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I broke up with him even though I do love him and he loves me. I had to! How can I move on from someone I can't find a reason to hate?

243 Answers
Last Updated: 12/24/2021 at 1:18pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Lisa Meighan, MSc Psychology


Hello, I am Lisa and I work in a person-centred approach mixed with cognitive behavioural therapy. I believe we all have the potential to be the best we can be.

Top Rated Answers
July 28th, 2016 2:08pm
I understand you had to break up with him despite loving him. Can you please help me understand the reason you initiated this break up?
May 2nd, 2018 9:40am
I had to do the same thing recently. We both loved each other, but there were signs it was unhealthy because of fighting. We were best friends and I miss him terribly, but if something in your gut tells you that you need to end it, you have to listen to your gut. There is a reason you broke up, and in time you will be glad you followed your instincts.
July 27th, 2016 1:59am
You don't have to hate someone to move on. Sometimes, relationships end because both people aren't compatible, no matter how much you love each other. With time and supportive people around you, you'll move on.
August 7th, 2016 8:30pm
I know how you feel, sometimes we have to move on as the situation demands it and we don't get one valid to do so because we love the person so much and we don't want to leave them. But we have to focus on what's coming and where we want to go. look at the facts and what happens if we don't move on. It doesn't mean we don't the love the person It's just that we have to be away for sometime. That's it, with time everything seems to fall in the right place. I think this should help, let me know your thoughts about it.Thank you
July 30th, 2016 12:17pm
Well you have to ask yourself, did you only break up with him because, in your eyes, he was too good to be in reality with?
February 9th, 2018 4:42pm
Not all breakups have to end in a battle of epic proportions. Sometimes they just come to an end and this is ok, we are all different with UNIQUE situations that no online forum, chat, article, and/or video can sooth completely. I think the best thing to do is ask yourself “Why do I need negative in order to be positive? Why can't we just be who we are, aware of each other, and still live life peacefully?”, Nowhere is it written that in order for you to move on to the next thing in life, you must first feel negativity toward it. If that were true, every song we listen to on the radio, every text we read or every milestone in life would be so upsetting that we will never look forward to a future. What a sad life that must be. I say stay positive and keep looking forward. Its ok to still love what you had, but it's important to keep looking forward and not burning bridges. If you stay positive and they did as well, imagine a future where you two meet again, it would be a beautiful reconnection without fear, anger or resentment. And who knows, maybe the second time around will be better than the first. Because you were positive, you gave your self the opportunity to have the choice and that is a better outcome then the latter, isn’t it?
November 19th, 2017 7:40pm
Very carefully. You have to look at it like that game we all played as a kid, what was it? Janga. That's it. Don't remove the blocks too fast, or it'll crash and the slightest move will land you right back in each other's arms. It'l feel great in the moment, but afterwards, all the reasons you had to break up will still be there.
August 7th, 2016 12:03am
You have to find closure within yourself for that relationship. You don't have to hate him to realize you guys aren't right for each other. Mourn the loss of the relationship, unfriend him on everything and start to live your life again. Pick up activities you haven't in awhile. Focus on work/friends/self care/school.
September 23rd, 2016 12:10am
Sometimes we feel very strong feelings for someone who we are just not compatible with in a relationship. It is a tough process to go through but with the right support system (friends and family) one can overcome these challenges. No one is the same , we all work in a different way and we all connect with people in a different way. Sometimes when we have strong feelings for someone we automatically assume that that person was made to be our boyfriend or girlfriend without realising that sometimes that person is in our life to teach us something different or to be a friend. The fact you love him just shows how caring you are even though you had to break up with him. It just shows how genuinely caring you are to still be thinking of not only your feeling but his too.
February 4th, 2018 6:01am
You don't have to hate your ex to move on. You can still love them and want the best for them, but sometimes we just aren't good for each other. take your time in being sad over the loss, but always remember you left for a reason. whatever it is, hold on to that reason and find a way to make peace with your decision.
July 10th, 2016 10:32am
i had to breakup with gf because our families didnt accept our relationships, the way i got closure isnt by hating her, because i dont hate her, its just accepting it. I guess you have to accept that sometimes there are things that are out of your hand, and this is for the better. Just gotta wish that one day even though it will hurt you, they find someone who will love them like you did. So my answer is dont try to find a reason to hate them,because that will ruin the image you have of them in your head, just accept that it happened and even thought its hard to imagine, but one day you will move on and find someone who is also great for you :).
July 9th, 2016 2:04am
Hate is a poor motivator for almost any life altering decisions. It's implies an emotional attachment that clouds intelligent decision-making. Move on with love in your heart. Your steps will be surer.
February 21st, 2018 6:26pm
