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How do I live with a mentally-ill parent?

150 Answers
Last Updated: 03/03/2022 at 12:45am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Stacy Overton, PhD.

Counselor

I am an enthusiastic life-long learner and also a professor of counseling. I have a passion for peoples stories and helping to guide and empower the human spirit.

Top Rated Answers
BeyondThis
April 24th, 2020 9:43pm
Living with a mentally ill parent can be challenging, but it can be done. THe first thing to remember is this is not your fault, and it is also not your job to be their parent. Know that there are resources to help your parent and you don't have to go at it alone. Secondly, prioritize your mental health. If you aren't healthy how can you help someone who isn't take some time for yourself and take care. And lastly be patient mental illness is an illness and their behavior isn't their fault. Be patient and realize that much of what they say and do is out of their control
Anonymous
April 30th, 2020 12:40am
I have been living with a mentally-ill parent for many years. It depends which illness you are dealing with, but ultimately it’s important to remember that they are sick and in need. It can be hard not to be frustrated with them, but so rewarding if you keep being compassionate and kind. If your parent needs therapy or other help and they aren’t receiving it, I would suggest talking to your doctor or therapist about it. If you believe they need emotional support, you can give it to them but of course you don’t have to, especially if it will be a detriment your growth and health. For yourself, please find support through friends or therapy as well. You can find plenty of people online who deal with similar things who you can connect with. And plenty of mentors who know how to handle these types of situations.
BeHereNow23
May 1st, 2020 10:41pm
Being aware that a parent is already at a certain age, he or she has carried the burden of mental instability for a long time, whilst caring for a child, in most cases at the best of their abilities. Seeing them as humans, people who fail and fail until their lessons are learned, and sometimes being incapable of doing so, is something relatable to everyone, even healthy individuals. If you as the child have been wronged by their behavior, there can be certain kind of anger and blame towards the parent, but know that they were once young and they struggled up until this moment. Don't be affraid to take a step back, if you feel like you have taken on too much of their disease, and return if you feel like the situation is stable and safe for an open conversation if there is a need to. Parents have their life, and so do you, you have the last say in your life.
premedgirl
May 30th, 2020 7:27pm
Living with parents or guardians with a mental illness can be tremendously difficult. From my experience, this can often feel like you don't really get to be kid. You can also feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells or you may find yourself with more responsibilities than other kids. All of this can be very overwhelming. It is important for you to remember that your parent or guardian's mental illness is not your fault and that you are not responsible for their feelings. Remember to take time for yourself, hanging out with your friends and doing the things that you enjoy. It can also be very helpful to find support in other people, such as friends, teachers, school counselors, religious leaders, friends' parents, etc., confiding in them and sharing your burdens.
MohamedAljafari
June 19th, 2020 8:44pm
It is a difficult question to answer - the types of mental illnesses, such as permanent disability, temporary disability, and diseases that accompany aging, and each of them, have different ways of dealing, and it is difficult to find a person who is good at dealing with them, but from my point of view, it is like dealing with a child that must be dealt with so. The best for the rest of the methods determined by the attending physician . It also differs from one culture to another and from one religion to another, and also from an effective way of dealing with it is the case study in detail .
Efini06
July 5th, 2020 3:48pm
Engaging in healthy relationships have an equal balance of power. Try to engage with people who make you feel safe and respected, who listen well and are emotionally available for your own well being. You can't look after them if your not in the right mindset yourself as it will make both of you feel worse. Support them as much as you can put don't be afraid to ask those with more experience for help when you need it most. Connecting with others, noticing and observing feelings without judgement—these are all techniques that can bring you back to the present moment of comfort and safety. I've found Emotional Freedom Techniques especially helpful for physical symptoms or fearful thoughts.
Anonymous
July 31st, 2020 6:03pm
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Anonymous
August 2nd, 2020 4:30pm
The difficulty is based on ones ability to management. Can the individual leave? If so, for how long? While they're away what repercussions, if any are had. Distance, physically helps loads, ,more so when an individual is able to connect with healthy supportive individuals. That is, if a person is staying with a friend, is that friend a healthy influence? Or is it just a relocation of the same experience? Locating a parent figure who can offer support one wants to see in real life is key. This allows an individual to not only distance from harmful behavior and reinforcement, but allows them to learn or re-learn what a healthy parental figure.
Coffeelover25
August 20th, 2020 8:31pm
I make sure to set boundaries with them, but also show them empathy when they are at their lowest points. I try to listen to what is making them feel the way they are feeling. I also try to recognize that I cannot always try to solve their problems, but instead get professional mental health workers involved when necessary. It can be mentally draining and hard on my mental health when I see my parent like that, so taking some time to process what happened can be good too! Remembering that things get better has really helped me. Also, remembering that my parent is not their mental disorder has really helped me!
