How can I stop thinking about him/her? Why my heart hurts so much?

209 Answers
Last Updated: 07/12/2019 at 7:13pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Beth Pausic, Psy.D

Psychologist

I work collaboratively with people to foster strengths in order to transform their behavior so that they live a life that feels purposeful and values-driven.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
April 9th, 2016 11:05am
You need to sit back and take some time to realize that you are amazing human being who doesn't deserve anyone who won't doesnt think the world of you, your heart hurts because you think about the "what if I stayed with them", ect, but thinking about these things only distract you from finding your true soulmate and finding the person that truly makes you happy, so just go with the flow and let life do its work, everything happens for a reason and a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor :)
coldmemories
May 19th, 2016 2:37pm
There is something you can do to make it stop. And it’s all about living in the present moment. You see, well, if you’re thinking of him it’s because you’re not living in the moment. You’re escaping from what’s happening to you at this exact moment. For example, you’re at work creating a presentation and before you know it, you’re back at your first date together. What you need to do is catch yourself, realize what you’re doing, and bring yourself back to the present moment — which is your office, your work, and your presentation. When thinking about him, you’re living in a time that doesn’t exist. You’re either living in the past or living in the future — neither of which exists. The only time that does exist is right now. And that’s where you need to live. If not, you’re literally letting your life just go by. You need to enjoy it and experience it. If you’re trying to escape it because you’re bored or unhappy, you need to address that.
Anonymous
April 8th, 2016 8:03pm
You might not be able to stop thinking about someone you love, only time can create distance enough to leave someone behind.. But you can embrace your thoughts and feelings, tell yourself its okay to think about them, even though it hurts, and that it will be okay, one step and one day at the time.
LoveAll425
May 25th, 2016 8:28am
to stop thinking about him/her you have to avoid them! maybe blocking them . try hanging out with friends!!!!! your heart hurt so much because you heart wants the person but you know whats best for you! everyone goes through heartbreaks , its a normal thing in life !!!! if you need anyone to talk to im here for you!
JustAtypicalPotato
April 17th, 2016 4:51pm
To be honest...you don't. well for now . There's a sentence that goes by '' time heals everything'' and as cliche as it sounds, it is actually true. Right now you may be thinking that he/she means the world to you but as time passes by, your inner self is eventually gonna realize that this is so not true. He/she moved on , and so will you. It takes two to tango, and it wont be a long time before you will acknowledge the fact that you can dance with someone else too.. don't put yourself on hold for someone who doesn't love you the way you do. A heartache is just temporary. Keep your self busy till then..join a new club , read a book, There's so much more to this :) Stay strong.
Saraf
October 8th, 2016 7:38am
I know they all say "Let It Go" and "Move On" like it's that easy to let it go and move on. Well, it certainly is not that easy, speaking from personal experience. But it is true that Time is the best healer of all. You just need to give yourself some time. You need to convince yourself that you can do this, you can live your life just as you were doing before he/she came into your life. You have to go on without him/her and do it like a strong person. Bad things happen, that's life for you- but we can't let those bad things pull us down. We must live through it with patience and determination. Your heart hurts so much because you loved him/her more than you ever loved yourself. And when that's taken from you, you want to reach out and can't help but want it back. But that's okay. That's because you're human. Time will eventually soothe the heartache. But there will still be time when you're doing the dishes or staring out the window when you'll suddenly remember that day, that particular memory and you'll feel a pang in your heart, a bit of regret mixed up with sadness and void. But you'll be okay. You'll just need to be patient and hold on- till time works its magic and heal ya. :)
Brok3nHeart
August 24th, 2015 2:15pm
Stop thinking about him/her because of the things they did or said to you. Have some self value and will-power. You're heart hurts so much because of the constant abuse you put it through by dreading on something that you can't control.
Anonymous
May 4th, 2016 2:43pm
When we're no longer able to be with someone we love, it can hurt deeply. Often we replay over and over what we did or didn't do, or what we could have done differently to have a better relationship. When we realize that the journey of life offers us opportunities to learn and grow, and then see these experiences and relationships steps on that journey, we start to understand that none of us is perfect. We may look back and see how we could have done things better or differently, but we did the best we could in the moment with what we knew and felt at that time. If we can learn from the experience and use it for our own growth, we will be in a much better position in the future to accept where the relationship takes us. Maybe the idea is not to try to stop thinking about him or her, but to be happy for the time you had together and for all the lessons you learned that are making you an even better person. Your insight and self knowledge is the legacy that person has left you. For this you can thank them in your heart and in time it may not hurt so much.
stayStrong95
April 22nd, 2016 4:46am
It hurts cause you loved them, do something you love to get your mind off it. For example listen go music
Anonymous
June 2nd, 2016 2:58am
If they broke you're heart, many times they're not worth it and that's okay. I was hurt tremendously by a guy; although they hurt me both emotionally and physically; thinking about them was all that encompassed my mind. We tend to look at the great memories shared between us and someone us. For you're heart to hurt and at the same time for you to think about them is perfectly okay. It takes time to move on, some heal faster than others,and some on the flip side take longer. Until you heal and are able to move on, they will be on your mind and again that's okay. Stay strong!
