good. Always doubt people, never trust someone fully because that’s a ultimate backstab. Don’t let people judge you because of how/who you are, the only person who’s allowed to do that is YOU. Do whatever you want, don’t let anyone step in your dreams. The last thing they want is to help you fulfill them, no matter what it seems. And lastly, love yourself. No one will love you the way you can love yourself. People always love themselves first, no matter what. And guess what? We should do it too. I hope this helped, somehow. And as I am too trying to change into a more tough person, i hope you can do it too. Good luck.
tenshi7
July 3rd, 2019 2:13pm
Everyone is so mean because I think people are unsatisfied with their lives. They took it out on someone else by being mean and harsh. They are not happy with themselves, with people around them and things like that. It's like a loop, someone else being mean to them and they be mean to someone else. For example your boss scold you today, you go home and scold your wife for it. Then she scolds her son because of it. and just like that it continuing on and on. Someone has to break the chain immediately. for a better and happy environment.
DragonView2
July 12th, 2019 1:07am
Good news: if you are feeling like this, chances are that you are anxious and that that's the main reason why you feel like this. Why is this good? Because it means that the world around you isn't as bad as it feels. It is just a feeling. Please check the Anxiety guide. This perception is an example of catastrophizing and all or nothing, black and white regressive thinking, which happens when we are very anxious. It could hardly be true that everyone is always being mean. Something that could help is to ask someone what was the kindest thing that they had seen someone else do, and what they think is the kindest thing that they have done in the past week. Or what are the 5 kindest things. The world isn't so bad. Anxiety makes us see it like that.
Anonymous
August 4th, 2019 9:16am
This a good time to spend time with one self. “Me” time. We are the person we spend our entire lives with. So, this is a good time for introspection and self reflection. Looking inward. Maintaining a little distance with people who are being mean to us. Give them also time to reflect and introspect. Usually answers come to us when we are just with ourselves. Some people who are ridiculously mean may have an issue and need help themselves as they may have unresolved issues which takes form of rudeness to other other people. A little understanding can take us a long way.
ingeneousMoment6584
August 9th, 2019 2:17am
People who are nice usually have a well balanced view on life and are able to see the silver lining. When they expect others to have the same view on life it can lead to disappointment. There are a range of reasons why people come across as inconsiderate, they may feel envious of others or be oblivious to how their uninvited critique is incisive. When people are accommodating, friendly and open, it may be seen as a vulnerability that the 'mean' people are insecure about within themselves. By critiquing others they can save face and (in their mind) show that they don't have that 'weakness'. Learn ways to trust yourself more, and share more carefully, and you'll grow to be less concerned about the views of others.
LemonyMango
August 15th, 2019 8:51am
Some people may find that they don’t know how to react to u, this could be that they don’t know how to explain to u how they feel, or they just genuinely don’t know how to feel. Often emotions like anger, often are cover ups for other things like sadness, longing, doubt or envy. Maybe try talking to someone who is being mean to u. Ask things like have I don’t something to upset u or is there anything I can do? Sometimes the person may not even be aware that they are being mean or making u feel bad. Just try and be patient and forgiving if they don’t know how to answer your questions.
AppleBlossom80
August 18th, 2019 4:50pm
I've always been quite sensitive to people around me being 'mean'. I often think that this links back to being bullied as a child. I know however, that I certainly have never been bullied as an adult. I am learning that there are a number of things to consider when I begin to feel that familiar knot in the stomach that results from the 'mean' words or actions of someone else. First of all I need to remind myself that I seem to be wired for a negative interpretation. Maybe the other person who didn't smile, or didn't say hello, or was snappy in responding, is stressed themselves, unaware of me at all, having an awful day, or is just plain distracted. Don't I have days like that? It's not always about me. Step back and try and be objective. Or maybe they actually were being mean, perhaps they meant to snap, sneer or ignore. What was the context? What happened right before? Do I owe an apology for something? Can I come right out and ask, Have I upset you? And sometimes it's just worth remembering that some people can be mean for no reason, and that this says a lot more about them as a person than it does about me.