Anonymous
August 22nd, 2020 10:55am
1) Understand that being mentally unstable is not entirely their fault. 2) Stay away from home as much as possible by occupying yourself in school activities, events and clubs (scot/orchestra band/student union/etc), hobbies and classes (Basketball/Football/Gym/Drawing/Baking/Coffee brewing), going to libraries, parks, your friends' house or cafe to study, part-time jobs or volunteering (charity store/retailer/fast food receptionist/cleaning a park/Repairing bikes/etc) 3) Try to stop doing things that will trigger them when you are around them. 4) Just tell them briefly about yourself but not in detail. Don't talk to them about your problem as they may use it against you. 5) If your parents are abusive, perhaps check out local helplines
Anonymous
September 17th, 2020 10:08am
For children who grow up in the care of a mentally ill parent, life is often filled with anxiety, uncertainty, and vigilance. It is not unusual for their needs to be neglected — and they may even have to “compete” with their parent’s symptoms to receive care themselves. It also poses risk factors for problems that can emerge later in life, including emotional and psychological disturbances, learning challenges, and poorer overall functioning. In addition, there are a host of social challenges that these children may encounter, such as social rejection, troubled relationships, marital problems, and family dissolution.
Anonymous
October 23rd, 2020 8:38pm
Living with a mentally-ill parent is tough. It is like walking on eggshells all the time. The best thing you can do is ask them what they need. Or, maybe helping around the house. If they are mentally ill and will not get help, I know from personal experiencne how heartbreaking that can be. The best thing you can dois get yourself help. Learning the coping mechanisms for yourself through talk therapy or through some self-help books to deal with them as well. Either way it is a tough situation and I am truly sorry that this is something you have to live with.
pamplemoussse360
November 13th, 2020 6:24am
My dad was depressed almost all the time, and when it wasn't it was really excited about everything. It was shocking, confuse me a lot, and made me feel responsable of anything. It was really hard to understand that his feelings wasn't trully based in the actions of myself, and it wans't conected to how much he loved me, but it was really hard to not feel overwhelmed. I never trust about what was happiness, or sadness, I lost those concept even with myself, but it's a path, that I'm taking on. By the way, my dad had chronic depression and was bipolar, he comited suicide 4 years ago, but there is always hope.
Anonymous
December 2nd, 2020 4:38pm
It might be difficult at first, but understand that you parent is trying their best to stay in a healthier mental space, so you should also try your best to stay considerate of their emotions and feelings, as well as try your best to show empathy towards them. If they choose to vent to you, listen and give your support. Show that you care about them and that you want to be there for them. Let them know that you love them and are ready to listen to any of their problems and that they are not alone in their burdens.
Anonymous
December 12th, 2020 8:40pm
Handling mental illness in a family member can be a frustrating and disheartening experience. The best thing you can do is remember to be patient with them. If it is appropriate, you may want to suggest your parent seek help from a professional. A therapist, counselor, psychiatrist, or even your family doctor should be able to help to some degree either through therapy or medication. Family counseling sessions may benefit you both as you learn together how to overcome the limitations created by the illness. Another good thing to do is to research the illness as much as possible. Learn everything you can like symptoms, triggers, treatment options, and outcomes. Stay strong and build a good support system for yourself, as well.
alexisinthehouse
December 21st, 2020 3:01pm
Living with a mentally ill parent is tough, because they have a lot of authority, but they act a lot out of their insecurities or things having to do with their mental illness, which doesn't usually help you. Speaking from my own experience, living with a dad who has depression, dissociative disorder, PTSD, and ADD, it can be super frustrating. I've found that the best way to be respectful to your parent(s), but also get fair rules is to try to relate to them as often as possible. Often times people with mental illness act out because they feel like no one understands them, or no one cares. So if you can show that you understand and care, and that they're worth your time, they might feel better and more inclined to think about your side.
glowingFlute4899
April 1st, 2021 1:38pm
Parents, in particular, often have to readjust their hopes or expectations for the future when their child develops a serious mental illness. In the process, you may grieve for the future you thought your child would have. These feelings, though difficult, are totally normal. Just as it's important to maintain your own health as you care for a loved one with mental illness, it's also important to preserve relationships with other family members, including your spouse or partner. If you have a child (whether a minor or an adult) with a serious mental illness, you may find yourself focusing less attention on your other children. Healthy siblings may feel anxiety and frustration at the extra responsibilities they are expected to take on. Try to regularly set aside a little one-on-one time with your other children. Tell them how much you appreciate their help. Clear, honest communication is crucial for all family members. For example, don't be afraid to ask both your ill and healthy children how they feel about the changes to the family. Keeping a line of communication open will help things go more smoothly—both at the time of a new diagnosis, and well into the future.
