He said I was perfect for him, but he chose someone else?
Last Updated: 12/19/2020 at 6:40pm
Sandra Butler, AOD, DV counselor
Drug & Alcohol Counselor
Experienced in understanding how emotions and feelings affect our lifes in every aspect of interacting, not just with others, but how we process those emotions. I can help you
Top Rated Answers
at the end of the day, love is blind. maybe you were blinded by lust or love, you just wanted to feel something for someone because it had been so long. you are worth someone who cares about you and doesn’t disregard your feelings. try to move on from someone who was never sincere with you, and try to focus on yourself. your dignity is more important. it's not that you aren't good enough, it's that he's missing something in his life that no one can fill for him. but sometimes things change and people change and there isn't anything we can do.
You are always loved and cared about by other people, if he chose someone else, then he wasn't worth your time. This can be very hard to accept, i know all about it. You deserve better! Love can be hurtful, but, we always have other people there for us, even if we don't know it. We all have someone we click with, whether it be a therapist, someone on 7cups :), a friend, a family member or anyone. sometimes we haven't found that person yet, but they are out there... :) You need to search for them, because they are also searching for you!
Don’t worry about it. You are beautiful and smart. You’ll find someone else. I know you probably really loved him but trust me, if it was meant to be he would’ve stayed. I understand you’re probably upset but don’t get yourself worked up about it. Take sometime for yourself & pray about it. Everything will work out fine. You can always find someone better. There are lots of men out here that will treat you better than he ever did. They will cherish you & treat you like the queen you are. Like I said don’t worry about it. Time heals all. It might hurt for a little while but spend some time with your family , friends and you’ll be fine sweetie.
Love can be hard, and difficult. Sometimes some people say things before they think. You might have been perfect for him at one point, but he couldn't handle a relationship, with someone who's too good for him maybe? I am no one to advice you or tell you what too do, but I would always say that if you aren't good enough in his eyes, then they aren't good enough for you
Guys can be confusing sometimes. In reality, no one really knows what they want. What matters most is whether you think he was perfect for you and if not then you must consider whether it is reasonable to continue to pursue him. Remember, we have all been through a rough time and been told that they’d never leave us. You’re not alone. Listeners here on 7 cups are available whenever you feel like you’re not okay. Keep your head up and don’t settle for someone who isn’t worth your time. One day you’ll find someone who shows you they love you and not merely says it.
Despite what our culture tells us, realistically, there is no "perfect" person for anyone. The statement he made was flawed and inaccurate. Our ideal person is always subject to change, especially when we have had less experience dating. Yes, in the beginning, he thought you were exactly what he was looking for, but now it has changed, and that's completely normal. It may be because he didn't have an accurate perception of what you are like, or maybe through dating, his ideals changed. Either way, this says nothing about you and everything about him. You are beautiful exactly as you are and you deserve someone who loves you for that, and there definitely are people out there (however hard to find) who know, for certain that the real you is exactly who they want to be with.
Guys can be so confusing sometimes. I’m sorry he had to lead you on like that. If you were truly “perfect” for him, he wouldn’t have been an idiot and chosen someone else...and honestly I’ve been in a situation like this before. It’s the ultimate friend-zone. Sadly, there’s nothing we can do in situations like these except remember that self-worth is found within. You’re an amazing person and you will one day find a guy (or multiple guys) who TRULY thinks you’re the most perfect human on this planet! Until then, you have to remember that about yourself. Good luck girl! Keep your head high, you got this!! ❤️✨
people do say things in the moment, at the time he may have thought you were perfect and "the one" but, as you get to know eachother the love could have just faded, it's completely normal! you will always no matter what find someone who loves you unconditionally, there is always someone who loves your flaws and your insecurities, it may just take a short amount of time, or a while to find them! but when you do, it will all be worth it! there is love for everyone and everyone deserves to be loved! you will find someone who thinks you're perfect and choose nobody but you
i am sorry honey!! you do NOT deserve that!! guys are weird sometimes and they may tell you something they know is not true. do not get to worked up about it. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT it’s his... you are beautiful, independent, amazing person that does not need a man to be happy ever!! he probably told you that you were perfect for him at the time because he really believed it and now he has possibly doubted himself and ran because he was not ready or something.. i am not sure what was the case... but don’t be sad it’s not your fault
His actions do not match his words, whoever he chose will soon learn this as well. Don't blame yourself that is his problem. Each of us has to learn contracts and accountability on our own. The important part here is that you do not take this personally as it has nothing to do with you this issue stems from someone else not seeing the importance of their words and lacking responsibility and empathy for leading people and failure to realize the expectations they lay out with no intention to fill. All of this is a responsibility, accountability problem. None of this had anything to do with you. All of us have the ability to speak, lots of us lack the sense of responsibility that comes with that power of influence. Also dont ever worry about being perfect for someone else, was he perfect for you? In going forward do not place so much value on another persons words, watch their actions trust how you feel about the situation seek truth in what feels perfect for you, also commend yourself and be proud of yourself for having a heart so big that it had room to make space for someone else even though they fell short on their promises.
