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My parents are getting divorced - what can I do?

35 Answers
Last Updated: 10/19/2020 at 4:28am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst

Licensed Psychoanalyst

I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.

Top Rated Answers
October 13th, 2014 2:59pm
In my experience, the most important thing to do in times of stress is take care of yourself. The problems between your parents is just that-their problem. So focus on you.
August 4th, 2015 11:12am
Understand that although things will change, things are going to get better. Your parents will be happier and you'll learn life skills. An important thing for you to do is be supportive and help out around the house
September 14th, 2014 1:31am
It's a very emotional time when your parents are getting divorced and it is okay to be unsure of how are feeling. Whether you're angry or sad what you are feeling is normal. It will be a bit up and down for a while but don't be afraid to ask for help or to come to me and just vent.
June 14th, 2015 11:47am
You can be a strong person. Try to understand that there is nothing you can do and it will take time to accept it but you can do it eventually.
June 23rd, 2015 7:11am
It's never easy when parents separate, make sure they both know how you feel about it. It's also important to know whats gonna happen after, tell them to tell you whats gonna happen.
August 31st, 2015 1:19am
This sounds awful and very distressing! Sometimes things come to an end in life and you shouldn't put pressure on yourself in thinking their is anything you can do, this can lead to you feeling depressed .. All you can do is support them both and be their for them both hope this helps, keep your chin up!xxx
September 28th, 2014 7:01pm
Don't worry. You can will be talk to your mom or father? I'm confident they are listening you. If they are don't listen,don't worry,please.They are love you and supportive you everytime
October 23rd, 2014 9:53pm
The issue is with your parents, not you. None of this is your fault these things happen, the best you can do is love both of your parents.
October 25th, 2014 9:18pm
First things first, realise that it's not your fault, people split up, it happens, blaming yourself wont help anyone, especially not you, what you should do, is be open to your parents about how you feel, and how it's affecting you, them splitting up doesn't mean they're not your parents anymore, they'll still be there for you.
October 29th, 2014 8:35pm
Well there can be so many reasons for a divorce. Maybe try to unerstand both parties and what moved them toward that big step... Maybe you'll understand bette afterwards the reason of their choice
November 4th, 2014 9:04am
This is unfortunately something beyond your control. Keep a line of communication open with your parents during this process-- remember that they still love you and this decision was not based on you. You can still maintain a wonderful relationship with both of your parents, and they may even have a very healthy friendship with each other. You can facilitate that process by being open about how you're feeling-- positive or negative-- and not shutting them out. Also remind yourself lean on your friends and other family members during this time if you need some space.
November 5th, 2014 3:32am
There is nothing that you can do, because it is not your fault. It's hard to see family break up, but it is what your parents want because they think it is best.
November 11th, 2014 12:03am
There isn't anything you can do. Parents usually get divorced because of each other. Maybe they've lost feelings for one another, or just don't get along. It's not your fault.
November 11th, 2014 12:05pm
Do not take sides without good reason. No matter whose idea it was, they will both be hurting and need your support.
January 3rd, 2015 5:25am
Talk to them. This involves you as much as them. Don't let them bad mouth each other in front of you. Try not to take sides.
March 22nd, 2015 12:06am
There is nothing you can do. Just be there for them and know that we here at 7 Cups can and will help you if needed. Know that they still care about you and the divorce between them is not because of anything they did.
April 30th, 2015 11:10pm
Always remember that you are separate from anything that happens between them. Do not bog yourself down with questions of why this is happening, or if it's your fault, or anything like that - without meaning to sound careless, it's their problem, not yours. Just deal with looking after yourself. The divorce could be messy, or it could not. The way you deal with the situation will utterly depend on how it goes. The best you can do is be a support to yourself, and in turn this will keep your parents grounded.
June 29th, 2015 2:25am
Going through a parents' divorce, the best thing to do is recognize that it is not your fault and that the love your parents have for you will not change. Try to create a schedule of how you will see both parents as much as possible and remain positive. Remind yourself that the divorce is happening for a reason that is good for you all, and that life and your love for each other will still go on.
June 29th, 2015 11:01am
I'll try to communicate how I feel about what they are going to do. Tell them how I will be sad, afraid about the future and loosing my confidence.
September 15th, 2015 3:30am
Understand that this is for the best and that they are doing this because they were not happy. If you love them, their happiness should matter to you most.
December 7th, 2015 8:15am
Understand what your parents are doing is no reflection on the care and love they have for you. They are at a stage where can longer live with each other.
December 22nd, 2015 10:42pm
Nothing. There is nothing you can do. You can't fix their relationship. I have tried for years to fix my parents' relationship only to be deeply hurt and damaged by it. I view relationships weirdly now because of it. The best thing to do, is show them both you care about them and respect their decision. As long as they are both still there for you when you need them, all is for the best x
December 26th, 2015 1:01pm
All I can say is take care of yourself because it is really hard for us to know that our parents are getting divorced but i have something that you can do, firstly, spend some time with each of your parents and let them vent about what they feel because when parents are getting divorced they feel that nobody cares about them anymore since the other parent was all they had, so if you talk to them they will feel that someone is there for them through this hard time they are going through :)
December 28th, 2015 3:35am
Practice many things that help you calm down and express your anger in a healthy way. You may feel a loss of control or a declining academic performance, but your parents are having troubles. And it will more than likely get better once they split and their feelings of anger or stress subside.
April 12th, 2016 5:40am
The decisions that your parents make is their choice that they have to leave with. You are not responsible for the decisions that they make and they happiess. You are only responsible for your own happiness.
May 31st, 2016 5:03pm
If your parents are getting divorced this is not your fault never blame your self all you can do really is support both parents through this hard time.
June 21st, 2016 10:32pm
Divorce is hard. It's hard for everyone who's part of a family that's going through it. Since this problem is not directly yours, the best thing you can do is be supportive on both sides- don't choose a side. I come from a divorced family, and taking sides is not helpful for your parents are struggling with a decision that is very hard to take. Be understanding, be loving; at the end of the day, this is not your fault and giving your back to one of your parents only makes the situation harder.
December 20th, 2016 2:53pm
You can talk to them and tell them how you feel about it and if possible ask them to reconcile differences for love and better development
May 8th, 2017 4:33am
It helps to understand that you can't do anything to change their decision. But you can focus on yourself at this point. Try to keep yourself healthy and emotionally stable. If you feel overwhelmed try to seek help from a counselor or any one available to you just so you are in a healthy state of mind. Which will in turn make you capable of helping your parents or siblings cope. Do not neglect yourself.
November 20th, 2017 2:27am
What you can do is to not blame yourself. You can be there for both of your parents, tell both of them that you love them and do not take sides. Also do not let them use you to bad mouth one over the other.