Anonymous
April 8th, 2021 4:41pm
You can help them in unexpected ways by taking care of them and showing them compassion in different ways. It is hard to live with parents like this but if you really do care, compassion is all they need to realise you and they also need help in their mentality. Mentally - ill parents mean extra work for you so being positive with them will make them positive. In other words, stay optimistic and they will too just like any other normal human being. I hope this message helped you a lot and I wish you a great day :P
Anonymous
May 1st, 2021 5:19pm
Living with a mentaly-ill parent can be challenging and definitely not an easy task. But please remember, you are not alone, you are loved, you are heard, and you are understood. I will provide few tips on how to manage living with a mentally-ill parent. 1. Remember, mentally-ill parents are ill! They do not mean any of their behavior, however, that does not mean it is not damaging to a child. If your parent needs immediate help like if they are a threat to themselves and/or others, contact the police/social services. This might be hurtful to do and might take a lot of courage BUT it is the best for both your parent and you. You will not be in trouble but you will be a brave child that just saved the situation. 2. Create a support group. Whether that's a friend, a teacher, a relative, seek out for help from someone you trust. 3. Consider counseling for your parent, your family and you. Talk to an adult about this. 4. Medical treatment for your parent, again talk to an adult about this. 5. Make sure you are not falling behind with school work or extracurricular activities. If your parent cannot help you with that, talk to your teachers or again your support group. 6. Have a me-day! Have a day each week, where you can go out with your friends, play your favorite sport, sing your heart out, basically, anything that makes you happy. 7. During heated arguments, do not argue back with your parent! Again, if your parent is not a threat to themselves or you, do not argue back. Try to listen to what they are saying and be patient about it. Do not waste time or energy. Remember to take deep breaths and remember they are ill. 8. Give love to your parent and let go of the anger. Again, if your parent is independent and stable and has a support network, consider moving out in few years. If your parent needs your help, seek help from your support group and follow all the above steps. 9. YOU MATTER THE MOST. You need to be emotionally and mentally healthy in order to cope with your parent. This is not your fault and you are heard and loved. Be patient through the process and seek help from your support group. :) 10. 7-cups is always here to listen!
hopefulArrow2212
May 28th, 2021 7:23pm
You just have to be very very patient with them. It also depends on the type of mental illness your parent has. It is best not to provoke any ill or strong negative emotions in your parent as they are probably confused and unable to control their own behaviour and/or actions to some or a great extent, and upsetting them may lead to them accidentally hurting themselves or others, depending on how severe their condition it. If you really are unable to deal with it, seek help from other family members to share the load or if you don't have anyone, seek help from social services to help you find someone who can look after or at least watch your parent when you are not home. Senior daycare facilities, nursing homes and retirement villages are other options you may want to consider.
JustPiscesThings
May 30th, 2021 3:01pm
Living with a mentally-ill parent is always difficult, though it varies based on person to person and illness to illness. In my experience, the two most important things to have are compassion and boundaries, though not necessarily in that order. You need to be able to take care of yourself and protect yourself from hurtful actions or behaviors that can be spurred on by mental illness, especially in a person that you are supposed to be able to rely on and trust fully. However, with mental illness, it can be hard for a parent to really fully adopt that role all of the time. You probably have already unknowingly developed strategies to help cope with some of their mentally ill behaviors, but creating some intentional strategies might prove to be more helpful or healthy. The other part is that it is important to remember compassion for yourself and for your mentally-ill parent. Grappling with mental illness is at the very least a challenge, and people can respond to that on a spectrum from lashing out to completely withdrawing. Treating them with compassion, understanding that you aren't to blame but instead it is their own mental illness, can help avoid hurt feelings by highlighting that the source of the problem isn't you, and it isn't even the parent acting intentionally, but instead is the illness.
Rach2153
June 11th, 2021 5:22am
Growing up with a mentally-ill parent is not at all easy. It makes it really difficult to distinguish when you can and cannot be a kid due to feeling like you need to be there or fix things for the parent. One of the things that has personally helped me through this time in my life was allowing myself to realize that My parent was not my responsibility and neither was their mental illness. By repeating this to your self, it can allow your brain to be able to focus its attention back onto you and your needs. You cannot be there for someone mentally, physically or emotionally if you are not taking care of yourself in those same areas.
Anonymous
June 19th, 2021 5:45am
All you can do is learn how to support them, even if they don't want you to show them that. There are a lot of support groups for people who are the major supporters of those with mental illnesses. If those don't work, you still need to remember to look after yourself and believe that you can be the best person that you can be! You are strong for just wanting to look out for your parent, I'm sorry if they don't see that in you, but there will always be someone who will! Take the time to look after yourself, even if only for a few moments on a daily basis!