I have been through something like that before. Boys can be extremely confusing and they really don’t make sense sometimes. They can say things and not mean them sometimes. Sometimes they can do things and realize that they made a mistake and then they try to make up for it but you can’t play with a girls heart. It can be very hard to understand why people do some things that they do and I can’t offer anything to help understand. In time it will become clear they he was not the one for you or he would not have done that to you.
Sometimes people communicate one thing and mean another. If this situation happens to you then the first thing to remember is that it's not your fault. Chances are that he saw so much perfection in you that he wanted someone as flawed as him. Just because you were said to be perfect for him, doesn't mean you can't be perfect for any other person out there! Don't let it get to you, take it as a compliment that you were too good for him. It can be heartbreaking when you think he was 'the one' but it's easy to think that there is only one person for you when there are multiple who can be compatible with you. Take all the heartbreak as experience and learn what to not look for in a guy and vice versa.
Life is full of unexpected things. Sometimes, things won't always go as smoothly as planned. Not every love will succeed, not every business will thrive, not everyone will live healthy, not everyone will stay the same. I've been there too and it really hurts because I had so much expectations for both of us. Of course, in the end, we all need to take a deep breath and move on. Let it go. If someone's meant for you, they will be with you no matter how far they are from you, how much you fight and talk it out again. If someone isn't meant for you, no matter how sweet the dreams you both have, it will fly away. I hope the best for you. Don't give up.
I understand. Dating and relationships can definitely be difficult. I can tell you even just from my own experiences, you are not alone. I remember a guy I dated who would tell me all the time how wonderful I was, only to find out that 2 other girls happened to be just as perfect, all at the same time. So he chose someone else. How does that make you feel? You are an amazing and wonderful soul who deserves the best. Sometimes it gets hard, but you are a very strong person. If you really think about it now, do you think he was "perfect" for you?
You just have to be patient and let go. Don't expect anything, you will be loved.You deserve it but you have to believe that.Do not keep any grudges against anyone, do not blame anyone, it is just the way it is, something better is coming your way and maybe his too. Do not keep your hopes up and wait for it, move on with your life and live it to the fullest with or without any significant other.It is very short, cherish every part of it.Maybe he was just a lesson, you must have learned something from it.Find it.Do not lose yourself.
One day he'll love you the next day he'll act like he never said that. It's what some guys do, they just think of it like a game and forget we have feelings too. The least we can do is to accept it and move on. We need to learn from it and not become too attached to him. It's lovely hearing such nice words from someone and it's comforting that you know they love you, but love yourself more first so you can pick yourself up quicker.
Sometimes people change their minds or make different decisions. This doesn't mean that you aren't perfect. You are unique and special in your own way. Relationships don't always work out, but there is always hope for new adventures. Relationships take time and patience. You just have to believe in yourself and you can reach your goals. You can do anything that you set your mind too. Just remember that just because he said someone else was perfect, it does not mean that you are not perfect. Be positive and I am sure that you will find the answers that you seek.
Maybe it was the timing of everything. Or maybe he was speaking of looks and not personality like maybe he did not click with your personality. You might be the greatest looking, but if you don't have a great personality things don't work out. So maybe you are an amazing person its just he didn't find something that was important to him in you, but in the other person. But he could have gone with the other person for some monetary benefit or anything of that sort. It could have been the timing of everything too. Maybe you two are great for each other, but it's just not the time.
The most important thing in life is change. Whether you acknowledge it or not, change is happening around you, non-stop. This means that the people you meet on your life journey will also be at varying stages on their own. Try not to be offended that they've chosen a different path for themselves because it will undoubtedly be for the best for you. The optimal thing to do is do your best to learn from the situation and try to grow from it. After some personal introspection, chances are you'll discover that you were already everything that you needed in your life.
Okay, sometimes things like this happen! I know right now it may seem so very confusing to you, but I'm sure he's just as confused. Be might not know how or what to do with his feelings. Sometimes also things happen for example he might still think you're perfect for him but he might have also found somebody else he really loves too! This may be confusing to the both of you! Just remember, everything that happens in life happens for a reason so I'm sure this will end out perfectly okay? I wish you luck, love yas 💖
I'm really sorry to hear that this happened, I'm sure a lot of people have been in that position (I definitely have been). Sometimes, feelings can change, or they were never there in the first place. It is really hard to be on the receiving end of such a statement and then it not even be true. As he chose someone else, this could show that he isn't right for you, or perhaps even worth your time. We don't ever truly know what a person is thinking, and sometimes we do perhaps say or even force ourselves to think certain things due to many different factors, such as we want to make the other person happy, or that we love them so much even though they may not be right for us. Perhaps these thoughts entered his mind and as a result, he chose someone else, though of course we may never really know why he did what he chose to do.
