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Should I tell my husband I cheated on him?

98 Answers
Last Updated: 01/04/2022 at 1:49pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Jill Kapil, PsyD


I have over 9 years of clinical experience, specialize in anxiety, and am passionate about my work. My approach is collaborative, empathic, supportive, and goal-oriented.

Top Rated Answers
February 12th, 2016 7:34pm
I cannot be the one to decide that for you, but i can help you by talking through how your feeling to see what you need to do.
March 20th, 2016 6:37am
No. There's is no need to tell every part of your life to your partner. When you can cheat on him you could even hide what you did. Cheating hurts. Getting cheated by your wife/partner is painful. Sometimes what is hidden gives you less pain than what is known. He is happy up now. Try to fix yourself by not doing it again and love your husband so it will compensate what you did. Stay blessed.😊
February 13th, 2016 5:54am
Depends. Do you respect him enough to tell him? Do you care what happens in your relationship enough to tell him?
April 15th, 2016 4:11am
Yes. And you should probably ask for a divorce too because if you have cheated on the man you love then you can't possibly love him all that much otherwise you would not have betrayed him. Rather leave than be unfaithful.
March 26th, 2016 2:52pm
Our first rule on 7 cups is that we do not give advice, because we are not in your shoes, and the wrong advice can be harmful. However, here are some questions you might want to ask yourself that may help you come to a decision: Why do you want to tell him? (Is it maybe to relieve yourself of guilt?) What will happen if you tell him? Can your marriage survive the infidelity? (A lot of marriages do) Do you want it to? Do you regret cheating? If you do, and you're never going to do it again, why hurt your husband by telling him, if instead, you could carry that secret to the grave? Is there a problem in your marriage? Are you unhappy? Are you sexually satisfied? There might be something else you need to talk to your husband about.
April 13th, 2016 8:27am
Honesty in this case can do a great deal of harm. Any of our actions can bring cause harm if we aren't first aware of what we are trying to accomplish. One choice would be to find a way to forgive yourself. There is no situation that guilt can't make a little worse. Guilt serves to make us feel better about our actions without really addressing the behavior that led us there. Forgiveness requires that we first be honest with ourselves about the impact of our behavior. Once we come to peace with our choices we can then see more clearly what impact a confession will have on the person we wronged. You are the ultimate expert on you. Find a place of peace and ask the question will my confession hurt or harm? Does it serve me or him? Then make the best decision you can. I try to remind myself when I speak with another that the person in front of me is important and their happiness matters. I hope you find a place of peace. You both deserve it.
February 19th, 2016 5:48am
The best relationship is one where couples can be honest, frank and understanding with each other, accepting the flaws and mistakes of each other and forgiving each other at all times and letting go of the past.
January 8th, 2018 11:26pm
Every good marriage is based on trust and truth, regardless of you regretting it or not, the truth must be said in order to make things clear between you two and help you figure out what you are going to do from now on. Besides, it would be much more painful if he discovered that you cheated on him by himself...think about it. I hope I've helped you somehow.
February 21st, 2016 1:02am
I do not think he would be able to recover from that, and might have that suspicion in his mind all the time. If you are able to, I would say, just never do that again, figure out what you are missing in your marriage, i.e. what were you getting from the other man, and then have a discussion with your husband, asking if he could provide whatever that is, for you, because, you really need it. Stress that is important to you. We all make mistakes, learn from them and move forward.
February 28th, 2016 2:30pm
Absolutely! Just asking the question shows you are ready to in my opinion. You intentionally destroyed the foundation of what a relationship is built on, trust. Own up to your behavior and speak the truth to him. This challenge will not be easy but it will put you on the right path to self discovery. I congratulate you for asking such a question and I admire the courage it took to even come onto a forum such as this to start your healing. -Robert-
February 18th, 2016 12:47pm
Yes I do it's gonna eat you up inside if you don't I learned from experience it's better to come clean about things because if they find out it will be so much worse
February 13th, 2016 11:58am
First, you screwed up there. Either you gonna live with the guilt for the rest of your life. Or tell him and deal with the consequences but guilt free. Your choice.
February 20th, 2016 5:12pm
Yes, you will know your husband best, but he would probably prefer to know, especially if he found out you did it from someone else, his concerns might not only be that you cheated on him, but also the fact that you didn't tell him about it.
February 19th, 2016 5:23pm