Anonymous
June 19th, 2021 8:15am
I personally do lots of self-care: watch movies, draw, eat, shower, since having a parent with anxiety is very draining. I need to stay focused and relaxed as their demands for me are usually more than I can take. Enforcing boundaries is important as well, but I'd advise you to do it when they feel good, and to start them small. It's hard to do so when they're in a crisis and you might end up feeling hurt. Lastly, lean more on your support system: friends, counselors, game groups. These are the people who give you energy and hope when things get tough. You can't heal a parent with such issues, but you could do things for yourself that would make the situation better.
Lory1717
November 12th, 2021 11:25am
Living with a mentally-ill parent is not easy and you have all of my support. First of all, understanding that you don't have to take on the role of a 'nurse', taking care of mentally-ill parent 24h as if you were their parent. Reaching out to some experts on the field would be ideal, that way the parent can get the help that they need, and deserve and you won't burn out with an issue bigger that you can handle. Second, please take care of yourself too. Make sure to nurture real relationships and hobbies outside the family (having a support group can make a big difference). Your well-being counts and it's important. If you're struggling and need someone willing to listen, feel free to message me anytime :) Take care, I believe in you.
YourSupportiveTransDad
November 18th, 2021 10:51pm
Do your best to be kind and patient with them and put yourself in their shoes. How would you want your child to treat you if you were mentally ill? It's always good to put yourself in their shoes and try to do research on their mental illness so that you can better understand the situation that they are in. Ask them how they want to be treated and if there is anything that you can do to help. Take some time to yourself if you feel overwhelmed with the situation. It's okay to need help yourself as well.
Anonymous
December 2nd, 2021 3:28pm
what I would do is to have a way of escape whether it be music or video games though the situation could very likely vary considering they are your parent choose something that will help you mentally physically and emotionally calm yourself as to not act out irrationally however the best option is for me to recommend you to a therapist to get a professional and proper care. I truly am sorry for this inconvenience but as your listener, I want to make sure that you get the help you need and because I am not fully qualified to do so I shall only do what I can do
Chattytalker1
December 3rd, 2021 7:18am
When I was growing up, I was dealing with a mentally ill, great-grandmother, grandmother, mother, and extended family such as aunts a uncles all on my mother's side. I didn't know what mental illness was. It was unspoken, taboo to treat, and went undiagnosed with no outside help. There were no resources added anywhere within the family. I would suggest to read up on what they are diagnosed with? Do you have anyone that you can talk to? I believe educate yourself on various ways to cope and to adjust to the mentally-ill parent. There are lots of videos available as well lots of reading material. Your doctor or another family member might be able to steer you in the right direction. Sit down and talk to your parent with the mental illness. Try not to ask what's wrong with you, but ask, what happened to you. You may gain more insight then you thought. Ask how you can help. Always remember that you can't fix someone, and they can't just snap out of it. You could also contact your mental health unit within your community or city and they can help you to find the right resources to give you the tools you need. Change doesn't happen overnight. Sometimes it can take quite some time to deal with the mental illness. Some people have this medical issue for life but there is help available as individuals, and as a whole family. Check things out, and be patient whenever possible.
Smilingfuture
February 18th, 2022 11:24am
It is not an easy task to live with a mentally challenged parent. It requires some amount of prepartion and arrangements- physically, mentally and socio-economically from your end. Stay afloat from the societal impressions/opinions that are unhelpfull, rather concentrate on your free-will responsibility towards your dear parent. Remember such parents are vulnerable and do not have the required capacity to support themselves or you in decision making. You need to be pro-active and empathetic towards their feelings and requirements at al levels. Make sure that their medical requirements, visit to counsellor/psychiatric clinic needs are regulalry followed up. If possible join groups that support Care givers. Share , talk with family members, relatives and friends (whoever gives a ear) on your experinces in handling such parents. If possible write a journal and thank the Divine for the strength , willpower and gratitude that is instilled in you to love and care for your parents. This is the least effort we can give back to our parents who gave us birth and an opportunity to experince the jounery of Life. Cheers !!.
Anonymous
March 3rd, 2022 12:45am
I personally have a mentally-ill parent myself and it can be difficult at times to see someone we love go through something like that, especially since we can't "cure" our loved one. I've learned that self-care and overall, just being kind to myself is really important! It can also be helpful to have open conversations with your loved ones (including your mentally-ill parent) about how this is impacting you so you can get support as well. Your mental health matters as well and it's important to make sure you are supported too! I struggle with mental illness myself, and have really valued the conversations my family members have had with me about how my illness makes them feel (of course phrasing what you say compassionately is really key!!) I really hope this helps!