Anonymous
September 22nd, 2019 4:20pm
Hello-hello, thank you for the question. :) I would offer two points of view: Let´s believe it could be just a temporary feeling due to having a terribly bad day. Or maybe you experienced a lack of support and kindness, as all people surrounding you were accidentally focused on their own problems. This sometimes happens to me as well. :) I call it a stupid day - when everybody seems to act negatively and everything is painted black. And because you are a sensitive soul, you might feel pretty hurt because of taking people´s behaviour too personally. Let´s hope that it is really just a momentary feeling and will disappear soon. When the bad feeling persists... Then you might be right. :( It could be simply because they are unhappy and want the others to be unhappy, too. Unfortunately, we can´t influence or explore the inner world of a person until he or she lets us in. Think of those lots of reasons making somebody unhappy – jealousy, unhealthy comparing to others, bad situation at home, loosing someone beloved, gossipy co-workers always ready to hurt. You also might be aware of people being mean just because somebody else is wiser, more beautiful, more successful, more popular. Please don't take it personally. Try to remember their unhappiness isn't your fault and you are not responsible for it. Try to stay kind and warm-hearted to yourself and don't let the others discourage you. I am sure somebody will appreciate your kindness soon and the two (or more) of you will be ready to brilliantly overcome the daily challenges together. :) Crossing your fingers, :) Silky
CaringCrow
September 27th, 2019 10:46am
It can certainly feel like everyone around you is mean sometimes, and it's okay to have those feelings! You deserve to be around people who make you feel cared about, and treat you with respect. You should be able to turn to those around you to feel supported when you're going through difficulties, and have them listen to you when you try to communicate your feelings. It's okay to talk to those who you feel are being mean to you, and have a conversation about what can be done to change the way you interact. It's okay- you're not alone!
FriendlyClaire
September 29th, 2019 8:20am
Sometimes people tend to focus on what is lacking or what is wrong, rarely do they appreciate everything around them or focus on the good things around them. You have a choice to either ignore them or spread kindness around to create a better environment for everyone. We all know that no one is perfect and we have no right to judge anyone. Always keep an open mind and always treat others with kindness whether or not they deserve it. Trust me, it would become a better world if you will have this kind of attitude towards everyone. There is nothing wrong with having a kind heart.
Waluigi420
November 15th, 2019 2:08pm
Lots of people have built up emotions and issues of their own, so they take it out on other people. That doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong though, it just means other people don’t have a proper outlet for their emotions, and therefore take it out on you. I’ve known a lot of people who have trouble with coming to terms with their emotions, so they can get irritated easily. That can come across as aggression or meanness, which isn’t what the person intended. It’s just a response they can’t help. Either way, you don’t deserve to be treated badly. You’re a good person, and the way other people treat you doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It could just be that other people are struggling with issues of their own. Hope this help! Alex x
Anonymous
November 29th, 2019 6:54pm
Sometimes our mood can take control over how we view the world. Make sure you have eaten, slept well and had some water self-care is very important! This is not to say that your feelings are wrong, it is always important to talk your feelings out with someone you trust. Being around negative people can impact your worldview, no one is entitled to make you feel unworthy of respect and love. We are all born with these rights, we are able to love and be loved, no one can take that from you, and no one should do it.
charmingFlamingo6682
December 12th, 2019 8:41pm
I don't think they are trying to be mean to you I think they may be reflecting off of how they feel about themselves and how they have been treated in the pass.to be completely honest most likely their behavior and actions towards you has nothing to do with you
Anonymous
January 25th, 2020 7:57am
I believe that it is all about perspectives in a person's mind. How do you judge if people are being mean to you? I learned that I should judge a person through their actions. I am originally friends with two groups; a and b. I thought that group a is nice to be friends with because we have more things in common. Group b is more popular and sociable than me, so I thought that they look down on me for not being like them. So, I hang out with group a even though they are a bad influence on me. One day, group b is holding a party and all of us are invited. Group a left the party earlier than me and left me behind although they were the ones who dragged me to the party when I didn't wanted to. As I stayed, I realize that everything had been in my imagination. They tried to make me feel comfortable and show their considerations when I didn't know how to play the game. They made sure that I didn't feel left out because I haven't been hanging out with them. Perhaps, everyone around us is not mean and the way we look at them is different than the reality.
