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How can I stop thinking about him/her? Why my heart hurts so much?

263 Answers
Last Updated: 11/18/2021 at 9:44pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Theresa Gulliver, Registered Clinical Counsellor


Problems cannot be solved using the same level of thinking that created them. We must try something different. Gently, we turn your challenges into opportunities for healing.

Top Rated Answers
September 16th, 2016 5:57am
Get out of the house. Hang with friends. It may seem impossible, but it will help you in the long run.
September 18th, 2016 3:06pm
spend time with your friends and family, and do something you enjoy, like listening to music, drawing, writing, etc. if something bad has happened between you two, then just try to stay positive. treat yourself! make yourself feel good :)
September 23rd, 2016 10:56am
make yourself busy in other stuffs. go out with your friends. watch movies especially the comedy ones. love what you do. try to explore yourself
September 29th, 2016 1:59am
It is incredibly difficult to stop thinking about a previously significant member of your life. It is normal to feel heartache, as you truly cared about that person. In order to stop thinking about them, try to pick up a hobby, or devote your time to something that interests you, and will help improve your well being.
October 8th, 2016 3:17am
Try thinking about things that you like to do! It really helped me when I went through a rough breakup, just try to keep yourself occupied to keep your mind off of them.
October 9th, 2016 8:33pm
Try to do something like a hobby, get your mind of the sadness, like hang out with friends go swimming etc
October 12th, 2016 5:10pm
Because you are in love. I have experienced the same thing. Maybe you're hurting because of some negative thoughts. Love is an unpredictable feeling
October 19th, 2016 10:27am
I have always tried diverting my mind to something else... for me that is guitar and music, it makes me feel like im free
October 22nd, 2016 5:16pm
Emotions versus reasoning are torn into two. Find a reason to think about one's well-being. Try to apply those emotions to focusing on yourself and taking what you think is in ruins into something positive and constructive. It's easier said than done, like witnessing a collapsing old building and building a new, better skyscraper to replace, metaphorically. Seek friends and family, who truly care about you. Spend time enjoying their company to distract yourself from thinking about the past. You are never truly alone to fend off your own demoning thoughts. Eventually, the void in your heart will fill by the accomplishments you've done (for yourself and others) and the ones who got to share witness of your rise.
November 2nd, 2016 3:02pm
I have found that it helps if you focus your mind on other productive tasks. Perhaps, reading a book or taking a walk. Listing some hobbies you enjoy and selecting the one you feel will help most is a good option. Don't worry, it will get better in time.
November 9th, 2016 1:09pm
Try to busy yourself, surround yourself in people you love like friends or family. If it's difficult to focus one more than one thing, fine something you really enjoy and dedicate yourself to it 100%, sit and listen to music, watch movies or videos. Play games even! never sit and dwell, it'll always just make you more sad and upset.
November 27th, 2016 6:52am
The pain didn't leave your body. You still care about them. Even if you don't want to but you do. Every time you think about them makes you wonder what happened
December 16th, 2016 2:09pm
Look for distractions. It can be exercising, or simply doing something you love; reading, swimming, cooking.
December 31st, 2016 8:19pm
Occupy yourself with your favorite hobbies and focus you and what you need right now . make peace with him/her, try to understand why it ended. Really think about him you felt for that person. Think am I happy ? Is that person happy? Are we really good for each other? And when you really think about it and realize that either you and that person are just better off without each other and its both what you want thenotherjust let go.
January 3rd, 2017 12:07pm
You can start by doing stuff you like, like going out with your friends. That will take your mind of it. At the same time you should distance you from him and her to you feel that your emotions can handle it. Because the last thingypu want is go back to early and end up crying and begging to get back together.
January 10th, 2017 10:15pm
Honestly, this is hard I won't lie and tell you that you will forget about them tomorrow. But, eventually you won't remember thinking about them, or some mornings you'll be smiling because they have left your mind and your heart. But yes there will be moments where if they came back how much you'd want them back and all. Honestly, just be you and find things to do and people to surround yourself to make you not have that in your mind. You will be okay, you have your good and bad days but it does get better.
February 3rd, 2017 4:23pm