i dont think a husband will be able to take that his wife cheated girls on the other hand can forgive her husband but i do not think a husband is able to and it may lead to divorce
March 3rd, 2016 12:35am
I don't know the relationship you have with your husband, so it would be difficult to comment on it, but I do know that you need to be honest with your feelings. Why did you cheat on him? Is there some deeper issues that are hidden there? Do you think you still want to be with him, or are you just hanging on to a marriage and the cheating is likely to happen again? You have to first be honest with your own feelings on where you are in this marriage to be able to decide how you can talk about this issue with him.
February 18th, 2016 9:23pm
Yes. You have to honest all the times even if your honesty is against your personal desire or need.
March 25th, 2016 9:51pm
Yes. In order to maintain a healthy relationship, there must be trust and honesty between all the people that are part of it.
November 13th, 2017 10:24pm
Every relationship is based upon trust, you would have to ask yourself would you want your husband to find out from any other person accept yourself? If the answer is no, you should tell him.
March 20th, 2016 8:15am
Ofcourse you should. Longer you wait the worse. If you love him tell him. Truth hurts, but better to tell the truth than a lie. Plus I'm pretty sure the guilt will get worse if you don't. Do it.
February 17th, 2016 3:07pm
Yes! Honesty is the best policy. Sit him down and tell him what happened. Explain why you did it. He may be angry but this is better coming from you now than someone else in the future.
February 20th, 2016 7:35am
Yes. Chances are good you'd never be able to live comfortably with yourself by keeping it from him if you have any interest in salvaging the relationship. And he deserves to know, so he can make the right decision for himself.
March 12th, 2016 7:49pm
Honestly, I would. If your husband had cheated on you, the only way he might make your pain worse is if he kept it a secret and hoped that you never found out, which, in a married relationship, is almost equivalent to flat-out lying. The main thing that will tie you together is your trust for one another, and honestly if you try, you both can work past this and start again. What's most important though is that you do make that choice to try again, and to work together. If he finds out another way, he may end up jumping to conclusions, or worse he may not even get the whole true story. Better to have faith he can forgive you than to run the risk of hurting him so badly that he can't anymore.
February 17th, 2016 2:49am
yes because it could posslbly save your relationship and he may be understanding
February 17th, 2016 11:55pm
Being honest with yourself is the least you could do to be at peace with yourself. Telling him or not is up to your judgement, but consider yourself in his shoes and how you'd feel if you did either way. Would you appreciate honesty, be okay if you didn't know or just get angry?
April 16th, 2016 5:46am
It is your decision to do so or not, but remember it is always best to be honest even though the truth may hurt.
November 13th, 2018 8:59pm
Cheating or infidelity of any sort, whether emotional or physical, is a delicate situation for both the one who did the cheating and the person who was cheated on. Please remember this going forward! Your husband, in my personal opinion, has every right to know what is going on in your life. Traditional marriage is a vow made between two people to stand by each other (as long as it was a voluntary marriage, not a forced one) through thick and thin, and essentially a promise to love each other until one of you passes away. Of course, I speak of the ideal scenario here! With all of that being said, if I were in your shoes, I would be asking myself a few questions. Do I love my husband? Do I respect him? Do I value him as a person and care about what he thinks of me? If the answer to any of those questions is yes, then I would tell him, no matter how difficult it would be. I won't beat around the bush - If you cheated on someone, whether you're married or not, is a violation of that loyalty the other person most likely expects from you, and it is your responsibility to determine whether or not you should be in the relationship in the first place. Without more context (are you in a healthy relationship? are things very difficult with your husband?) it is very difficult to give an appropriate "one size fits all" answer. Generally, cheating is looked down upon by most people.
February 13th, 2016 7:43am
Yes, honesty is best. He deserves to know because it'd be unfair for him to be completely blind to what's going on. The truth will come out eventually and it's better that you tell him before anyone else in most scenarios.
March 17th, 2016 6:24am
yes you should... talk to him politely make him clam make him understand your situations and apologize (if you wish too) from heart.
April 15th, 2016 3:25am
Yes...It is something he absolutely needs to know. If you dont do it slowly it will kill your relationship and your feelings for him because your love wont be pure anymore!
February 13th, 2016 3:17am
Always. If he takes the confession negatively, it will be better to have it out in the open, and try to work through it. If you cheated, you should take full responsibility and not make any excuses. If he takes it positively, then there's no harm done at all!