There are a billion reasons this could happen. The important thing is that the issue isn't with you. He could be scared. He could have lied. He could have changed his mind. He could have been saying what he thought you wanted to hear. He might not be sure what/ who he wants. He might be one of those guys who tell every woman that so that he can score. He could be insecure with himself and not know how to treat people. None of those things are your fault. It hurts, and it's hard, but you now have the opportunity to learn from this and learn the things you want and don't want from your next relationship.
Sometimes it is better not to trust 100% what people say to you but to read people's actions and how they make you feel. Maybe it was not a conscious lie but something inside didn't resonate with you or he wanted to choose you but his unconscious mind decided something else. All those things can be felt if you listen carefully. For instance, how much attention he offers you, how much effort is he willing to do in order to see you or be with you, how respectful he is when both hav e disagreement. After you have evaluated those things you can know if you and him and meant to be.
I'm sorry that happened, you must feel very betrayed. Sometimes the perfect person for us at one time isn't the perfect person at another time. People grow and change, and our needs and compatibility with other people grow and change with us. You might have been perfect for him when he said this to you, but somewhere along the line, it's possible those needs and feelings changed for him. It's important to take care of yourself and re-affirm your self-worth during this time. You might be feeling rejected and alone, or feeling the need to isolate yourself. I recommend the 7 Cups Breakup Guide: https://www.7cups.com/breakup-advice/
It has happened to me to be on both sides, it hurts, sometimes it hurts so much that the heart feels empty, but all the occasions have given me knowledge ... Maybe at the beginning one builds certain ideas and with certain hours or months, the perspective changes, because when I began to know more about another person then I adjusted my expectations. Healing is a multi-causal process, and our approach is adjusted, it is said that there is an "addiction to dopamine", that well-being that we feel with falling in love with the different degrees of love. For me, it helped me learn to love gradually, not so fast and not so slow. In addition, love puts a lot "in game", sometimes life seems empty with the rejection of someone, but honesty is always something that helps us, to avoid continuing to bet on "a seed" that is no longer going to work.. Not everyone will like us and each one of us has special learning and life wisdom. The range of intensities of an emotion changes and adjusts according to the panorama we decide to view. May the Serenity and harmony continue in your breathing and in your path.
I am sorry to hear that. That must be hurtful for you, particularly if you believed your feelings for one another were mutual. Often times, individuals mean what they say in the present moment, such as expressing deep feelings for you, which would make anyone feel really good. However, if a relationship is still in its early stages, it can be difficult to rely fully on the prediction of a new relationship and how the other person may react to you. If a person genuinely wants to be in your life in an intimate way, they will show you by their actions. If their actions do not confirm that they want to be in a relationship with you, it's ok! It may be disappointing at first, but at least now you know you can move on to date new people and enjoy new adventures that may lead you to the relationship you want.
I'm really sorry that people have to go through this. That guy is missing out on the greatest person in the world, and that's truly his loss. I know things are hard right now, but it will get better. You can get through this and I know for certain that you will. I'm sure You have wonderful and caring friends who would drop everything to help you, and a great family to support you. This is just a bump in the road. After this is over, you will come out so much stronger and more confident. I know you're feeling a lot of emotions right now, from confused, to hurt, to angry and just plain sad. And all those emotions are ok to feel. Don't feel like you have to bottle them up. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream, do it. I'm sure you're a beautiful, kind, strong, smart and caring person. Whoever is missing out on that is crazy. He made this decision himself and maybe even later he'll regret it. Don't let this guy take your shine!
people say things they mean in the moment, but then change and make different decisions. I’ve had a similar thing happen to me, a S/O told me they loved me and then proceeded to distance them self and eventually break things off with me. I was heart broken afterwards. It made me feel unworthy and not good enough. I thought, “what is wrong with me?” I spent quite a while of time feeling worthless and moping around. But then I thought, why am I letting this silly person stop me from being happy? Why was I letting them affect me like this? I didn’t need them. I do not need them at all. I don’t need their validation to feel good. I decided at that point that there was nothing wrong with me, that it was their loss for choosing someone else. They’re missing out!
Although he said that you were perfect for him, it does not necessarily translate to he wants to be with you. For example, a person may think a dress looks very nice, but that person may not buy it because they are aware that it would not look good on them. He may be aware that you are a good partner and a good influence on him, but he is more attracted to someone else. On the other hand, he could also be dishonest when he told you that you were perfect for him. He may have said that, but his actions said otherwise.
In relationships, people have strong emotions, they may feel like in that time the relationship works, and then may find they did not know what they want or that the new person they found is not what they are looking for. It is difficult when people say such strong phrases because life changes and i can see how it would feel disheartening, but it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with people figuring out what they really want, and they don't always know that or may make the wrong decisions later as well. So, this means that relationships are about spending time together and figuring out, hey how do we work. If you find it does not work, it does not mean you have failed or there is anything wrong with who you are. It just means that you have learned what both of you really want and need and that is a learning lesson to take with you.
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