Allow yourself time, dont be so hard on yourself. I know you feel like you are betraying her but speak to people who are close to you. They wont have an answer but they will listen, and the worst thing hou can do is withdraw yourself and be alone, dont hurt yourself more because you are hurting inside. It will make you a better person and one day you will be able to help someone else, you would truly understand how they hurt and maybe your kind words could save them
February 9th, 2017 4:13pm
Out of sight, out of mind. It's just normal that your heart aches every time you think of the memories you shared together.
February 22nd, 2017 5:02pm
There is no way you can stop thinking about someone. When you lose somebody you really care about it hurts a lot at first , but if you just be patient and give it time you will notice things get better. I find that keeping busy and active always helps to reduce those sad emotions . If its a break up making time for yourself is really important to start realising you can do stuff without them. Make time for family and friends and keep smiling!
February 24th, 2017 1:34pm
Focus on new hobbies and friends to shake your focus off her and in time you will forget her So friends and focus on old ones.ok
March 3rd, 2017 1:05pm
A breakup and the feelings left over can feel so painful and you wonder why time seems to click by so slowly. Thinking about why you broke up, who broke up with who. It can hurt especially if you blame yourself for it, but think about what you could have done differently in the relationship, did you do anything catastrophically wrong, realising that it wasn't your fault is the first key step in easing the pain, it gets easier as time goes on I promise.
March 15th, 2017 10:42pm
I think it's impossible to lose something without gaining something else. Sounds like the void from that person is being filled with sadness. Is there anything else you can turn your focus to for a while? Maybe self improvement or a new hobby? Only then will you know if it's the loss of the routine you had or the person themself.
April 5th, 2017 2:50am
Start with finding something that does not relate to them. Find a new activity or television show that can distract you. Your heart feels hurt, even physically because the emotions that built up.
April 23rd, 2017 11:20pm
Your heart hurts a lot because you shared an intimate connection with your partner. You grow an attachment and familiarity to them which grows into a deeper liking for them, it can be tough to come out of that. First, I think it's important to give yourself that time to grieve when you've just separated. Feeling your emotions is so important because you're letting your body, in a way, detox yourself of this attachment. After that, the most helpful way to stop thinking about them is to keep yourself busy. It's cliche and redundant, but it's true. Investing your time into something that you can focus your attention on outside of your train of personal thoughts is almost medicinal. Spending time with friends, lending your time to a hobby, or even volunteering with an organization that's important to you. Just doing something really helps.
April 27th, 2017 4:40pm
There's nothing wrong with thinking about someone this shows that you really care about that person and that is what makes you human. Caring about others is what makes us a good human and if you think about them want what is best for them that makes you a good person.
May 11th, 2017 4:14am
I believe it's normal to experience what you are going through, you feel this way because the love you had and shared with your partner is real, try to focus on something positive and try to keep busy and not think about them so much and in time everything will be ok and time will heal the pain
May 20th, 2017 8:39pm
Think about how much you love yourself and put yourself first. Accept that you are growing stronger from the pain and learning to cope with the pain. That you will become stronger and will no longer allow yourself to be hurt. Now you are becoming stronger and wiser and learning how to accept these feelings and turn them into positive thoughts.
May 26th, 2017 2:33pm
Your heart hurts because you're scared about them breaking up with you. If its your first relationship in a while, you'll be used to it when you freak out over things. If its a loved one that you care about so much and they get into a freak accident, you might have a panic attack and will lose sleep by staying up all night, thinking about them, or staying all day in one place waiting from them to come through the door.
June 8th, 2017 12:16am
time will heal, for the moment it feels hard to stop thinking but it can't last forever, nothing lasts forever and so is pain. it hurts because it is about pain because it is sad, a breakup can't be a happy thing so it is normal to feel hurt, don't run away from pain, the more you learn to accept it the faster it will go away. Sorry you had to experience that, Be strong ;)
June 23rd, 2017 3:35pm
It not easy to get over a break up. I have been through two divorces myself. What helped me was to find out what I wanted to do with my life, a direction so to speak. Once I found something that I was interested in I filled me time with that. By doing something I really liked it filled my time and mind with other things. I didn't have time to think about him.