rainboweye
June 6th, 2015 6:30pm
I stop thinking about him when I'm focus about my self, my life, and my goals. and I'm digging my hobbies so I can have fun and forget about him. but the first thing to do is let him go and let yourself go from this breakup / heartache. Cheers for life!
Bettym
May 25th, 2016 2:57am
What is done is done.. No one can reverse it.. It is hard to erase people and memories from our brain.. But what you can do is.. keep yourself busy.. be around people and try to do things that make you happy. I know it is hard.. It will always be.. bu if you try.. I know you can push through this and get over it.. Look at the positive side.. Now he cant hurt you any more than this.. He doesnt know what he is loosing.. you are worth more than this pain..
sutolid
October 2nd, 2016 1:07am
Because that person came into your life. She took your heart, she entered the most vulnerable part of you. You shared intimacy, support and words you would't tell anyone. You simply fell in love, just like your parents did, just like everybody does, and it hurts.
Lifeforyou1
March 20th, 2016 6:30am
Don't stop yourself and eventually it will stop forever. It's human nature whatever we might to try to resist we want it more. So, don't stop just keep doing it. Once it will cross the limits it won't hurt you it stopped bothering you because you already get too hurt regarding it. Feel lost for once completely and then you will found yourself soon. Feel whatever hurts you try to get to know your pain, extent of your pain only then you can overcome it. Stay blessed! 😊
FawkesCare12
October 15th, 2016 3:23am
You're a human who is capable of feeling.. both happiness and heartache.. If you have loved someone or trusted someone and they have betrayed you in some manner, then you obviously feel sad because they have disappointed you.. because you held them to a certain standard and they didn't meet it.. As they say the heart wants what it wants.. You just can't stop yourself from feeling and that's okay... Please understand it's alright to not be alright.. when you are constantly thinking of how to forget someone, in reality we're only spending more time thinking of them.. maybe instead of trying to forget, we can try to move on.. If possible, try to talk with this person, get everything out in the open and you might feel better... or do stuff that you enjoy or make you happy because being happy is your right too.. I hope you get all the happiness you deserve..
Anonymous
February 17th, 2015 4:56pm
When we care about someone so much and they aren't around anymore, it hurts so much mentally as well as psychically - people often say to us, you will get over it but we don't we heal in a way that, the thing that hurt us, we can handle it - time is a great healer, no matter how tough things are. We will concur it.
lipsticklez
April 2nd, 2016 10:00pm
Go out with your friends and enjoy the the life of yours that you forgot about They are not worthy of your pain nor tears if they didn't care to wipe them
Anonymous
April 9th, 2016 11:28pm
I don't recommend drugs or alcohol to anybody, but where breakups are concerned, they have always worked for me. So 80 proof
Anonymous
April 8th, 2016 7:22pm
To stop thinking about someone it takes time, especially if it is someone you used to love a great amount. Something I have found helpful is going out with friends, doing activities that you like, such as exercising, reading, singing, anything really. And meeting new people/spending more time with friends will eventually help heal the pain. Another thing that helps me is thinking that if something wasn't meant to be, this is why it didn't work out, and it's all for the best!
Anonymous
April 20th, 2016 9:07pm
You won't stop thinking about them suddenly. It'll eventually happen with time. You'll find yourself thinking about them less and less by the day because time heals.
peterc
May 6th, 2017 10:05pm
Your heart hurts because it is badly bruised. Find gentleness, kindness, and time for yourself, like you might for a dear friend. Bruises heal on their own schedule, and the hurt is less if we can take care of ourselves and find nourishment.
Anonymous
May 4th, 2016 2:50am
You can stop thinking about him/her by going out with friends, hanging with your family or doing some sport. It's normal to feel pain, but you have to be strong
Theresalwaystomorrow
September 30th, 2016 3:33am
I always have distracted myself doing something I love. I used to watch many documentaries or comedic shows so I wouldn't cry or think about them anymore.
WarmShadow8
March 23rd, 2016 1:01am
Just move on! Maybe it hurts because you still care but eventually, you'll forget him/her. Busy yourself with other more important things and always put in mind that someday you need to move on.
WilhemStudley
March 27th, 2016 10:41pm
Letting go, It is not easy but it's the right thing to do, there is no "right" answer but just answers that are within you, believe in yourself, see your own worth and even if it hurts take the steps to heal yourself
Anonymous
April 1st, 2016 3:28am
I went through a break up recently, and I found that the best thing I could do was invest myself in something else. It can be hard to deal with those feelings, but in the end learning to accept you're feelings will lead you to a healthy recovery period during this hard time.
Dantesangel
May 12th, 2016 6:33am
You can't stop thinking about her. It is what it is. Hearts take time to mend.you never move on you just learn to live with it. It hurts but it is real. Face it somehow...
Chelseabrasi00
October 27th, 2016 4:37am
Happiness comes from within yourself. It is human nature to grow attached to someone after spending quality time with and talking to them, and it can be extremely difficult to get over said person. Instead of thinking about not thinking about them, you could rather focus your brain on thinking about positive things.
Anonymous
February 11th, 2017 9:11pm
Care for yourself. Do something that makes you happy, whether it be a new haircut or learn something you've always wanted to learn. Fresh air is extremely underrated, so get plenty of it. There's a whole world out there waiting for you.
Anonymous
January 24th, 2015 5:10am
Distract your mind! Focus in other things. Life is about a lot more things. Try to pamper yourself.