Try to reconsider the reasons of the break up. Are they logical and realistic enough? What would you think about this in a couple of years? Would these reasons still be valid after, let's say, 5 years, if you look back? Make sure that you will not regret the decision in the future, because true, mutual love is hard to find, and you can find yourself yearning for things you had in the past but took for granted. In case your reasons are realistic and you really had to break up, set up your mind to think that this is the best for both of you, and try to concentrate on things you are passionate about, on improving yourself and on planning ahead, rather than dwelling in the past. It will be hard for a while, and this is why you need a strong motivation to break up. Take care!
July 2nd, 2016 11:43pm
It's not true that time is a healer, it's how you feel that time that counts. Sitting in your room, pining for your ex for 6 months after your break up won't go too much towards helping you get over that person. Forcing yourself out into the world will, specially if you make the best effort you can to occupy your time. You also need to remember that some relationships aren't meant to be, even if the person seems right. It might be that you need to accept this and make a concerted effort to find someone you don't have to move on from.
June 23rd, 2016 4:58pm
This is what I am going through at this time in my life. The only advise I can offer you is to take it one day at a time. Although you may love each other you can still be toxic to each other. If you really love them and care for them you must find a way to let them go.
August 4th, 2016 2:43pm
You don't have to hate someone to break up with them, you just don't need to love them anymore, try becoming friends again just by messaging them and talk in things through
February 16th, 2017 12:24am
You broke with him for a reason which for sure you decided will be better for you. Now it's time to prove to yourself that you were right and go on with living your life to the max until you meet the right person for you
February 22nd, 2018 9:53am
If you love him a lot and you didn't find any reason to break-up, Just cherish him.. Finding a lovable person is very difficult. Luckily You got that!
June 23rd, 2016 4:03am
You have to see it as there was a reason for the breakup and whatever you guys did is for the better for the both of u guys. So the only way to move on from here is to be happy that you did the right thing in the given situation :)
July 20th, 2016 9:00pm
If you don't have a reason to hate him, then love the moments when you were together. If your story was all a fairytale, then you wouldn't be broken up. Make a list with all was wrong in this relationship and consider all points as lessons you have learnt. Everything is happening on purpose.
August 7th, 2016 5:14pm
You don't need to hate him to move on, Just move on because you did your best, and who know? maybe life is hiding someone so much better for you.
January 15th, 2020 8:40pm
You move on by just moving on... It's a straightforward & simple act. What's not simple is the pain involved. But really, truth is, pain is just part of the process. You can't have the results without the struggle. You can't have the progress without the process. You can't have the victory without the fight. If you don't play don't expect to win. Adopt pain as a self-improvement tool. This is very assistive in a lot of life's aspects. When you get good at feeling bad, in other words you master how to bear pain, you'll be unstoppable. Desiring negative experiences in the hope of prospering as a human will always serve you good
July 1st, 2016 12:07am
I totally understand you... I went through something very similar this past year. I guess I had to learn that I don't need to hate a person or feel disrespected by that person to move on. The relationship came to an end because of a certain reason. I had to honor that reason, respect myself and respect the other person. I know it's hard to move on when you still don't see any bad in the other person... I mean... when you still put that person on a pedestal, kind of. So I guess the only thing one can do is wait and get involved in some projects to take one's mind out of that place... Just refocus on you and on what you can do to make yourself feel good without being with that person and learn to love yourself (if you don't already). =)
July 2nd, 2016 7:30am
Try to remember the reason that you guys broke up in the first place, and try to distract your self with hanging out with your friends.
August 20th, 2016 7:09pm
You don't need to hate someone to move on. You just need to start loving, someone else. Basically replace him. It sounds super harsh but it's much easier way to explain it. Just look for what was wrong in him, Look for what is good in other guys. Never compare others and him. It's never good. Just find someone else you might j like just as well to keep from thinking of "him".
December 13th, 2017 6:33am
There must have been a reason for your breakup if not hatred. This happens at times. Sometimes, some people are not meant to be, no matter how perfect they could be with each other. Accept facts and be ready to move on. Yes, it is going to be really hard for both of you. But remember- life is never perfect, sometimes it can be mean. Not just for you, but for all. If not this, something else is bothering everyone at some point of time. So, be ready to accept facts and move on. If life was perfect there won't be any reason for happiness. Take care :)
July 15th, 2016 1:40pm
You dont have to hate someone to move on .Tell yourself that it was for the best nd u love eachother
August 5th, 2016 2:11am
Take some time for yourself, literally. Act like you're going on a retreat. Pamper yourself. Splurge. Spend time getting to know your body.
July 14th, 2016 5:55pm
Find yourself doing more things, go out with friends, enjoy the company you have with them, read a book, write, paint, draw. Find something that fulfills you as it he did with you. Find a new hobby like photography who knows you might find a hidden talent you didn't know about
October 5th, 2016 2:37pm
I've been through that too, My bf broke up with me even though he said he still loved me. It won't be easy, but you'll move on eventually. Maybe ask him if he still wants to be friends