Enjoyingthelittlethings
February 2nd, 2020 10:43am
There are many ways to see it. 1. Many of us are very sensitive so what you experience as somebody being mean to you for another could be just ok. It changes the effect that person has on us and our life that makes it different. 2. It can happen that for a period of time we get to meet people who are experiencing a big change or difficult time in their life so they unconsciously can be mean to us and others. 3. There are topics that people do not feel comfortable to talk about and the anxiety, fear of, and discomfort can show signs of anger. 5. When you go through a difficult time in your life everything becomes very difficult and so the things that happen around us take a different look. A sense of negativity and pessimism pervade us and so we feel that the surrounding world is against us and people are mean or they do not act as we wish.
supportiveDreamer61
March 1st, 2020 4:40pm
You might be a highly sensitive person, which is not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe it's a misunderstanding. Look from their perspective. Put yourself in their shoes. You can't assume everyone has the same perspective as you. You can talk to them about. Consequently, you can ignore them. Don't make mountains if they're only molehills. Examine your behavior. Analyze your behavior. Could you possibly offend them? Always is a dangerous word. What is your definition of mean? Be aware of words like always. Always, never, etc. Are dangerous words. Please exercise caution when using them. Take care. Make good choices.
RedBird3
March 8th, 2020 3:01am
Do you know what can I get an amen on that one! Why does everyone always seem to be so mean? The people of this world are just bitter these days. Now don’t get me wrong there are amazing people in this world. But there are also so so so many people that take pleasure in tearing others down. There are actually lots of reasons why someone could be being mean to you. It could be because they’re dying inside and sick and torturing others somehow makes them happy. They could be insecure or jealous of you which is often the case. There are a lot of reasons. It could also be that you are just having a bad day and/or feeling vulnerable and sensitive and everyone seems mean you to. Let’s me honest, we ALL have those days!
brightWhisper25
March 24th, 2020 11:31pm
This line to me indicates, that the environment one is in is toxic to the mental health of the person and it means to be yourself and find the right set of people you truly connect with. The question needs to be rephrased as 'why are you hanging around with the mean people?'. Make sure you have boundaries. Do not let people hurt you. Always stand up for yourself and have the courage to leave the people that treat you badly. Do it for your mental health. Seek support and establish a good support circle. A warm one. One that lifts you and encourages you.
caringWinter88
March 25th, 2020 3:57pm
I think most people are not mean. 85% wants to be kind I learned in my Michigan University study leading people and teams. People mostly want to be kind. But some people are really mean, and mostly because of they are abused as a young child. I think there is a difference in bullies at work, and school, and at home, and friends. You could change friends, friends agree with you, so when one is a bully it is not a friend. You could change your job, and home and school. What do you consider to be a good person? What would your friends have to agree on with you, to be a friend? You could ask bystanders to stand by and help to stop the bullies.
youdefinehope
March 29th, 2020 2:31pm
Firstly, im sorry you are experiencing this. Just know that there is nothing wrong with you, usually people are mean because you have something they dont, theyre jealous, and thats not your fault! and sometimes the nicer you are, the meaner people get - but that doesnt mean you have to change, keep being you because you are enough, dont ever let people make you think different. Mean people have their own problems, but that doesnt excuse their behavior. No matter what happens, know that nothing is wrong with you... If anyone says crappy things about you, they are the ones who are crappy because they’re trying to bring you down, and that’s a downright crappy thing to do. You just keep doing your own thing, theres nothing wrong with that x
AddictedTealover98
April 9th, 2020 6:04pm
I don't believe most people are mean people. However, under the right circumstances, most people can be mean. It is the way of live in the world we have now. It's not your fault so don't blame yourself. Dont let it beat you down and instead let it be your determination to be stronger and prove them wrong. Try to look at yourself from an outside perspective and remind yourself of all the unique and beautiful qualities you possess and have the ability to share with the world. The most important thing to remember, whether you are receiving or giving unkindness, is that you are inherently good, and deserve to be loved, no matter what you or someone else tells you.