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What do I do if my father thinks I hate him even after I told him I don't?

221 Answers
Last Updated: 12/12/2021 at 10:05am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Melissa Strauss, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I am client focused and believe everyone has a strength. I feel confident in seeing clients with generalized and social anxiety, depression and relational goals.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
May 26th, 2021 5:45pm
Start taking care of him like he used to as a kid. Remind him of things he used to do for you by doing some for him. Gifts lots of love affection care and appreciation will make a difference. Don't give up on your parents as they never give up on you. It's easy to say it was their job but it's our job aswell to take care of them when they are old and weak. Lots of love and care and respect will make a difference. Please love your parents as when they are not with you anymore you will know their worth. Before it's too late make them realise you love them by doing small small things for them.
AtticusJosiah
June 9th, 2021 6:50pm
Peoples' feelings are dependent on factors in their own hearts and souls... they have a choice in how they react to each situation. You very well may love your Father, but in his heart your acts of love may come across as attacks against his character. Oftentimes men feel out of control... prideful.... even powerless. If a man like this feels in the least bit attacked, he may tend to make himself a victim to rectify why he feels that way. What he must do is look at himself honestly and submit himself to God, and ask his maker what needs to change. What you should do is continue Loving him well. I hope this helps.
Anonymous
June 12th, 2021 2:43pm
Most of the time we win people's trust through actions, it may take time for some people to be convinced what you're telling them is true if they are struggling with doubt, guilt, or anxiety or other reasons. If you're consistent with showing him you don't hate him, he may finally accept it. Try to understand where he's coming from, have you tried discussing this matter to him in an amicable way? Communication and understanding is key, if you show him you're willing to listen and understand him, that you care about this matter, he may feel more relaxed about it, it's possible he wants assurance, our parents are not perfect too, they can feel insecure about their parenting, they may feel they're not good enough, that their child/ children may hate them for it. We can give assurance for the people we care about by being consistent with our actions, sometimes it's the only way to prove we mean what we say.
Anonymous
June 19th, 2021 2:32pm
Firstly ask him to spare his time to sit and talk with you. Talk to him freely and explain that you love him. Talk calmly. Let him know that you love him. Other than that, show your love in the simplest way possible. For instance, always hug him and greet him "Good Morning", make him breakfast, and spend quality time with him. Always let him know that you are grateful to have him as your father. Be close with him. Share your problems or talk about your day to him to let him know that you trust him to share your highs and lows with him.
Anonymous
August 8th, 2021 3:21am
Showing kindness to others can often go further than words. As much as you've meant the reassurance you've told him, show him love and compassion through actions as well. However it is also important to ensure that the environment is a healthy and positive one for you. So while you show compassion and kindness to your dad be sure that you are not being too overwhelmed by the situation. Do as much as you can. These feelings of doubt your dad is currently feeling will hopefully be resolved when he sees and feels your love through your actions. Lead with love and watch it light the way for others.
Anonymous
September 3rd, 2021 1:16am
When I think people are thinking negatively about me, I realize that it's usually more of a reflection of how I'm feeling about myself and I'm only projecting it onto the people around me. I can't speak on your specific situation but if it were me, I would maintain compassion and assure him that you're there for him when he needs you. Letting someone know and continuously reminding them that you're there for them (no matter how tiring it can be) the thoughts that he has that you hate him will be harder and harder for him to believe.
FernWhispers
October 6th, 2021 3:51am
Sometimes people need to be shown rather than told. What activities can you do with him to make him feel comfortable with you? Additionally, some people need to be told things multiple times. Maybe you can go with a two prong approach by showing him and telling him that you do not hate him. What are some activities that he enjoys doing? Is there a meal you two can prepare together for nostalgia? Try to go back to a time when he didn’t have this belief. It must be hard for someone to have an idea about you in their head that doesn’t align with your truth.
Anonymous
November 19th, 2021 5:36am
It may be frustrating to know that your father doesn’t believe you. Lead with your actions and be consistent with your word. If you say you don’t hate him, make sure your actions follow suit. After that, if he still doesn’t believe you understand that this is not a reflection of you but rather a reflection of him. You may also ask him why he thinks that. Maybe he sees love/intimacy/affection in a different way that you’re not used to giving. Maybe he’s hung up on a thought or experience that’s clouding his judgment of your relationship. You can talk it through with him so he can let that go. It’s best not to assume and always ask if you have any questions. Good luck!
Anonymous
November 19th, 2021 4:51pm
Have a heart-to-heart with him. Spend some quality time with him. Try and resolve the misunderstandings. If there is nothing left to say then let your actions live up to what you have told him. He may mean the world to you. You may love him a lot and you may have told him so a number of times. But that doesn't matter here. What matters is what you are doing about it. Show him how much you love and care about him. Don't just try to make a point, try to prove yourself to him. Even if it takes going out of your way, try to make it obvious through your actions how much value he holds in your life. Hope both of you reconcile soon. Best regards, Melody :)
Anonymous
December 1st, 2021 7:24pm
There are a couple possibilities I can think of here: 1) Your father seems to already have his preconceived notion set- that you hate him- and this will most likely not change in the short term regardless of what you do or say. OR 2) He knows you do not hate him but you've misunderstood it to be so. If 1 is the case, it may take some time but it is possible for this to change- you could try to slowly change his opinion by verbally affirming you care about him or through small actions or gestures. If 2 is a possibility or you suspect there is a deeper problem that may explain his belief, maybe try sitting down and having a long talk with him to figure his reasoning out and explain your perspective and feelings to him as well.
Anonymous
December 12th, 2021 10:05am
Fathers are human too. They might feel left out and unwanted especially that their child is already an adult and have a life. Let your father feel that you don't hate him. Try to talk to him and spend some time with him. You can also try to send him a gift or a card to show you care about him. The gift doesn't need to be expensive. It is an act that you think about him also. Calling and checking on him once in a while would show that you care and love him. Your father might feel lonely at times and you can show that you can be there for him just like when he was there for you when you were a child.